Guest guest Posted July 14, 2012 Report Share Posted July 14, 2012 I really feel unimportant. It's ridiculous- I have a loving husband and two sweet kids, a handful of good friends who have shown me again and again that I am special to them. Yet I really, honestly feel that I am not important. My T says it's because of nada (what isn't?!? I'm so sick of nada's fleas!!!)and she wants to do EMDR for this. I hate not feeling like I am enough. I hate feeling lonely when I am not alone. I wish I could feel special. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way where I feel I am enough and I am okay. That I matter. Not replaceable. I don't like looking at facebook because I see all these people that I used to be close to, but now I don't matter to them anymore. I mean of course that happens, that's life. I'm sure there are people that might feel that way or feel nostalgic about me. But what bothers me is that I hurt over it. It hurts my heart. Typing this I feel like I sound self-centered and nada-like. I hope that's not the impression I am making. Maybe it's just because I don't have a FOO, so I want to hang on to every special friendship I have or have had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2012 Report Share Posted July 14, 2012 Dear , I think I know exactely what you mean. I think I feel the same. And when I am quite down, then I just think to myself : " Who cares, anyway ! " I have searched inside my heart and my childhood rememberings and I have found that I think this bottomless feeling of beeing not loved or beeing not important to anyone is from the time I was a baby. I think a new born arrives with the right and also the need to be infinitely loved by his/her mother, to be to his/her mother the center of the universe, and that when this need is neglected by our nadas, the result for us is that this baby need inside us has stayed unfold and has became like an invisible but hurtful scare inside our heart. It doesn't mean that we want to be treated like queen borderlines mothers, it is just meaning that this suffering and need is still inside us. If we have had received this unlimited love, then we would have been sure that we are important for the world and we wouldn't have felt during all our life this feeling of never beeing loved enough. I send to you all my love . You are not alone. I wish I would know the receipe to cure this awful inside heart feeling. Natacha XXXX ________________________________ De : sarahmay00@...> À : WTOAdultChildren1 Envoyé le : Samedi 14 juillet 2012 23h16 Objet : I really feel unimportant  I really feel unimportant. It's ridiculous- I have a loving husband and two sweet kids, a handful of good friends who have shown me again and again that I am special to them. Yet I really, honestly feel that I am not important. My T says it's because of nada (what isn't?!? I'm so sick of nada's fleas!!!)and she wants to do EMDR for this. I hate not feeling like I am enough. I hate feeling lonely when I am not alone. I wish I could feel special. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way where I feel I am enough and I am okay. That I matter. Not replaceable. I don't like looking at facebook because I see all these people that I used to be close to, but now I don't matter to them anymore. I mean of course that happens, that's life. I'm sure there are people that might feel that way or feel nostalgic about me. But what bothers me is that I hurt over it. It hurts my heart. Typing this I feel like I sound self-centered and nada-like. I hope that's not the impression I am making. Maybe it's just because I don't have a FOO, so I want to hang on to every special friendship I have or have had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2012 Report Share Posted July 14, 2012 " Bottomless feeling " - yes that is a really good description. Thank you so much for your reply and sending your love. It means a lot. =) > > Dear , > > I think I know exactely what you mean. I think I feel the same. > > And when I am quite down, then I just think to myself : " Who cares, anyway ! " > > > I have searched inside my heart and my childhood rememberings and I have found that I think this bottomless feeling of beeing not loved or beeing not important to anyone is from the time I was a baby. > > I think a new born arrives with the right and also the need to be infinitely loved by his/her mother, to be to his/her mother the center of the universe, and that when this need is neglected by our nadas, the result for us is that this baby need inside us has stayed unfold and has became like an invisible but hurtful scare inside our heart. It doesn't mean that we want to be treated like queen borderlines mothers, it is just meaning that this suffering and need is still inside us. > > If we have had received this unlimited love, then we would have been sure that we are important for the world and we wouldn't have felt during all our life this feeling of never beeing loved enough. > I send to you all my love . You are not alone. I wish I would know the receipe to cure this awful inside heart feeling. > > > Natacha > > XXXX > > > > ________________________________ > De : > À : WTOAdultChildren1 > Envoyé le : Samedi 14 juillet 2012 23h16 > Objet : I really feel unimportant > > >  > I really feel unimportant. It's ridiculous- I have a loving husband and two sweet kids, a handful of good friends who have shown me again and again that I am special to them. Yet I really, honestly feel that I am not important. My T says it's because of nada (what isn't?!? I'm so sick of nada's fleas!!!)and she wants to do EMDR for this. I hate not feeling like I am enough. I hate feeling lonely when I am not alone. I wish I could feel special. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way where I feel I am enough and I am okay. That I matter. Not replaceable. I don't like looking at facebook because I see all these people that I used to be close to, but now I don't matter to them anymore. I mean of course that happens, that's life. I'm sure there are people that might feel that way or feel nostalgic about me. But what bothers me is that I hurt over it. It hurts my heart. Typing this I feel like I sound self-centered and nada-like. I hope that's not the > impression I am making. Maybe it's just because I don't have a FOO, so I want to hang on to every special friendship I have or have had. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 Dear , <3 I am so sorry that you feel that too ! This feeling is so deep, so awfull ! If it could help others, I would like to be the only one to feel like that ! I am actually writing an antology of poems of how it is to be the child of a Borderline. I have seeked for months inside my feelings to describe them. I hope my book will help Borderline children. You're very welcome . When I read your post last evening, it was just like an echo of my own feelings. I had to tell you that you are not alone. I had to share with you my discoverings. We all have the fear inside us to become like our mothers. But definitively we are not. We just carry with us the heavy luggages they have left in our broken hearts. I give you all my love Dear ! Sometimes I think that I consider all the other members of this group a little like my brothers and my sisters in nada's nightmare motherhood land ! Take very good care of yourself ! Natacha XXXX ________________________________ De : sarahmay00@...> À : WTOAdultChildren1 Envoyé le : Dimanche 15 juillet 2012 5h35 Objet : Re: I really feel unimportant  " Bottomless feeling " - yes that is a really good description. Thank you so much for your reply and sending your love. It means a lot. =) > > Dear , > > I think I know exactely what you mean. I think I feel the same. > > And when I am quite down, then I just think to myself : " Who cares, anyway ! " > > > I have searched inside my heart and my childhood rememberings and I have found that I think this bottomless feeling of beeing not loved or beeing not important to anyone is from the time I was a baby. > > I think a new born arrives with the right and also the need to be infinitely loved by his/her mother, to be to his/her mother the center of the universe, and that when this need is neglected by our nadas, the result for us is that this baby need inside us has stayed unfold and has became like an invisible but hurtful scare inside our heart. It doesn't mean that we want to be treated like queen borderlines mothers, it is just meaning that this suffering and need is still inside us. > > If we have had received this unlimited love, then we would have been sure that we are important for the world and we wouldn't have felt during all our life this feeling of never beeing loved enough. > I send to you all my love . You are not alone. I wish I would know the receipe to cure this awful inside heart feeling. > > > Natacha > > XXXX > > > > ________________________________ > De : > À : WTOAdultChildren1 > Envoyé le : Samedi 14 juillet 2012 23h16 > Objet : I really feel unimportant > > >  > I really feel unimportant. It's ridiculous- I have a loving husband and two sweet kids, a handful of good friends who have shown me again and again that I am special to them. Yet I really, honestly feel that I am not important. My T says it's because of nada (what isn't?!? I'm so sick of nada's fleas!!!)and she wants to do EMDR for this. I hate not feeling like I am enough. I hate feeling lonely when I am not alone. I wish I could feel special. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way where I feel I am enough and I am okay. That I matter. Not replaceable. I don't like looking at facebook because I see all these people that I used to be close to, but now I don't matter to them anymore. I mean of course that happens, that's life. I'm sure there are people that might feel that way or feel nostalgic about me. But what bothers me is that I hurt over it. It hurts my heart. Typing this I feel like I sound self-centered and nada-like. I hope that's not the > impression I am making. Maybe it's just because I don't have a FOO, so I want to hang on to every special friendship I have or have had. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 , You do matter and you aren't replaceable. YOu are special, and I think it's actually quite normal to feel special--I'm sorry you're unable to feel that. For me, healing from this involved allowing myself to feel this pain and recognizing it as, at least temporarily, my truth instead of trying to reason my way out of it. I did feel unimportant and that's all there was to it. The fact that, in reality, I do matter to a variety of different people didn't change the fact of how I felt and wasn't going to. Feelings are different from reality. In my mind, in the present, it's a problem with subjectivity. I became important to myself when I allowed myself to be entirely in my own point of view and my own experiences, which included a feeling of not being important--as contradictory as that sounds. Maybe I " should " see myself differently or " should " feel differently. Maybe it would make more sense if I did, but unimportant is how I felt. Having a nada/fada generally means continually having your own subjectivity taken from you. A nada or fada regularly tells others to think or feel differently than they do, or that they actually do feel or think something else. I couldn't feel better until I allowed myself to occupy my own mind. I think seeing people who don't really care too much about you hurts because it pricks at an immensely older and deeper wound--I doubt your fairweather facebook friends really bother you that much in and of themselves. It probably hurts a little, but I think you are saying you know there's another layer to this, and I agree with you on that. Take care, Ashana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 I understand how you feel. I'm not sure if all KO's feel like this but I think we probably do for one reason or another. Maybe we have different childhood experiences, different attacks on who we are but the result is the same. For me I grew up always feeling that I didn't do anything well enough to win her approval. Get a B in school? " You're smarter than that, you could have gotten an A. " Clean house? " You missed that dirt under the table. You didn't put the ashtrays back right. Now I have to do it all over again. What are you trying to do - kill me? " Fix dinner? " What is this spot in the mashed potatoes? You know I don't like strange things in my food. " You see how that wears you down? As an adult I never felt like I had any worth. I never made it to college because I was helping my husband finish up on his degree. Honestly, it's not his fault; I was too afraid to try college feeling sure I would flunk out anyway. I raised 3 kids but felt a failure as a mom. All I could see was all the mistakes I made. I felt like a nothing no matter how many times my husband reassured me, the kids loved me or people admired our family. I was still nothing. I've always been someone who just did what others expected of me. But I didn't know who I was or what my gifts/talents were. I would laugh about those stupid tests that show you what your talent is. I just knew I had none. Eventually my husband talked me into volunteering at a wildlife care center. Yeah, who would want an old lady (I was in my 30's at the time). But I went, I learned, I finally found something that was truly " me. " I loved the wildlife, loved working with the other volunteers (who knew I actually had some people skills? LOL) and I actually did a good job. Huh. Am I all confident now? No. But now I have one little thing in my life that makes me feel a little bit special. Never got it from my nada, never believed it when my family told me. I had to discover it on my own. Don't give up on yourself. Just because nada crapped on your feelings doesn't mean you're not special. She tried to cover you with insults and pain but under all that is still the real you. I hope in time you can clean the filth nada has smeared on the window so you can see the view. > > I really feel unimportant. It's ridiculous- I have a loving husband and two sweet kids, a handful of good friends who have shown me again and again that I am special to them. Yet I really, honestly feel that I am not important. My T says it's because of nada (what isn't?!? I'm so sick of nada's fleas!!!)and she wants to do EMDR for this. I hate not feeling like I am enough. I hate feeling lonely when I am not alone. I wish I could feel special. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way where I feel I am enough and I am okay. That I matter. Not replaceable. I don't like looking at facebook because I see all these people that I used to be close to, but now I don't matter to them anymore. I mean of course that happens, that's life. I'm sure there are people that might feel that way or feel nostalgic about me. But what bothers me is that I hurt over it. It hurts my heart. Typing this I feel like I sound self-centered and nada-like. I hope that's not the impression I am making. Maybe it's just because I don't have a FOO, so I want to hang on to every special friendship I have or have had. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 Wow, , thank you for posting. I have shared with some friends that I have never felt like a priority in my life. Growing up, I felt like I and my needs were an inconvenience to my mother. Even as a child I was often made to sacrifice for someone else in the family. It did not matter what was going on with me. Over time, I began to believe I really did not matter. If someone in our family paid attention to me for more than 2 minutes, I would surely receive a negative consequence not long after. This is one area I am working on. I have several really great friends who have recently told me that I don't know how well respected, liked and loved I am. I always feel like I have to be useful to justify my participation and existence. Something I am working on. I don't think you are self -centered at all. I think it is now time that you become centered and sense the focus has not been on you the adjustment takes extra you. Hope that make sense. , Natacha, Irene, Ash, I continue to wish all of us children of nadas/fadas peace and joy! MyReality67 > > > > I really feel unimportant. It's ridiculous- I have a loving husband and two sweet kids, a handful of good friends who have shown me again and again that I am special to them. Yet I really, honestly feel that I am not important. My T says it's because of nada (what isn't?!? I'm so sick of nada's fleas!!!)and she wants to do EMDR for this. I hate not feeling like I am enough. I hate feeling lonely when I am not alone. I wish I could feel special. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way where I feel I am enough and I am okay. That I matter. Not replaceable. I don't like looking at facebook because I see all these people that I used to be close to, but now I don't matter to them anymore. I mean of course that happens, that's life. I'm sure there are people that might feel that way or feel nostalgic about me. But what bothers me is that I hurt over it. It hurts my heart. Typing this I feel like I sound self-centered and nada-like. I hope that's not the impression I am making. Maybe it's just because I don't have a FOO, so I want to hang on to every special friendship I have or have had. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 Thank you, Ashana. You bring up a really good point- I have noticed that I am always feeling the need to apologize for my feelings, or rationalize them away. I need to just own them. I will bring this up with my T. > > , > > You do matter and you aren't replaceable. YOu are special, and I think it's actually quite normal to feel special--I'm sorry you're unable to feel that. > > For me, healing from this involved allowing myself to feel this pain and recognizing it as, at least temporarily, my truth instead of trying to reason my way out of it. I did feel unimportant and that's all there was to it. The fact that, in reality, I do matter to a variety of different people didn't change the fact of how I felt and wasn't going to. Feelings are different from reality. > > In my mind, in the present, it's a problem with subjectivity. I became important to myself when I allowed myself to be entirely in my own point of view and my own experiences, which included a feeling of not being important--as contradictory as that sounds. Maybe I " should " see myself differently or " should " feel differently. Maybe it would make more sense if I did, but unimportant is how I felt. Having a nada/fada generally means continually having your own subjectivity taken from you. A nada or fada regularly tells others to think or feel differently than they do, or that they actually do feel or think something else. I couldn't feel better until I allowed myself to occupy my own mind. > > I think seeing people who don't really care too much about you hurts because it pricks at an immensely older and deeper wound--I doubt your fairweather facebook friends really bother you that much in and of themselves. It probably hurts a little, but I think you are saying you know there's another layer to this, and I agree with you on that. > > Take care, > Ashana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 EMDR is awesome. I have been doing it to help with a stress caused/perpetuated disorder, that I have had my whole life, bullies, a dad who treated me as an inconvenience, and of course a Nada. EMDR has taken so much of the sting away for me. I have a lot of layers of crud to scrape off. I too was treated as talentless stupid etc. when a parent teaches a child that it is really hard to unlearn. give EMDR a try It has done a lot for me. you expressed what I feel too. Meikjn > > > > , > > > > You do matter and you aren't replaceable. YOu are special, and I think it's actually quite normal to feel special--I'm sorry you're unable to feel that. > > > > For me, healing from this involved allowing myself to feel this pain and recognizing it as, at least temporarily, my truth instead of trying to reason my way out of it. I did feel unimportant and that's all there was to it. The fact that, in reality, I do matter to a variety of different people didn't change the fact of how I felt and wasn't going to. Feelings are different from reality. > > > > In my mind, in the present, it's a problem with subjectivity. I became important to myself when I allowed myself to be entirely in my own point of view and my own experiences, which included a feeling of not being important--as contradictory as that sounds. Maybe I " should " see myself differently or " should " feel differently. Maybe it would make more sense if I did, but unimportant is how I felt. Having a nada/fada generally means continually having your own subjectivity taken from you. A nada or fada regularly tells others to think or feel differently than they do, or that they actually do feel or think something else. I couldn't feel better until I allowed myself to occupy my own mind. > > > > I think seeing people who don't really care too much about you hurts because it pricks at an immensely older and deeper wound--I doubt your fairweather facebook friends really bother you that much in and of themselves. It probably hurts a little, but I think you are saying you know there's another layer to this, and I agree with you on that. > > > > Take care, > > Ashana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Dear Irene, What you wrote really speaks to me too. It was quite the same for me. I was never good enough for my nada. I was trying all the time to be the best in everything to please her, but it never worked. I was always the first of my class at school, but if I had 39/40 in French and 56/60 in maths and arrived first, showing her my notes you could be sure she will purse her mouth and just tell me in a cold voice that I could have done better and asked me about these few points I didn't got to have better marks. I think I had some talents in drawing, painting, sewing, by they were repressed so I never developped them. After college I learned during nine years at the University. I think unconsciously I wanted to make things which looked impossible to do and succeed in them so then finally she will love me and congratulate me and be proud of me. I was going in two universities at the same time (which is very rare), in one of them I learned hungarian during five years and had always excellent marks (18/20 or more) and in the second one I was learning Law. I finished my hungarian diploma with a Mention Bien, which is quite honorable. Of course I never received any felicitations from her. At the end of my studies I was selected to learn a special course in High International Studies and brilliantly received the diploma two years later. Then I crashed my personal life by choosing bad compagnons and ended up in social difficulties. I have never managed until today to valorize my prestigious diplomas. I have never worked at my true level. My today's life is quite miserable, I have no work and live from social help. I feel inferior and am treated like that by most of the people of my town. I know inside me that I have many talents, but when it is the time to show them to the world or to valorize them, in other words " to sell myself " , for applying for a good work for example, then the old deep strong feelings of beeing nothing good for anyone and beeing ridiculous and beeing unworthy for anything always comes back very strongly. And then I just can't do it. Many times I can't even try to do it. My feeling of beeing a total zero is too strong. Today I am fourty and I want to work at my true level and to feel respected by others, but I just don't know how to do this. Last friday I had an invitation for a cocktail near the Town city Hall. I arrived late with my children, the ceremony was finished. I spoke with a woman there and she told me " Anyway, to come here at the reception you would have needed to have an invitation ! " I felt hurted because it meant that she was convinced that I had no invitation. I feel inferior most of the time and people also make me feel inferior. I would like to know how to change this ad finally to feel confidence in myself enough to be able to live at my true level. Thank you for sharing Irene it really spoke to me. Dear , Dear Irene, take very good care of yourselves XXXX Natacha ________________________________ De : IreneM ireneo55@...> À : WTOAdultChildren1 Envoyé le : Lundi 16 juillet 2012 3h28 Objet : Re: I really feel unimportant  I understand how you feel. I'm not sure if all KO's feel like this but I think we probably do for one reason or another. Maybe we have different childhood experiences, different attacks on who we are but the result is the same. For me I grew up always feeling that I didn't do anything well enough to win her approval. Get a B in school? " You're smarter than that, you could have gotten an A. " Clean house? " You missed that dirt under the table. You didn't put the ashtrays back right. Now I have to do it all over again. What are you trying to do - kill me? " Fix dinner? " What is this spot in the mashed potatoes? You know I don't like strange things in my food. " You see how that wears you down? As an adult I never felt like I had any worth. I never made it to college because I was helping my husband finish up on his degree. Honestly, it's not his fault; I was too afraid to try college feeling sure I would flunk out anyway. I raised 3 kids but felt a failure as a mom. All I could see was all the mistakes I made. I felt like a nothing no matter how many times my husband reassured me, the kids loved me or people admired our family. I was still nothing. I've always been someone who just did what others expected of me. But I didn't know who I was or what my gifts/talents were. I would laugh about those stupid tests that show you what your talent is. I just knew I had none. Eventually my husband talked me into volunteering at a wildlife care center. Yeah, who would want an old lady (I was in my 30's at the time). But I went, I learned, I finally found something that was truly " me. " I loved the wildlife, loved working with the other volunteers (who knew I actually had some people skills? LOL) and I actually did a good job. Huh. Am I all confident now? No. But now I have one little thing in my life that makes me feel a little bit special. Never got it from my nada, never believed it when my family told me. I had to discover it on my own. Don't give up on yourself. Just because nada crapped on your feelings doesn't mean you're not special. She tried to cover you with insults and pain but under all that is still the real you. I hope in time you can clean the filth nada has smeared on the window so you can see the view. > > I really feel unimportant. It's ridiculous- I have a loving husband and two sweet kids, a handful of good friends who have shown me again and again that I am special to them. Yet I really, honestly feel that I am not important. My T says it's because of nada (what isn't?!? I'm so sick of nada's fleas!!!)and she wants to do EMDR for this. I hate not feeling like I am enough. I hate feeling lonely when I am not alone. I wish I could feel special. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way where I feel I am enough and I am okay. That I matter. Not replaceable. I don't like looking at facebook because I see all these people that I used to be close to, but now I don't matter to them anymore. I mean of course that happens, that's life. I'm sure there are people that might feel that way or feel nostalgic about me. But what bothers me is that I hurt over it. It hurts my heart. Typing this I feel like I sound self-centered and nada-like. I hope that's not the impression I am making. Maybe it's just because I don't have a FOO, so I want to hang on to every special friendship I have or have had. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Dear Meikjn, Please, what means " EMDR " ? Natacha XXXX ________________________________ De : Meikjn olsemeik@...> À : WTOAdultChildren1 Envoyé le : Lundi 16 juillet 2012 17h32 Objet : Re: I really feel unimportant  EMDR is awesome. I have been doing it to help with a stress caused/perpetuated disorder, that I have had my whole life, bullies, a dad who treated me as an inconvenience, and of course a Nada. EMDR has taken so much of the sting away for me. I have a lot of layers of crud to scrape off. I too was treated as talentless stupid etc. when a parent teaches a child that it is really hard to unlearn. give EMDR a try It has done a lot for me. you expressed what I feel too. Meikjn > > > > , > > > > You do matter and you aren't replaceable. YOu are special, and I think it's actually quite normal to feel special--I'm sorry you're unable to feel that. > > > > For me, healing from this involved allowing myself to feel this pain and recognizing it as, at least temporarily, my truth instead of trying to reason my way out of it. I did feel unimportant and that's all there was to it. The fact that, in reality, I do matter to a variety of different people didn't change the fact of how I felt and wasn't going to. Feelings are different from reality. > > > > In my mind, in the present, it's a problem with subjectivity. I became important to myself when I allowed myself to be entirely in my own point of view and my own experiences, which included a feeling of not being important--as contradictory as that sounds. Maybe I " should " see myself differently or " should " feel differently. Maybe it would make more sense if I did, but unimportant is how I felt. Having a nada/fada generally means continually having your own subjectivity taken from you. A nada or fada regularly tells others to think or feel differently than they do, or that they actually do feel or think something else. I couldn't feel better until I allowed myself to occupy my own mind. > > > > I think seeing people who don't really care too much about you hurts because it pricks at an immensely older and deeper wound--I doubt your fairweather facebook friends really bother you that much in and of themselves. It probably hurts a little, but I think you are saying you know there's another layer to this, and I agree with you on that. > > > > Take care, > > Ashana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Since I'm online right now, I'll go ahead and respond. " EMDR " is " Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing " therapy. I'm not sure how it works and have never tried it myself, but from being in this Group and other support Groups for the adult children of mentally ill parents, from the posts I've read over the years it does seem to work well for some people but not for others (like most things in life!) From what I've read, its designed to help eliminate the symptoms of anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder and involves moving your eyes from one side to the other, fairly rapidly. If I understand correctly (and this is just my interpretation of what I've read about it) what that does is induce a kind of flashback experience in the patient, but with the therapist there to support and guide the patient, the patient can then work through the damage done by the original traumatic incident. (Right?) You can Google articles promoting EMDR by those who've tried it and it worked well for them, and articles from people who tried it but it didn't work for them, so, I guess perhaps its about finding a really good therapist who has had success and a lot of experience in utilizing it -Annie > > Dear Meikjn, > > Please, what means " EMDR " ? > > > Natacha > XXXX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 My T used this analogy with EMDR- Say you are on a freeway heading North. You want to go south. In a " normal " experience your brain puts you on the connecting road from the northbound freeway to the south bound freeway. In a traumatic experience the brain puts you on the road connecting to the west or east bound freeway. So now every time you try to head south you head east or west (in terms of thinking or feeling). EMDR helps rest this so your brain puts you in the direction it should. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm not explaining it as well as she did but it helped me understand the point of EMDR. > > > > Dear Meikjn, > > > > Please, what means " EMDR " ? > > > > > > Natacha > > XXXX > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Dear Annie, Dear , Thank you so much for your explainations ! I never ever heard of this technique. I am going to google it to learn more about it. I have no idea if this technic exists in France, I will seek for it. Have a Lovely Day XXXX Natacha ________________________________ De : sarahmay00@...> À : WTOAdultChildren1 Envoyé le : Lundi 16 juillet 2012 19h42 Objet : Re: I really feel unimportant  My T used this analogy with EMDR- Say you are on a freeway heading North. You want to go south. In a " normal " experience your brain puts you on the connecting road from the northbound freeway to the south bound freeway. In a traumatic experience the brain puts you on the road connecting to the west or east bound freeway. So now every time you try to head south you head east or west (in terms of thinking or feeling). EMDR helps rest this so your brain puts you in the direction it should. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm not explaining it as well as she did but it helped me understand the point of EMDR. > > > > Dear Meikjn, > > > > Please, what means " EMDR " ? > > > > > > Natacha > > XXXX > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2012 Report Share Posted August 1, 2012 , Hi there, as I read your post, my eyes teared up. I had to re-read it to make sure *I* hadn't written it! I don't have a FOO either...that is aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I do have them, they live very close by where I live and I also have family in another country, but Nada's wackiness over the years has ensured that I do not have a relationship with them nor the desire for one. I just try to enjoy my husband's FOO and the circle of friends that we have come to consider family. Just wanted to say I know how you feel. Fiona > > I really feel unimportant. It's ridiculous- I have a loving husband and two sweet kids, a handful of good friends who have shown me again and again that I am special to them. Yet I really, honestly feel that I am not important. My T says it's because of nada (what isn't?!? I'm so sick of nada's fleas!!!)and she wants to do EMDR for this. I hate not feeling like I am enough. I hate feeling lonely when I am not alone. I wish I could feel special. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a way where I feel I am enough and I am okay. That I matter. Not replaceable. I don't like looking at facebook because I see all these people that I used to be close to, but now I don't matter to them anymore. I mean of course that happens, that's life. I'm sure there are people that might feel that way or feel nostalgic about me. But what bothers me is that I hurt over it. It hurts my heart. Typing this I feel like I sound self-centered and nada-like. I hope that's not the impression I am making. Maybe it's just because I don't have a FOO, so I want to hang on to every special friendship I have or have had. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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