nada guilt jab didn't bother me so much today

[Guest guest]

Today when I spoke with nada, she shared some very unhappy stories about

sickness in our family and something bad that happened to a good friend of the

family's.

I was really saddened to hear it.

Of course, nada can't let ANY conversation go by without some sort of

jab/putdown on myself or my brother or someone.

She said, " I would've told you sooner, but you hardly call anymore. The one I

told was your brother. "

I used to engage in the sparring with her, but now I just ignore it. I just say,

" uh-huh " and move on to another topic.

I was REALLY encouraged at how much her jab amused me this time, how it didn't

devastate me or consume my thoughts. 

The reason I'm even posting about this is because I go back and forth; some days

my " amused detachment " is better than others. Other days, I'm so hurt, it takes

me hours to get over it. It feels like the better days are becoming more

frequent, I hope anyway!!

Also, even though we were talking about these sad topics, nada made sure to take

a moment to accuse me of lying to her about something re: my daughter.  I

almost, *almost* engaged her in it but caught myself and just said, " She is

fine, so don't worry about it ... So, you said you went to the dr. What did he

say? "    And that was that. 

Just posting to thank this board for the encouragement in my boundaries and

maybe be an encouragement to others.

Take care,

Fiona

[Guest guest]

Fiona,

Congratulations! It sounds like you're making progress in

dealing with your nada. In my experience, the more you

successfully interact in a healthy way rather than being

overcome by the craziness, the easier it gets to do it again the

next time. Each success blows away a little of the FOG.

At 08:35 AM 08/14/2012 Fiona wrote:

>Today when I spoke with nada, she shared some very unhappy

>stories about sickness in our family and something bad that

>happened to a good friend of the family's.

>

>I was really saddened to hear it.

>

>Of course, nada can't let ANY conversation go by without some

>sort of jab/putdown on myself or my brother or someone.

>

>She said, " I would've told you sooner, but you hardly call

>anymore. The one I told was your brother. "

>

>I used to engage in the sparring with her, but now I just

>ignore it. I just say, " uh-huh " and move on to another topic.

>

>I was REALLY encouraged at how much her jab amused me this

>time, how it didn't devastate me or consume my thoughts.

>

>The reason I'm even posting about this is because I go back and

>forth; some days my " amused detachment " is better than others.

>Other days, I'm so hurt, it takes me hours to get over it. It

>feels like the better days are becoming more frequent, I hope

>anyway!!

>

>Also, even though we were talking about these sad topics, nada

>made sure to take a moment to accuse me of lying to her about

>something re: my daughter. I almost, *almost* engaged her in

>it but caught myself and just said, " She is fine, so don't

>worry about it ... So, you said you went to the dr. What did he

>say? " And that was that.

>

>Just posting to thank this board for the encouragement in my

>boundaries and maybe be an encouragement to others.

>

>Take care,

>

>Fiona

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

That's great, Fiona. I can sense in the tone of your post that you are feeling

more empowered, that you are more and more able to maintain that " amused

detachment " and not take what your nada says to you as personally as before,

that you are able to step back and not engage in defending yourself from her

absurd insults/attacks on you, and distract her attention. That's awesome, you

are becoming a first-class nada wrangler!

-Annie

>

> Today when I spoke with nada, she shared some very unhappy stories about

sickness in our family and something bad that happened to a good friend of the

family's.

>

> I was really saddened to hear it.

>

> Of course, nada can't let ANY conversation go by without some sort of

jab/putdown on myself or my brother or someone.

>

> She said, " I would've told you sooner, but you hardly call anymore. The one I

told was your brother. "

>

> I used to engage in the sparring with her, but now I just ignore it. I just

say, " uh-huh " and move on to another topic.

>

> I was REALLY encouraged at how much her jab amused me this time, how it didn't

devastate me or consume my thoughts. 

>

> The reason I'm even posting about this is because I go back and forth; some

days my " amused detachment " is better than others. Other days, I'm so hurt, it

takes me hours to get over it. It feels like the better days are becoming more

frequent, I hope anyway!!

>

> Also, even though we were talking about these sad topics, nada made sure to

take a moment to accuse me of lying to her about something re: my daughter.  I

almost, *almost* engaged her in it but caught myself and just said, " She is

fine, so don't worry about it ... So, you said you went to the dr. What did he

say? "    And that was that. 

>

> Just posting to thank this board for the encouragement in my boundaries and

maybe be an encouragement to others.

>

> Take care,

>

> Fiona

>

>

[Guest guest]

nada wrangler!!! I love it!! YEE-HA!! LOL!

Thanks for the high fives, guys!!

> >

> > Today when I spoke with nada, she shared some very unhappy stories about

sickness in our family and something bad that happened to a good friend of the

family's.

> >

> > I was really saddened to hear it.

> >

> > Of course, nada can't let ANY conversation go by without some sort of

jab/putdown on myself or my brother or someone.

> >

> > She said, " I would've told you sooner, but you hardly call anymore. The one

I told was your brother. "

> >

> > I used to engage in the sparring with her, but now I just ignore it. I just

say, " uh-huh " and move on to another topic.

> >

> > I was REALLY encouraged at how much her jab amused me this time, how it

didn't devastate me or consume my thoughts. 

> >

> > The reason I'm even posting about this is because I go back and forth; some

days my " amused detachment " is better than others. Other days, I'm so hurt, it

takes me hours to get over it. It feels like the better days are becoming more

frequent, I hope anyway!!

> >

> > Also, even though we were talking about these sad topics, nada made sure to

take a moment to accuse me of lying to her about something re: my daughter.  I

almost, *almost* engaged her in it but caught myself and just said, " She is

fine, so don't worry about it ... So, you said you went to the dr. What did he

say? "    And that was that. 

> >

> > Just posting to thank this board for the encouragement in my boundaries and

maybe be an encouragement to others.

> >

> > Take care,

> >

> > Fiona

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

They do like nothing better than having a juicy sad story to inform us about,

don't they? Especially if it somehow can seem like we are unreliable and that is

why we are the last to know.

You sound like you are doing really great, Fiona :-)

Lord knows you have a better way of handling her than I do with my own nada.

>

> Today when I spoke with nada, she shared some very unhappy stories about

sickness in our family and something bad that happened to a good friend of the

family's.

>

> I was really saddened to hear it.

>

> Of course, nada can't let ANY conversation go by without some sort of

jab/putdown on myself or my brother or someone.

>

> She said, " I would've told you sooner, but you hardly call anymore. The one I

told was your brother. "

>

> I used to engage in the sparring with her, but now I just ignore it. I just

say, " uh-huh " and move on to another topic.

>

> I was REALLY encouraged at how much her jab amused me this time, how it didn't

devastate me or consume my thoughts. 

>

> The reason I'm even posting about this is because I go back and forth; some

days my " amused detachment " is better than others. Other days, I'm so hurt, it

takes me hours to get over it. It feels like the better days are becoming more

frequent, I hope anyway!!

>

> Also, even though we were talking about these sad topics, nada made sure to

take a moment to accuse me of lying to her about something re: my daughter.  I

almost, *almost* engaged her in it but caught myself and just said, " She is

fine, so don't worry about it ... So, you said you went to the dr. What did he

say? "    And that was that. 

>

> Just posting to thank this board for the encouragement in my boundaries and

maybe be an encouragement to others.

>

> Take care,

>

> Fiona

>

>

[Guest guest]

" Each success blows away a little of the FOG. "

I love that, Katrina!

Am saving that!

> >Today when I spoke with nada, she shared some very unhappy

> >stories about sickness in our family and something bad that

> >happened to a good friend of the family's.

> >

> >I was really saddened to hear it.

> >

> >Of course, nada can't let ANY conversation go by without some

> >sort of jab/putdown on myself or my brother or someone.

> >

> >She said, " I would've told you sooner, but you hardly call

> >anymore. The one I told was your brother. "

> >

> >I used to engage in the sparring with her, but now I just

> >ignore it. I just say, " uh-huh " and move on to another topic.

> >

> >I was REALLY encouraged at how much her jab amused me this

> >time, how it didn't devastate me or consume my thoughts.

> >

> >The reason I'm even posting about this is because I go back and

> >forth; some days my " amused detachment " is better than others.

> >Other days, I'm so hurt, it takes me hours to get over it. It

> >feels like the better days are becoming more frequent, I hope

> >anyway!!

> >

> >Also, even though we were talking about these sad topics, nada

> >made sure to take a moment to accuse me of lying to her about

> >something re: my daughter. I almost, *almost* engaged her in

> >it but caught myself and just said, " She is fine, so don't

> >worry about it ... So, you said you went to the dr. What did he

> >say? " And that was that.

> >

> >Just posting to thank this board for the encouragement in my

> >boundaries and maybe be an encouragement to others.

> >

> >Take care,

> >

> >Fiona

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Echo, you are one of my heroes here! If I handle her well at all, it's thanks

to the courage and insight you've all given me.

It's such a see-saw. Strong one day/scared and weak the next; upfront and

brave/terrified to speak the truth...

> >

> > Today when I spoke with nada, she shared some very unhappy stories about

sickness in our family and something bad that happened to a good friend of the

family's.

> >

> > I was really saddened to hear it.

> >

> > Of course, nada can't let ANY conversation go by without some sort of

jab/putdown on myself or my brother or someone.

> >

> > She said, " I would've told you sooner, but you hardly call anymore. The one

I told was your brother. "

> >

> > I used to engage in the sparring with her, but now I just ignore it. I just

say, " uh-huh " and move on to another topic.

> >

> > I was REALLY encouraged at how much her jab amused me this time, how it

didn't devastate me or consume my thoughts. 

> >

> > The reason I'm even posting about this is because I go back and forth; some

days my " amused detachment " is better than others. Other days, I'm so hurt, it

takes me hours to get over it. It feels like the better days are becoming more

frequent, I hope anyway!!

> >

> > Also, even though we were talking about these sad topics, nada made sure to

take a moment to accuse me of lying to her about something re: my daughter.  I

almost, *almost* engaged her in it but caught myself and just said, " She is

fine, so don't worry about it ... So, you said you went to the dr. What did he

say? "    And that was that. 

> >

> > Just posting to thank this board for the encouragement in my boundaries and

maybe be an encouragement to others.

> >

> > Take care,

> >

> > Fiona

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

<3 you are such a sweetie! Thanks :-)

& you are one of my heroes here, too. I am GRATEFUL that others here understand

the struggle and often share insights and strengths to share that help us to

grow.

> > >

> > > Today when I spoke with nada, she shared some very unhappy stories about

sickness in our family and something bad that happened to a good friend of the

family's.

> > >

> > > I was really saddened to hear it.

> > >

> > > Of course, nada can't let ANY conversation go by without some sort of

jab/putdown on myself or my brother or someone.

> > >

> > > She said, " I would've told you sooner, but you hardly call anymore. The

one I told was your brother. "

> > >

> > > I used to engage in the sparring with her, but now I just ignore it. I

just say, " uh-huh " and move on to another topic.

> > >

> > > I was REALLY encouraged at how much her jab amused me this time, how it

didn't devastate me or consume my thoughts. 

> > >

> > > The reason I'm even posting about this is because I go back and forth;

some days my " amused detachment " is better than others. Other days, I'm so hurt,

it takes me hours to get over it. It feels like the better days are becoming

more frequent, I hope anyway!!

> > >

> > > Also, even though we were talking about these sad topics, nada made sure

to take a moment to accuse me of lying to her about something re: my daughter.

 I almost, *almost* engaged her in it but caught myself and just said, " She is

fine, so don't worry about it ... So, you said you went to the dr. What did he

say? "    And that was that. 

> > >

> > > Just posting to thank this board for the encouragement in my boundaries

and maybe be an encouragement to others.

> > >

> > > Take care,

> > >

> > > Fiona

> > >

> > >