Nada Nursing Home Visit

July 20, 2012

Wow, had a weird nursing home visit yesterday.

I was standing at the desk talking to the head nurse that handles my mother's

section showing her some clothing and shoes I bought for Nada and Nada came

wheeling down the hall toward me....and she was all happy and cheerful, but she

clearly did not know who I am.

The last time I was there I had the feeling she didn't know I was her daughter,

although she knew me, just not that I was her daughter.

Before that she'd forgotten my name.

But this time? I'm certain she just thinks I was some random lady who came to

visit her. There was no spark of recognition whatsoever on her face as she

wheeled toward me - she was not coming to see me, she just happened to be coming

down the hall as I was standing there.

The nurse was telling me that they are having a lot of trouble with her because

she won't get out of her wheelchair to walk to the dining room or down the hall

with the therapists for exercise. She insists that when she does everyone is

looking at her and laughing at her and making fun of her because she is

different... she has extreme paranoia. They are all " talking about her. "

This is the paranoia that she had before when she was living on her own, the

kind that made me suspect schizophrenia but I believe was just borderline. They

don't want to drug her for it because the drugs cause diabetes and right now her

physical health is good, so she's only getting antidepressants and dementia

drugs.

The nurse said so long as they let her sit in her wheelchair she's cheerful as

heck, but of course if she won't walk she'll eventually be unable to.

God, how depressing it was.

I came home and was feeling glum but got out the hose and was watering something

and my eight-month-old puppy started playing with the water, trying to catch it,

jumping for it and chasing it, so I started playing a game. By the end of the

game we were both soaking and muddy and I felt a heck of a lot better. Thank God

for puppies! He helped me shake off my sadness.

July 20, 2012

The loss of ability to recognize family and friends is part of dementia, also,

as is the escalating paranoia.

It IS sad to watch an elderly family member decline like that, even an abusive,

personality-disordered parent. I think that the last few times I visited my

nada when she was in the residential care home, basically on hospice care, that

she didn't actually know who I was. I had been in virtual No Contact with her

for several years at that point; my younger Sister was the one supervising our

nada's care needs and saw her frequently.

My nada had developed dementia and it had progressed to the point that she was

actively hallucinating a lot of the time, even with the anti-psychotic meds.

During those last visits she seemed pleasant enough and happy to see me, but I

don't believe she actually said my name or recognized me, I was just someone who

had come to visit her.

Its kind of ironic in both a humorous way and a sad way, that if my nada had

really understood that it was me, Annie, her estranged older daughter visiting

her that she would have been pretty pissed off at me. So in a way, my nada's

dementia provided a good closure for me; my nada wasn't screaming at me or

raging at me or crying histrionically, blaming and criticizing me during our

final visits. I am grateful for that.

And yes, thank goodness for the sweet distraction of puppies and other humorous

things, truly.

-Annie

>

> Wow, had a weird nursing home visit yesterday.

> I was standing at the desk talking to the head nurse that handles my mother's

section showing her some clothing and shoes I bought for Nada and Nada came

wheeling down the hall toward me....and she was all happy and cheerful, but she

clearly did not know who I am.

> The last time I was there I had the feeling she didn't know I was her

daughter, although she knew me, just not that I was her daughter.

> Before that she'd forgotten my name.

> But this time? I'm certain she just thinks I was some random lady who came to

visit her. There was no spark of recognition whatsoever on her face as she

wheeled toward me - she was not coming to see me, she just happened to be coming

down the hall as I was standing there.

> The nurse was telling me that they are having a lot of trouble with her

because she won't get out of her wheelchair to walk to the dining room or down

the hall with the therapists for exercise. She insists that when she does

everyone is looking at her and laughing at her and making fun of her because she

is different... she has extreme paranoia. They are all " talking about her. "

> This is the paranoia that she had before when she was living on her own, the

kind that made me suspect schizophrenia but I believe was just borderline. They

don't want to drug her for it because the drugs cause diabetes and right now her

physical health is good, so she's only getting antidepressants and dementia

drugs.

> The nurse said so long as they let her sit in her wheelchair she's cheerful as

heck, but of course if she won't walk she'll eventually be unable to.

> God, how depressing it was.

> I came home and was feeling glum but got out the hose and was watering

something and my eight-month-old puppy started playing with the water, trying to

catch it, jumping for it and chasing it, so I started playing a game. By the end

of the game we were both soaking and muddy and I felt a heck of a lot better.

Thank God for puppies! He helped me shake off my sadness.

>

July 20, 2012

I was saying to DH that it's actually a blessing for her that she doesn't

remember her past, as she has no misery at being stuck where she's at.

And if I'm honest with myself I admit it really helps with the OG part of FOG

that she doesn't know who I am or remember that I was there five minutes after I

left, because it doesn't matter whether or not I visit often or infrequently.

I think what makes it more sad in her case is that she set this in motion with

the overdose of her suicide attempt...

> The loss of ability to recognize family and friends is part of dementia, also,

as is the escalating paranoia.

>

> It IS sad to watch an elderly family member decline like that, even an

abusive, personality-disordered parent. I think that the last few times I

visited my nada when she was in the residential care home, basically on hospice

care, that she didn't actually know who I was. I had been in virtual No Contact

with her for several years at that point; my younger Sister was the one

supervising our nada's care needs and saw her frequently.

>

> My nada had developed dementia and it had progressed to the point that she was

actively hallucinating a lot of the time, even with the anti-psychotic meds.

During those last visits she seemed pleasant enough and happy to see me, but I

don't believe she actually said my name or recognized me, I was just someone who

had come to visit her.

>

> Its kind of ironic in both a humorous way and a sad way, that if my nada had

really understood that it was me, Annie, her estranged older daughter visiting

her that she would have been pretty pissed off at me. So in a way, my nada's

dementia provided a good closure for me; my nada wasn't screaming at me or

raging at me or crying histrionically, blaming and criticizing me during our

final visits. I am grateful for that.

>

> And yes, thank goodness for the sweet distraction of puppies and other

humorous things, truly.

>

> -Annie

>

> --

>

July 20, 2012

I can't even imagine how bizarre it would be for nada to not recognize me. It's

funny how the memory goes but the BPD stays until the very end. Even on my

nada's deathbed her BPD shone through. Sadly, that's not an exaggeration.

I think it's so hard when a nada starts having true illnesses or her mind starts

declining. It's such an emotional roller coaster because of all the mixed

emotions. At least that was my experience. On the one hand there's this toxic

person who has made your life hell and on the other there's a sick human being.

It's hard. I'm sorry you have to go through this.