Nightmare continues

[Guest guest]

I haven't posted for a long time and it is good to find my way back to the

group. For those of you who may or may not remember, my nada was very sick with

2 kinds of cancer. Well she passed away in mid May. As I did in life, I stayed

with her as she journeyed out. I found as I sat beside her in the hospital

watching the ravaging effects of the cancer on her and the torment she was in, I

felt nothing but love for her. Her BPD did not seem to enter into it

until....... A BPD cannot help themselves - they are who they are - so when she

was in her final days of life, she still managed to rally up the old

scapegoating behaviours towards me and made sure to let the golden son in the

room know that I was annoying her and when he spoke rudely to me she told me to

" let it go. " THIS WAS IN THE LAST few days of her life where she was still

playing me off against one of my brothers.

Well it seems that the golden brother (who is BPD/NPD) has been named the

executor of the will. While my mother was sick I had to pretty much live in her

home as my 2 cats also live here. Her will stipulates that I am to live in the

home for 2 years to try and ready it for sale. It is an unusual clause in a

will but I truly believe she knew that I was the child who could be relied upon

to look after things and deal with it in a respectful manner. Well long story

short the golden brother (who is the executor) has turned venomous and vengeful

becasue I dared to point out his self-serving behaviours. He is using his power

of executor as a weapon of threat against me whereby he has wanted regular

inspections of the property, wants to make sure I am paying the bills on the

house and even claiming a so-called death bed confesssion from nada to him where

she felt I was " unstable " and that is the only reason I am in the house. His

email threats have insinuated that I am trying to steal from the house and that

he wants to videotape the contents to ensure everything is there.

I might point out that this is the same brother who has done nothing around this

property and claims to never see the work that has needed to be done. His

narcisstistic superiority is such that he is above menial tasks. He has become

nada in his abusiveness and threats. While nada lay dying he was planning a

holiday for himself and his new boyfriend and on several occasions told me that

" he couldn't handle much more of this " . It seems he has been assassinating my

character to my other brother by spreading lies and distortions of the truth. I

do not have to live here but as I am presently in the middle of a career change,

I am not in a position to move out till I know where I am next jumping to.

I have had little contact with him in this last year as I came to the

realization that nada had BPD and that when I was around her and the golden one,

I was picked on and mocked for " fun " and if I dared to take offense at their

veiled aggression, I was told I had no sense of humour.

Nada raised him to think he is better than everybody else and she made sure to

always divide and conquer us by feeding us each different versions of her truth.

My older brother and I have since talked and see what is happening but the other

one has become an absolute dickhead.

We are meeting today as a group to discuss how to dispose of the contents of the

house and I am dreading it - I cannot stand this brother and my resentment

towards him right now is strong. I shall see how I handle myself today and

report back!!

I find I am caught in a strange series of emotions - I miss mada like crazy at

times because I remember the times when she was a good mother and then I think

about how this golden brother represents all the abusive and tyrannical ways she

behaved towards me and I do not miss her at all. Grieving a nada is strange. I

know others here on the forum have been through the loss of a nada and the

clearing out of their homes.

The sooner the house and its contents are sold the better as I will be NC with

this golden brother once all is settled.