Guest guest Posted July 19, 2012 Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 A few years ago my BPD grandfather stole my identity and traded stocks with it. He made and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in my name and never even bothered to file taxes. So, of course, the IRS got involved. How an uneducated farmer was ever able to gamble on stocks like that I'll never know. Like, I'll literally never be able to know, because he had a stroke that effected his communication, though as a BPD he probably never would have explained himself to me, so I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway, fast forward to this past x-mas when I decided to go NC with him. I've been NC with NADA, his daughter, for 7 years, so this wasn't a new process to me. Since my wedding was in April and other family members were pressuring me, I invited him against my better judgement. The wedding was actually great, none of the BPD incidents that I had anticipated even came up. I was cordial to him and even had a wedding photo taken with him. Afterwards, I decided against visitation or phone calls, but contacted him weekly via email. After two weeks though, he created a clever little scheme where somehow after I sent him an email I got an automated response, " I am unavailable to receive your messages. " At first, I thought there was an error with his email account, but then he started sending me guilt trip emails about how I never talk to him and the like. Then he started guilting other family members about it, too. Telling everyone I was ignoring him. So, anyway, I don't care. After my wedding there is no important milestone that any family members need to be around for. I hope none of them are involved in my children's lives when that time comes. None of them feel like family anymore. None of them have for years. They've all trashed and guilt tripped me, including the nonBPDs. The reason I'm writing is because my friend's mom lives out of state and she came to visit for one measely day and my friend was so happy. I asked how the visit was and she said, " way too short, " and it made me so sad, because my husband is the only family I have that I feel that way about. I dread visiting or even talking on the phone with any family, because even the nonBPDs have fleas so bad I don't want to go anywhere near any of them. It's not to say I'm so well adjusted that I'm above them. It's just that I've worked so hard to readjust my behavior and they can't see how they're all hurting each other. Even a short visit of a day can send me into a depressive episode. I work on my own actions and BPD awareness, but that doesn't mean I'm unimpressionable. I get sad sometimes, that's all. It's a lonely life to be one sighted person in a family of blind, raging lunatics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2012 Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 Wow, what a horrible thing for your bpd grandfather to do to you! Holy Cow! I'm astonished that he isn't currently in prison for that; identity theft and screwing around with the IRS is very serious, federal-crime-level stuff. I'm glad you didn't wind up getting prosecuted, you're the victim here! And now he's acting all hurt that you " don't talk to him enough " Just, wow. Truly. I can understand why you want and need to go totally No Contact with such a predatory individual. It really is hard to wrap our minds around such behaviors, that an entire family system can be so skewed out of normal behavior that they think its OK to severely *exploit* their own family members and its just... fine. And we'll all just act like there's nothing wrong here, folks. It IS sad and it does feel lonely when there's nobody in the whole family of origin who isn't toxic and potentially dangerous to one degree or another. I'm glad for you that you found a good man to marry, who is your friend and ally as well as your husband; you deserve to have some good things in your life, some sweet things. All us ACONS do, considering the raw deal we were born into. -Annie > > A few years ago my BPD grandfather stole my identity and traded stocks with it. He made and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in my name and never even bothered to file taxes. So, of course, the IRS got involved. How an uneducated farmer was ever able to gamble on stocks like that I'll never know. Like, I'll literally never be able to know, because he had a stroke that effected his communication, though as a BPD he probably never would have explained himself to me, so I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway, fast forward to this past x-mas when I decided to go NC with him. I've been NC with NADA, his daughter, for 7 years, so this wasn't a new process to me. Since my wedding was in April and other family members were pressuring me, I invited him against my better judgement. The wedding was actually great, none of the BPD incidents that I had anticipated even came up. I was cordial to him and even had a wedding photo taken with him. Afterwards, I decided against visitation or phone calls, but contacted him weekly via email. After two weeks though, he created a clever little scheme where somehow after I sent him an email I got an automated response, " I am unavailable to receive your messages. " At first, I thought there was an error with his email account, but then he started sending me guilt trip emails about how I never talk to him and the like. Then he started guilting other family members about it, too. Telling everyone I was ignoring him. So, anyway, I don't care. After my wedding there is no important milestone that any family members need to be around for. I hope none of them are involved in my children's lives when that time comes. None of them feel like family anymore. None of them have for years. They've all trashed and guilt tripped me, including the nonBPDs. > > The reason I'm writing is because my friend's mom lives out of state and she came to visit for one measely day and my friend was so happy. I asked how the visit was and she said, " way too short, " and it made me so sad, because my husband is the only family I have that I feel that way about. I dread visiting or even talking on the phone with any family, because even the nonBPDs have fleas so bad I don't want to go anywhere near any of them. It's not to say I'm so well adjusted that I'm above them. It's just that I've worked so hard to readjust my behavior and they can't see how they're all hurting each other. Even a short visit of a day can send me into a depressive episode. I work on my own actions and BPD awareness, but that doesn't mean I'm unimpressionable. > > I get sad sometimes, that's all. It's a lonely life to be one sighted person in a family of blind, raging lunatics. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2012 Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 I totally understand- I went NC with my entire family after nada died because they are so unhealthy for me I can barely function around them. Some of them are what I call " innocent bystanders " . I really don't think they are malicious but their fleas are so bad they are harmful to me. And I def don't want them around my kids, who are 3 and 19m so very impressionable. My dad left when I was 6 months old and so he and his family were never part of my life, and I am an only child. I really get lonely about this sometimes- not having any family. My T said I have to create my own family, which I have with friends, my husband and kids. But it's not the same. I'm kind of hung up on that- I know I need to get over it and not discount all the wonderful relationships I do have. I just feel like no one " has " to love me because I have no FOO. I have posted about this recently- I often feel unimportant, like I have no roots or foundation. I'm trying really hard to get over this. What your grandpa has done is beyond horrible. It hurts so bad to be treated that way and then have " family " trash you. When my nada died her family turned against me and were all over me like white on rice about how I " suck " - yes that word was actually used. On Mother's Day my aunt sent me a text that said " Happy Mothers Day you selfish bitch " . That was the final straw. I don't need that abuse, especially when I am a good person who tried to do right by everyone. I am so much better off with them out of my life. Begin fostering your healthy relationships and focus on your new life. You don't need to keep contact with your FOO if they are unhealthy for you. You don't owe them putting up with their abuse. Congrats on your wedding, by the way. =) > > A few years ago my BPD grandfather stole my identity and traded stocks with it. He made and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in my name and never even bothered to file taxes. So, of course, the IRS got involved. How an uneducated farmer was ever able to gamble on stocks like that I'll never know. Like, I'll literally never be able to know, because he had a stroke that effected his communication, though as a BPD he probably never would have explained himself to me, so I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway, fast forward to this past x-mas when I decided to go NC with him. I've been NC with NADA, his daughter, for 7 years, so this wasn't a new process to me. Since my wedding was in April and other family members were pressuring me, I invited him against my better judgement. The wedding was actually great, none of the BPD incidents that I had anticipated even came up. I was cordial to him and even had a wedding photo taken with him. Afterwards, I decided against visitation or phone calls, but contacted him weekly via email. After two weeks though, he created a clever little scheme where somehow after I sent him an email I got an automated response, " I am unavailable to receive your messages. " At first, I thought there was an error with his email account, but then he started sending me guilt trip emails about how I never talk to him and the like. Then he started guilting other family members about it, too. Telling everyone I was ignoring him. So, anyway, I don't care. After my wedding there is no important milestone that any family members need to be around for. I hope none of them are involved in my children's lives when that time comes. None of them feel like family anymore. None of them have for years. They've all trashed and guilt tripped me, including the nonBPDs. > > The reason I'm writing is because my friend's mom lives out of state and she came to visit for one measely day and my friend was so happy. I asked how the visit was and she said, " way too short, " and it made me so sad, because my husband is the only family I have that I feel that way about. I dread visiting or even talking on the phone with any family, because even the nonBPDs have fleas so bad I don't want to go anywhere near any of them. It's not to say I'm so well adjusted that I'm above them. It's just that I've worked so hard to readjust my behavior and they can't see how they're all hurting each other. Even a short visit of a day can send me into a depressive episode. I work on my own actions and BPD awareness, but that doesn't mean I'm unimpressionable. > > I get sad sometimes, that's all. It's a lonely life to be one sighted person in a family of blind, raging lunatics. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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