I'm sure this will all sound familiar....

[Guest guest]

I'm sure this will all sound familiar, and I'll spare you all a lot of the

details, because frankly, after reading so many stories here that I could've

written myself, and after reading UTBM and SWOE, I am absolutely certain I have

a queen/witch nada. I also have a dad that I love with all my heart, but he

supports her without fail and without regard to logic. She poisons him and he

gulps it down like an obedient child. What I'm not sure of is if he's doing it

because he believes her rhetoric regarding the lousy human I am or if he just

tries to keep peace in his own world. He's been ignoring me for weeks now even

though there was no trigger between he and I. And it's killing me. Although

this time, he has not made any demand of me, ala " do X, Y, or Z....But make this

right with your mother or else.... " Yet, anyway... I am the oldest of three

children and looking back have always born the brunt of her BP. My younger

sister is the golden child. She is 25 and has been completely dependent on my

parents her entire life and seems content to stay that way. She has recently

recruited her good friends (who worship my nada) into the me-bashing. In turn,

they have begun to fabricate lies to tell me nada. " She did this and that?...Can

you believe that?! " to them, it's just entertainment. They don't realize that my

mother is sick. But these lies have resulted in this latest round of BS and

culminated in her screaming at me about the alleged behavior in front of my

children and a house full of holiday guests. Perhaps that was the straw....but

this situation just takes the cake. Currently, I am the worst humna being I have

ever been according to her. But anyway....I know she's crazy and I can't change

her. She's been through half a dozen therapists and claims no one will give her

a diagnosis. I suspect either they really haven't because professionally they

don't believe in revealing BPD to their patients, or they have revealed it and

she left them citing crackpottedness. Either way, it doesnt matter. I've

accepted who she is. I've dealt with the flying monkeys she sends to tell me

what I'm doing wrong and how can I do this to my own mother. I've been NC with

her before, and I'm considering making NC permanent. Im currently NC with my

sister as well. But there's the matter of my daddy. I miss him so much. He and

I are so much alike. I really feel like I could explain mom's illness to him and

lay the pieces of the puzzle out there for him and have him make sense of it. I

just don't know how to have that conversation with him and I can't find a book

with any specific advice and how to clue him in. And there's my kids. They

ADORE her. And she's good to them. I told myself I wouldn't keep them from her

because I wasn't interested in punishing her. As much as her behavior hurts me,

I know she can't help it and I forgave her a long time ago. But I've got to find

a way to exist myself. Because I refuse to just be her punching bag any longer.

I have a wonderful husband and a handful of friends that " get it " . For them I am

grateful, because they are the ones that re-validate me after she's torn me

down. Sorry if this is vague and disjointed.....I'm really hoping someone has a

success story about their Non BP but clearly enmeshed father. Because I think if

I have to live my life without my daddy it's going to be more heartbreaking than

anything my mother could dish out,