Feel like I'm being stalked!

[Guest guest]

Recently my nada has gone on a downword spiral. She has been hospitalized

multiple times over the last year, has moved from place to place, making false

claims about everyone in the family, threatening that " the state is going to

prosecute " her entire family for neglect of a mentally ill person, the list just

goes on and on.

I've finally had enough and have tried to go NC but it seems like I'm being

stalked. I got to the point last week where I had her number blocked from my

phone. Now she is having random people call me and leave messages. Within the

last day I've received phone calls and messages from my Aunt, an adult

protection services worker, the hospital, the police and even some random woman

who is running for county commissioner in our town! I don't even know this woman

or how my nada knows her, but she called me about my nada and left two messages

last night about how she was at the hospital and needed someone to go up

there....UHG!

I can't seem to get away from her and the more I try, the worse it seems to be

getting. I am trying to focus on taking care of myself and my family but I feel

like my life has been invaded. Sometimes I laugh about it because it's sooo

ridiculous...but then the guilt, shame and fear set in and I get upset.

I just want to get away from her...

[Guest guest]

,

You feel like you're being stalked because you are being

stalked. It might be time to change your phone number. It might

also be time to find out what the local laws about stalking and

protection orders say and to send her a letter telling her to

cease and desist making contact with you.

At 08:00 AM 08/09/2012 kola4280 wrote:

>Recently my nada has gone on a downword spiral. She has been

>hospitalized multiple times over the last year, has moved from

>place to place, making false claims about everyone in the

>family, threatening that " the state is going to prosecute " her

>entire family for neglect of a mentally ill person, the list

>just goes on and on.

>

>I've finally had enough and have tried to go NC but it seems

>like I'm being stalked. I got to the point last week where I

>had her number blocked from my phone. Now she is having random

>people call me and leave messages. Within the last day I've

>received phone calls and messages from my Aunt, an adult

>protection services worker, the hospital, the police and even

>some random woman who is running for county commissioner in our

>town! I don't even know this woman or how my nada knows her,

>but she called me about my nada and left two messages last

>night about how she was at the hospital and needed someone to

>go up there....UHG!

>

>I can't seem to get away from her and the more I try, the worse

>it seems to be getting. I am trying to focus on taking care of

>myself and my family but I feel like my life has been invaded.

>Sometimes I laugh about it because it's sooo ridiculous...but

>then the guilt, shame and fear set in and I get upset.

>

>I just want to get away from her...

>

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

,

I had a very similar experience when I went NC a few years ago.  My nada was in

the hospital at the time...on the mend, but had been there for a couple of

months (and let's not even go into how she caused most of that drama!). 

It was really frustrating and triggering to get all the phone calls from various

people.  I followed some advice and just told those people, " If she wants to

talk to me about this, she needs to contact me herself. "   True, I wasn't taking

her calls.  True, I'd blocked all her email addresses.  True, I wasn't opening

her snail mail...but I wasn't going to go into that with people.  A few brought

it up, " But she says you're not talking to her/returning her calls/etc!! "   and

my response was, " That's between her and I, and it is her problem to deal

with...not yours. "   Sounds a little abrupt...but let's be honest...most of them

were people so enmeshed with nada that I wasn't interested in being close to

them.  The others...like my dad and brother...were frustrated at first, but I

just kept repeating that (and never ever responding to whatever messages they

said they were passing along...) and telling them " I want my relationship with

you to be about

you and me, not about her. "   They got it, eventually.  It's been quite some

time since anyone I care about has tried to be her go-between.  They know that

all they'll have to report back to her is " She said you have to contact her

yourself. "   I don't even give them a response to her reason for needing to get

in touch with me, because she'll see that as an invitation to continue using

that person as a go-between, and I don't want that. 

I also got a call about a month into it, supposedly from the social worker at

the nursing home where nada was recuperating.  The social worker gave me this

big long thing about how nada was going to be coming home soon, I was listed as

her person, and that we needed to discuss caring for nada when she got home.  I

was pretty cold with the woman (again, I don't know her from Adam, so I didn't

really care if she thought I was a raving bitch!).  I told her " I have no idea

why I'm listed as her person, I never have been before and I did not consent to

this.  I do not live with her, and have not lived with her for over ten

years.  I am not responsible for her care.  You need to have this discussion

with her husband. "   The social worker was surprised...she didn't realize nada

was married and had been under the impression that I lived with (or would be

living with) nada.  To her credit, the woman apologized and said she'd make a

note in the file that I

was not the person to call.

Was there part of me that felt like the world's worst daughter for that? 

Absolutely.  But I got over that when I was able to appreciate how much more

peaceful and joyful my life is this way.

Ninera

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, August 9, 2012 8:00 AM

Subject: Feel like I'm being stalked!

 

Recently my nada has gone on a downword spiral. She has been hospitalized

multiple times over the last year, has moved from place to place, making false

claims about everyone in the family, threatening that " the state is going to

prosecute " her entire family for neglect of a mentally ill person, the list just

goes on and on.

I've finally had enough and have tried to go NC but it seems like I'm being

stalked. I got to the point last week where I had her number blocked from my

phone. Now she is having random people call me and leave messages. Within the

last day I've received phone calls and messages from my Aunt, an adult

protection services worker, the hospital, the police and even some random woman

who is running for county commissioner in our town! I don't even know this woman

or how my nada knows her, but she called me about my nada and left two messages

last night about how she was at the hospital and needed someone to go up

there....UHG!

I can't seem to get away from her and the more I try, the worse it seems to be

getting. I am trying to focus on taking care of myself and my family but I feel

like my life has been invaded. Sometimes I laugh about it because it's sooo

ridiculous...but then the guilt, shame and fear set in and I get upset.

I just want to get away from her...

[Guest guest]

How awful for you. I'm so sorry you are having to endure that kind of

treatment. You feel like you are being stalked because you ARE being stalked

and harassed.

The only thing I can think of, if your nada is actively persecuting you to the

point of calling the police and social services and making false claims against

you, is to get a lawyer.

Perhaps your other foo/ extended family members who have been falsely accused as

well would be willing to state publicly or to your lawyer that your nada's

behaviors are persecutory, and they also feel that they've been harassed and

stalked by her. With witnesses and other evidence of stalking and harassment,

your lawyer will probably be able to obtain a restraining order against your

nada. That would definitely prevent her from just showing up on your property

without you leave; if she did she would be arrested.

I suggest that you also check out the anti-stalking sites on the Internet for a

lot of information and some standard procedures that you would need to follow in

order to obtain enough evidence that you are being stalked and harassed, so that

you can get a RO. The procedure to get a RO varies from state to state; some

states have anti-stalking laws in place that make it easier, other states don't

and its more difficult to get a RO. Note: a restraining order means that you

are ready, willing and able to go totally No Contact with your nada.

This kind of behavior by nadas or fadas (fathers with pds) seems to crop up

rather often at this Group. It appears that the more domineering, controlling

pd parents will get out the big guns and stalk, harass, and even attempt to

prosecute their own children when their adult child finally attempts to

establish reasonable, normal, healthy adult boundaries with them.

Anyway, you can find emotional support and validation here; many of your fellow

KOs have experienced your situation.

-Annie

>

> Recently my nada has gone on a downword spiral. She has been hospitalized

multiple times over the last year, has moved from place to place, making false

claims about everyone in the family, threatening that " the state is going to

prosecute " her entire family for neglect of a mentally ill person, the list just

goes on and on.

>

> I've finally had enough and have tried to go NC but it seems like I'm being

stalked. I got to the point last week where I had her number blocked from my

phone. Now she is having random people call me and leave messages. Within the

last day I've received phone calls and messages from my Aunt, an adult

protection services worker, the hospital, the police and even some random woman

who is running for county commissioner in our town! I don't even know this woman

or how my nada knows her, but she called me about my nada and left two messages

last night about how she was at the hospital and needed someone to go up

there....UHG!

>

> I can't seem to get away from her and the more I try, the worse it seems to be

getting. I am trying to focus on taking care of myself and my family but I feel

like my life has been invaded. Sometimes I laugh about it because it's sooo

ridiculous...but then the guilt, shame and fear set in and I get upset.

>

> I just want to get away from her...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I hate to bring it to that level but I feel like the more boundaries I set, they

more she is intent to cross them. Thanks for the advice, I'm going to look up

some info on protection orders just to see what options I have.

> >Recently my nada has gone on a downword spiral. She has been

> >hospitalized multiple times over the last year, has moved from

> >place to place, making false claims about everyone in the

> >family, threatening that " the state is going to prosecute " her

> >entire family for neglect of a mentally ill person, the list

> >just goes on and on.

> >

> >I've finally had enough and have tried to go NC but it seems

> >like I'm being stalked. I got to the point last week where I

> >had her number blocked from my phone. Now she is having random

> >people call me and leave messages. Within the last day I've

> >received phone calls and messages from my Aunt, an adult

> >protection services worker, the hospital, the police and even

> >some random woman who is running for county commissioner in our

> >town! I don't even know this woman or how my nada knows her,

> >but she called me about my nada and left two messages last

> >night about how she was at the hospital and needed someone to

> >go up there....UHG!

> >

> >I can't seem to get away from her and the more I try, the worse

> >it seems to be getting. I am trying to focus on taking care of

> >myself and my family but I feel like my life has been invaded.

> >Sometimes I laugh about it because it's sooo ridiculous...but

> >then the guilt, shame and fear set in and I get upset.

> >

> >I just want to get away from her...

> >

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for sharing your story Ninera. Sometimes I feel like I'm going

crazy and don't think I can keep all of this up but your story helps me to think

that it can be done. One of my biggest issues is the guilt when I tell people I

can't talk to her. My aunt seems to judge me very harshly because she is the

hero in everything and always trying to fix people. How did you deal with the

guilt and shame? I wish I could just let it go, but I do feel like the world's

worst daughter.

Again, thank you so much for sharing...it helps to know that people go through

similar situations. It takes the crazy out of it and makes it feel like I might

make it through.

>

>

>

> ,

>

>

> I had a very similar experience when I went NC a few years ago.  My nada was

in the hospital at the time...on the mend, but had been there for a couple of

months (and let's not even go into how she caused most of that drama!). 

>

>

> It was really frustrating and triggering to get all the phone calls from

various people.  I followed some advice and just told those people, " If she

wants to talk to me about this, she needs to contact me herself. "   True, I

wasn't taking her calls.  True, I'd blocked all her email addresses.  True, I

wasn't opening her snail mail...but I wasn't going to go into that with

people.  A few brought it up, " But she says you're not talking to her/returning

her calls/etc!! "   and my response was, " That's between her and I, and it is her

problem to deal with...not yours. "   Sounds a little abrupt...but let's be

honest...most of them were people so enmeshed with nada that I wasn't interested

in being close to them.  The others...like my dad and brother...were frustrated

at first, but I just kept repeating that (and never ever responding to whatever

messages they said they were passing along...) and telling them " I want my

relationship with you to be about

> you and me, not about her. "   They got it, eventually.  It's been quite some

time since anyone I care about has tried to be her go-between.  They know that

all they'll have to report back to her is " She said you have to contact her

yourself. "   I don't even give them a response to her reason for needing to get

in touch with me, because she'll see that as an invitation to continue using

that person as a go-between, and I don't want that. 

>

>

> I also got a call about a month into it, supposedly from the social worker at

the nursing home where nada was recuperating.  The social worker gave me this

big long thing about how nada was going to be coming home soon, I was listed as

her person, and that we needed to discuss caring for nada when she got home.  I

was pretty cold with the woman (again, I don't know her from Adam, so I didn't

really care if she thought I was a raving bitch!).  I told her " I have no idea

why I'm listed as her person, I never have been before and I did not consent to

this.  I do not live with her, and have not lived with her for over ten

years.  I am not responsible for her care.  You need to have this discussion

with her husband. "   The social worker was surprised...she didn't realize nada

was married and had been under the impression that I lived with (or would be

living with) nada.  To her credit, the woman apologized and said she'd make a

note in the file that I

> was not the person to call.

>

> Was there part of me that felt like the world's worst daughter for that? 

Absolutely.  But I got over that when I was able to appreciate how much more

peaceful and joyful my life is this way.

>

> Ninera

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: kola4280

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Thursday, August 9, 2012 8:00 AM

> Subject: Feel like I'm being stalked!

>

>

>  

> Recently my nada has gone on a downword spiral. She has been hospitalized

multiple times over the last year, has moved from place to place, making false

claims about everyone in the family, threatening that " the state is going to

prosecute " her entire family for neglect of a mentally ill person, the list just

goes on and on.

>

> I've finally had enough and have tried to go NC but it seems like I'm being

stalked. I got to the point last week where I had her number blocked from my

phone. Now she is having random people call me and leave messages. Within the

last day I've received phone calls and messages from my Aunt, an adult

protection services worker, the hospital, the police and even some random woman

who is running for county commissioner in our town! I don't even know this woman

or how my nada knows her, but she called me about my nada and left two messages

last night about how she was at the hospital and needed someone to go up

there....UHG!

>

> I can't seem to get away from her and the more I try, the worse it seems to be

getting. I am trying to focus on taking care of myself and my family but I feel

like my life has been invaded. Sometimes I laugh about it because it's sooo

ridiculous...but then the guilt, shame and fear set in and I get upset.

>

> I just want to get away from her...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Ninera, for sharing what works for you!! I need to hear tips on how to

handle the BPD. I like how you didn't allow yourself to get sucked into the

drama and kept repeating the same message over and over. I start off like this

but find it hard to keep it up as the pressure mounts. I also liked how you

figured out who was a safe person to keep in your life and who was not. Both

are areas I need to grow in. Guilt keeps me locked in a lot of old, healthy

ways. I am putting this one in my bag of tricks to use for the next time.

Thanks again!!!

>

>

>

> ,

>

>

> I had a very similar experience when I went NC a few years ago.  My nada was

in the hospital at the time...on the mend, but had been there for a couple of

months (and let's not even go into how she caused most of that drama!). 

>

>

> It was really frustrating and triggering to get all the phone calls from

various people.  I followed some advice and just told those people, " If she

wants to talk to me about this, she needs to contact me herself. "   True, I

wasn't taking her calls.  True, I'd blocked all her email addresses.  True, I

wasn't opening her snail mail...but I wasn't going to go into that with

people.  A few brought it up, " But she says you're not talking to her/returning

her calls/etc!! "   and my response was, " That's between her and I, and it is her

problem to deal with...not yours. "   Sounds a little abrupt...but let's be

honest...most of them were people so enmeshed with nada that I wasn't interested

in being close to them.  The others...like my dad and brother...were frustrated

at first, but I just kept repeating that (and never ever responding to whatever

messages they said they were passing along...) and telling them " I want my

relationship with you to be about

> you and me, not about her. "   They got it, eventually.  It's been quite some

time since anyone I care about has tried to be her go-between.  They know that

all they'll have to report back to her is " She said you have to contact her

yourself. "   I don't even give them a response to her reason for needing to get

in touch with me, because she'll see that as an invitation to continue using

that person as a go-between, and I don't want that. 

>

>

> I also got a call about a month into it, supposedly from the social worker at

the nursing home where nada was recuperating.  The social worker gave me this

big long thing about how nada was going to be coming home soon, I was listed as

her person, and that we needed to discuss caring for nada when she got home.  I

was pretty cold with the woman (again, I don't know her from Adam, so I didn't

really care if she thought I was a raving bitch!).  I told her " I have no idea

why I'm listed as her person, I never have been before and I did not consent to

this.  I do not live with her, and have not lived with her for over ten

years.  I am not responsible for her care.  You need to have this discussion

with her husband. "   The social worker was surprised...she didn't realize nada

was married and had been under the impression that I lived with (or would be

living with) nada.  To her credit, the woman apologized and said she'd make a

note in the file that I

> was not the person to call.

>

> Was there part of me that felt like the world's worst daughter for that? 

Absolutely.  But I got over that when I was able to appreciate how much more

peaceful and joyful my life is this way.

>

> Ninera

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: kola4280

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Thursday, August 9, 2012 8:00 AM

> Subject: Feel like I'm being stalked!

>

>

>  

> Recently my nada has gone on a downword spiral. She has been hospitalized

multiple times over the last year, has moved from place to place, making false

claims about everyone in the family, threatening that " the state is going to

prosecute " her entire family for neglect of a mentally ill person, the list just

goes on and on.

>

> I've finally had enough and have tried to go NC but it seems like I'm being

stalked. I got to the point last week where I had her number blocked from my

phone. Now she is having random people call me and leave messages. Within the

last day I've received phone calls and messages from my Aunt, an adult

protection services worker, the hospital, the police and even some random woman

who is running for county commissioner in our town! I don't even know this woman

or how my nada knows her, but she called me about my nada and left two messages

last night about how she was at the hospital and needed someone to go up

there....UHG!

>

> I can't seem to get away from her and the more I try, the worse it seems to be

getting. I am trying to focus on taking care of myself and my family but I feel

like my life has been invaded. Sometimes I laugh about it because it's sooo

ridiculous...but then the guilt, shame and fear set in and I get upset.

>

> I just want to get away from her...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>