Struggling with PTSD from a violent childhood, thanks to mom...

July 17, 2012

This is my first post. I have a bad case of ptsd. I joined the AF when

I reached 18 years old. Thought I could out-run all the memories of

abuse, but it blew-up in my face when a bad situation happened at the

school I taught at and I had to call the 1-800 number for having a

sexual predator at my school. I learned that even if you are the

innocent one trying to protect children, you become " bad " . Horrible

time. Brought the abuse all back to me. Now I get triggered often. I

have told my Nada not to call or send cards (the cards say, " ...when I

held your little hand in mine... " and she writes, " I love you. " ) I

cannot deal with these lies and attempts to " rewrite history " .

I have been in counseling, but no one has yet to " deal " with the ptsd

and abuse. Why is this? And what COULD a therapist do OR say to help

me?

July 19, 2012

I have developed PTSD too. I also have a physical condition that is basically a

severe case of muscle tension in my pelvic floor muscles. It is basically a

physical form of anxiety. The analogy that the DR who developed the treatment I

am doing compares it to a dog pulling it's tail between it's legs. I would say

that fits. My mom was not violent, but very verbally abusive, and I also was

severely bullied which Nada ignored at best, and denied, and openly supported at

worst.

I have been doing EMDR. There was a post that Annie did recently explaining it.

this is what Google found in 5 seconds on it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing

also read up on complex PTSD. it is not an official diagnosis, but it is a

widely accepted theory that there are some extra symptoms when your caregiver is

the abuser and the abuse lasts for long periods of time.

EMDR is hugely helping me. I have been doing it every week for about 5-6 mos.

now. I have now scaled it back to every other week. It has been helping both

physically, and emotionally. honestly I feel so much lighter already. It is

rather like peeling an onion. It gets easier, but there are endless layers. it

is rather intense, but I feel so relived after each appointment. It is amazing

how re-living the experiences and re-sorting it makes me feel so much better.

I have no Idea what the effectiveness rates are, but facing my problems while

really hard, has been very healing. If you are like me the real you is screaming

to get out.

I am sad that you got caught in a pedophile mess. I hope the pervert was stopped

before he hurt anyone else. good for you to take risks to help others. I am sure

the victims were grateful for your validation, even if it was " inconvenient " for

some.

I wish you well on your journey.

Meikjn

>

> This is my first post. I have a bad case of ptsd. I joined the AF when

> I reached 18 years old. Thought I could out-run all the memories of

> abuse, but it blew-up in my face when a bad situation happened at the

> school I taught at and I had to call the 1-800 number for having a

> sexual predator at my school. I learned that even if you are the

> innocent one trying to protect children, you become " bad " . Horrible

> time. Brought the abuse all back to me. Now I get triggered often. I

> have told my Nada not to call or send cards (the cards say, " ...when I

> held your little hand in mine... " and she writes, " I love you. " ) I

> cannot deal with these lies and attempts to " rewrite history " .

>

> I have been in counseling, but no one has yet to " deal " with the ptsd

> and abuse. Why is this? And what COULD a therapist do OR say to help

> me?

>

July 19, 2012

Hi SRTBA,

Welcome to the Group.

That's got to be very re-traumatizing, to be persecuted for trying to help

protect children from a sexual predator while still carrying unresolved trauma

inflicted by your mother, from your own past.

There are psychologists who specialize in trauma recovery, who can help you get

a better handle on the ptsd symptoms you are having. Perhaps the therapist you

are currently seeing has no training in trauma recovery?

Sometimes we have to " shop around " for a good therapist, the same way we shop

around before purchasing a home or a new car. Its important to interview the

psychologist and ask them questions because not all of them have the same

training or experience with our particular issues; its important to find a

well-trained psychologist you believe understands your issues and has a sense of

confidence that they can help you, so that you can develop a sense of trust in

the therapeutic process and the individual psychologist.

You might also want to read some books about recovering from childhood abuse and

the emotional trauma it causes.

" Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to

Political Terror " Judith L. Herman, M.D. I believe this was the book that

was recommended to me at this Group, but I haven't read it yet. From what I can

tell, though, it is still considered to be one of the best books on trauma and

it even influenced the way doctors now treat trauma patients.

There are many Internet support groups specifically for the survivors of child

sexual abuse; we discuss that issue here too, but we're mainly about discussing

how to manage having a relationship with a personality-disordered parent, such

as weighing the pros and cons of options like " limited contact with boundaries "

vs " going no contact " either temporarily or permanently.

(Just my own personal opinion, fwiw: parents who physically batter and

terrorize their children, parents who physically or emotionally neglect,

exploit, or attempt to destroy their child's sense of self-worth, and parents

who sexually abuse their children (or who actively or passively allow their

child to be abused) have " torn up their parent card " , so to speak, and actually

don't deserve the honored title of " Mother " or " Father. " They don't deserve

filial respect or care by those they have neglected to protect or tried to

destroy. But that's just me. Each of us has their own view on this and their

own way of handling their relationship with a pd parent; its very individual.)

You might want to check out the site by Jim Hopper Ph.D., that seems to be a

goldmine of resources for those who have experienced severe physical, emotional,

or sexual childhood abuse, or neglect:

http://www.jimhopper.com/abstats/#help

(click on the heading " About Therapy and Recovery - Resources to Inform your

Search " )

Here is an excerpt:

" 1. Stages of treatment for child abuse trauma "

" Among experts in the treatment of people who have suffered from extreme child

abuse and other traumas, since the early 1990s there has been a consensus on two

points: treatment and healing from the effects of abuse takes place in stages,

and there are fundamental principles of good treatment which apply at every

stage. In this section, I address the stages of treatment and recovery. My

discussion borrows heavily from Judith Herman's classic book, Trauma and

Recovery, which goes into great depth on these stages and principles. "

I hope that helps.

-Annie