anybody had success with EMDR?

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I'm writing here for my husband, well for me too...we're in this together.

He is severely traumatized by the circumstances of both his upbringing and

very sad things in the last two years since we began our path towards NC

with his abusive father and enabling/covertly abusive mom.

He's scared a lot. Of people. He's traumatized and avoids conflict at any

cost, including his ability to be honest, because what he doesn't want to

have happen is to be yelled at, told he is bad. Even if he knows people

don't have the right...he literally can't handle it. Forget establishing

boundaries, or pushing back when they are violated. That is uncharted

territory for him, although he wishes he had the skills.

Can anyone share their experience with EMDR as a way to re-process

traumatizing memories? In his case it's the times his Dad yelled...so

loud, soo so loud that it makes you dissociate, float away into another

place. Very frightening. I have experienced it twice. But I didn't have

to grow up with it.

He's done therapy and self- help books. But he has PTSD (was diagnosed by

a therapist). And EMDR is mentioned as a possible aid in overcoming PTSD.

I'd love to hear from you all. Thank you all for your courage and for

sharing so much support here.

P.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I don't have experience with EMDR specifically, but I do know about recovering

from trauma in general both personally and professionally.

In general it is the relationship a trauma survivor has with the therapist that

matters most compared to type of therapy.

I know all about dissociation. I've done it so much I'm an expert.

I'm so sorry he and you are going through this. Keep writing here. You will

find it will be a really big part of recovering for both of you.

HC

>

> Hello,

>

> I'm writing here for my husband, well for me too...we're in this together.

> He is severely traumatized by the circumstances of both his upbringing and

> very sad things in the last two years since we began our path towards NC

> with his abusive father and enabling/covertly abusive mom.

>

> He's scared a lot. Of people. He's traumatized and avoids conflict at any

> cost, including his ability to be honest, because what he doesn't want to

> have happen is to be yelled at, told he is bad. Even if he knows people

> don't have the right...he literally can't handle it. Forget establishing

> boundaries, or pushing back when they are violated. That is uncharted

> territory for him, although he wishes he had the skills.

>

> Can anyone share their experience with EMDR as a way to re-process

> traumatizing memories? In his case it's the times his Dad yelled...so

> loud, soo so loud that it makes you dissociate, float away into another

> place. Very frightening. I have experienced it twice. But I didn't have

> to grow up with it.

>

> He's done therapy and self- help books. But he has PTSD (was diagnosed by

> a therapist). And EMDR is mentioned as a possible aid in overcoming PTSD.

>

> I'd love to hear from you all. Thank you all for your courage and for

> sharing so much support here.

>

> P.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi P,

Is your husband currently in therapy? An important first step of resolving

complicated traumatic experiences like your husband's is establishing adequate

safety and support for oneself. This needs to be done before the individual can

work more directly on trauma. NC is probably an important piece of this for

your husband (although it's probably also triggering an upsurge in trauma

symptoms). Building skills to cope with the intense emotions associated with

trauma is also important so there is internal safety. It doesn't sound like

your husband is probably ready to approach the trauma memories directly yet.

Healing from such intense and early trauma can be a long and frustrating

process, but it's well worth it.

I wish you both all the best in this!

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

Hi P,

Your husband sounds a lot like me--and his dad sounds a lot like my dad.

I've been able to improve my ability to handle conflict. Sort of. I still

try to avoid conflicts, and yes, I used to tell little white lies a lot

just to " keep the peace " and avoid conflict. I still continually battle my

desire to lie in order to avoid being yelled at or told I'm no good. I'm

getting better, I think. The only difference between him and me is that I'm

rather stubborn. I hate pushing back when people violate my boundaries, but

there comes a point where something needs to give...and I will make that

change. I refuse to be hurt by my parents anymore, and so when they kept

abusing the flexible boundaries I had, I had enough. And I am so stubborn

that I don't want my parents to " ruin " my life. It would be like a " win "

for fada and my enabling mom, and I refuse to give them that so-called

victory.

So, with that in mind--EMDR did help me. The whole purpose of it is to help

keep you grounded in the present while you're re-processing the past.

I did the eye-movement thing with a previous therapist--and it was so

annoying because it was really hard to remember things when I had to

constantly follow my therapist's finger. It works for some people, but it

was annoying for me.

My current therapist uses these battery-powered " tappers " that I hold in my

hand, and they alternately vibrate--it's a less intrusive way of keeping me

grounded, and I found it helped better. We tried to have me tap my toes on

the floor, or my hands on my leg, but I could never keep the beat steady.

That's where the battery powered tapper comes in handy.

But yes, EMDR helped, though I had to do something different than the

eye-movement part for me.

I hope this helps

Holly

> **

>

>

> Hello,

>

> I'm writing here for my husband, well for me too...we're in this together.

> He is severely traumatized by the circumstances of both his upbringing and

> very sad things in the last two years since we began our path towards NC

> with his abusive father and enabling/covertly abusive mom.

>

> He's scared a lot. Of people. He's traumatized and avoids conflict at any

> cost, including his ability to be honest, because what he doesn't want to

> have happen is to be yelled at, told he is bad. Even if he knows people

> don't have the right...he literally can't handle it. Forget establishing

> boundaries, or pushing back when they are violated. That is uncharted

> territory for him, although he wishes he had the skills.

>

> Can anyone share their experience with EMDR as a way to re-process

> traumatizing memories? In his case it's the times his Dad yelled...so

> loud, soo so loud that it makes you dissociate, float away into another

> place. Very frightening. I have experienced it twice. But I didn't have

> to grow up with it.

>

> He's done therapy and self- help books. But he has PTSD (was diagnosed by

> a therapist). And EMDR is mentioned as a possible aid in overcoming PTSD.

>

> I'd love to hear from you all. Thank you all for your courage and for

> sharing so much support here.

>

> P.

>

>