nada tried to commit suicide, blames me

[Guest guest]

everything is just getting worse with nada. i'm not sure if there's

anything left to salvage. she's got my aunt, her sister, texting me mean

things and saying that i've destroyed my mom and our family. on the phone

last night (I called to explain to her that i'd like her to stop texting me

5 times in a row late at night since I have an infant and need all the

sleep i can get) nada told me that she tried to kill her self because i've

destroyed everything and she can't understand why loving me too much caused

me to go to therapy and take some time from talking with her. In my heart

I know I am not the cause of any self-inflicted harm she may do, but i

can't help but think--what if she does commit suicide?

I don't know if I am strong enough to handle it. I'm just now realizing how

manipulative and possessive she was throughout my life and don't feel like

i have the tools to cope with this drama from her plus the drama from her

sister.

I'm ready to call it quits. I'll keep going to therapy for myself but not

sure this relationship is worth saving.

anyone else deal with something similar?

-sammy

[Guest guest]

You have to take care of yourself first, then your baby.  If the therapist

isn't helping I'd look for another one.  When a nada commits suicide

unfortunatley its just their way trying to get more attention-if she succeeds it

WILL NOT  be your fault.  Good luck

________________________________

To: wtoadultchildren1

Sent: Thursday, August 9, 2012 10:23 AM

Subject: nada tried to commit suicide, blames me

 

everything is just getting worse with nada. i'm not sure if there's

anything left to salvage. she's got my aunt, her sister, texting me mean

things and saying that i've destroyed my mom and our family. on the phone

last night (I called to explain to her that i'd like her to stop texting me

5 times in a row late at night since I have an infant and need all the

sleep i can get) nada told me that she tried to kill her self because i've

destroyed everything and she can't understand why loving me too much caused

me to go to therapy and take some time from talking with her. In my heart

I know I am not the cause of any self-inflicted harm she may do, but i

can't help but think--what if she does commit suicide?

I don't know if I am strong enough to handle it. I'm just now realizing how

manipulative and possessive she was throughout my life and don't feel like

i have the tools to cope with this drama from her plus the drama from her

sister.

I'm ready to call it quits. I'll keep going to therapy for myself but not

sure this relationship is worth saving.

anyone else deal with something similar?

-sammy

[Guest guest]

Sammy,

Nada threatened suicide and attempted suicide in front of me a few times when I

was growing up. She always said it was my fault or even the fault of the entire

family. I understand now it was a hostile act, intended to punish--like an

extreme form of " I'm not talking to you anymore. " She was hospitalized twice--I

assume it had to do with suicidality--but she was never successful.

If she had committed suicide, maybe she would finally be at peace now.

What's tougher for you is the involvement of everyone else. You need to not

hear what they are saying. Telling you how horrible you are is not helping your

mother and is definitely harming you.

The bottom line is you can't prevent someone from committing suicide who is

intent on it. On the other hand, the next time she makes a threat, call 911.

If she really needs help, they can give it to her. If it's pure manipulation,

she'll stop.

She is an adult who is responsible for her own choices.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

It was only when my younger Sister and I together set firm boundaries with our

nada that she threatened suicide. (Nada asked her younger sister, our Aunt, to

take her to a shop where she could buy a gun, saying that she wanted to kill

herself.) Its the biggest threat they can muster up to manipulate you with.

Sister and I (along with Sister's adult son) decided that if our nada made any

more suicide threats or made an actual suicide attempt, that we would not

hesitate to call 911, which would have gotten nada taken in to a hospital for an

involuntary psychiatric hold and evaluation.

My nada backed off and made no further suicide threats or attempts after that

declaration that she wanted a gun; I guess she realized it didn't work with us.

Who knows?

Instead, over the next couple of years my nada slid into senile dementia. Nada

began hallucinating, and it increased in intensity and frequency. When nada

became belligerent with the police that she'd called repeatedly to come deal

with the " circus people " she thought she saw, the police took her in for an

involuntary psychiatric hold and evaluation. It was clear at that point that

she did have dementia and was no longer capable of caring for herself, and was

actually a danger to herself and to other people. Sister took charge and had

our nada relocated to a nice residential care home with an Alzheimer's wing.

Please keep reminding yourself that your mother is mentally ill, but that *you

did not make her mentally ill*, you can't control her behaviors, you can't

change her and you can't cure her.

If your nada is feeling suicidal, then she needs psychiatric treatment. If she

makes a suicide attempt, then call 911 and she will get a hold and evaluation.

You can refuse calls from your nada and your aunt. Your obligation for

providing care is to your own baby. Your nada is not an infant needing your

care, she is an adult and is therefor responsible for her own care needs and her

own feelings. You are not your mother's mommy.

We get it, here. Post whenever you need emotional support or validation.

Borderline pd is a severe mental illness and it causes great pain and anguish to

the person who has it AND to their loved ones. But as long as your priorities

are clear (your baby is the only one to whom you are truly obligated and

responsible to care for) it will help you set your boundaries with your nada and

aunt and enforce them, or go No Contact if that's what you need to do.

-Annie

>

> everything is just getting worse with nada. i'm not sure if there's

> anything left to salvage. she's got my aunt, her sister, texting me mean

> things and saying that i've destroyed my mom and our family. on the phone

> last night (I called to explain to her that i'd like her to stop texting me

> 5 times in a row late at night since I have an infant and need all the

> sleep i can get) nada told me that she tried to kill her self because i've

> destroyed everything and she can't understand why loving me too much caused

> me to go to therapy and take some time from talking with her. In my heart

> I know I am not the cause of any self-inflicted harm she may do, but i

> can't help but think--what if she does commit suicide?

>

> I don't know if I am strong enough to handle it. I'm just now realizing how

> manipulative and possessive she was throughout my life and don't feel like

> i have the tools to cope with this drama from her plus the drama from her

> sister.

>

> I'm ready to call it quits. I'll keep going to therapy for myself but not

> sure this relationship is worth saving.

>

> anyone else deal with something similar?

>

> -sammy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I was in a very similar situation and my heart goes out to you. My nada never

actually tried to commit suicide but alluded to it all the time. Then she was

diagnosed with a fatal cancer. Throughout the whole time I was villanized and

received extrmemely mean, nasty and hurtful texts from her sister. It was

terrible. I had a newborn baby and no one seemed to care that I needed to take

care of her as well as nada, let alone myself. I gave and gave and gave until I

had nothing left. This resulted in my not being able to connect as I normally

would have with my baby. I went into survival mode, and didn't have the

knowledge and tools I have now to prevent that from happening. My dtr is 3.5y

now, and we are connected and as close as ever, but I will never get that time

back, and I grieve over it still. I know I need to let it go, but it was a

terrible price to pay. I really did not connect with her until after nada died,

and by then she was around 18m old. I tell you this because you need to be

healthy emotionally to be able to care for your baby- your baby deserves nothing

less, right? Nada's issues are not your fault. If she does kill herself- that's

not on you. You are not repsonsible for her emotional well being. She is an

adult. If she taxes you to the point you are not emotionally healthy then you

really need to find a balance where you give only what you can to her and no

more, set boundaries and enforce them or go NC. In my case I distanced myself

from nada and took care of her physical needs (at the end by hiring a nurse for

her). When she died I went NC with her whole psycho family. There is nothing

wrong with going NC. In many cases it's the most healthy thing you can do. Only

you know what's right for you, and I agree with the other poster that it is

crucial to have the right T.

If you choose to go NC, do not look at it as abandoning nada. Look at it as

choosing your baby. It's no different than a lioness defending her cub. And also

look at it as choosing YOU. As a KO, you probably don't feel you deserve to be

happy and drama free. But I promise you, you do deserve it. Everyone does.

I don't know if you believe in a higher power, but I just said a little prayer

for you that God grants you strength, wisdom, rest (b/c with a baby I know

you're tired!) and above all, peace.

>

> everything is just getting worse with nada. i'm not sure if there's

> anything left to salvage. she's got my aunt, her sister, texting me mean

> things and saying that i've destroyed my mom and our family. on the phone

> last night (I called to explain to her that i'd like her to stop texting me

> 5 times in a row late at night since I have an infant and need all the

> sleep i can get) nada told me that she tried to kill her self because i've

> destroyed everything and she can't understand why loving me too much caused

> me to go to therapy and take some time from talking with her. In my heart

> I know I am not the cause of any self-inflicted harm she may do, but i

> can't help but think--what if she does commit suicide?

>

> I don't know if I am strong enough to handle it. I'm just now realizing how

> manipulative and possessive she was throughout my life and don't feel like

> i have the tools to cope with this drama from her plus the drama from her

> sister.

>

> I'm ready to call it quits. I'll keep going to therapy for myself but not

> sure this relationship is worth saving.

>

> anyone else deal with something similar?

>

> -sammy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Sammy, My heart hurts for you!

I have heard those same words so many times, and no matter insane your situation

is, you (I) still feel responsible because of the training we had. The guilt is

unbearable. I'm sure the suicide threat is just a threat, and so very much a

part of this disorder, but when my nada has said that, I go to those dark places

of 'what it' and I would feel the same way you do. If, for some terrible

reason, she would follow through with that, you'd have to remind yourself that

she is mentally unstable, and that is the act of a very very unstable person -

and it would be in no way your fault.

I bet, because she has these other flying monkeys around her though, that she

wouldn't do it because of the 'what would people think' thing.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Be strong!

You're not alone!!!

Lesley

> everything is just getting worse with nada. i'm not sure if there's

> anything left to salvage. she's got my aunt, her sister, texting me mean

> things and saying that i've destroyed my mom and our family. on the phone

> last night (I called to explain to her that i'd like her to stop texting me

> 5 times in a row late at night since I have an infant and need all the

> sleep i can get) nada told me that she tried to kill her self because i've

> destroyed everything and she can't understand why loving me too much caused

> me to go to therapy and take some time from talking with her. In my heart

> I know I am not the cause of any self-inflicted harm she may do, but i

> can't help but think--what if she does commit suicide?

>

> I don't know if I am strong enough to handle it. I'm just now realizing how

> manipulative and possessive she was throughout my life and don't feel like

> i have the tools to cope with this drama from her plus the drama from her

> sister.

>

> I'm ready to call it quits. I'll keep going to therapy for myself but not

> sure this relationship is worth saving.

>

> anyone else deal with something similar?

>

> -sammy

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sammy,

Nada also tried it, landed in the ER and told everyone who would listen it was

my fault because we " didn't interact enough. "

Like Ashana says, your nada is an adult and it's her choice. None of this is

your fault, and all you can really do is to steel yourself to it - harden your

heart, basically, and ignore what she says and not let it get to you. I know

that's not very easy to do.

Suicide is a really selfish act, and if she does go through with it one day it's

all on her, none of the blame will rest on your shoulders and please, don't ever

feel that it does.

Honestly, what your nada probably hopes for, perhaps without even realizing it,

is that by threatening suicide she's controlling your thoughts and keeping

herself always in your mind as you worry about her well-being. But if you do

that then you're living her life and not your own.

Of course that's what most nadas want.

And I agree - call 911. It will call her bluff if it's all an act.

Em

> Sammy,

> Nada threatened suicide and attempted suicide in front of me a few times when

I was growing up. She always said it was my fault or even the fault of the

entire family. I understand now it was a hostile act, intended to punish--like

an extreme form of " I'm not talking to you anymore. " She was hospitalized

twice--I assume it had to do with suicidality--but she was never successful.

>

> If she had committed suicide, maybe she would finally be at peace now.

>

> What's tougher for you is the involvement of everyone else. You need to not

hear what they are saying. Telling you how horrible you are is not helping your

mother and is definitely harming you.

>

> The bottom line is you can't prevent someone from committing suicide who is

intent on it. On the other hand, the next time she makes a threat, call 911. If

she really needs help, they can give it to her. If it's pure manipulation,

she'll stop.

>

> She is an adult who is responsible for her own choices.

>

> Take care,

> Ashana

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, all. Knowing that I am not alone and not the only one who has gone

through/is going through this is reassuring. I will call 911 (hoping that will

work even though I am 1,300 miles away from her)and also try not to let it get

to me. I really let it ruin my whole day yesterday and felt miserable. BUT today

is a new day and I need to focus on myself and my son.

I'm very thankful to have found this support group!

-Sammy

>

> > Sammy,

> > Nada threatened suicide and attempted suicide in front of me a few times

when I was growing up. She always said it was my fault or even the fault of the

entire family. I understand now it was a hostile act, intended to punish--like

an extreme form of " I'm not talking to you anymore. " She was hospitalized

twice--I assume it had to do with suicidality--but she was never successful.

> >

> > If she had committed suicide, maybe she would finally be at peace now.

> >

> > What's tougher for you is the involvement of everyone else. You need to not

hear what they are saying. Telling you how horrible you are is not helping your

mother and is definitely harming you.

> >

> > The bottom line is you can't prevent someone from committing suicide who is

intent on it. On the other hand, the next time she makes a threat, call 911. If

she really needs help, they can give it to her. If it's pure manipulation,

she'll stop.

> >

> > She is an adult who is responsible for her own choices.

> >

> > Take care,

> > Ashana

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Having had to dial 911 long distance is a little more tricky as you

automatically are connected to the 911 closest to you.  Your best best is to

see what the " real " number is, area code included.  Otherwise trying to explain

it to an 911 operator can by difficult depending on the operator.

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, August 10, 2012 9:44 AM

Subject: Re: nada tried to commit suicide, blames me

 

Thanks, all. Knowing that I am not alone and not the only one who has gone

through/is going through this is reassuring. I will call 911 (hoping that will

work even though I am 1,300 miles away from her)and also try not to let it get

to me. I really let it ruin my whole day yesterday and felt miserable. BUT today

is a new day and I need to focus on myself and my son.

I'm very thankful to have found this support group!

-Sammy

>

> > Sammy,

> > Nada threatened suicide and attempted suicide in front of me a few times

when I was growing up. She always said it was my fault or even the fault of the

entire family. I understand now it was a hostile act, intended to punish--like

an extreme form of " I'm not talking to you anymore. " She was hospitalized

twice--I assume it had to do with suicidality--but she was never successful.

> >

> > If she had committed suicide, maybe she would finally be at peace now.

> >

> > What's tougher for you is the involvement of everyone else. You need to not

hear what they are saying. Telling you how horrible you are is not helping your

mother and is definitely harming you.

> >

> > The bottom line is you can't prevent someone from committing suicide who is

intent on it. On the other hand, the next time she makes a threat, call 911. If

she really needs help, they can give it to her. If it's pure manipulation,

she'll stop.

> >

> > She is an adult who is responsible for her own choices.

> >

> > Take care,

> > Ashana

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with and Ashana..call 911. No one will ever blame you for doing

so. It will prove to them that you are a wise, caring, sensitive, wonderful and

aware of the problem daughter. I wouldn't be afraid of calling 911 if any hint

of suicide is mentioned. I would not be embarrassed if the police came to my

BPD house if she threatened to harm herself. Any sane person would applaud that.

After learning about BPD, I stated that I would call 911 if my BPD threatened

again and BINGO..that all stopped. You might want to inform your mother of this

decision in a conversation when she is calm.

I do know that in the State of FLorida, where I am and the BPD is too, we have

certain laws in place where even a non family member, doctor, employer,

neighbor, etc.., can intervene if they see signs they are a harm to themself. I

have also mentioned this to my husband's family as well. Funny how all the

threats stopped after I found out what my legal rights were.

You can do a google search to find out what your state offers. It is always

good to be prepared. If you have family that are willing to face reality they

can be informed of these options as well.

>

> > Sammy,

> > Nada threatened suicide and attempted suicide in front of me a few times

when I was growing up. She always said it was my fault or even the fault of the

entire family. I understand now it was a hostile act, intended to punish--like

an extreme form of " I'm not talking to you anymore. " She was hospitalized

twice--I assume it had to do with suicidality--but she was never successful.

> >

> > If she had committed suicide, maybe she would finally be at peace now.

> >

> > What's tougher for you is the involvement of everyone else. You need to not

hear what they are saying. Telling you how horrible you are is not helping your

mother and is definitely harming you.

> >

> > The bottom line is you can't prevent someone from committing suicide who is

intent on it. On the other hand, the next time she makes a threat, call 911. If

she really needs help, they can give it to her. If it's pure manipulation,

she'll stop.

> >

> > She is an adult who is responsible for her own choices.

> >

> > Take care,

> > Ashana

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's a really good head's-up to those KOs who live far away from their pd

parents: Be Prepared: find the local number of the emergency/paramedic services

where your nada or fada lives; keep it handy near the phone or enter it in your

cel phone for speed dial. That is great advice, .

-Annie

>

> Having had to dial 911 long distance is a little more tricky as you

automatically are connected to the 911 closest to you.  Your best best is to

see what the " real " number is, area code included.  Otherwise trying to explain

it to an 911 operator can by difficult depending on the operator.

[Guest guest]

Yes, I was going to suggest looking up the non-emergency number of the police

department in your Nada's hometown. Call that and they'll handle the dispatch.

My DD had an ex who called her repeatedly saying he was killing himself. So one

night she called the police, gave them his number and a while later got a call

from him demanding to know why she had told the cops that he had taken pills

(which he'd told her.)

He NEVER threatened suicide again.

Em

Sent from my blueberry.

> That's a really good head's-up to those KOs who live far away from their pd

parents: Be Prepared: find the local number of the emergency/paramedic services

where your nada or fada lives; keep it handy near the phone or enter it in your

cel phone for speed dial. That is great advice, .

> -Annie

[Guest guest]

It just never gets old. Well, to take a few of your points

Of course you would like her to stop texting you at night. But of course

she won t respect your boundaries. EVER. Change your number. Don t

give it to her. Dont give it to any relatives who will betray you by

giving it to her. Get a voice mail, and let her leave messages that you

ll check on at your convenience. Trust me, if it is a true emergency,

they can always send a cop to knock on your door.

Aunty Flying Monkey is just as bad as Nada. Boundaries must apply to

both the BPD, nada, and to thier flying monkeys. They have made their

choice: They are going to be Bat Shit Crazy. You have a baby. Let the

child have a chance at normal, by having a healthy mom.

" Loving you too much " is such a crazy making Nada catch phrase. What it

really means is I can do any Bat Shit Crazy thing I want to you to

satisfy my needs, and then when you protest I ll say I just did it

because I love you TOO much. Another variation is : I m just such a

giver. I can t help but give to other people, that is my big failing.

A typical situation involving this: Nada spends all her rent and food

money on out of control long distance bill. Goes church hopping and to

me to pay her necessities. When something is said about budgeting, or

letting someone pay her bills and control her checkbook, or getting a

phone that won t permit long distance...Drum Roll... I m just such a

giver. I can t help but give to other people, that is my big failing.

But now that I have done what I want to, and stepped off a cliff, its

just because ( I m such a giver, I just love too much, ect) and so

naturally since my reasons for my immature, irresponsible actions are so

" noble " it will be your fault if I get evicted, sit in the dark, or

cant eat.

I love you too much is a nada way of saying I m right, you re wrong,

screw you, if you were not so wrong, you d accept whatever I want to do

and let my problems become your problesm. FOG, anyone?

As to suicide, from a BP is it the ultimate act of selfishness. They

are so narcissistic they rarely want to truly die, but they are also so

inwardly broken that they can make the emotional bargain that trying to

kill myself is worth it if someone proves thier love by stopping me.

Some are, I think, greatly surprised to find their suicide attempt is

succeeding. But what sane, normal , non BP person would say, or think,

only by stopping me from dying from my own actions can you prove your

love to me, a love that I will tell you you OWE me, and force you to

prove over and over. But see, this is an extension of the same BS I

mentioned above. I ll do irresponsible things, and if you love me you

wont let me suffer the consequences. Sounds like trying to parent a

difficult 3 year old, doesnt it? But that is precisely what it is like

to have a BP parent.

Sad little truth: About 10% of BP s will end up ending thier lives by

suicide. But the reality of that truth is coupled with this one: Only

by being in total, perpetual subjegation to them, burying your life in

supplying thier every whim, can you hope to minimize the chances. And

even then, a Nada is so selfish, and at the same time so inwardly

empty, that she will often make the attempt anyway.

She may kill herself. That she would even THINK about trying to lay

the guilt of that act on her child is an expression of how truly mean

and evil these people can be. Yes, I do understand that they are

profoundly mentally ill. That does not make emotional murder or mind

rape any less crippling. If your mom commits suicide, it will be about

her disease, and her selfishness, and not any action on your part.

Your first priority should be healing for yourself, not trying to be the

adult responsible for propping up that sick relationship. She will

never be the adult. She will always demand of you more than you will

ever have to give, and blame you for not giving her as much as she

needs. But to do so is impossible.

When I was in the 9th grade, I lived alone with my Nada. Dear old dad

fled the scene, leaving a 14 year old to deal with Nada. Every day,

without fail, I would get off the bus, walk to the house, and see her

lying on the living room floor, apparently passed out from sobbing

hysterically. When I came inside, she would miraculously arouse

herself, start crying, screaming that no one loved her, then run to the

kitchen to grab her xanix, or the butcher knife, to attempt suicide. My

role of course, was to wrest the tool of the day away from her, beg her

not to kill herself, then spend my evening with her sobbing and snotting

on my shirt, begging me not to give up on her, never to leave her, never

to stop loving her.

One might ask, if one were not a defenseless 14 year old boy, why the

hell she didnt make her attempt as soon as I left for school, instead of

as soon as I came home. One might wonder if she cared that my grades for

the 9th grade were about what you would expect , given my home life. One

might wonder if she cared that I lived the rest of her life with the

nagging fear that someday she might actually DO it.

One day, when I was in my late 40s, dear old mom began one of her

suicidal ideations in her Dr s office. He called her bluff, and had her

in a psych hospital for a week. She was pissed at him! And NEVER,

ever, again, for the remaining 10 years of her life, made a suicidal

ideation or threat again. To anyone.

My advice to any KO whose Nada uses the suicide card?

1. Well, I hope you won t do that Mom, but it is not my choice its

yours.

2. However, while its not my choice or my fault, I am going to take it

seriously, this time and every time you mention it.

3. Call 911 immediately, tell them where your mother is, and that she is

threatening suicide. Do this without fail every single time she tries

or threatens.

Eventually, she will either,

1, shut the hell up about it.

2. Do it anyway.

3. find someone else to torture with it, since doing it to you gets a

result she does not like.

Either way, her stupid, selfish actions will NEVER be your fault.

Doug

>

> everything is just getting worse with nada. i'm not sure if there's

> anything left to salvage. she's got my aunt, her sister, texting me

mean

> things and saying that i've destroyed my mom and our family. on the

phone

> last night (I called to explain to her that i'd like her to stop

texting me

> 5 times in a row late at night since I have an infant and need all the

> sleep i can get) nada told me that she tried to kill her self because

i've

> destroyed everything and she can't understand why loving me too much

caused

> me to go to therapy and take some time from talking with her. In my

heart

> I know I am not the cause of any self-inflicted harm she may do, but i

> can't help but think--what if she does commit suicide?

>

> I don't know if I am strong enough to handle it. I'm just now

realizing how

> manipulative and possessive she was throughout my life and don't feel

like

> i have the tools to cope with this drama from her plus the drama from

her

> sister.

>

> I'm ready to call it quits. I'll keep going to therapy for myself but

not

> sure this relationship is worth saving.

>

> anyone else deal with something similar?

>

> -sammy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Suicidal ideation of any kind was a rare thing with my nada, but Dougs script is

pretty much right to the letter. I love it.

> >

> > everything is just getting worse with nada. i'm not sure if there's

> > anything left to salvage. she's got my aunt, her sister, texting me

> mean

> > things and saying that i've destroyed my mom and our family. on the

> phone

> > last night (I called to explain to her that i'd like her to stop

> texting me

> > 5 times in a row late at night since I have an infant and need all the

> > sleep i can get) nada told me that she tried to kill her self because

> i've

> > destroyed everything and she can't understand why loving me too much

> caused

> > me to go to therapy and take some time from talking with her. In my

> heart

> > I know I am not the cause of any self-inflicted harm she may do, but i

> > can't help but think--what if she does commit suicide?

> >

> > I don't know if I am strong enough to handle it. I'm just now

> realizing how

> > manipulative and possessive she was throughout my life and don't feel

> like

> > i have the tools to cope with this drama from her plus the drama from

> her

> > sister.

> >

> > I'm ready to call it quits. I'll keep going to therapy for myself but

> not

> > sure this relationship is worth saving.

> >

> > anyone else deal with something similar?

> >

> > -sammy

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi all, just wanted to chime in here too. My nada said to my face that she was

thinking about suicide because I had taken everything from her (gone NC for 2

months) and suicide was because of me. I had already spoken to my therapist

about what to do, so I new what to say (of course was never prepared for such a

horrible thing to be flung at me.) Anyhow... to her I was able to use T's

guidance:

1. Your decisions, behavior, and actions are your own responsibility. Your

suicide is NOT my fault and I am not responsible for it.

2. I am leaving right now. (Or No, I am not coming over right now.)

3. If you threaten suicide again, I will immediately call 911 and tell them what

you said. This situation is beyond my ability to help you. (Or if Nada says

she's done something to attempt it or is doing it right now, it's " I'm calling

911 right now and they will come help you. This situation is beyond my ability

to help you. " )

Hang up or leave. Do not rush in and rescue or save her. And absolutely follow

through on calling 911 and doing what you said you would do. Give her time to

cool down, and time for you to process. Do not let yourself get trapped by this

ultimate emotional blackmail.

I have to keep in mind that BPs are adult bodies, adult lives, emotional

development of 2 yo's. My toddlers (twin 3 yo boys, and one 2 yo girl) sometimes

throw themselves on the floor and scream and kick and madly flail around all

because they can't have a cookie/toy/blahblahblah. It angers me, breaks my

heart, I want to make them happy, I fear they will hurt themselves and all

that...but I am the adult. I teach and enforce the rules and boundaries and

appropriate behavior. I have to remember this as it's the same for my adult

nada, too.

Also, I've been at the point where I just want to end the relationship with

Nada. I think I keep with it so that my kids can have a relationship with their

Gma (She does love them so much, and they do her too. They are only toddlers, so

who knows what the future holds.) and I know it is really the only relationship

she can keep. I keep the relationship because I guess I do have an obligation to

her. However, I have to walk the tight rope of letting her be with my kiddos but

not allowing her BP behavior to affect them. It's hard, but I know that my kids

are the top priority. I have to take care of my own emotional and stress health

to be able to be a good mom for them. So, I have to limit the emotional energy I

allow to be sucked out of me by her. It's a continual struggle every week. But

they glow when they see Nada, so for the time being, the crap is worth it for

us. What about you?? Is your baby getting the best of you??

Wish you the best, I know it's hard. Cuddle your baby, do what you need to do to

be able to give your baby the very best of you! and Cuddle baby some more, they

grow so fast!