Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV and she was scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three times (claims that her nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's license has been revoked. She lives alone in the suburbs and will not use any of the driving alternatives that I have found for her. So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week and told her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get into an accident and even if it wasn't her fault, that her insurance wouldn't cover it and she would have to pay for any damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to be sued, she could lose all she has. I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home health aide who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and other errands. But when I told her about the aide, she went into a rage and spewed all the usual things she says when she can't get her way. " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live here if I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and spontaneity, if I can't drive I might as well be dead, I've lived too long, I should just kill myself, You are making me ill, is that what you want? " and so on. I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just take the car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I take it and I want to know if I can do it legally. She has multiple keys stashed in the house so I can't just take the keys. My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are supportive of me but there's not much they can do. They have all told her that she can't drive anymore if her license has been revoked but she ignores them. She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for 50+ years) and refers to assisted living or retirement communities as " old age ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles from me but I do as little as possible for her since she fights me on just about everything and I don't want to enable her bad decisions. However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want her to be safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want that for herself. I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. Voice mail is my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 I handle five complexes of senior housing for a nursing home and believe me, driving for seniors is a hot button topic. One of the easiest solutions is to simply disable the car by removing something under the hood (sorry, my mainteance guys usually do this for me). Then the family says they don't understand and they'll have to have someone come look at it, but they never do.  Eventually the car gets towed away.  Your other choice is contact the local police department, explain the situation and see if they can watch for her. When they pull her over there's a good chance she could get arrested for driving without a license but it probably would get thrown out but there would be a huge fine. Maybe if that happened the judge could order a boot put on it until she has proof of a license and insurance.  If you just take it you're right, she'll have your arrested for stealing. Hope this helps. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 2:54 PM Subject: Nada driving illegally  Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV and she was scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three times (claims that her nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's license has been revoked. She lives alone in the suburbs and will not use any of the driving alternatives that I have found for her. So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week and told her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get into an accident and even if it wasn't her fault, that her insurance wouldn't cover it and she would have to pay for any damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to be sued, she could lose all she has. I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home health aide who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and other errands. But when I told her about the aide, she went into a rage and spewed all the usual things she says when she can't get her way. " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live here if I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and spontaneity, if I can't drive I might as well be dead, I've lived too long, I should just kill myself, You are making me ill, is that what you want? " and so on. I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just take the car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I take it and I want to know if I can do it legally. She has multiple keys stashed in the house so I can't just take the keys. My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are supportive of me but there's not much they can do. They have all told her that she can't drive anymore if her license has been revoked but she ignores them. She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for 50+ years) and refers to assisted living or retirement communities as " old age ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles from me but I do as little as possible for her since she fights me on just about everything and I don't want to enable her bad decisions. However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want her to be safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want that for herself. I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. Voice mail is my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Unfortunately, disabling the car probably won't work. When she's had a dead battery or flat tire or other car problem, she calls the local auto place that has maintained her cars for years. They come out the same day and fix it on the spot or tow it, fix it, and return it to her. She really hates the local police department and suspects they turned her into the DMV. I guess that's the best option I've got though. I'll discuss with my siblings. Thank you. > > I handle five complexes of senior housing for a nursing home and believe me, driving for seniors is a hot button topic. One of the easiest solutions is to simply disable the car by removing something under the hood (sorry, my mainteance guys usually do this for me). Then the family says they don't understand and they'll have to have someone come look at it, but they never do.  Eventually the car gets towed away. >  > Your other choice is contact the local police department, explain the situation and see if they can watch for her. When they pull her over there's a good chance she could get arrested for driving without a license but it probably would get thrown out but there would be a huge fine. Maybe if that happened the judge could order a boot put on it until she has proof of a license and insurance. >  > If you just take it you're right, she'll have your arrested for stealing. Hope this helps. > > > ________________________________ > From: healthyjasmine > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 2:54 PM > Subject: Nada driving illegally > > > >  > > Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV and she was scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three times (claims that her nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's license has been revoked. She lives alone in the suburbs and will not use any of the driving alternatives that I have found for her. > > So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week and told her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get into an accident and even if it wasn't her fault, that her insurance wouldn't cover it and she would have to pay for any damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to be sued, she could lose all she has. > > I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home health aide who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and other errands. But when I told her about the aide, she went into a rage and spewed all the usual things she says when she can't get her way. > > " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live here if I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and spontaneity, if I can't drive I might as well be dead, I've lived too long, I should just kill myself, You are making me ill, is that what you want? " and so on. > > I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just take the car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I take it and I want to know if I can do it legally. She has multiple keys stashed in the house so I can't just take the keys. > > My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are supportive of me but there's not much they can do. They have all told her that she can't drive anymore if her license has been revoked but she ignores them. > > She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for 50+ years) and refers to assisted living or retirement communities as " old age ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles from me but I do as little as possible for her since she fights me on just about everything and I don't want to enable her bad decisions. > > However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want her to be safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want that for herself. > > I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. Voice mail is my friend. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Those are really great ideas RE preventing an elderly person who is no longer capable of driving safely from being able to use their car, , thanks for sharing them! Its scary to think of someone who can't see well, who has a slow reaction time, is experiencing memory loss, possibly, AND is emotionally unstable being behind the wheel. Even in middle age when she could see fine, my nada's hair-trigger temper and rapid mood swings could make her dangerous to herself and others. On a couple of occasions I really thought she was going to kill us both when she was driving while enraged: she'd drive faster and faster, and weave in and out of her lane because she was trying to stare at me as she was screaming at me. At those times her bpd made her as dangerous as a drunk driver, in my opinion. I will be forever grateful that my nada realized on her own that she could no longer see well enough to drive and decided to stop driving voluntarily. That really took a great deal of healthy, mature thinking on her part, and saved Sister in particular from a hideously stressful ordeal that would have ensued if Sister (or I) had had to take the initiative and request nada to stop driving. I hope one of those strategies works for you, before someone gets hurt. -Annie > > I handle five complexes of senior housing for a nursing home and believe me, driving for seniors is a hot button topic. One of the easiest solutions is to simply disable the car by removing something under the hood (sorry, my mainteance guys usually do this for me). Then the family says they don't understand and they'll have to have someone come look at it, but they never do.  Eventually the car gets towed away. >  > Your other choice is contact the local police department, explain the situation and see if they can watch for her. When they pull her over there's a good chance she could get arrested for driving without a license but it probably would get thrown out but there would be a huge fine. Maybe if that happened the judge could order a boot put on it until she has proof of a license and insurance. >  > If you just take it you're right, she'll have your arrested for stealing. Hope this helps. > > > ________________________________ > From: healthyjasmine > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 2:54 PM > Subject: Nada driving illegally > > > >  > > Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV and she was scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three times (claims that her nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's license has been revoked. She lives alone in the suburbs and will not use any of the driving alternatives that I have found for her. > > So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week and told her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get into an accident and even if it wasn't her fault, that her insurance wouldn't cover it and she would have to pay for any damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to be sued, she could lose all she has. > > I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home health aide who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and other errands. But when I told her about the aide, she went into a rage and spewed all the usual things she says when she can't get her way. > > " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live here if I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and spontaneity, if I can't drive I might as well be dead, I've lived too long, I should just kill myself, You are making me ill, is that what you want? " and so on. > > I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just take the car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I take it and I want to know if I can do it legally. She has multiple keys stashed in the house so I can't just take the keys. > > My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are supportive of me but there's not much they can do. They have all told her that she can't drive anymore if her license has been revoked but she ignores them. > > She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for 50+ years) and refers to assisted living or retirement communities as " old age ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles from me but I do as little as possible for her since she fights me on just about everything and I don't want to enable her bad decisions. > > However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want her to be safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want that for herself. > > I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. Voice mail is my friend. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 To disable a vehicle easily without damaging the car, you remove the spark plugs. It's very easy. Just need to pull the wires off and remove with a spark plug wrench. If you tell the auto repairmen the story and that the police are involved they really shouldn't " rescue " her. On Wed, Jul 25, 2012 at 3:37 PM, anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>wrote: > ** > > > Those are really great ideas RE preventing an elderly person who is no > longer capable of driving safely from being able to use their car, , > thanks for sharing them! > > Its scary to think of someone who can't see well, who has a slow reaction > time, is experiencing memory loss, possibly, AND is emotionally unstable > being behind the wheel. > > Even in middle age when she could see fine, my nada's hair-trigger temper > and rapid mood swings could make her dangerous to herself and others. On a > couple of occasions I really thought she was going to kill us both when she > was driving while enraged: she'd drive faster and faster, and weave in and > out of her lane because she was trying to stare at me as she was screaming > at me. At those times her bpd made her as dangerous as a drunk driver, in > my opinion. > > I will be forever grateful that my nada realized on her own that she could > no longer see well enough to drive and decided to stop driving voluntarily. > That really took a great deal of healthy, mature thinking on her part, and > saved Sister in particular from a hideously stressful ordeal that would > have ensued if Sister (or I) had had to take the initiative and request > nada to stop driving. > > I hope one of those strategies works for you, before someone gets hurt. > > -Annie > > > > > > > I handle five complexes of senior housing for a nursing home and believe > me, driving for seniors is a hot button topic. One of the easiest > solutions is to simply disable the car by removing something under the hood > (sorry, my mainteance guys usually do this for me). Then the family says > they don't understand and they'll have to have someone come look at it, but > they never do.  Eventually the car gets towed away. > >  > > Your other choice is contact the local police department, explain the > situation and see if they can watch for her. When they pull her over > there's a good chance she could get arrested for driving without a license > but it probably would get thrown out but there would be a huge fine. > Maybe if that happened the judge could order a boot put on it until she has > proof of a license and insurance. > >  > > If you just take it you're right, she'll have your arrested for > stealing. Hope this helps. > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: healthyjasmine > > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > > Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 2:54 PM > > Subject: Nada driving illegally > > > > > > > >  > > > > Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV and she was > scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three times (claims that her > nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's license has been revoked. She > lives alone in the suburbs and will not use any of the driving alternatives > that I have found for her. > > > > So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week and told > her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get into an accident and > even if it wasn't her fault, that her insurance wouldn't cover it and she > would have to pay for any damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to > be sued, she could lose all she has. > > > > I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home health aide > who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and other errands. But when I > told her about the aide, she went into a rage and spewed all the usual > things she says when she can't get her way. > > > > " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live here if > I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and spontaneity, if I can't drive > I might as well be dead, I've lived too long, I should just kill myself, > You are making me ill, is that what you want? " and so on. > > > > I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just take the > car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I take it and I want to > know if I can do it legally. She has multiple keys stashed in the house so > I can't just take the keys. > > > > My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are supportive of me > but there's not much they can do. They have all told her that she can't > drive anymore if her license has been revoked but she ignores them. > > > > She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for 50+ years) > and refers to assisted living or retirement communities as " old age > ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles from me but I do as little as possible > for her since she fights me on just about everything and I don't want to > enable her bad decisions. > > > > However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want her to be > safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want that for herself. > > > > I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. Voice > mail is my friend. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Unless you own the car or have been appointed as her guardian I don't see how you can legally take the car from her. If she refuses to stop driving despite having lost her license, the best option appears to be calling the local police and telling them she is driving without a license and you're concerned for her safety and that of everyone else on the road. If she still has insurance you might try calling her insurance company too. Where I live, having your insurance cancelled prevents renewing the car's registration. That doesn't stop people from driving but the lack of a valid registration sticker gives the police an obvious reason to stop the car as does the lack of current inspection stickers which can't be gotten without current insurance and registration. My nada chose to stop driving last year and sold her car for $50, after deciding that she has Alzheimer's. (She does not actually seem to have Alzheimer's. Telling people she does gets her a lot of sympathy though.) I'm glad to have her off the road, not because she's incapable of driving but because she's incapable of staying off her cell phone. At 02:54 PM 07/25/2012 healthyjasmine wrote: >Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV >and she was scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three >times (claims that her nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's >license has been revoked. She lives alone in the suburbs and >will not use any of the driving alternatives that I have found >for her. > >So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week >and told her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get >into an accident and even if it wasn't her fault, that her >insurance wouldn't cover it and she would have to pay for any >damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to be sued, she >could lose all she has. > >I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home >health aide who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and >other errands. But when I told her about the aide, she went >into a rage and spewed all the usual things she says when she >can't get her way. > > " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live >here if I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and >spontaneity, if I can't drive I might as well be dead, I've >lived too long, I should just kill myself, You are making me >ill, is that what you want? " and so on. > >I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just >take the car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I >take it and I want to know if I can do it legally. She has >multiple keys stashed in the house so I can't just take the >keys. > >My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are >supportive of me but there's not much they can do. They have >all told her that she can't drive anymore if her license has >been revoked but she ignores them. > >She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for >50+ years) and refers to assisted living or retirement >communities as " old age ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles >from me but I do as little as possible for her since she fights >me on just about everything and I don't want to enable her bad >decisions. > >However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want >her to be safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want >that for herself. > >I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. >Voice mail is my friend. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Can you call the local place and explain that she doesn't have a license and you're trying to prevent her from getting hurt or hurting somebody else?  If she doesn't have a license the police should be willing to help. Or as a last resort, call Adult Protective Services, they have more legal authroity than we do. To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 3:32 PM Subject: Re: Nada driving illegally  Unfortunately, disabling the car probably won't work. When she's had a dead battery or flat tire or other car problem, she calls the local auto place that has maintained her cars for years. They come out the same day and fix it on the spot or tow it, fix it, and return it to her. She really hates the local police department and suspects they turned her into the DMV. I guess that's the best option I've got though. I'll discuss with my siblings. Thank you. > > I handle five complexes of senior housing for a nursing home and believe me, driving for seniors is a hot button topic. One of the easiest solutions is to simply disable the car by removing something under the hood (sorry, my mainteance guys usually do this for me). Then the family says they don't understand and they'll have to have someone come look at it, but they never do.  Eventually the car gets towed away. >  > Your other choice is contact the local police department, explain the situation and see if they can watch for her. When they pull her over there's a good chance she could get arrested for driving without a license but it probably would get thrown out but there would be a huge fine. Maybe if that happened the judge could order a boot put on it until she has proof of a license and insurance. >  > If you just take it you're right, she'll have your arrested for stealing. Hope this helps. > > > ________________________________ > From: healthyjasmine > To: mailto:WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com > Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 2:54 PM > Subject: Nada driving illegally > > > >  > > Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV and she was scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three times (claims that her nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's license has been revoked. She lives alone in the suburbs and will not use any of the driving alternatives that I have found for her. > > So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week and told her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get into an accident and even if it wasn't her fault, that her insurance wouldn't cover it and she would have to pay for any damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to be sued, she could lose all she has. > > I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home health aide who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and other errands. But when I told her about the aide, she went into a rage and spewed all the usual things she says when she can't get her way. > > " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live here if I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and spontaneity, if I can't drive I might as well be dead, I've lived too long, I should just kill myself, You are making me ill, is that what you want? " and so on. > > I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just take the car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I take it and I want to know if I can do it legally. She has multiple keys stashed in the house so I can't just take the keys. > > My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are supportive of me but there's not much they can do. They have all told her that she can't drive anymore if her license has been revoked but she ignores them. > > She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for 50+ years) and refers to assisted living or retirement communities as " old age ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles from me but I do as little as possible for her since she fights me on just about everything and I don't want to enable her bad decisions. > > However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want her to be safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want that for herself. > > I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. Voice mail is my friend. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Katrina, I know it is wrong, but the last sentence you wrote here made me chuckle. C > My nada chose to stop driving last year and sold her car for > $50, after deciding that she has Alzheimer's. (She does not > actually seem to have Alzheimer's. Telling people she does gets > her a lot of sympathy though.) I'm glad to have her off the > road, not because she's incapable of driving but because she's > incapable of staying off her cell phone. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 That's a tough one. My Nada's car sat in her apartment parking lot for several years, tires would get dry rot, battery go dead, because she'd NEVER drive. I take her everywhere. My husband would jump her car off, or bring his air compressor over when her tires would go flat and pump them back up before they'd tow her off again. Oh, according to her everybody in the complex just coveted her parking spot and were just looking for a reason to tow her car! Finally, after two solid years of her car not moving out of the parking spot other than to be towed, tires put on and brought back, the complex was painting their lot and we had to move the car. Which of course meant we were going to have PUSH IT or have it towed because yet again she let the battery go dead and it was too dead to jump off. I told her I couldn't do it anymore. I called one of those " we buy junk cars " places and sold her van for $200. She cried and cried, but said she understood. Now she harrasses me about every two weeks to leave mine or my husband's car for her, and gets irate when I tell NO WAY will I allow her to drive our cars with all the meds she's on! So luckily I don't have the car issue any longer, one of the few things I've stood my ground on. I hope you are able to solve the issue soon. I like the idea of having a boot put on her vehicle because that takes it off of you. Tori > > > > I handle five complexes of senior housing for a nursing home and believe me, driving for seniors is a hot button topic. One of the easiest solutions is to simply disable the car by removing something under the hood (sorry, my mainteance guys usually do this for me). Then the family says they don't understand and they'll have to have someone come look at it, but they never do.  Eventually the car gets towed away. > >  > > Your other choice is contact the local police department, explain the situation and see if they can watch for her. When they pull her over there's a good chance she could get arrested for driving without a license but it probably would get thrown out but there would be a huge fine. Maybe if that happened the judge could order a boot put on it until she has proof of a license and insurance. > >  > > If you just take it you're right, she'll have your arrested for stealing. Hope this helps. > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: healthyjasmine > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > > Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 2:54 PM > > Subject: Nada driving illegally > > > > > > > >  > > > > Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV and she was scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three times (claims that her nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's license has been revoked. She lives alone in the suburbs and will not use any of the driving alternatives that I have found for her. > > > > So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week and told her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get into an accident and even if it wasn't her fault, that her insurance wouldn't cover it and she would have to pay for any damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to be sued, she could lose all she has. > > > > I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home health aide who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and other errands. But when I told her about the aide, she went into a rage and spewed all the usual things she says when she can't get her way. > > > > " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live here if I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and spontaneity, if I can't drive I might as well be dead, I've lived too long, I should just kill myself, You are making me ill, is that what you want? " and so on. > > > > I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just take the car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I take it and I want to know if I can do it legally. She has multiple keys stashed in the house so I can't just take the keys. > > > > My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are supportive of me but there's not much they can do. They have all told her that she can't drive anymore if her license has been revoked but she ignores them. > > > > She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for 50+ years) and refers to assisted living or retirement communities as " old age ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles from me but I do as little as possible for her since she fights me on just about everything and I don't want to enable her bad decisions. > > > > However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want her to be safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want that for herself. > > > > I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. Voice mail is my friend. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2012 Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 I'm surprised the apartment complex allowed it to sit so long. I enforce a 2 month limit, and no cars without current registration or inspections can be there. If we see them we tow them after giving the tenants 48 hours to make other arrangements. Alot of the families would rather I play the heavy so the seniors can hate me and not their daughters. That's ok, that's why I get paid less than most check out cashiers but I normally do enjoy my job! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 9:40 PM Subject: Re: Nada driving illegally  That's a tough one. My Nada's car sat in her apartment parking lot for several years, tires would get dry rot, battery go dead, because she'd NEVER drive. I take her everywhere. My husband would jump her car off, or bring his air compressor over when her tires would go flat and pump them back up before they'd tow her off again. Oh, according to her everybody in the complex just coveted her parking spot and were just looking for a reason to tow her car! Finally, after two solid years of her car not moving out of the parking spot other than to be towed, tires put on and brought back, the complex was painting their lot and we had to move the car. Which of course meant we were going to have PUSH IT or have it towed because yet again she let the battery go dead and it was too dead to jump off. I told her I couldn't do it anymore. I called one of those " we buy junk cars " places and sold her van for $200. She cried and cried, but said she understood. Now she harrasses me about every two weeks to leave mine or my husband's car for her, and gets irate when I tell NO WAY will I allow her to drive our cars with all the meds she's on! So luckily I don't have the car issue any longer, one of the few things I've stood my ground on. I hope you are able to solve the issue soon. I like the idea of having a boot put on her vehicle because that takes it off of you. Tori > > > > I handle five complexes of senior housing for a nursing home and believe me, driving for seniors is a hot button topic. One of the easiest solutions is to simply disable the car by removing something under the hood (sorry, my mainteance guys usually do this for me). Then the family says they don't understand and they'll have to have someone come look at it, but they never do.  Eventually the car gets towed away. > >  > > Your other choice is contact the local police department, explain the situation and see if they can watch for her. When they pull her over there's a good chance she could get arrested for driving without a license but it probably would get thrown out but there would be a huge fine. Maybe if that happened the judge could order a boot put on it until she has proof of a license and insurance. > >  > > If you just take it you're right, she'll have your arrested for stealing. Hope this helps. > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: healthyjasmine > > To: mailto:WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com > > Sent: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 2:54 PM > > Subject: Nada driving illegally > > > > > > > >  > > > > Last year, someone turned in my 80-something nada to the DMV and she was scheduled for a driving test. She has failed three times (claims that her nerves overwhelmed her) and her driver's license has been revoked. She lives alone in the suburbs and will not use any of the driving alternatives that I have found for her. > > > > So she is driving illegally. I talked to her about it last week and told her she is taking a terrible risk. If she were to get into an accident and even if it wasn't her fault, that her insurance wouldn't cover it and she would have to pay for any damages or (god forbid) injuries. If she were to be sued, she could lose all she has. > > > > I thought I had gotten through to her and lined up a home health aide who can take her to the store, hairdresser, and other errands. But when I told her about the aide, she went into a rage and spewed all the usual things she says when she can't get her way. > > > > " YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I have to be able to drive, I can't live here if I don't drive, I have to have my freedom and spontaneity, if I can't drive I might as well be dead, I've lived too long, I should just kill myself, You are making me ill, is that what you want? " and so on. > > > > I'm making an appointment with an attorney to see if I can just take the car. She wouldn't hesitate to call the police if I take it and I want to know if I can do it legally. She has multiple keys stashed in the house so I can't just take the keys. > > > > My siblings live thousands of miles away and they are supportive of me but there's not much they can do. They have all told her that she can't drive anymore if her license has been revoked but she ignores them. > > > > She refuses to move out of her house (where she has lived for 50+ years) and refers to assisted living or retirement communities as " old age ghettos " . She's only about 30 miles from me but I do as little as possible for her since she fights me on just about everything and I don't want to enable her bad decisions. > > > > However, I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I want her to be safe. It's probably impossible if she doesn't want that for herself. > > > > I dread the phone and never answer a number I don't recognize. Voice mail is my friend. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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