Guest guest Posted August 4, 2012 Report Share Posted August 4, 2012 So, I am trying to go to visit my hometown of Boston because I am in school in a different state. I decided that I would go the weekend after my birthday, see a ballet, visit friends, etc. Enter the personality disorder. The person in question is writing a murder mystery romance novel series. One book has the sleuths going to Boston for a weekend and basically not doing much other than see the suburbs and argue with a family member. My npd has decided she needs to research on site. What exactly she needs to research is beyond me, but she announced to everyone that I had invited her to go to Boston with me in december for research and ballet. No matter that she invited herself to my vacation, I decided that it would be fun to show her around the place I grew up. I have done so much to accommodate the twit. I changed the dates to when would be best for her. Knowing that she is supposedly low on money, i made contact with a good friend who has a guest room and is only happy to let us visit. (npd here has lived off the state for four years because she gets panic attacks when asked to do her job and instead stays at home, buying stuff on the Internet, playing with her kitties and whining when her stepdad questions her lack of doing anything with her life. She stays on her support checks by going off medication the days before her interview so she can have withdrawal symptoms and look crazy enough to need to stay home with her kittiiiiiies. Her mother is in charge of her money and they have very forward-thinking ideas of how her disability money should be used. For example, it can be used for work, therefore she uses it for a new laptop, a trip to Ireland, a new purse to put her new laptop and smartPhone in,. I have a netbook, went to Ireland for a week and have an iPhone, but I work 40 hours a week for all of that.) Anyway. So yesterday she sends me a text saying she wants me to extend the trip for a few days because there's no reason to not go to NYC. I said no. She then yells at me for changing her plans to make the trip about what I want. Well, gee, it's my trip! And I have cleared 3 out of four days to help her research. So I finally told her that I don't think it a good idea to mix her research and this trip. I told her we could have a separate trip, maybe when she's actually working on that book? Screw her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2012 Report Share Posted August 4, 2012 Why do you engage with this person? Does she have something you need? Take care, Ashana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2012 Report Share Posted August 4, 2012 Kudos to you for putting a stop to being treated like a doormat by this individual. I'm not a psychologist but the behaviors you described sound a lot like narcissistic pd to me; mainly its that sense of entitlement and the grandiosity. So, good on you for recognizing this treatment as *being exploited* by someone who feels entitled to treat you like a servant (make that " slave " ; she's not paying you, I'm guessing) instead of a friend. Standing up for yourself as you did will likely earn you a long period of frozen No Contact with this pushy individual; me personally, I'd consider that a bonus. -Annie > > So, I am trying to go to visit my hometown of Boston because I am in school in a different state. I decided that I would go the weekend after my birthday, see a ballet, visit friends, etc. > > Enter the personality disorder. The person in question is writing a murder mystery romance novel series. One book has the sleuths going to Boston for a weekend and basically not doing much other than see the suburbs and argue with a family member. My npd has decided she needs to research on site. What exactly she needs to research is beyond me, but she announced to everyone that I had invited her to go to Boston with me in december for research and ballet. No matter that she invited herself to my vacation, I decided that it would be fun to show her around the place I grew up. > > I have done so much to accommodate the twit. I changed the dates to when would be best for her. Knowing that she is supposedly low on money, i made contact with a good friend who has a guest room and is only happy to let us visit. (npd here has lived off the state for four years because she gets panic attacks when asked to do her job and instead stays at home, buying stuff on the Internet, playing with her kitties and whining when her stepdad questions her lack of doing anything with her life. She stays on her support checks by going off medication the days before her interview so she can have withdrawal symptoms and look crazy enough to need to stay home with her kittiiiiiies. Her mother is in charge of her money and they have very forward-thinking ideas of how her disability money should be used. For example, it can be used for work, therefore she uses it for a new laptop, a trip to Ireland, a new purse to put her new laptop and smartPhone in,. I have a netbook, went to Ireland for a week and have an iPhone, but I work 40 hours a week for all of that.) > > Anyway. So yesterday she sends me a text saying she wants me to extend the trip for a few days because there's no reason to not go to NYC. I said no. She then yells at me for changing her plans to make the trip about what I want. Well, gee, it's my trip! And I have cleared 3 out of four days to help her research. > > So I finally told her that I don't think it a good idea to mix her research and this trip. I told her we could have a separate trip, maybe when she's actually working on that book? > > Screw her! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2012 Report Share Posted August 4, 2012 , Good for you! I think you gave her the right answer. Traveling with someone who had bpd/npd tends to be very stressful. I will never willingly travel with my nada again. Her behavior is horrific and enough to ruin a trip. While it might be fun to show a normal person around your home town, she's not a normal person and as you're seeing, fun is not likely to enter in to it much. If she tries to invite herself on a trip with you again, tell her no from the start. She has no right to make that choice for you. At 12:29 PM 08/04/2012 wrote: >So, I am trying to go to visit my hometown of Boston because I >am in school in a different state. I decided that I would go >the weekend after my birthday, see a ballet, visit friends, etc. > >Enter the personality disorder. The person in question is >writing a murder mystery romance novel series. One book has >the sleuths going to Boston for a weekend and basically not >doing much other than see the suburbs and argue with a family >member. My npd has decided she needs to research on >site. What exactly she needs to research is beyond me, but she >announced to everyone that I had invited her to go to Boston >with me in december for research and ballet. No matter that >she invited herself to my vacation, I decided that it would be >fun to show her around the place I grew up. > >I have done so much to accommodate the twit. I changed the >dates to when would be best for her. Knowing that she is >supposedly low on money, i made contact with a good friend who >has a guest room and is only happy to let us visit. (npd here >has lived off the state for four years because she gets panic >attacks when asked to do her job and instead stays at home, >buying stuff on the Internet, playing with her kitties and >whining when her stepdad questions her lack of doing anything >with her life. She stays on her support checks by going off >medication the days before her interview so she can have >withdrawal symptoms and look crazy enough to need to stay home >with her kittiiiiiies. Her mother is in charge of her money >and they have very forward-thinking ideas of how her disability >money should be used. For example, it can be used for >work, therefore she uses it for a new laptop, a trip to >Ireland, a new purse to put her new laptop and smartPhone >in,. I have a netbook, went to Ireland for a week and have an >iPhone, but I work 40 hours a week for all of that.) > >Anyway. So yesterday she sends me a text saying she wants me >to extend the trip for a few days because there's no reason to >not go to NYC. I said no. She then yells at me for changing >her plans to make the trip about what I want. Well, gee, it's >my trip! And I have cleared 3 out of four days to help her >research. > >So I finally told her that I don't think it a good idea to mix >her research and this trip. I told her we could have a >separate trip, maybe when she's actually working on that book? > >Screw her! > -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2012 Report Share Posted August 4, 2012 I met her back in the day when my ex-husband was beating me. She was one of the friends who helped me get out. She helped me go apartment hunting. She kept me sane for the three months 2 years ago that I was unemployed. When I had a huge audition, she drove me there so I could focus on being calm. She just happens to have NPD. I keep up with her because I know what it is to be mentally ill and alone in the world. > > Why do you engage with this person? Does she have something you need? > > Take care, > Ashana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 Yeah, NPD's and BPD's LOVE to rescue people so they can then use them with the smug, self satisfied opionion of you owing them, because they helped you in your hour of need. this friend of yours didn't help you out of the goodness of her heart. She did it to feed her own ego and to be able to put you over a barrel later. My nada was one of the only people to communicate with a woman from our town that got sent to jail for manslaughter. She did it because she knew that woman would feel indebted to her and because she was the ex-wife of my fathers best friend. She knew this womans ex would probably take her back after she got out of jail and that meant she had a source that she could keep tabs on my dad. I don't know how many of these things motivated her on a conscience level, but trust me, it was the prime motivator. C > > > > Why do you engage with this person? Does she have something you need? > > > > Take care, > > Ashana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 C, You've really pointed something out. " Rescuing " makes pds feel important and virtuous. Take care, Ashana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 Yup, they love it. I noticed a pattern with my nada that she would push and push and push at me emotionally to the point I would break down and become hysterical and then she would swoop in with affection and motherly love. It was truely disgusting. C > > C, > > You've really pointed something out. " Rescuing " makes pds feel important and virtuous. > > Take care, > Ashana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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