follow up question on EMDR/ therapist trust issues/meeting in person question

July 29, 2012

Thanks for the replies on EMDR. I still feel like I need to understand

what is going on with EMDR...my husband already went to a therapist who

supposedly did EMDR, but it was this elusive thing and they kept getting

sidetracked, my husband would get emotional and angry and then the EMDR

would stop.

The therapist claimed it would take 2 sessions. My husband met with him

about weekly for about 6 months, without really having any real EMDR. He'd

hold the battery things but then somehow EMDR wouldn't happen. The

therapist gave him the idea that it was elusive, like a butterfly that

descends when it is ready. It started to feel like a hoax.

My sense is that this therapist didn't know what he was doing. What do you

guys think?

A question. Is EMDR supposed to be about holding the battery tappers and

then talking about a traumatic memory, and then some how it makes the

memory less painful?

My guess is that my husband is still terrified of the shouting and threats

he received. As a result, learning to establish boundaries is way too

scary to contemplate. My hope is that EMDR could address the fears, so

that he could go on to believe he could establish boundaries without facing

threats and retaliation and violence.

Another question--have any of you gotten to a point where you don't believe

or trust therapist to truly care or be helpful? My husband is not very

willing to try therapy again. He's been to two in the past 2 years, both

of whom seemed eventually to not be equipped to address his issues.

Unfortunately, sometimes when a therapist can't help, they act like it's

your fault. There was a subtext of judgement, or the message like maybe

you don't want to get well, you're not trying hard enough. When the truth

is they weren't really asking the questions. They were making assumptions

about his situation when in fact it was much worse.

I want to find a therapist who specializes in severely traumatized

individuals, one who knows that just because this wasn't caused by

war/rape/sexual abuse doesn't mean it's not incredibly delicate.

I'm looking into therapists who specialize and are trained in EMDR. But I

want to screen them. I can't ask my husband to put himself into their

hands before we identify if they are very experienced and sensitive to his

situation!!

Thanks for any and all input. I appreciate this so much.

Also, have any of you ever tried to meet in person? I don't know if this

is taboo, but I have an urge to ask if anyone lives in our region, someone

who could say, " I've been there, I'm getting better. " Someone to be a

mentor. I think my husband doesn't even believe it can actually get

better.

Thanks again! I feel like I'm asking for a lot. We have good days and bad

and today is definitely a bad one. I do'nt really have much support, aside

from seeing a therapist myself. I try to be there for him but soemtimes I

just want to get out of the house and go have fun. Honestly right now I

don't have any fun in me. I have things I normally would want to do but I

feel dead inside when he gets this bad.

July 29, 2012

Yes, you are right; its an excellent idea to search for a therapist who actually

specializes in trauma recovery, and yes, its OK to interview a psychologist

over the phone and/or in person. Feeling confidence in one's therapist,

feeling that the therapist understands your issues and has experience helping

others recover from those issues, and feeling a sense of trust in the therapist

and the therapy process is a crucial part of healing.

In my post #141884 I referred to a seminal book on ptsd called " " Trauma and

Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror "

Judith L. Herman, M.D. and I posted a link to a website about recovering from

ptsd that I think had some good information that may be relevant to you/your

husband.

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> Thanks for the replies on EMDR. I still feel like I need to understand

> what is going on with EMDR...my husband already went to a therapist who

> supposedly did EMDR, but it was this elusive thing and they kept getting

> sidetracked, my husband would get emotional and angry and then the EMDR

> would stop.

>

> The therapist claimed it would take 2 sessions. My husband met with him

> about weekly for about 6 months, without really having any real EMDR. He'd

> hold the battery things but then somehow EMDR wouldn't happen. The

> therapist gave him the idea that it was elusive, like a butterfly that

> descends when it is ready. It started to feel like a hoax.

>

> My sense is that this therapist didn't know what he was doing. What do you

> guys think?

>

> A question. Is EMDR supposed to be about holding the battery tappers and

> then talking about a traumatic memory, and then some how it makes the

> memory less painful?

>

> My guess is that my husband is still terrified of the shouting and threats

> he received. As a result, learning to establish boundaries is way too

> scary to contemplate. My hope is that EMDR could address the fears, so

> that he could go on to believe he could establish boundaries without facing

> threats and retaliation and violence.

>

> Another question--have any of you gotten to a point where you don't believe

> or trust therapist to truly care or be helpful? My husband is not very

> willing to try therapy again. He's been to two in the past 2 years, both

> of whom seemed eventually to not be equipped to address his issues.

> Unfortunately, sometimes when a therapist can't help, they act like it's

> your fault. There was a subtext of judgement, or the message like maybe

> you don't want to get well, you're not trying hard enough. When the truth

> is they weren't really asking the questions. They were making assumptions

> about his situation when in fact it was much worse.

>

> I want to find a therapist who specializes in severely traumatized

> individuals, one who knows that just because this wasn't caused by

> war/rape/sexual abuse doesn't mean it's not incredibly delicate.

>

> I'm looking into therapists who specialize and are trained in EMDR. But I

> want to screen them. I can't ask my husband to put himself into their

> hands before we identify if they are very experienced and sensitive to his

> situation!!

>

> Thanks for any and all input. I appreciate this so much.

>

> Also, have any of you ever tried to meet in person? I don't know if this

> is taboo, but I have an urge to ask if anyone lives in our region, someone

> who could say, " I've been there, I'm getting better. " Someone to be a

> mentor. I think my husband doesn't even believe it can actually get

> better.

>

> Thanks again! I feel like I'm asking for a lot. We have good days and bad

> and today is definitely a bad one. I do'nt really have much support, aside

> from seeing a therapist myself. I try to be there for him but soemtimes I

> just want to get out of the house and go have fun. Honestly right now I

> don't have any fun in me. I have things I normally would want to do but I

> feel dead inside when he gets this bad.

>

July 29, 2012