How can I stop this behavior BEFORE it gets out of control?

[Guest guest]

I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small children- and

that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had a recurring

nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't make it. It

was always a different situation but the scenario was always the same- trying to

get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you it was a true

nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream for years and

years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've found that in

real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and lash out at my

husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than words can say.

I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I stop it before?

Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front of my kids. I

want to nip it in the bud now.

[Guest guest]

I forgot to say thanks in advance for any advice. =)

>

> I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small children-

and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had a

recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't make

it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the same-

trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you it

was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream for

years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

>

[Guest guest]

Being late stresses me out as well. (Nada was always late, and it always led to

no end of drama). It would probably be tough to do this with two kids, but I

just arrange to be early to things nearly all of the time, am careful to plan so

that I'm allowing a little extra for those small disasters that always seem to

happen right when you're on the way out the door and for getting lost if I'm

going somewhere new--I seem to always make a wrong turn or two somewhere if I'm

stressed. This does mean I get to places half an hour early sometimes, but I

find it worth it in the trade-off for calm in my life. I bring work or

something to keep me occupied wherever I go, so I don't feel I'm wasting

precious time--at least not too much. If you're going with the kids, you can

take advantage of the wait to play with them and spend quality time.

When it's just unavoidable that I will be late, I try to accept that worrying

actually doesn't help, act like an adult and call if that makes a difference,

and get there when I get there.

It's made a huge difference to just change my attitude about time.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

:

I totally understand this one, I have always had this trigger and only recently

tied it back to my experience with nada. I used to always be early to things to

avoid the trigger, as one other member suggested, but now that I have a toddler

and a pretty chaotic living situation, that strategy does not always work

anymore. Recently when I have been late I've watched myself devolve into maniac

nada mode, and felt just as dispirited and judgmental of myself as it sounds

like you do.

Here's what I'm practicing to change the behavior, and it is working for me:

1. If I do catch myself get upset about being late and snap at my duaghter or

partner and start getting upset at myself for being like nada, I stop and remind

myself that I am a good but damaged person and if I were judging anyone else

with my background for behaving the same way, I would have compassion for what

they've been through that leads them to act this way. So why am I not deserving

of showing myself the same compassion I would show someone else? I am. So then I

feel compassion for myself, and then I can break the cycle of bad behavior

because I feel more secure- because at least I care about me and my emotional

well-being!

2. Then I think through what the real consequences would be if I were late, and

is it worth driving myself and everyone else crazy to not be late? (it almost

never is) If I can judge that it is not worth it, then I make a conscious

decision to do whatever I can to mitigate the effect of the lateness (text or

call the person I am meeting, etc.), and then I just do my best to enjoy the

time because my happiness and the happiness of those I love is more important

than occassionally potentially disappointing the doctor/ being late for a class/

etc.

When you actually make the rational analysis it is almost never worth the

feeling of panic that you feel and that your kids will pick up on. But you can't

(or at least I can't) get to the point of making the rational analysis until I

feel safe and loved. It sounds like you might be trying to skip to step 2

without doing step 1, but that doesn't work for me because it's just not a

rational thing. It only works if I first forgive myself for having flaws- then I

can calm down.

Hope this helps!!!

>

> I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small children-

and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had a

recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't make

it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the same-

trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you it

was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream for

years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

>

[Guest guest]

I have the same problem. for me it is because I am not a very good scheduler. I

can be a punctual person, but I have to make a conscious effort.

growing up I had a VERY bossy sister who used to start yelling at me that I was

going to make her late at least half hour before we were going to leave for

anything. she would become angry at me if I was doing anything at all slower

than she thought I needed to. incidentally I can't remember ever maker her late.

she just has issues.

then I had a Nada who would pester me with :did you go to the bathroom? are you

sure you went, I am not sure you were in there long enough to go I don't believe

you really went, and on and on and on... every time we left the house, and every

time I needed to go while we were out along with " why didn't you go when I told

you? " .(I have a medical condition which Nada never had diagnosed or treated that

has accidents as one of about 20+ symptoms)

at school I was bullied in the halls a lot so I would sometimes be late to class

becasue I could not think very well under that stress.

and in college I had a Nazi of a professor who repeatedly threatened to kick me

out of the department (which she had no real power to do) when I wasn't 15 min.

early to everything. and humiliated me in public and ripped me apart in private

over it among other things many times.(narcissist?)

so yeah I have that issue too.

I have 3 young kids, and I am not on time for things all the time. and I find

that when you are honest with people they almost always have compassion, or when

it is becasue of kids they get it. it is getting easier for me. I think I am

finally realizing that as the people have been saying already no one but me and

a handful of nasty people in my past even care. I think a big step is

understanding how it makes you feel (especially about yourself) to be late, and

having compassion for yourself. being late sometimes does not call your status

as a capable person into question, unless you ask a Nada.

Meikjn

> >

> > I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small children-

and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had a

recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't make

it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the same-

trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you it

was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream for

years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This was very helpful, thank you so much! I think you are right, when I do take

a step back I hate myself. Maybe if I am kinder to myself and I will be able to

calm down faster. You are all right, it's not worth the stress and chaos 99% of

the time. I need to work on just taking a deep breath and calming down.

> >

> > I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small children-

and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had a

recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't make

it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the same-

trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you it

was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream for

years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I hate being late too as my parents were half an hour late everywhere.

It may help you to get to the root of things--exactly what is it about being

late that scares you? Is it what others will think of you , or being

conspicuous, or missing something? When you get to the root of it you will be

able to challenge and replace the unhelpful thoughts.

I have young kids too...I try to be as prepared as possible and make sure

everyone is completely ready at least 15 minutes before we need to leave...but

even then things happen and we do not always make it on time. What else can you

do but your best? Everyone is late sometimes especially with little kids.

Sveta

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " " wrote:

>

> This was very helpful, thank you so much! I think you are right, when I do

take a step back I hate myself. Maybe if I am kinder to myself and I will be

able to calm down faster. You are all right, it's not worth the stress and chaos

99% of the time. I need to work on just taking a deep breath and calming down.

>

>

>

> > >

> > > I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small

children- and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had

a recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't

make it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the

same- trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you

it was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream

for years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I hate being late too as my parents were half an hour late everywhere.

It may help you to get to the root of things--exactly what is it about being

late that scares you? Is it what others will think of you , or being

conspicuous, or missing something? When you get to the root of it you will be

able to challenge and replace the unhelpful thoughts.

I have young kids too...I try to be as prepared as possible and make sure

everyone is completely ready at least 15 minutes before we need to leave...but

even then things happen and we do not always make it on time. What else can you

do but your best? Everyone is late sometimes especially with little kids.

Sveta

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " " wrote:

>

> This was very helpful, thank you so much! I think you are right, when I do

take a step back I hate myself. Maybe if I am kinder to myself and I will be

able to calm down faster. You are all right, it's not worth the stress and chaos

99% of the time. I need to work on just taking a deep breath and calming down.

>

>

>

> > >

> > > I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small

children- and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had

a recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't

make it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the

same- trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you

it was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream

for years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Does anyone have any ideas on why this stresses me so much? I know it has to do

with nada, because I was having the being late nightmare at a very young age. I

remember panicking if I was going to be " late " getting home when driving home

from college as nada would throw an absolute fit, even if it was due to

something beyond my control, like a traffic accident. She acted like it was a

personal affront that I didn't arrive as early as humanly possible.

I am wondering what she possibly could have done to make me feel this way at

such a young age. I don't know, but I agree finding to root of anxiety would

help.

What am I afraid of? I really don't know... I will think about this.

> > > >

> > > > I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small

children- and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had

a recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't

make it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the

same- trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you

it was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream

for years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Just thought about something- in my nightmare the reasons I am late are always

so lame, like I can't get my hair right or find the right thing to wear. Or

something I need to do is taking too long. For example I can't find a specific

ingredient I need for a recipe.I always feel hopeless despair and intense

anxiety. In real life, those are never the reasons I am late. I would just throw

my hair in a pony tail and go. In the dream wherever I am trying to get to-

whether it be the airport, a party, work- I am always too late. The party is

over, I miss the flight... every time. Any thoughts on this?

> > > > >

> > > > > I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small

children- and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had

a recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't

make it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the

same- trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you

it was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream

for years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

I have the same dream and have had for 50 or so years. I'd get the silent

treatment if I was even a couple of minutes late. I remember walking on the top

of the fence, knowing I was three minutes late, seeing her through the kitchen

window looking glum, knowing that the longer I put off going in, the worse it

would be.

I empathize with you. Though I have known for many years why I have this dream,

it doesn't seem to disappear from my repertoire of recurring dreams. And it is

a horrible nightmare. Doesn't sound bad on the surface, but it's a scary one.

Mimi

>

> Does anyone have any ideas on why this stresses me so much? I know it has to

do with nada, because I was having the being late nightmare at a very young age.

I remember panicking if I was going to be " late " getting home when driving home

from college as nada would throw an absolute fit, even if it was due to

something beyond my control, like a traffic accident. She acted like it was a

personal affront that I didn't arrive as early as humanly possible.

> I am wondering what she possibly could have done to make me feel this way at

such a young age. I don't know, but I agree finding to root of anxiety would

help.

> What am I afraid of? I really don't know... I will think about this.

>

[Guest guest]

,

" Late to the party " is another one of mine. I always wondered if the party was

my life. I also dream that if I actually get to the party, I am immediately put

to work waiting on people. When I'm ready to have fun, there's either no room

at the table, or everyone leaves.

Do you have that one? I just can't figure out if the work I have to do at the

party is work on my life/self so that I can finally enjoy life, or if I really

feel like everyone's chief cook and bottle washer. =)

I hope you have success in getting rid of these dreams. Do you have them often?

I have nightmares several times a month. I know there is some kind of sleep

disorder that causes nightmares, and it is also caused by PTSD. I imagine

that's where you, I and others here are getting theirs.

Mimi

>

> Just thought about something- in my nightmare the reasons I am late are always

so lame, like I can't get my hair right or find the right thing to wear. Or

something I need to do is taking too long. For example I can't find a specific

ingredient I need for a recipe.I always feel hopeless despair and intense

anxiety. In real life, those are never the reasons I am late. I would just throw

my hair in a pony tail and go. In the dream wherever I am trying to get to-

whether it be the airport, a party, work- I am always too late. The party is

over, I miss the flight... every time. Any thoughts on this?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Mimi,

I don't have the dream anymore, but I had it at least once a week for probably

all of my childhood and adolescence. I don't know how I got it to go away, but

in real life I still trigger big time when I am late. I never actually made it

to the party. That's so sad that you got there and were put to work! My heart

hurt for you when I read that. But I think you may be on to something- is the

party our lives? It makes sense as I always sort of feel like an outsider. I

know people generally like me, but I always feel like I don't really " belong " .

Like I'm the friend who's tagging along for the day but not part of the real

group. I guess that's from never having a real FOO, other than nada. I shuddered

for myself as a child as I wrote that- only nada for family.

> >

> > Just thought about something- in my nightmare the reasons I am late are

always so lame, like I can't get my hair right or find the right thing to wear.

Or something I need to do is taking too long. For example I can't find a

specific ingredient I need for a recipe.I always feel hopeless despair and

intense anxiety. In real life, those are never the reasons I am late. I would

just throw my hair in a pony tail and go. In the dream wherever I am trying to

get to- whether it be the airport, a party, work- I am always too late. The

party is over, I miss the flight... every time. Any thoughts on this?

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Right there with ya on this one. nada and fada were never on time in their

lives, but when I got to be a young teenager, all of a sudden it was a moral

failure if I came home minutes late. I remember coming in the door, knowing I

was 10 minutes late, and thinking to myself that it was okay cause my parents

were always late for everything, and boy, suddenly I was facing the firing

squad. I got that frozen, disdainful " you are lower than sh*t " tone and taking

to, and immediately ordered to my room for the lengthy isolation of shame. Of

course that was followed by days of the angry silent treatment punishment. (Did

I ever mention one time nada gave me THREE MONTHS of angry silent treatment?)

When I think of why I was punished like this, I think it's because nada and fada

were late out of disrespect for others and the world. They had to make a show of

how their time was more important than others and " the world could wait. " So

when I turned their own behavior on them, it was intolerable. It was like

slapping them in the face,

Poor, sick PD parents.

AFB

>

> ,

> I have the same dream and have had for 50 or so years. I'd get the silent

treatment if I was even a couple of minutes late. I remember walking on the top

of the fence, knowing I was three minutes late, seeing her through the kitchen

window looking glum, knowing that the longer I put off going in, the worse it

would be.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know what the issue is about with me: Nada (as many nadas are) was a

horrifically bad planner, bad at organizing, bad at estimating how much time

would be needed to complete a task. Therefore, nothing went smoothly at home.

We didn't start getting ready when we needed to, no one supervised my sis and I

getting ready to make sure we were staying on task, and there was so much

tension in the house that at least two people were usually bickering about

something. Then nada got mad at bpd sis and I (or just me) for behaving like

children and dawdling or getting distracted by a toy or squabbling with each

other or not being able to find something because there was no order in the

house or accidentally making a mess...or any of the other numerous things kids

do when they aren't being supervised adequately--or even just because they are

kids. In my mind, late = yelling and hitting.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

I find dreams are surprisingly literal. I had a recurrent nightmare as a child

that I was being pursued by an ice-cream man who was going to chop me up and

sell my flesh in his push-cart or from his van. Nada had already been chopped

up and was floating around as a head with no body. I now think it's because

nada herself chased me around with knives making threats that led me to think

she was really going to chop me up. There was an ice cream man outside at the

time with " Had a Little Lamb " playing.

If you dream about being late because you can't find what you need or something

is taking too long, that probably really happened. You wouldn't be the only

child who got stalled getting ready to go somewhere because they couldn't find

their other shoe...Also, was nada a perfectionist who wanted your hair just

right? Or was never satisfied with the dress you chose, and kept making you try

a different one? That would be typical nada behavior.

As another possibility, was the household disorganized so that you could never

find anything? Some nadas have a tough time with organization. I was myself

late nearly every day to 6th grade because I couldn't find something or other.

I am now convinced my mother intentionally moved my things or hid them from me,

as I actually have a terrifically good memory for locations, and get really

nervous if something seems to have been moved from the place I put it last. It

would also not be unlike a nada to catastrophize lateness and tell you that if

you are late, there is no point in going at all, including to places you were

really excited about going--which might be why you are dreaming that you are so

late, the party is over or you missed a plane.

Just wondering,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

" It would also not be unlike a nada to catastrophize lateness and tell you that

if you are late, there is no point in going at all, including to places you were

really excited about going " - that is Nada to a T. I don't remember a specific

incident of her getting mad at me because I can't find a shoe or something

similar to that situation- but I would be willing to bet my life savings she

did. That's just so HER. Thank you Ashana, this was very enlightening.

I have to say, that ice cream man dream is horrible. I'm so sorry you had to

endure that recurrent nightmare, and I'm sorry for all the horrible things your

nada has done to you.

>

> I find dreams are surprisingly literal. I had a recurrent nightmare as a

child that I was being pursued by an ice-cream man who was going to chop me up

and sell my flesh in his push-cart or from his van. Nada had already been

chopped up and was floating around as a head with no body. I now think it's

because nada herself chased me around with knives making threats that led me to

think she was really going to chop me up. There was an ice cream man outside at

the time with " Had a Little Lamb " playing.

>

> If you dream about being late because you can't find what you need or

something is taking too long, that probably really happened. You wouldn't be

the only child who got stalled getting ready to go somewhere because they

couldn't find their other shoe...Also, was nada a perfectionist who wanted your

hair just right? Or was never satisfied with the dress you chose, and kept

making you try a different one? That would be typical nada behavior.

>

> As another possibility, was the household disorganized so that you could never

find anything? Some nadas have a tough time with organization. I was myself

late nearly every day to 6th grade because I couldn't find something or other.

I am now convinced my mother intentionally moved my things or hid them from me,

as I actually have a terrifically good memory for locations, and get really

nervous if something seems to have been moved from the place I put it last. It

would also not be unlike a nada to catastrophize lateness and tell you that if

you are late, there is no point in going at all, including to places you were

really excited about going--which might be why you are dreaming that you are so

late, the party is over or you missed a plane.

>

> Just wondering,

> Ashana

>

[Guest guest]

Please forgive me if I hit too deep on this one, I know how painful this is

because I also have this exact flea. So please just be prepared and be kind to

yourself if your issues is in the same vain as mine.

The fear is Nada-imposed: they teach you that if ever you were to dare

prioritize something that would make you feel good (looking nice, making a nice

recipe, anything that brings you satisfaction where you prioritize you) over

providing them with narcissistic supply that the entire world will turn on you

(the party will be over, you will miss out on all the fun, etc.) in my case this

would apply whether or not I was late, but being late is the biggest affront

because that time " belongs " to her and you wronged her by selfishly taking care

of your needs first.

It's just another way of teaching you that you don't matter, that everyone else

in the world but especially Nada is more important than you, their time is more

valuable than yours. They subconsciously brainwash us this way for two reasons:

1. To keep us in line

2. Because this is how they feel about themselves in relation to everyone except

you (with whom they are enmeshed) and they project the feeling and fear onto

you.

I'm sorry, it sucks to feel this way. I understand and am sending hugs your way.

The advice I gave you on the previous post- have compassion for yourself,

believe your happiness and that of your kids is more important than validating

Nada's destruction of you- has been extremely effective for me in combating this

issue.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I have a trigger that happens quite frequently as I have two small

children- and that trigger is running late for something. When I was a kid I had

a recurring nightmare that I was trying to get somewhere on time and couldn't

make it. It was always a different situation but the scenario was always the

same- trying to get there on time. This may not sound traumatic but I assure you

it was a true nightmare for me and stressed me considerably. I had this dream

for years and years growing up. I haven't had it for probably 10 years, but I've

found that in real life when I am late for something I am totally stressed and

lash out at my husband and kids. In short, I ACT LIKE NADA. I hate it more than

words can say. I always recognize the beast I was after the fact, but how can I

stop it before? Any ideas would be most welcome. I hate acting this way in front

of my kids. I want to nip it in the bud now.

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

One more point: I have a mantra I now repeat to myself whenever I feel guilty/

worried about being late or even just taking time for me even if it isn't being

late for something. I repeat " I am worthy of my own time " until I believe it and

can do something I want to do for me and no one else, like take a walk or get a

manicure or something. It's surprising how healing believing such a simple

thought is (and how threatening that is to Nadas!)

Deep down the issue is about worthiness and being loved- if I am late or

otherwise take time for me will I still be invited to the party, will I still be

loved? Nada tried to make us believe the answer was no because she wanted to

annihilate us, but if you truly examine evidence from your own reality I'm

pretty sure you will find the answer is no.

It sounds hokey but it works. You are a strong and amazing person, people will

still love you of you are late, but believing that begins with erasing Nada's

unworthiness indoctrination.

If there's one thing I know for sure it's that you are on the right path working

through this issue in a wonderfully supportive forum like this one!!

Keep posting I will be looking out and sending virtual hugs your way as you work

through this issue!

> >

> > Just thought about something- in my nightmare the reasons I am late are

always so lame, like I can't get my hair right or find the right thing to wear.

Or something I need to do is taking too long. For example I can't find a

specific ingredient I need for a recipe.I always feel hopeless despair and

intense anxiety. In real life, those are never the reasons I am late. I would

just throw my hair in a pony tail and go. In the dream wherever I am trying to

get to- whether it be the airport, a party, work- I am always too late. The

party is over, I miss the flight... every time. Any thoughts on this?

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's a great idea- I have found that affirmations like that are really

effective if you keep it up. " I am worthy of my own time " - it's so sad that KOs

have to remind themselves of that. Thanks!

> > >

> > > Just thought about something- in my nightmare the reasons I am late are

always so lame, like I can't get my hair right or find the right thing to wear.

Or something I need to do is taking too long. For example I can't find a

specific ingredient I need for a recipe.I always feel hopeless despair and

intense anxiety. In real life, those are never the reasons I am late. I would

just throw my hair in a pony tail and go. In the dream wherever I am trying to

get to- whether it be the airport, a party, work- I am always too late. The

party is over, I miss the flight... every time. Any thoughts on this?

> >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean, it is sad. At the same time though we're also lucky to

have made it through such challenging personal circumstances and to be strong

survivors. There are few people in this world who have the fortitude to get

through what we did, to make it to a board like this where we can share and try

to help one another. Your kids are so lucky to have such a strong mother in

their lives. You have a lot to be proud of. You wouldn't be the strong,

conscious, non-PD that you are today if you hadn't been through what we went

through with our Nadas, and then you wouldn't have the inner resilience to know

that you will always be safe because if you could make it through your

upbringing and out to this board, staying conscious and introspective and not

giving up, you can get through any challenge life throws at you.

So while it is sad we are definitely also lucky. Being non-PD allows us to hold

that dialectic of seeming contradiction, and thank G-d for that!!

Have a great day!

> > > >

> > > > Just thought about something- in my nightmare the reasons I am late are

always so lame, like I can't get my hair right or find the right thing to wear.

Or something I need to do is taking too long. For example I can't find a

specific ingredient I need for a recipe.I always feel hopeless despair and

intense anxiety. In real life, those are never the reasons I am late. I would

just throw my hair in a pony tail and go. In the dream wherever I am trying to

get to- whether it be the airport, a party, work- I am always too late. The

party is over, I miss the flight... every time. Any thoughts on this?

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes,we are survivors. Thank you so much for this inspirational message- it

actually brought a tear to my eye! You have a great day too. =)

> > > > >

> > > > > Just thought about something- in my nightmare the reasons I am late

are always so lame, like I can't get my hair right or find the right thing to

wear. Or something I need to do is taking too long. For example I can't find a

specific ingredient I need for a recipe.I always feel hopeless despair and

intense anxiety. In real life, those are never the reasons I am late. I would

just throw my hair in a pony tail and go. In the dream wherever I am trying to

get to- whether it be the airport, a party, work- I am always too late. The

party is over, I miss the flight... every time. Any thoughts on this?

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>