Re: Am I being cynical or is this a possibility?

[Guest guest]

If transportation is an issue for her, have you checked into

whether her community has any programs that help seniors get

where they need to go? As an example, the bus company where I

live has a paratransit program that provides door-to-door

transport for people who are disabled and/or senior citizens who

need to get to medical appointments. They also give her a free

bus pass for the regular bus service based purely on her age.

Some organizations for senior citizens also have transportation

programs. If she belongs to a church they may offer help for

their older members as well. I've made it clear to my nada that

if she only asks me when it is really important I will do my

best to give her rides but that she needs to find other methods

of getting where she wants to go on a daily basis.

One thing you might want to talk to her doctor about is whether

the doses of medication she's taking are still correct. As

people age and their bodies change, they can need to take more

or less of various drugs to get the desired results. It may be

that she's now taking more than she needs of one and that is

leading to memory loss where it didn't before.

At 09:42 PM 07/30/2012 jtadcock wrote:

>Thanks Jill...I'm actually taking her to her primary care dr

>tomorrow and she says she's going to bring it up with him. The

>one thing about the meds is she's been on them all for many

>years, and the websites I've looked at show the longer she's

>been on them, the risk to the short term memory goes down. I'm

>talking 10 years...but now maybe only 6 for Cymbalta... need to

>look at that one and see if that could be it with it being less

>time. Limiting my exposure to her is extremely difficult. She

>can't drive herself anywhere, and other than her blind sister

>and 90 year old mother, has no other relationships, which yes,

>I know is not my responsibility, but me being her only child, I

>probably have an unhealthy " extra " dose of feeling responsible

>for her. My husband wants me to start looking at nursing

>homes, but she's only 67...but then again, acts more like she's

>95 because she wants the attention...I'm sure you know what I

>mean!!

>

>Very much looking forward to my appt with my " t " on Wednesday!

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Hi Francesca, Thanks. I can't afford Assisted Living. She doesn't have that

much resources, and my husband and I are doing all we can to get our kid through

college! Luckily he got a scholarship that covers the majority of it, but

there's still a good bit of additional expenses. She's always said she won't

live in a nursing home, but she was previously operating under the assumption

I'd let her live with us, but she now knows that's not a possibility. So now

her ploy is " if I ever to get to the point I need a nursing home, I am asking

you to please kill me so I don't have to go. " **sigh**

Update on her dr appointment with her primary care appt today:

Her dr does not think AT ALL that she has any kind of demential/alzheimers. So,

back to saying what you all eluded to all along -- she was " faking " all the

forgetting she did all of a sudden last week.

Of course she was obsessing about something that wasn't there also, but the dr

came up with a plausible answer which placated her a for a while. We'll see...

> > >

> > > It's absolutely a possibility that she's faking, especially with your

trip. But could it also be possible that it's a side effect of the Cymbalta or

other meds or the combination of meds? A quick Google search told me that it is

a side effect for Cymbalta, a pretty rare one, but it does affect women more

than men. If you get back and the memory issues are still there, you might

mention to her to talk to her doctor about it.Â

> > >

> > > That being said, her behavior is still hers and not your responsibility.

Even if this isn't manipulation, she still has the ability to manipulate you as

long as she's in your life. You can distance yourself, but part of being human

is being vulnerable. If I were you, I'd see how this plays out over the next few

weeks, advise her to see her doctor, and above all TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.Â

> > >

> > > Good luck!

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: jtadcock

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2012 8:01 PM

> > > Subject: Am I being cynical or is this a possibility?

> > >

> > >

> > > Â

> > > Hi All! Just a reminder of my scenario: new to the group, my mom hasn't

been diagnosed but meets all 9 criteria of BPD. I have just made this discovery

within the past 3-4 weeks and I have been adjusting my reactions to her, which

is what we're supposed to do, right? Maybe she's picking up that I'm treating

her different??

> > >

> > > Here's what's going on: I've noticed sporadic memory issues with her, but

they've been days/weeks apart, but certainly something I've taken notice of.

Well within the past week her short term memory seems to have gotten much worse.

This coming around the time I told her my husband and I are going to TN to see

our son this weekend. She goes through her usual childish " I want to go. Why

can't I go? I don't like it when you go out of town. " On and on... This week she

has pulled a stunt like pouring coffee creamer in her pill divider box,

presumably while sleeping. Says she doesn't remember doing it. Then all in one

four hour visit when I took her to her dr visit downtown, several buildings we

passed " That's new " ...No mom, it's not new. An entire highway " Well now I know

that's new. " No mom, it's been there at least 20 years. She asked me three times

after we left the drs office " Now where's my Cymbalta prescription? " Each time I

reminded her that it

> > > was sent over e-scripts to walgreens. She was getting mad at me each time

I reminded her something wasn't new, or where her prescription was, or that we

were going to TN because she had forgotten. But we all know you can't reason

with them. I told her she needs to get an appt with her primary care dr because

it's time for her blood pressure meds and diabetes meds. She said she wanted to

talk to the dr about all this stuff she's forgetting, and I agreed with her.

Then she said " she hates living alone. She really feels like she should have

somebody with her to make sure she's doing everything she should. "

> > >

> > > So there's my question -- is she REALLY forgetting things, or is she

concocting a scheme to create sympathy and try yet another ploy to live in my

house, which CANNOT happen, and I know you all know what I mean.

> > >

> > > My first inclination is she wouldn't try something like that, but it took

me 46 years to realize I was being brainwashed and manipulated. So obviously my

judgment can't be trusted. Could this be the works of onset of dementia or

medically induced short term memory loss OR the underlying brain of a BPD?

> > >

> > > HELP!! Input please! I can't have the wool pulled over my eyes!!

> > >

> > > Thanks!!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >