BP/NPD Mother Emotionally Blackmailing Dying Father

July 23, 2012

My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying father!!

After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is the 'bad guy' " ,

she wants my father to confess to all of his children all of the bad things he

has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll send emails of his to all

of his children, his sister, etc.

I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have to of

course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy boundaries,

but this is really pushing me over the edge.

Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she thinks it

will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids) more angry and

want nothing to do with her.

I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues, but I

feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

Angry---upset---

Liraz

July 25, 2012

Hi Liraz,

Unfortunately, death is one of the times that borderlines are at their worst.

They see this as the perfect time to manipulate because everyone is so

vulnerable; add to that the double whammy that all eyes are not ON THEM, like

they need them to be, and you just have a recipe for disaster. During these

times, it's useful to think of the borderline as something that the dying person

must be kept safe from as much as possible. I remember when a good friend's

mother was in the final stages of cancer, she used to call me every day with the

latest antics from the borderline husband. He had harrassed her for not

*cooking for him; he had refused to get the bathroom in the house repaired so

she could use it; when she went to the hospital the first time HE faked chest

pains so he could get admitted too (turned out to be nothing)--and of course,

the verbal abuse he inflicted on the children at that time was as vile and sharp

as he could possibly make it. At times of death, borderlines see a prime

opportunity to try and force people to act and feel a certain way--which is

their drug of choice.

My sympathies for this impending loss and I wish you the best at this difficult

time.

--Charlotte

>

> My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying father!!

After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is the 'bad guy' " ,

she wants my father to confess to all of his children all of the bad things he

has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll send emails of his to all

of his children, his sister, etc.

>

> I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have to of

course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy boundaries,

but this is really pushing me over the edge.

>

> Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she thinks

it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids) more angry and

want nothing to do with her.

>

> I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues, but I

feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

>

> Angry---upset---

>

> Liraz

>

July 25, 2012

You wrote something very true " At times of death, borderlines see a prime

opportunity to try and force people to act and feel a certain way--which is

their drug of choice. "

If getting people to act and feel a certain way is their drug of choice,

then bpds are sociopathic? Isn't the driving force of the sociopath that

they're always playing games with people because they're so bored otherwise?

On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 10:02 AM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

> **

>

> Hi Liraz,

>

> Unfortunately, death is one of the times that borderlines are at their

> worst. They see this as the perfect time to manipulate because everyone is

> so vulnerable; add to that the double whammy that all eyes are not ON THEM,

> like they need them to be, and you just have a recipe for disaster. During

> these times, it's useful to think of the borderline as something that the

> dying person must be kept safe from as much as possible. I remember when a

> good friend's mother was in the final stages of cancer, she used to call me

> every day with the latest antics from the borderline husband. He had

> harrassed her for not *cooking for him; he had refused to get the bathroom

> in the house repaired so she could use it; when she went to the hospital

> the first time HE faked chest pains so he could get admitted too (turned

> out to be nothing)--and of course, the verbal abuse he inflicted on the

> children at that time was as vile and sharp as he could possibly make it.

> At times of death, borderlines see a prime opportunity to try and force

> people to act and feel a certain way--which is their drug of choice.

>

> My sympathies for this impending loss and I wish you the best at this

> difficult time.

>

> --Charlotte

>

> >

> > My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying

> father!! After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is

> the 'bad guy' " , she wants my father to confess to all of his children all

> of the bad things he has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll

> send emails of his to all of his children, his sister, etc.

> >

> > I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have

> to of course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy

> boundaries, but this is really pushing me over the edge.

> >

> > Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she

> thinks it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids)

> more angry and want nothing to do with her.

> >

> > I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues,

> but I feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

> >

> > Angry---upset---

> >

> > Liraz

> >

>

July 25, 2012

Well Millicent, my admittedly NOT medically trained view is that borderlines,

narcissists and psychopaths are all on the same spectrum. But the borderlines

try to force behaviors for very different reasons than those other two. The

borderlines (I think) are trying to ease a pain in themselves--the pain of being

abandoned. They generally are trying to force people into their company, into

pretending to love them. They also try to force people to take on what they

fear are their tragic flaws (but can't admit to themselves). So, my bpd nada,

for example, spent a ton of time trying to force me to accept that I was

unattractive and undesirable, especially to men, because that was her theme

fear. But she also was into forcing just whatever act would put attention and

(apparent) affection onto her. It was about easing her pains, though, her

emptiness--not about enjoying harming others. (Though she did allow herself to,

and was aware of it on some level. It just wasn't her primary motivation.)

Narcissists, on the other hand, have the intent to harm and incapacitate others.

But the reason they have that intent is greed-- they believe they deserve to

have all the money or power or prestige or popularity--whatever their choice

greed is. They harm on purpose to dominate the playing field, have all the

resources.

It is only the farthest end of the spectrum--the psychopaths--that harm on

purpose because they actually enjoy the harm. Thank God I haven't seen a lot of

those close-up.

They all inflict harm on purpose, just, for different reasons. They all of

course completely deny that to themselves, and to you.

--ChhC

> > >

> > > My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying

> > father!! After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is

> > the 'bad guy' " , she wants my father to confess to all of his children all

> > of the bad things he has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll

> > send emails of his to all of his children, his sister, etc.

> > >

> > > I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have

> > to of course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy

> > boundaries, but this is really pushing me over the edge.

> > >

> > > Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she

> > thinks it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids)

> > more angry and want nothing to do with her.

> > >

> > > I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues,

> > but I feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

> > >

> > > Angry---upset---

> > >

> > > Liraz

> > >

> >

>

July 25, 2012

Thanks for clarifying. I've been thinking a lot about " power games " . All

three groups you describe seem to be obsessed and addicted to games.

On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 10:25 AM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

> **

>

> Well Millicent, my admittedly NOT medically trained view is that

> borderlines, narcissists and psychopaths are all on the same spectrum. But

> the borderlines try to force behaviors for very different reasons than

> those other two. The borderlines (I think) are trying to ease a pain in

> themselves--the pain of being abandoned. They generally are trying to force

> people into their company, into pretending to love them. They also try to

> force people to take on what they fear are their tragic flaws (but can't

> admit to themselves). So, my bpd nada, for example, spent a ton of time

> trying to force me to accept that I was unattractive and undesirable,

> especially to men, because that was her theme fear. But she also was into

> forcing just whatever act would put attention and (apparent) affection onto

> her. It was about easing her pains, though, her emptiness--not about

> enjoying harming others. (Though she did allow herself to, and was aware of

> it on some level. It just wasn't her primary motivation.)

>

> Narcissists, on the other hand, have the intent to harm and incapacitate

> others. But the reason they have that intent is greed-- they believe they

> deserve to have all the money or power or prestige or popularity--whatever

> their choice greed is. They harm on purpose to dominate the playing field,

> have all the resources.

>

> It is only the farthest end of the spectrum--the psychopaths--that harm on

> purpose because they actually enjoy the harm. Thank God I haven't seen a

> lot of those close-up.

>

> They all inflict harm on purpose, just, for different reasons. They all of

> course completely deny that to themselves, and to you.

>

> --ChhC

>

> > > >

> > > > My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying

> > > father!! After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she

> is

> > > the 'bad guy' " , she wants my father to confess to all of his children

> all

> > > of the bad things he has done in their 55 years of marriage or else

> she'll

> > > send emails of his to all of his children, his sister, etc.

> > > >

> > > > I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will

> have

> > > to of course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some

> healthy

> > > boundaries, but this is really pushing me over the edge.

> > > >

> > > > Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she

> > > thinks it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids)

> > > more angry and want nothing to do with her.

> > > >

> > > > I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment

> issues,

> > > but I feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

> > > >

> > > > Angry---upset---

> > > >

> > > > Liraz

> > > >

> > >

> >

July 25, 2012

Those with borderline pd can have antisocial pd as well, or some traits of it;

my nada did, I believe. That's what the " Witch " designation in " Understanding

The Borderline Mother " is: its borderline pd PLUS antisocial pd. (Co-morbid =

more than one condition, illness or disorder going on at the same time.)

" Queen " = bpd + narcissistic pd

" Waif " = bpd + dependent pd

" Hermit " = bpd + avoidant pd

-Annie

> > >

> > > My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying

> > father!! After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is

> > the 'bad guy' " , she wants my father to confess to all of his children all

> > of the bad things he has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll

> > send emails of his to all of his children, his sister, etc.

> > >

> > > I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have

> > to of course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy

> > boundaries, but this is really pushing me over the edge.

> > >

> > > Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she

> > thinks it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids)

> > more angry and want nothing to do with her.

> > >

> > > I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues,

> > but I feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

> > >

> > > Angry---upset---

> > >

> > > Liraz

> > >

> >

>

July 25, 2012

Right! And Millicent, by 'games' if you mean, a borderline pretty much never

communicates unless they are trying to get something from you, then, yes, games

for sure. I keep wishing I would have a good friend who's a research

psychologist so I could test out all these theories against science. I'm very

confident in them.

> > > >

> > > > My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying

> > > father!! After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is

> > > the 'bad guy' " , she wants my father to confess to all of his children all

> > > of the bad things he has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll

> > > send emails of his to all of his children, his sister, etc.

> > > >

> > > > I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have

> > > to of course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy

> > > boundaries, but this is really pushing me over the edge.

> > > >

> > > > Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she

> > > thinks it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids)

> > > more angry and want nothing to do with her.

> > > >

> > > > I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues,

> > > but I feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

> > > >

> > > > Angry---upset---

> > > >

> > > > Liraz

> > > >

> > >

> >

July 25, 2012

It's so interesting and I've accepted that I'll never know if they KNOW

what they're doing, ie is it conscious or subconscious. I'll never know

what their motivation is. Wish I could but at least I know a game player

when I see it.

Get this: an old friend out of no where invited me to her wedding last

minute. She lead me to believe I should show up in a costume. I showed up

and it was all the people you'd see on real housewives of new jersey. Very

uptight socially conscious people who would not have found my costume

amusing.

Can you imagine what was going on? I just figured, big old control game.

On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 12:21 PM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

> **

>

> Right! And Millicent, by 'games' if you mean, a borderline pretty much

> never communicates unless they are trying to get something from you, then,

> yes, games for sure. I keep wishing I would have a good friend who's a

> research psychologist so I could test out all these theories against

> science. I'm very confident in them.

>

> > > > >

> > > > > My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying

> > > > father!! After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking

> she is

> > > > the 'bad guy' " , she wants my father to confess to all of his

> children all

> > > > of the bad things he has done in their 55 years of marriage or else

> she'll

> > > > send emails of his to all of his children, his sister, etc.

> > > > >

> > > > > I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and

> will have

> > > > to of course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some

> healthy

> > > > boundaries, but this is really pushing me over the edge.

> > > > >

> > > > > Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like

> she

> > > > thinks it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6

> kids)

> > > > more angry and want nothing to do with her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment

> issues,

> > > > but I feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

> > > > >

> > > > > Angry---upset---

> > > > >

> > > > > Liraz

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

July 25, 2012

Years and years ago, I was invited to a Halloween party, and told by 3

" girlfriends " to dress up. Didn't want to.....just don't care for Halloween.

My date picked me up, he was dressed as a gangster type, I,however, had

full kitty cat costume, make-up and all. No one at the party was dressed

up; including the girls that called me insisting that I dress up. What

a lesson that was!!! Unfortunately, it taught me to not trust and as

u all know, we've already had a life from hell, and it takes a lot for us

to trust anyone.....the end. L

In a message dated 7/25/2012 3:53:57 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

millicentkunstler@... writes:

It's so interesting and I've accepted that I'll never know if they KNOW

what they're doing, ie is it conscious or subconscious. I'll never know

what their motivation is. Wish I could but at least I know a game player

when I see it.

Get this: an old friend out of no where invited me to her wedding last

minute. She lead me to believe I should show up in a costume. I showed up

and it was all the people you'd see on real housewives of new jersey. Very

uptight socially conscious people who would not have found my costume

amusing.

Can you imagine what was going on? I just figured, big old control game.

On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 12:21 PM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

> **

>

> Right! And Millicent, by 'games' if you mean, a borderline pretty much

> never communicates unless they are trying to get something from you,

then,

> yes, games for sure. I keep wishing I would have a good friend who's a

> research psychologist so I could test out all these theories against

> science. I'm very confident in them.

>

> > > > >

> > > > > My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my

dying

> > > > father!! After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking

> she is

> > > > the 'bad guy' " , she wants my father to confess to all of his

> children all

> > > > of the bad things he has done in their 55 years of marriage or else

> she'll

> > > > send emails of his to all of his children, his sister, etc.

> > > > >

> > > > > I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and

> will have

> > > > to of course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some

> healthy

> > > > boundaries, but this is really pushing me over the edge.

> > > > >

> > > > > Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her

like

> she

> > > > thinks it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6

> kids)

> > > > more angry and want nothing to do with her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment

> issues,

> > > > but I feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

> > > > >

> > > > > Angry---upset---

> > > > >

> > > > > Liraz

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> > >

> >

>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

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July 25, 2012

ko, that's messed up.

> **

>

> Years and years ago, I was invited to a Halloween party, and told by 3

> " girlfriends " to dress up. Didn't want to.....just don't care for

> Halloween.

> My date picked me up, he was dressed as a gangster type, I,however, had

> full kitty cat costume, make-up and all. No one at the party was dressed

> up; including the girls that called me insisting that I dress up. What

> a lesson that was!!! Unfortunately, it taught me to not trust and as

> u all know, we've already had a life from hell, and it takes a lot for us

> to trust anyone.....the end. L

>

July 25, 2012

The only upside to situations like that, is that you don't have to guess any

longer: you now know for SURE that that individual hates you and wants you to

feel embarrassed in public, because she carefully set it up for you to not be

dressed appropriately for the occasion.

So, now the trick is to avoid making " friends " with such hateful individuals in

the future.

It really is creepy, isn't it: that desire to hurt and humiliate others, and

getting off on it?

That is really a red waving flag in my opinion that the person has at least a

little streak of psychopathy (antisocial pd, sociopathic pd) in them.

I read somewhere that psychopaths can only relate to other people in one of

three ways:

If you are perceived as being below them in status and power, then you are

viewed as a possession, a slave or an object, to be used until sucked dry of

whatever entertainment or narcissistic supply or support you can provide, and

then discarded.

If you are perceived as having an equal amount of status and power, then you are

viewed as their hated rival and competitor. They will smile at you as they

ferret out your strengths and weaknesses, and determine the most quick and

efficient way to eliminate or destroy you.

If you are perceived as having more status and power than the psychopath, then

they will fawn on you and flatter you and worm their way into your trust, with

the goal of getting you to share some of your power and status with them. Once

you do that, then they will use it to take the rest of your power and status

from you, and you will be discarded.

So, beware of psychopathic behaviors, if you can. I personally think that

psychopaths are operating at a kind of reptile level of emotional/social

development. Pure predators like crocodiles and monitor lizards and even frogs

(more primitive yet) tend to cannibalize their litter mates and smaller, weaker

individuals of their own species. To them, its an eat or be eaten world, and

that seems to be where the psychopaths are coming from.

-Annie

>

> Years and years ago, I was invited to a Halloween party, and told by 3

> " girlfriends " to dress up. Didn't want to.....just don't care for

Halloween.

> My date picked me up, he was dressed as a gangster type, I,however, had

> full kitty cat costume, make-up and all. No one at the party was dressed

> up; including the girls that called me insisting that I dress up. What

> a lesson that was!!! Unfortunately, it taught me to not trust and as

> u all know, we've already had a life from hell, and it takes a lot for us

> to trust anyone.....the end. L

>

July 25, 2012

Thanks Annie. I believe she was showing her psychopathic-ness and you've

convinced me.

On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 7:22 PM, anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>wrote:

> **

>

> The only upside to situations like that, is that you don't have to guess

> any longer: you now know for SURE that that individual hates you and wants

> you to feel embarrassed in publicThan, because she carefully set it up for

> you to not be dressed appropriately for the occasion.

>

> So, now the trick is to avoid making " friends " with such hateful

> individuals in the future.

>

> It really is creepy, isn't it: that desire to hurt and humiliate others,

> and getting off on it?

> That is really a red waving flag in my opinion that the person has at

> least a little streak of psychopathy (antisocial pd, sociopathic pd) in

> them.

>

> I read somewhere that psychopaths can only relate to other people in one

> of three ways:

>

> If you are perceived as being below them in status and power, then you are

> viewed as a possession, a slave or an object, to be used until sucked dry

> of whatever entertainment or narcissistic supply or support you can

> provide, and then discarded.

>

> If you are perceived as having an equal amount of status and power, then

> you are viewed as their hated rival and competitor. They will smile at you

> as they ferret out your strengths and weaknesses, and determine the most

> quick and efficient way to eliminate or destroy you.

>

> If you are perceived as having more status and power than the psychopath,

> then they will fawn on you and flatter you and worm their way into your

> trust, with the goal of getting you to share some of your power and status

> with them. Once you do that, then they will use it to take the rest of your

> power and status from you, and you will be discarded.

>

> So, beware of psychopathic behaviors, if you can. I personally think that

> psychopaths are operating at a kind of reptile level of emotional/social

> development. Pure predators like crocodiles and monitor lizards and even

> frogs (more primitive yet) tend to cannibalize their litter mates and

> smaller, weaker individuals of their own species. To them, its an eat or be

> eaten world, and that seems to be where the psychopaths are coming from.

>

> -Annie

>

> >

> > Years and years ago, I was invited to a Halloween party, and told by 3

> > " girlfriends " to dress up. Didn't want to.....just don't care for

> Halloween.

> > My date picked me up, he was dressed as a gangster type, I,however, had

> > full kitty cat costume, make-up and all. No one at the party was dressed

> > up; including the girls that called me insisting that I dress up. What

> > a lesson that was!!! Unfortunately, it taught me to not trust and as

> > u all know, we've already had a life from hell, and it takes a lot for

> us

> > to trust anyone.....the end. L

> >

>

July 25, 2012

Hi Liraz...

Your story is very similar to what I went through 4 years ago, I am so sorry...

My Nada was also trying to " rewrite history " as I like to call it.

Unfortunately, my father was unable to fight back or deal with it because he was

dying of Alzheimer's AND Parkinson's. I do remember before he had gotten too

far gone that he requested I " make peace " with my Mom---WHAT????? An

impossibility. But, because he didn't need more stress in his situation (not

good for Alz-Park patients), I said IF mom was willing, I would talk to her

about it. Well, of course THAT never happened as I knew it never would, but it

did give him some sense of comfort--which was my goal.

What I did do was talk to the nursing home people to make sure they protected my

father when she would visit(which, contrary to her story, she rarely visited)

AND I confronted her on her meaness and telling " friends " (really just

acquaintances, she has no true friends)what she wanted, to make Dad look bad and

for her to look righteous. (And this is with having had 4+ affairs--at least 4

that we know). I gave a eulogy at my father's funeral that completely negated

the horrible " eulogy my nada gave. Her control of the arrangements was

unbelievable(and we found out later he had his wishes for the service written

down!!)--wouldn't even have his pastor do the service and did not tell his

church he had died so they could attend (she had been thrown out of the church

because of major contention).

With all this said, I guess what I'm trying to say is...do right by your Father

no matter what. You will not regret it and your conscience will be clear.

Not to be morbid, but necessarily blunt, look into the funeral arrangements to

insure your Father's wishes WILL be done. (talk with those who are scheduled to

be involved--if no planning has been done, get with your Dad and write down his

wishes (need a notary or lawyer?)

Try to find out if your nada will give a eulogy, BUT have you and/or more of

your siblings give a eulogy to negate any " poison " your nada may try to " spew "

at the end--such a sad and disgusting thing to do.

I know you know, but just a gentle reminder...you are dealing with a sick woman,

who if she is similar to mine, NOTHING is off limits when it comes to causing

hurt and trying to damage my Father's good name. Having a BPD mother with a

sane father who is dying can make this time very difficult for all...I am truly

sorry...

Blessings and prayers for you,

SBRTBA

>

> My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying father!!

After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is the 'bad guy' " ,

she wants my father to confess to all of his children all of the bad things he

has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll send emails of his to all

of his children, his sister, etc.

>

> I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have to of

course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy boundaries,

but this is really pushing me over the edge.

>

> Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she thinks

it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids) more angry and

want nothing to do with her.

>

> I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues, but I

feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

>

> Angry---upset---

>

> Liraz

>

July 25, 2012

this is one of the things I am truely dreading. my nada and dad are divorced for

many years now, but they live in the same small town and I am sure that my nada

will try to " pay her respects " when my dad does pass. (she is 12 years younger

than dad, so that is likely a possibility) My dad has made it clear, that she is

not to be ANYWHERE near his service or visitation. I am planning on letting the

funeral home know his wishes and making sure he has put it in writing for them.

I would like to honor my fathers wishes, but I am not going to be put in another

pissing contest between the two of them after one of them is gone. I am not

going to be the one to cause a scene if his wishes are not followed and I am not

going to be the enforcer. I am going to be there as a grieving daughter and that

is it.

I figure that when you die, you don't care anymore and if you do, then I am

really hoping for NO afterlife. C

> >

> > My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying father!!

After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is the 'bad guy' " ,

she wants my father to confess to all of his children all of the bad things he

has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll send emails of his to all

of his children, his sister, etc.

> >

> > I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have to

of course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy

boundaries, but this is really pushing me over the edge.

> >

> > Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she thinks

it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids) more angry and

want nothing to do with her.

> >

> > I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues, but

I feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

> >

> > Angry---upset---

> >

> > Liraz

> >

>

July 29, 2012

I'm sorry you're facing this. Watching your Dad lose his health and fade is

painful enough. But to have nada in his face and soon in your face is sickening.

I've been there when my Dad was dying and we were trying to take care of him.

She stomped around all angry because he was getting too much attention. She

would make nasty comments about him while he lay there unable to say anything.

Yet I knew if I took her on and told her to shut up, she would forbid us from

coming over to help. We were his only link to a bit of peace and tenderness.

I wish I had the answers. Be there for your Dad; let nada rant and rave if she

wants but try not to get caught up in her ugliness. Once he's gone you can say

or do what you want. Right now he needs you and it's going to be a tough time

for you. I send you my hugs.

>

> My mother has gone too far and is emotionally blackmailing my dying father!!

After stating that she is " tired of her children thinking she is the 'bad guy' " ,

she wants my father to confess to all of his children all of the bad things he

has done in their 55 years of marriage or else she'll send emails of his to all

of his children, his sister, etc.

>

> I am going home to see my father and help take care of him and will have to of

course deal with my nada as well. I had learned to draw some healthy boundaries,

but this is really pushing me over the edge.

>

> Nothing my father can tell me will make me suddenly love her like she thinks

it will. If anything...this is making us (my parents had 6 kids) more angry and

want nothing to do with her.

>

> I realize that avoiding her just reinforces the BP's abandonment issues, but I

feel as though it's my only way of protecting myself.

>

> Angry---upset---

>

> Liraz

>

July 29, 2012