Re: introduction

[Guest guest]

Welcome! And hugs. I just wish I could give you a hug in real life. I

felt like I was reading parts of my own journal during your post. I am

trying to find a room to rent for me and my dog, but I am terrified I will

find a similar or worse situation.

Now here is the part were I get to put on my witch's hat. After a botched

suicide attempt (which my nada and fada refuse to acknowledge) I was forced

to see a councilor by my family. I did not want to go because I had this

ingrained fear that I was crazy and was going to be locked away. My nada

always made me feel that I belonged in an asylum. The councilor locked on

to my disassociation periods when things were " bad at home " and had me

checked for various psychological issues. Much to everyone's surprise I

was relatively sane. Why am I telling you this, dear? I wasn't ready to

get help. I was terrified that the help I needed was going to lock me

away. Being an adult I know that is silly now, but sometimes those

childhood fears just can make me totally illogical. I wasn't ready and it

triggered me. It kept me from getting help for many years. I cannot

imagine how difficult it is for you to sit there and watch this go down,

but I am sure that your patience will be well rewarded. Until then, you

have us to chat with.

S-J

> **

>

>

> Hi,

>

> I've been feeling I should introduce myself, although it's just very

> overwhelming.

>

> Once I started to write an introductory post and wound up writing a 10 page

> document. Too much information! I know you all get it which is what

> really matters. And you've been wonderful with what you've shared.

>

> I've posted a couple of times about my husband, who is about 1 year NC with

> his emotionally abusive mother and one sister, and more aggressive,

> threatening, verbally abusive father and other sister. I guess his Dad

> falls into BPD territory with narcissistic tendencies, although his mom is

> kind of narcissistic. They are both upstanding citizens, very covertly

> abusive, able to condition you to relinquish your right to think well of

> yourself. (They repeatedly mocked DH's creative ventures, which could be

> why he is not a musician or acting today. He went to school for visual

> art. They minimized actions of people who emotionally abused and ridiculed

> DH, pressured him to be polite to them.)

>

> Spend enough time with that family and you'll on some level believe you are

> a very bad person. They were trying to get me to enter the family dynamic.

> My training had begun. Honestly it worked on me some b/c I always feel

> like an outsider so my first response is always, oh, they must be right...I

> should defer to them.

>

> But with time we started to see that this was not something sustainable. So

> we drew boundaries, which were trampled...and then we made bigger

> boundaries. It escalated to NC very quickly once we drew boundaries.

> Boundaries are intolerable to this enmeshed family in which everyone owes

> everyone else. Fortunately, we do not owe them money.

>

> I wrote recently asking about EMDR. Thanks for the replies.

>

> I also wrote to an individual describing how being a renter is a trigger

> for DH. I wonder if anyone else can relate to this. It's a vulnerable

> feeling to be living in someone else's house, even if we are paying rent

> and have legal posession of the house for the duration of the lease. What

> if the landlord bullies us when we point out things we don't like that he

> does. Fear of being bullied so we go back to being good submissive

> tenants. I could go into more detail.

>

> I am seeing a therapist myself. Life here can be unbearable at times. I

> am off for the summer (I teach). Dh is not working. He gets upset about

> things and goes off on them, venting and talking about how angry they make

> him, for hours. Or it turns into memories of family and how cruel they've

> been.

>

> I want him to get back into therapy, but i have this feeling like 1

> hour/week is not enough. He needs many hours per week. Intensive therapy.

> An immersion into individual and group therapy...classes on self-defense...

>

> I don't want to pressure him to go to a therapist, because then it's for

> me. I guess I have to learn to just take care of myself, which may mean

> distancing myself when necessary, and let him work it out on his own some

> days. Today was like that. I just went out. I didn't feel bad, either.

>

> Have any of you struggled with not wanting to see a therapist? Any

> insights you can share?

>

> Thanks...sorry for the aimless rambling. this is why i postponed the

> introduction. I hope it's ok that I'm in here on my dh's behalf. I don't

> know of a spouses of children of bpd parents group...at least yet. Someone

> please tell me it's ok for me to be here? Tears are always near the

> surface.

>

> P/Fern

>

>