Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 I wanted to come back and re-read this thread, because I'm feeling similarly today. I used to spend loads of time with my best friend's family growing up. They were so awesome...still to this day I think " What would they do? " when I am raising my kids. They were that stabilizing presence in my chaotic childhood. In my heart, I think of her mom as my " real " mom. Even though I was not her child, she loved me just as much. Well, my friend's dad just passed away after a long battle with cancer. I'm heartbroken for them all. He was not old...I'm not sure if he was even 60 yet. His parents, who loved me like I was their grandchild as well, have already buried one son too young who was in a tragic accident, and now they have outlived this one, too. I'm really so sad for all of them. They are a very close and loving family. I have decided to go to the funeral, even though it is very far away. I made all my travel arrangements, and it wasn't until I was in bed trying to fall asleep that it occurred to me...what if NC nada and the Dishrag show up? Granted, the service is several hours before nada usually even bothers rolling out of bed, but still. Nada likes going to funerals, and I can't help but wonder if she'll go just to make drama with me. Lots of nadas would. Still, I am determined not to let anxiety take over, as I feel in control of myself and want to keep the focus on supporting my friend and grieving over her father. Actually, I was planning to call their T next week and see about going back to vvvLC. If they were to cause a scene that would definitely change my mind. I would still prefer not to see them in person, though, or have to talk to people who adore them (they know most of FOO city personally). How have the rest of you handled running into your NC relative, or going back to your hometown? Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Summer before last, I travelled to my Sister's part of the country to attend an important family event, and my nada was there. I had been No Contact with her for about a year at that point, so it was awkward and uncomfortable. I decided that since it was just for a couple of days that I could manage it. I decided to utilize the " Medium Chill " technique, (which for me includes at least some detachment/depersonalization) and it appeared that nada had decided to be on her best behavior as well (at least, at first) so we were just polite and civil to each other as we would be to an acquaintance or stranger. Nada did try to goad me a couple of times with a favorite ugly criticism but I ignored it. She started getting weepy and whiny at a couple of points during the visit and I ignored that too. Sister was a rock, she is so awesome. She had gotten to a point where our nada's emotional manipulations didn't impact her at all, and I at least gave the impression that nothing my nada could say or do would phase me in the slightest, either. Inside I was not a happy camper, but, you'd never know it on the surface. I had decided that the event was about Sister and her son, not about me and certainly not about nada, and that's how it went down. I did enjoy being with my Sister and Nephew very much, I don't get to see them often enough, so that was great. I guess that for myself, as long as I can wrap my mind around the idea that the pain will be very temporary and easy to get away from, I can handle it. But if something painful appears to be permanent and inescapable then I have difficulty handling it. -Annie > > I wanted to come back and re-read this thread, because I'm feeling similarly today. > > I used to spend loads of time with my best friend's family growing up. They were so awesome...still to this day I think " What would they do? " when I am raising my kids. They were that stabilizing presence in my chaotic childhood. In my heart, I think of her mom as my " real " mom. Even though I was not her child, she loved me just as much. > > Well, my friend's dad just passed away after a long battle with cancer. I'm heartbroken for them all. He was not old...I'm not sure if he was even 60 yet. His parents, who loved me like I was their grandchild as well, have already buried one son too young who was in a tragic accident, and now they have outlived this one, too. I'm really so sad for all of them. They are a very close and loving family. > > I have decided to go to the funeral, even though it is very far away. I made all my travel arrangements, and it wasn't until I was in bed trying to fall asleep that it occurred to me...what if NC nada and the Dishrag show up? Granted, the service is several hours before nada usually even bothers rolling out of bed, but still. Nada likes going to funerals, and I can't help but wonder if she'll go just to make drama with me. Lots of nadas would. > > Still, I am determined not to let anxiety take over, as I feel in control of myself and want to keep the focus on supporting my friend and grieving over her father. Actually, I was planning to call their T next week and see about going back to vvvLC. If they were to cause a scene that would definitely change my mind. I would still prefer not to see them in person, though, or have to talk to people who adore them (they know most of FOO city personally). > > How have the rest of you handled running into your NC relative, or going back to your hometown? > > Sveta > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Mia, I am so sorry for your loss. I can imagine that you appreciated your relationship with her even moreso because of the relationship with your biological mother. I know it's hard, but be so thankful that you had her in your life and pull from those memories! I am keeping you in my prayers. > > Just a quick note to everyone to say thank you so much for your > condolences. Hubby & I just got back home today and are soooo > exhausted. > > Healing is beginning for us all, but I know it's going to take a long > time, especially for my dad & half siblings. > > There was a joke amongst some of her close friends. They were all > couples & often went to dinner together, lived on the same block, etc. > Once, they forgot mom! After that, any time they would go out, > they'd say, " Who's got 'mom'?'. Well, we all had her and still do > have her in our hearts now. > > Much love to you all, Mia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.