another newbie...

[Guest guest]

Hello all,

I am new to this group, just this week.my story with my nada is a long one,

and although not as dramatic as some I have read, I am realizing how damaged

I am. I always knew my mother was mentally ill, I had thought severe anxiety

and OCD. I suffered from physical abuse until I was 13,

when childrens aid got (briefly) involved. She never hit me again after

that, but that was when the emotional abuse really started.

I have always tried to be the one in the family to solve all the problems,

keep the peace. I am 41 years old and had NEVER disagreed with my mother. I

acted as a surrogate mother to my 2 older brothers when they would get

emotionally cut off. I guess I should have seen it coming, that I would

eventually get cut off as well. It finally happened one month ago when my

nada made decisions that would come between my marriage and affect my

children's lives. This was when I knew things had gone too far.

So I " crossed " her and basically it's looking like the relationship is over.

Probably with my father as well, as he is an abused husband and does

whatever she says. I feel scammed. Like all these years of trying have been

a waste. Like it was all just a make-believe family.

After she cut me off, I started having severe anxiety attacks and feeling of

great guilt, beyond what I should be feeling, as she is an extremely

difficult person to get close to anyways. That was when I started googling

and discovered BPD. It fits her so completely. It's been a light bulb

moment.

I should note that I have an amazing supportive husband, 3 healthy, mostly

happy :-) children and a ton of supportive friends, who have been

instrumental in helping me see reality. My level of stress over her

emotional cut off has been out of proportion, so I went to see my family dr

and I

will go to see a psychologist on Monday.

My question is - Should I tell the therapist that I believe my mother is

BPD? How should I start to explain what I am feeling?

This is all so new to me.

Thanks

NG

..

[Guest guest]

I have also just started to realize my nada has BPD. It was actually my

therapist who suggested she was misdiagnosed which was quite interesting because

he only had a very small amount of information about her. Once I started

researching the disorder, I've found it fits nada so dead on, it's like a light

bulb went off! I've been excited (which sounds like the wrong way to discribe

it) reading all the material I can find that describes her.

I too have always been the peace keeper in the family, trying to take care of

everyone else's needs before my own. I'm starting to finally realize, it's ok to

think about myself and my feelings, in fact, I must in order to stay healthy.

You mmentioned that the relationship is finally over and I know that feeling all

too well. It feels like she has stolen your life and you've wasted so much time

and effort. The biggest problem I have is she keeps coming back and the fear,

obligation and guilt take over and I get sucked right back in. I've been done

with nada so many times, it's like I'm stuck on a horrible carousel and can't

get off.

I don't know whether or not you should tell your therapist she has BPD. If it

were me, I probably would ask about the disorder, mention I read some overviews

of the disorder, and ask if I could give an overview of my nada and see if

he/she thinks it might fit. That way my T wouldn't think I was google diagnosing

but asking for help from a specialist.

I hope this helps and I hope your T is understanding and maybe has even dealt

with this disorder in the past.

~

" I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it. "

>

> Hello all,

>

> I am new to this group, just this week.my story with my nada is a long one,

> and although not as dramatic as some I have read, I am realizing how damaged

> I am. I always knew my mother was mentally ill, I had thought severe anxiety

> and OCD. I suffered from physical abuse until I was 13,

>

> when childrens aid got (briefly) involved. She never hit me again after

> that, but that was when the emotional abuse really started.

>

> I have always tried to be the one in the family to solve all the problems,

> keep the peace. I am 41 years old and had NEVER disagreed with my mother. I

> acted as a surrogate mother to my 2 older brothers when they would get

> emotionally cut off. I guess I should have seen it coming, that I would

> eventually get cut off as well. It finally happened one month ago when my

> nada made decisions that would come between my marriage and affect my

> children's lives. This was when I knew things had gone too far.

>

> So I " crossed " her and basically it's looking like the relationship is over.

> Probably with my father as well, as he is an abused husband and does

> whatever she says. I feel scammed. Like all these years of trying have been

> a waste. Like it was all just a make-believe family.

>

> After she cut me off, I started having severe anxiety attacks and feeling of

> great guilt, beyond what I should be feeling, as she is an extremely

> difficult person to get close to anyways. That was when I started googling

> and discovered BPD. It fits her so completely. It's been a light bulb

> moment.

>

> I should note that I have an amazing supportive husband, 3 healthy, mostly

> happy :-) children and a ton of supportive friends, who have been

>

> instrumental in helping me see reality. My level of stress over her

> emotional cut off has been out of proportion, so I went to see my family dr

> and I

>

> will go to see a psychologist on Monday.

>

> My question is - Should I tell the therapist that I believe my mother is

> BPD? How should I start to explain what I am feeling?

>

> This is all so new to me.

>

> Thanks

>

> NG

>

>

>

> .

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>