Grandparents who sue you that have BPD

[Guest guest]

I am so happy I found this site. For so long I thought I was unique in

dealing with this problem. First of all 3 woman in my life,my mom,my sister and

my aunt all I believe have BPD. My mom is by far the most out of control. Long

story short we were estranged for years,however when I got married and started a

family I tried to involve her in my families life.When I had my first born she

seemed happy, I thought she really loved something for the first time in my

life,then the off comments of Grandparents rights were dropped, she became more

and more controlling, told lies to divide myself from my wife,and started to

scare my first born,I had a second child,more of the same behavior. My wife and

I went to counseling to deal with my mom. We were told to put in limits on her

behavior and to make her accountable. By the time my third child was born we

were allowing visits once every 6 mons.

We were hit with a grandparents rights suit,she testifed for 5 hrs at first

hearing w/d petition before cross. Signed an agreement of part payment of legal

fees,counseling with my wife and I,and to not contact children until we all

agree. Within a week she stopped payment on the check,tried to contact the

children,and never set up an appt.with therapist. We filed for an order of

protection,meanwhile she filed a second grandparents rights petition,we received

a 2 yr order of protection and soon after she withdrew the petition only to

repeal the order of protection in ny supreme court.

This is just the meat of the case,the depths of the lies,her cult

involvement,etc. not withstanding. Long story short even though this has cost us

$40,000 my family(my wife and kids are so much better off without her)The events

have drawn us all tighter and made our love stronger. That being said it has not

been easy

[Guest guest]

Hi JB,

Welcome to the Group.

You have indeed found a site where many other members are all too familiar with

the kinds of negative, hostile, aggressive behaviors you describe in your

mother. The demanding, controlling behaviors, the perceiving her children and

grandchildren as possessions and acting entitled to treat her possessions in any

way she feels like, the lying, the manipulating, the trying to break up her

adult child's marriage... all those behaviors and more are familiar to those of

us whose mother displays " Queen " or " Witch " types of behavior (from the book

" Understanding The Borderline Mother. " ) That is truly tragic that two more of

your foo (family of origin) members may also have bpd.

The effects or behaviors of personality disorder can come in a spectrum of

severity, and your mother (or " nada " , shorthand for " not a mom " or " mother with

bpd " ) sounds pretty severely impacted by bpd with her aggressive attempts to

bring suit against you.

Sometimes, when its a milder case, the adult child can manage limited contact

with the pd parent with boundaries firmly in place, but in other cases where the

parent is severely disordered, hostile, and aggressive, the adult child has to

cut all contact either temporarily or permanently just to ensure their own

safety and their spouse's and children's safety.

You are already doing the sadly necessary things you must do to protect yourself

and your wife and children from further damage, and that takes a lot of courage;

kudos to you for that.

You'll find a lot of emotional support and validation here, as you find your own

path toward greater peace and healing. I will offer you this food for thought,

hoping it will help: You did not cause your mother to be the way she is, you

can't control her feelings or behaviors and you can't cure her. You have

nothing to feel guilty about. All you can do is hope that perhaps at some

point your mother may feel the desire to seek psychiatric therapy for herself,

but with personality disorder that isn't very likely.

If you haven't already, I suggest reading as much about bpd as possible. I

particularly recommend " Understanding The Borderline Mother " and " Surviving A

Borderline Parent. "

Again, welcome.

-Annie

>

> I am so happy I found this site. For so long I thought I was unique in

dealing with this problem. First of all 3 woman in my life,my mom,my sister and

my aunt all I believe have BPD. My mom is by far the most out of control. Long

story short we were estranged for years,however when I got married and started a

family I tried to involve her in my families life.When I had my first born she

seemed happy, I thought she really loved something for the first time in my

life,then the off comments of Grandparents rights were dropped, she became more

and more controlling, told lies to divide myself from my wife,and started to

scare my first born,I had a second child,more of the same behavior. My wife and

I went to counseling to deal with my mom. We were told to put in limits on her

behavior and to make her accountable. By the time my third child was born we

were allowing visits once every 6 mons.

> We were hit with a grandparents rights suit,she testifed for 5 hrs at

first hearing w/d petition before cross. Signed an agreement of part payment of

legal fees,counseling with my wife and I,and to not contact children until we

all agree. Within a week she stopped payment on the check,tried to contact the

children,and never set up an appt.with therapist. We filed for an order of

protection,meanwhile she filed a second grandparents rights petition,we received

a 2 yr order of protection and soon after she withdrew the petition only to

repeal the order of protection in ny supreme court.

> This is just the meat of the case,the depths of the lies,her cult

involvement,etc. not withstanding. Long story short even though this has cost us

$40,000 my family(my wife and kids are so much better off without her)The events

have drawn us all tighter and made our love stronger. That being said it has not

been easy

>