Nada Drive by

[Guest guest]

Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember my nada used

to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is currently not

speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me back because they

didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me started).

My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away from our old

home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why. Under deress I guess)

but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me unless its

my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me or sends me a

card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue. WE ALL KNOW THAT

OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So after I racked my

brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she probably did a " drive

by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to be looking

over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear view mirrors to see

if Im being followed.

AJ

[Guest guest]

I never thought too much about this until I read your post- my nada used to

drive by my fada's house ALL THE TIME. I hated it! He left her when I was about

6 months old and was never really a part of my life. She couldn't let it go. She

was still doing drive-bys when I was 10 years old! And now come to think of it,

I remember her driving by a friends house after they got in a fight. Just

another weirdo thing BPDs do, I guess. I really hope she doesn't find your new

address and you can live in peace.

>

> Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember my nada

used to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is currently not

speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me back because they

didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me started).

>

> My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away from our

old home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why. Under deress I

guess) but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

>

> She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me unless

its my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me or sends me

a card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue. WE ALL KNOW THAT

OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So after I racked my

brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she probably did a " drive

by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

>

> Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to be

looking over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear view

mirrors to see if Im being followed.

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

In some form they all do this. Either excessive phone calling, internet

stalking, drivebys, emergencies for you to stop what your doing and come to

their rescue, etc. I think it is directly tied to their feelings / fear of

abandonment and their constant need for attention.

> >

> > Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember my nada

used to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is currently not

speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me back because they

didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me started).

> >

> > My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away from our

old home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why. Under deress I

guess) but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

> >

> > She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me unless

its my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me or sends me

a card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue. WE ALL KNOW THAT

OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So after I racked my

brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she probably did a " drive

by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

> >

> > Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to be

looking over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear view

mirrors to see if Im being followed.

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

How funny, I never thought about 'drive bys' being a bpd thing. We live 45

minutes from her now, and she doesn't drive much, but when I was divorced and

lived in the same town, she'd drive past my apartment no matter where she was

going (and yeah it was out of her way) just to see if I was there. Or if

someone else was there. I had a friend stay the night, for example, (mind you I

was 33) and she called me on her way home from church because she 'knew why I

missed church.' Now I live on a dead end street, for all I know she still may

do it, but I haven't noticed it. How rude tho!

Tina

> > >

> > > Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember my nada

used to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is currently not

speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me back because they

didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me started).

> > >

> > > My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away from

our old home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why. Under deress I

guess) but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

> > >

> > > She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me

unless its my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me or

sends me a card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue. WE ALL

KNOW THAT OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So after I

racked my brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she probably did a

" drive by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

> > >

> > > Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to be

looking over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear view

mirrors to see if Im being followed.

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, my nada used to do drive-by's, and for all I know might still (nice to

know there is a term for this type of crazymaking and that I'm not the only

one to have experienced it). My father moved out almost four years ago. She

knew where he moved because it was a building a mile away that they owned

together before divorcing. At that point my father was so wacked out, he

was running down to Florida almost on a weekly basis to see his mother as a

means of escape (this is a sixty-year-old man I might add but that's a

different story) and I was left watching the dogs at his place. Low and

behold, it was a nice Sunday afternoon and I just left his unit to take the

dogs to the park and she comes driving by with the window open to spy. I

pretended not to see her and kept walking, then started running as I began

to panic (I was limiting my contact with her already at that point and

seeing me in my father's vicinity when I wasn't spending much time with her

was certain to bring on any number of fits and unwanted phone

calls/voicemails left by the the dozen). Instead of going to the park that

we usually go to, I made an escape route going in a different direction,

the dogs wondering what was going on and instead I went to another park

further away where I knew she wouldn't think of. Not that she'd have

followed me necessarily as it made her look sheepish being caught spying

with a drive-by but she's chased me before and I wasn't going to take any

chances. I still freak out a little inside every time I see a silver Prius.

She also used to leave 'hate packages' on my doorstep a few miles away once

I went NC three years ago, filled with all sorts of memorabilia meant to

guilt, sadden, and try to manipulate me to going back to having contact

with her. I moved to a different apartment six months ago and was relieved

she wouldn't be able to do that anymore. But I found out two weeks ago that

my brother who still has contact with her told her that he was in touch

with me and that I was still living in the same city. I was devastated. He

didn't see the big deal as he didn't give her my address but I felt so much

safer knowing she didn't know if I still lived in that city or Timbuktu.

> **

>

>

> How funny, I never thought about 'drive bys' being a bpd thing. We live 45

> minutes from her now, and she doesn't drive much, but when I was divorced

> and lived in the same town, she'd drive past my apartment no matter where

> she was going (and yeah it was out of her way) just to see if I was there.

> Or if someone else was there. I had a friend stay the night, for example,

> (mind you I was 33) and she called me on her way home from church because

> she 'knew why I missed church.' Now I live on a dead end street, for all I

> know she still may do it, but I haven't noticed it. How rude tho!

>

> Tina

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember

> my nada used to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is

> currently not speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me

> back because they didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me

> started).

> > > >

> > > > My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away

> from our old home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why.

> Under deress I guess) but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

> > > >

> > > > She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me

> unless its my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me

> or sends me a card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue.

> WE ALL KNOW THAT OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So

> after I racked my brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she

> probably did a " drive by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

> > > >

> > > > Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to

> be looking over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear

> view mirrors to see if Im being followed.

> > > >

> > > > AJ

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, talk about an ah-ha moment! I totally forgot about the drive bys! My nada

also does the excessive phone calls and stalking too.

I haven't seen my nada in years and haven't talked to her in over a year. Last

night, the phone calls started AGAIN, at 11:30 at night! She left a message

saying she had to " talk right away " . I just don't believe anything she says

anymore. Sometimes it seems like her phone calls start after I start thinking

about her more. It is really weird. A few weeks ago I was having very vivid

dreams about her and sure enough, my phone started ringing the day after.

Even in my dreams nada is a total textbook nada! I was dreaming that she was

yelling at me, saying that I didn't love her. I told her that wasn't true, that

actually I loved her with all my heart (which I think I do, but due to her crazy

making I cannot be near her). Then in this dream, she exploded and screamed

" Leave me alone! " .

That's what I hate the most....even though I don't see her and I no longer speak

to her, I am never free. If I am not dreaming about these things, I can get

childhood flashbacks when I am doing anything, even something as insignificant

as brushing my teeth in the morning. Its as if I relive these incidents as a way

of justifying my NC.

> > >

> > > Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember my nada

used to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is currently not

speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me back because they

didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me started).

> > >

> > > My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away from

our old home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why. Under deress I

guess) but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

> > >

> > > She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me

unless its my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me or

sends me a card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue. WE ALL

KNOW THAT OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So after I

racked my brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she probably did a

" drive by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

> > >

> > > Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to be

looking over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear view

mirrors to see if Im being followed.

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" Guilt Packages " ...

I CAN SOOO RELATE TO THIS. Just recently my husband and I went on vacation for a

week. When I got back I checked my cell phone and there are tons of picture

messages my nada sent me. Pictures of me when I was a little girl, pictures of

my grandma and grandpas wedding day, etc. I was wondering how wierd this was but

when you said " guilt packages " that totally made sense!!!

Wow...aha moment...

> > > > >

> > > > > Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember

> > my nada used to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is

> > currently not speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me

> > back because they didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me

> > started).

> > > > >

> > > > > My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away

> > from our old home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why.

> > Under deress I guess) but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

> > > > >

> > > > > She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me

> > unless its my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me

> > or sends me a card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue.

> > WE ALL KNOW THAT OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So

> > after I racked my brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she

> > probably did a " drive by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

> > > > >

> > > > > Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to

> > be looking over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear

> > view mirrors to see if Im being followed.

> > > > >

> > > > > AJ

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

so, we are skipping out on a family reunion this week with my foo. my family is

huge and mostly pretty cool. I like getting together sometimes... we went last

summer.

it is over 2,000 miles away, and about a 25 hr drive. (we are way too poor to

fly) and DH is working on the last months of his PHD.

and we have been fogged for months!!! I am not talking to my nada on the phone

right now. They even sent us $ (which we are going to spend on dental care for

DH) for the " trip " we told them LAST summer when we were there, that we were not

going to be able to come 2 years in a row. yeesh. They have been sending foggy

notes for a while now. and won't stop dropping " those of you not coming "

statements in the family letter they send each week. When we are the only ones

not coming. grrrr.

This month 2 of my kids had birthdays(7,and 5). Nada called them. they talked

her ear off about birds, their friends, and other stuff that is important to

small children. I even heard DD say " no he is at work " so apparently Nada tried

to ask for DH in the middle of the day. seriously? some people work in the

afternoon even when it is inconvenient for others.

I get the I am blowing holes in her illusion of the " perfect family " and I

imagine it is crushing her, but relationships work better with a little

reconciliation, and don't just happen by default like she seems to expect.

a little off subject- I am concerned that crap will be said about all of this.

I don't think it is common knowledge that I am not talking to Nada on the phone

right now. She is most likely very ashamed of it. all will be known soon, at

least some version of it. I wish I could share her letters. not living breathing

human (except a pd) could read them and not be appalled. but I am nicer than

that.

you would think she could muster some humanity if she really wanted a

relationship. is she really so clueless, or is it just a mind game to pretend

she is?

Meikjn

> > > >

> > > > Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember my

nada used to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is

currently not speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me back

because they didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me started).

> > > >

> > > > My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away from

our old home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why. Under deress I

guess) but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

> > > >

> > > > She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me

unless its my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me or

sends me a card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue. WE ALL

KNOW THAT OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So after I

racked my brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she probably did a

" drive by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

> > > >

> > > > Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to be

looking over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear view

mirrors to see if Im being followed.

> > > >

> > > > AJ

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Perhaps your extended family will post a " live blog " or " live webcam podcast " of

parts of the reunion and you and your family can participate via the miracle of

the Internet? So you are attending some of the reunion, " virtually? "

If you develop your own, direct relationships with various extended family

members, then it won't matter what nada says or doesn't say about you at the

reunion. You don't have to have relationships with family members through your

nada, as though she is the liaison.

It sounds bizarre, but it took my Sister and me quite a while to figure out that

we could actually speak directly to each other and have a friendship with each

other outside of our relationship with our mother. We had fallen into the habit

of relaying greetings and news to each other through our nada, and it finally

got to a point where Sister and I *needed* to be able to relate to each other as

siblings, and so we started just, well, communicating with each other directly.

When our nada found this out, she was QUITE unhappy about it and felt " left

out. " But I'm so glad my Sister and I did that. Maybe some of your cousins,

aunts and/or uncles are available to develop a closer, more direct relationship

with you, so that nada isn't the " central operator " any longer?

Just a possibility to consider.

-Annie

> > > > >

> > > > > Does anyone's nada used to do what I call " Drive By's " ? I remember my

nada used to do that with my aunt (whom she had an argument with and is

currently not speaking with), my friends (whom she said never called me back

because they didnt like me) and my ex boyfriends (don't even get me started).

> > > > >

> > > > > My husband and I just moved into another home about 10 minutes away

from our old home. I gave my nada my previous address (don't know why. Under

deress I guess) but I don't intend on giving her my current one.

> > > > >

> > > > > She called me the other day... Totally random.... she never calls me

unless its my birthday or a holiday and even then she maybe just texts me or

sends me a card. I was wondering why she would do this out of the blue. WE ALL

KNOW THAT OUR NADAS NEVER DO ANYTHING UNLESS THERE IS AN REASON. So after I

racked my brain, a light bulb went off.... She called because she probably did a

" drive by " of my other house and realized that Im not there.

> > > > >

> > > > > Any other nada do this??? This is creepy stalker shit! I am going to

be looking over my shoulder for the next few weeks and checking my rear view

mirrors to see if Im being followed.

> > > > >

> > > > > AJ

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>