Guest guest Posted August 9, 2012 Report Share Posted August 9, 2012 Next time, you'll know better than to invite her and keep it something special for just you and your son. Not a judgement, I completely understand. My nada actually whined about how my then toddler son's illness was ruining her vacation plans. He had a rebound of a stomache virus AND an ear infection. This was the price I paid for letting HER pay for our vacation. C > > because everyone on this board knows where I'm coming from. As a single mom I tried really hard to make spring break special for my son. I planned a trip to legoland/disney and invited nada along (against my better judgement) because she's 82 and wanted to give my son some last great memories. It was awful and I ended up literally playing referee between them (figures she'd argue with an 8 year old. Any how he was completely over disney so when his father told me they were going this week (new girlfriend and her kids) I wasn't too worried figuring he wouldn't have much fun between the heat and " being over disney " . WRONG He's had a ball every day we've talked, which I " m glad for him but tonight I asked what was so different because in April he said he was done with disney and he said " grandma phylis wasn't there " . On top of which I'm turning 46 tomorrow and just feeling like an all around failure. Once again I " m having to chose between nada and > someone I love. Of course I " m giong to chose my son but it'll be hell for a long time. > > Just needed to get it off my mind. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2012 Report Share Posted August 10, 2012 I think the appropriate description for your decision to take your nada along is " hope springs eternal " . It is easy to keep hoping that somehow our nadas will manage to behave themselves and act the way a mother/grandmother should. Unfortunately, no matter how much we hope, they aren't capable of being the mother/grandmother we hope for. In my opinion, the older a grandchild gets, the more a nada misbehaves toward the child. I worry about what is going to happen the next time my nada sees my niece and nephew. The last time she visited my brother, about a year and a half ago, she decided that my nephew didn't like her. He didn't do what she wanted in the way she wanted. He was about 5 at the time. She admits to having corrected him at the dinner table in front of his parents. He was badly behaved when they came to visit us several months later and since then she has repeatedly brought up his bad behavior and dislike for her when she talks to me. While she's right that his behavior needs some correcting, she's not the one who should be doing the correcting and if she persists in trying every time she sees him, he's going to end up disliking her for real. I hope my brother and his wife have at least started to realize that my sister and I have good reasons for our issues with her. You're not a failure for wanting your son and his grandmother to have a good time together. You're not a failure for not being able to make her mentally healthy. Now you know that including her in activities with your son doesn't give good results so you can avoid making the same mistake again. 46 isn't a bad age by the way. I hope you're having a good birthday. At 08:35 PM 08/09/2012 Batty wrote: >because everyone on this board knows where I'm coming from. As >a single mom I tried really hard to make spring break special >for my son. I planned a trip to legoland/disney and invited >nada along (against my better judgement) because she's 82 and >wanted to give my son some last great memories. It was awful >and I ended up literally playing referee between them (figures >she'd argue with an 8 year old. Any how he was completely over >disney so when his father told me they were going this week >(new girlfriend and her kids) I wasn't too worried figuring he >wouldn't have much fun between the heat and " being over >disney " . WRONG He's had a ball every day we've talked, which >I " m glad for him but tonight I asked what was so different >because in April he said he was done with disney and he said > " grandma phylis wasn't there " . On top of which I'm turning 46 >tomorrow and just feeling like an all around failure. Once >again I " m having to chose between nada and >feeling like an all around failure. Once again I " m having to >chose between nada and >someone I love. Of course I " m giong to chose my son but it'll >be hell for a long time. > > >Just needed to get it off my mind. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2012 Report Share Posted August 10, 2012 Thanks Katrinia. Still feeling very weepy today but I get my son back in 2 hours so hoping it gets better. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Friday, August 10, 2012 1:48 PM Subject: Re: sounding off  I think the appropriate description for your decision to take your nada along is " hope springs eternal " . It is easy to keep hoping that somehow our nadas will manage to behave themselves and act the way a mother/grandmother should. Unfortunately, no matter how much we hope, they aren't capable of being the mother/grandmother we hope for. In my opinion, the older a grandchild gets, the more a nada misbehaves toward the child. I worry about what is going to happen the next time my nada sees my niece and nephew. The last time she visited my brother, about a year and a half ago, she decided that my nephew didn't like her. He didn't do what she wanted in the way she wanted. He was about 5 at the time. She admits to having corrected him at the dinner table in front of his parents. He was badly behaved when they came to visit us several months later and since then she has repeatedly brought up his bad behavior and dislike for her when she talks to me. While she's right that his behavior needs some correcting, she's not the one who should be doing the correcting and if she persists in trying every time she sees him, he's going to end up disliking her for real. I hope my brother and his wife have at least started to realize that my sister and I have good reasons for our issues with her. You're not a failure for wanting your son and his grandmother to have a good time together. You're not a failure for not being able to make her mentally healthy. Now you know that including her in activities with your son doesn't give good results so you can avoid making the same mistake again. 46 isn't a bad age by the way. I hope you're having a good birthday. At 08:35 PM 08/09/2012 Batty wrote: >because everyone on this board knows where I'm coming from. As >a single mom I tried really hard to make spring break special >for my son. I planned a trip to legoland/disney and invited >nada along (against my better judgement) because she's 82 and >wanted to give my son some last great memories. It was awful >and I ended up literally playing referee between them (figures >she'd argue with an 8 year old. Any how he was completely over >disney so when his father told me they were going this week >(new girlfriend and her kids) I wasn't too worried figuring he >wouldn't have much fun between the heat and " being over >disney " . WRONG He's had a ball every day we've talked, which >I " m glad for him but tonight I asked what was so different >because in April he said he was done with disney and he said > " grandma phylis wasn't there " . On top of which I'm turning 46 >tomorrow and just feeling like an all around failure. Once >again I " m having to chose between nada and >feeling like an all around failure. Once again I " m having to >chose between nada and >someone I love. Of course I " m giong to chose my son but it'll >be hell for a long time. > > >Just needed to get it off my mind. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2012 Report Share Posted August 10, 2012 I'm so so sorry. I can only imagine the heartache of trying to make a special day for him and then he had a blast going there with someone else. We try so hard to make things special and nada never fails to ruin it. > > because everyone on this board knows where I'm coming from. As a single mom I tried really hard to make spring break special for my son. I planned a trip to legoland/disney and invited nada along (against my better judgement) because she's 82 and wanted to give my son some last great memories. It was awful and I ended up literally playing referee between them (figures she'd argue with an 8 year old. Any how he was completely over disney so when his father told me they were going this week (new girlfriend and her kids) I wasn't too worried figuring he wouldn't have much fun between the heat and " being over disney " . WRONG He's had a ball every day we've talked, which I " m glad for him but tonight I asked what was so different because in April he said he was done with disney and he said " grandma phylis wasn't there " . On top of which I'm turning 46 tomorrow and just feeling like an all around failure. Once again I " m having to chose between nada and > someone I love. Of course I " m giong to chose my son but it'll be hell for a long time. > > Just needed to get it off my mind. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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