Guest guest Posted July 28, 2012 Report Share Posted July 28, 2012 Hi all, I've been reading for about a week now and really touched by what a lovely group this is. I am not sure how to make my story short, but here goes: I am 37 years old, married with two small children (4 and 2). My mom has always been difficult and unstable. And for years my younger sister and I have looked for diagnoses for her on the Internet. After asking some friends for advice about some of her antics, someone recommended I read Stop Walking on Eggshells. I was stunned, it was like reading a description of my mother, right down to quirks I wouldn't have thought were even pathological. So, I do think she has BPD. She and my father divorced when I was in college. He is pretty difficult, too, and in fact from the time I was in high school my mom, sister, and I talked about him as the sick member of our family. (We never labeled him precisely, though I think he may be NPD.) We are in contact but I have had a very strained relationship with him for over 15 years now. My mom and I have always been close; too close. But since our daughter's birth two years ago (I won't go into the way she behaved right now though I will eventually tell the story) I really began to feel that she was very, very damaged. And she has only gotten worse. Her husband of ten years died 4 weeks ago, triggering some pretty bad behavior from her. I am struggling both with the realization that she is most likely a BP, and how to shape my own behavior in reaction to that information....but unfortunately during a difficult time for her. It is hard for me to figure out how much I can do in terms of protecting myself when she has just gone through this loss. Thanks for being there. Leah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2012 Report Share Posted August 4, 2012 Hello Leah, I hope that finding a name to put on your parents' behavior helps. (We use the terms " nada " and " fada " for our non-parent-like parents.) A lot of people find that it does help just to know that mental illness is the explanation and that there are ways to deal with it. While it is sad that your nada has lost her husband, that's not a good reason for letting her mistreat you. I say you should do what you can to to protect yourself. It isn't your fault that she has BPD. You aren't repsonsible for how she feels. You don't have to put up with bad behavior from her. Have you learned about boundaries yet? Deciding what your boundaries are and how you're going to enforce them will give you a framework for dealing with her misbehavior in a healthier way. At 11:05 PM 07/28/2012 Badgerdog wrote: >Hi all, > I've been reading for about a week now and really > touched by what a lovely group this is. > I am not sure how to make my story short, but here > goes: I am 37 years old, married with two small children (4 > and 2). My mom has always been difficult and unstable. And > for years my younger sister and I have looked for diagnoses > for her on the Internet. After asking some friends for advice > about some of her antics, someone recommended I read Stop > Walking on Eggshells. I was stunned, it was like reading a > description of my mother, right down to quirks I wouldn't have > thought were even pathological. > So, I do think she has BPD. > She and my father divorced when I was in college. He > is pretty difficult, too, and in fact from the time I was in > high school my mom, sister, and I talked about him as the sick > member of our family. (We never labeled him precisely, though > I think he may be NPD.) We are in contact but I have had a > very strained relationship with him for over 15 years now. > My mom and I have always been close; too close. But > since our daughter's birth two years ago (I won't go into the > way she behaved right now though I will eventually tell the > story) I really began to feel that she was very, very > damaged. And she has only gotten worse. > Her husband of ten years died 4 weeks ago, triggering > some pretty bad behavior from her. I am struggling both with > the realization that she is most likely a BP, and how to shape > my own behavior in reaction to that information....but > unfortunately during a difficult time for her. It is hard for > me to figure out how much I can do in terms of protecting > myself when she has just gone through this loss. > Thanks for being there. >Leah -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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