So Dad tells me I was abused...

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone

I've had such a rollercoaster last few weeks and I needed to share with

some people who understand.

I saw my Dad a few weeks ago for the first time in about 7 years. He and my

BPD Mum split and he moved to Russia. Mum then painted him as the " bad

guy " . Now I'm an adult I'm starting to see things objectively and decided

to resume contact. He clearly fits the stereotype of the narcissist father

who marries a BPD woman. Anyway, he told me a lot of interesting things

about my Waif who I guess is actually a Waif/Witch.

He said that she:

- abused me when I was few months old (throwing me hard onto the ground)

- threatened to cut my brother with a razor when he was about 3 years old

- tried to kill him several times, including when I was home and once out

on the street

- would make a scene, screaming at my Dad until I would start to break

down, once to point that I almost stopped breathing (this was when I was a

few months old).

I believe he is telling the truth because a lot of other things he brought

up I realised I had forgotten/blocked out. He also waited until I had

already decided to go NC with my mother and talk to him, when he could have

mentioned it earlier to get me onto his " side " .

Today, my mother's sister email me (I think my mother put her up to it)

telling me my mother loves me and I should forgive her and she just wants

what is best for me. She also said that I would be happier when in contact

with her. After I explained about why I don't want to talk to my mother at

the moment (didn't mention BPD as I don't want that to get back to my Mum

but just mentioned some of awful things Mum has said to me over the years)

I suddenly get 2 missed calls from my mother (for the first time since I

went NC in December last year) and my partner gets a call which he answered

as he didn't know it was her. So now my partner has to deal with my Mum

crying on the phone to him, asking to speak to me, telling me she loves me,

etc. I know she only called because her sister reported back to her.

I just feel so angry that my boundaries are violated and that someone would

TELL ME what I should do and that I should forgive her. Also trying to come

to grips with the fact that I was physically abused, but I can't remember

it at all. I've read about so much violence inflicted by BPD parents but

it's weird to think of me as a baby being abused like that.

Sorry to dump it all, I just needed to vent with others who understand!

[Guest guest]

So typical of a nada to involve others.  You have to do what's best for you and

not anybody else. sorry you're dealing with all of this

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, August 2, 2012 7:42 AM

Subject: So Dad tells me I was abused...

 

Hi everyone

I've had such a rollercoaster last few weeks and I needed to share with

some people who understand.

I saw my Dad a few weeks ago for the first time in about 7 years. He and my

BPD Mum split and he moved to Russia. Mum then painted him as the " bad

guy " . Now I'm an adult I'm starting to see things objectively and decided

to resume contact. He clearly fits the stereotype of the narcissist father

who marries a BPD woman. Anyway, he told me a lot of interesting things

about my Waif who I guess is actually a Waif/Witch.

He said that she:

- abused me when I was few months old (throwing me hard onto the ground)

- threatened to cut my brother with a razor when he was about 3 years old

- tried to kill him several times, including when I was home and once out

on the street

- would make a scene, screaming at my Dad until I would start to break

down, once to point that I almost stopped breathing (this was when I was a

few months old).

I believe he is telling the truth because a lot of other things he brought

up I realised I had forgotten/blocked out. He also waited until I had

already decided to go NC with my mother and talk to him, when he could have

mentioned it earlier to get me onto his " side " .

Today, my mother's sister email me (I think my mother put her up to it)

telling me my mother loves me and I should forgive her and she just wants

what is best for me. She also said that I would be happier when in contact

with her. After I explained about why I don't want to talk to my mother at

the moment (didn't mention BPD as I don't want that to get back to my Mum

but just mentioned some of awful things Mum has said to me over the years)

I suddenly get 2 missed calls from my mother (for the first time since I

went NC in December last year) and my partner gets a call which he answered

as he didn't know it was her. So now my partner has to deal with my Mum

crying on the phone to him, asking to speak to me, telling me she loves me,

etc. I know she only called because her sister reported back to her.

I just feel so angry that my boundaries are violated and that someone would

TELL ME what I should do and that I should forgive her. Also trying to come

to grips with the fact that I was physically abused, but I can't remember

it at all. I've read about so much violence inflicted by BPD parents but

it's weird to think of me as a baby being abused like that.

Sorry to dump it all, I just needed to vent with others who understand!

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

What did it make you remember?

It is hard to put these pieces together in one's mind for some reason. I don't

actually believe anything my parents have said about anything anymore. They are

completely unreliable informants--if I didn't see it, the jury is out on what

really happened.

What your father describes does sound like par for the course for a bpd parent.

My mother abused me as an infant as well. I just recall recoiling.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

((((()))))

That's a lot of shocking, negative stuff to be hearing from your n-dad, it must

feel like getting punched in the stomach. And like a roller-coaster, too.

As Doug would say, be gentle with yourself as you process all this new

information (new to your conscious mind, anyway.)

Me personally, I think working through this with a therapist, if you have a

really good one who specializes in trauma recovery, would be so helpful.

I'm guessing you are feeling torn in two, confused, angry, and hurt, and like

your parents are trying to hurt each other through you; sort of the way most

minor children feel when their parents are divorcing: a psychological nightmare

for kids.

In any case, I hope you will do what you need to do to gain more peace and

healing for yourself, whether that's staying in No Contact with either or both

of your parents, or not, or seeing a therapist, or not. Its about what you need

now, not what they need.

ly, in my opinion, neither one of your parents sounds like they were

mentally healthy enough to have been parenting minor children, to me. If even

*half* of what your npd dad is saying is true *then he is equally to blame for

not rescuing you* from a mother who was so blatantly, extremely emotionally

abusive and physically DANGEROUS to her own children. Jeez, Louise.

Just my two cent's worth. No child deserves that kind of treatment from her own

freaking parents; no innocent, helpless, abjectly dependent little child

deserves that.

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone

>

> I've had such a rollercoaster last few weeks and I needed to share with

> some people who understand.

>

> I saw my Dad a few weeks ago for the first time in about 7 years. He and my

> BPD Mum split and he moved to Russia. Mum then painted him as the " bad

> guy " . Now I'm an adult I'm starting to see things objectively and decided

> to resume contact. He clearly fits the stereotype of the narcissist father

> who marries a BPD woman. Anyway, he told me a lot of interesting things

> about my Waif who I guess is actually a Waif/Witch.

>

> He said that she:

> - abused me when I was few months old (throwing me hard onto the ground)

> - threatened to cut my brother with a razor when he was about 3 years old

> - tried to kill him several times, including when I was home and once out

> on the street

> - would make a scene, screaming at my Dad until I would start to break

> down, once to point that I almost stopped breathing (this was when I was a

> few months old).

>

> I believe he is telling the truth because a lot of other things he brought

> up I realised I had forgotten/blocked out. He also waited until I had

> already decided to go NC with my mother and talk to him, when he could have

> mentioned it earlier to get me onto his " side " .

>

> Today, my mother's sister email me (I think my mother put her up to it)

> telling me my mother loves me and I should forgive her and she just wants

> what is best for me. She also said that I would be happier when in contact

> with her. After I explained about why I don't want to talk to my mother at

> the moment (didn't mention BPD as I don't want that to get back to my Mum

> but just mentioned some of awful things Mum has said to me over the years)

> I suddenly get 2 missed calls from my mother (for the first time since I

> went NC in December last year) and my partner gets a call which he answered

> as he didn't know it was her. So now my partner has to deal with my Mum

> crying on the phone to him, asking to speak to me, telling me she loves me,

> etc. I know she only called because her sister reported back to her.

>

> I just feel so angry that my boundaries are violated and that someone would

> TELL ME what I should do and that I should forgive her. Also trying to come

> to grips with the fact that I was physically abused, but I can't remember

> it at all. I've read about so much violence inflicted by BPD parents but

> it's weird to think of me as a baby being abused like that.

>

> Sorry to dump it all, I just needed to vent with others who understand!

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I too have a bpmom/nada

and have just started seeking therapy and it is helping me tremendously. Nada

still uses her sister, my aunt, to contact me though. she's been telling me that

the whole family is ashamed of how i am acting (b/c i haven't spoken with nada

in months) and that maybe nada " love me too much and cared too much " to try to

guilt me into talking to nada again.

It's a rough road ahead but it sounds like you've got your feet on the ground

and are proactive about finding answers--good for you!

Hang in there and know that you aren't alone and it's time to work on YOU.

-sammy

>

> Hi everyone

>

> I've had such a rollercoaster last few weeks and I needed to share with

> some people who understand.

>

> I saw my Dad a few weeks ago for the first time in about 7 years. He and my

> BPD Mum split and he moved to Russia. Mum then painted him as the " bad

> guy " . Now I'm an adult I'm starting to see things objectively and decided

> to resume contact. He clearly fits the stereotype of the narcissist father

> who marries a BPD woman. Anyway, he told me a lot of interesting things

> about my Waif who I guess is actually a Waif/Witch.

>

> He said that she:

> - abused me when I was few months old (throwing me hard onto the ground)

> - threatened to cut my brother with a razor when he was about 3 years old

> - tried to kill him several times, including when I was home and once out

> on the street

> - would make a scene, screaming at my Dad until I would start to break

> down, once to point that I almost stopped breathing (this was when I was a

> few months old).

>

> I believe he is telling the truth because a lot of other things he brought

> up I realised I had forgotten/blocked out. He also waited until I had

> already decided to go NC with my mother and talk to him, when he could have

> mentioned it earlier to get me onto his " side " .

>

> Today, my mother's sister email me (I think my mother put her up to it)

> telling me my mother loves me and I should forgive her and she just wants

> what is best for me. She also said that I would be happier when in contact

> with her. After I explained about why I don't want to talk to my mother at

> the moment (didn't mention BPD as I don't want that to get back to my Mum

> but just mentioned some of awful things Mum has said to me over the years)

> I suddenly get 2 missed calls from my mother (for the first time since I

> went NC in December last year) and my partner gets a call which he answered

> as he didn't know it was her. So now my partner has to deal with my Mum

> crying on the phone to him, asking to speak to me, telling me she loves me,

> etc. I know she only called because her sister reported back to her.

>

> I just feel so angry that my boundaries are violated and that someone would

> TELL ME what I should do and that I should forgive her. Also trying to come

> to grips with the fact that I was physically abused, but I can't remember

> it at all. I've read about so much violence inflicted by BPD parents but

> it's weird to think of me as a baby being abused like that.

>

> Sorry to dump it all, I just needed to vent with others who understand!

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for your replies, it really helps me so so much to feel

like others understand this.

Ash - I don't remember ever being physically abused myself but I do

remember my mother and father being physically violent with each other so

it seems to fit and make sense in my head.

Annie - Thanks for your advice, I have been thinking about seeing my

therapist as even last night I had another nightmare about this...in it my

mother was squeezing me and not letting me go. Seems to fit! Yes, the

realisation that my father allowed me to stay with her once he witnessed

this physical abuse is quite difficult for me to deal with. Sometimes I

feel like I'm not depressed enough to see my therapist - I feel like I have

issues to sort through since these revelations though so I guess that is

enough.

Sammy - Thanks for the support. Wow, it sounds like your aunt is being

really horrible! I stopped replying to mine because she just wasn't getting

the message. It hurts so much to hear this stuff from your own family,

doesn't it? I hope you are finding others who love and can respect and

accept the choices you make for own health and protection!

Much love to everyone on this group because I don't have anyone else who I

can relate to about this stuff.

xx

> **

>

>

>

>

>

> So sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I too have a

> bpmom/nada and have just started seeking therapy and it is helping me

> tremendously. Nada still uses her sister, my aunt, to contact me though.

> she's been telling me that the whole family is ashamed of how i am acting

> (b/c i haven't spoken with nada in months) and that maybe nada " love me too

> much and cared too much " to try to guilt me into talking to nada again.

>

> It's a rough road ahead but it sounds like you've got your feet on the

> ground and are proactive about finding answers--good for you!

>

> Hang in there and know that you aren't alone and it's time to work on YOU.

>

> -sammy

>

>

> >

> > Hi everyone

> >

> > I've had such a rollercoaster last few weeks and I needed to share with

> > some people who understand.

> >

> > I saw my Dad a few weeks ago for the first time in about 7 years. He and

> my

> > BPD Mum split and he moved to Russia. Mum then painted him as the " bad

> > guy " . Now I'm an adult I'm starting to see things objectively and decided

> > to resume contact. He clearly fits the stereotype of the narcissist

> father

> > who marries a BPD woman. Anyway, he told me a lot of interesting things

> > about my Waif who I guess is actually a Waif/Witch.

> >

> > He said that she:

> > - abused me when I was few months old (throwing me hard onto the ground)

> > - threatened to cut my brother with a razor when he was about 3 years old

> > - tried to kill him several times, including when I was home and once out

> > on the street

> > - would make a scene, screaming at my Dad until I would start to break

> > down, once to point that I almost stopped breathing (this was when I was

> a

> > few months old).

> >

> > I believe he is telling the truth because a lot of other things he

> brought

> > up I realised I had forgotten/blocked out. He also waited until I had

> > already decided to go NC with my mother and talk to him, when he could

> have

> > mentioned it earlier to get me onto his " side " .

> >

> > Today, my mother's sister email me (I think my mother put her up to it)

> > telling me my mother loves me and I should forgive her and she just wants

> > what is best for me. She also said that I would be happier when in

> contact

> > with her. After I explained about why I don't want to talk to my mother

> at

> > the moment (didn't mention BPD as I don't want that to get back to my Mum

> > but just mentioned some of awful things Mum has said to me over the

> years)

> > I suddenly get 2 missed calls from my mother (for the first time since I

> > went NC in December last year) and my partner gets a call which he

> answered

> > as he didn't know it was her. So now my partner has to deal with my Mum

> > crying on the phone to him, asking to speak to me, telling me she loves

> me,

> > etc. I know she only called because her sister reported back to her.

> >

> > I just feel so angry that my boundaries are violated and that someone

> would

> > TELL ME what I should do and that I should forgive her. Also trying to

> come

> > to grips with the fact that I was physically abused, but I can't remember

> > it at all. I've read about so much violence inflicted by BPD parents but

> > it's weird to think of me as a baby being abused like that.

> >

> > Sorry to dump it all, I just needed to vent with others who understand!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >