My nada and fada are dead and I still have problems! First post!

[Guest guest]

I've known I have problems since I was in my twenties. I did not discover the

extent of this until I discovered BOTH of them most likely were BPD! I thought

I had everything under control. They have been deceased for 10 years now. But I

came in contact with a BPD in my team I manage and I am still a puddle of

confusion, anger and frustration. I am facing a reprimand from my boss because

this person has taken lies to him and has threatened to file an EEO complaint

against me. I have been forced to formally apologize to her, which I did. But

right after that I fell apart. I have not been back to work for three days now,

and I am afraid to go back. I had my first therapy session yesterday and my

assignment is to read " stop walking on eggshells " . I have another appointment on

Monday. I am like a bowl of jelly right now. How in the world am I going to

manage a team like this? Thankfully management decided to move this person to

another assignment. She has been wreaking havoc with this team (that I just

joined 60 days ago) for three years now and the former manager did nothing to

stop her bad behavior. How in the world do I survive this? It looks like

management above me will be taking away my award money I was most likely getting

until this happened with her. I was wrong to overreact, I get that. I was

emotional and upset that she was doing this stuff. But I was just doing my job,

writing her up when she got nasty and sharp with me, trying to normalize the

workload in the team dynamic, but she accused me of taking away her

responsibilities. She challenged everything I did as a personal affront against

her. Now it looks like I am ruined at work.

Thanks for letting me vent. Tell me if I have broken any posting rules. I

really don't know the terminology you guys are using, nada I think means mother?

fada father? T therapist?

[Guest guest]

I think you understand the lingo. You can look in the " Files " link up at the top

left of the board home page to find more.

It is hard when other people trigger our bad feelings from childhood. Definitely

not fun working with PDd people any more than it is living with them. It is good

that you are making some connections to your childhood, though, because that

will help you overcome lots of obstacles. Do you currently have a therapist? It

can be kind of overwhelming to realize a parent (let alone two parents!) had a

PD. Professional support can be really helpful to work through all of that.

Learning to take care of yourself with boundaries is an important step. How do

you feel about this area of your life?

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Been there, done that myself--

I can just picture this and all I can say is 'wow' and feel empathy for your

current plight--what a sucky position in which to find yourself.

I don't know how you stepped over the line, but just because you did does not

mean you should be continually punished at work. The woman skillfully pushed

buttons until she got a reaction from you, and she is clearly manipulating

anyone and everyone she comes in contact with. If you don't normally have

personality issues with people you lead, your management history prior to her

arrival should speak for something.

As for your current stress reaction: welcome to the world of PTSD. The only way

I know to gain your control back is to find a competent therapist who can help

you figure out how those button got pushed in the first place. That way you can

ID when/if it starts happening again and stop the downward spiral before you end

up with jelly legs and acting out of your normal character.

((HUGS))

>

> I've known I have problems since I was in my twenties. I did not discover the

extent of this until I discovered BOTH of them most likely were BPD! I thought

I had everything under control. They have been deceased for 10 years now. But I

came in contact with a BPD in my team I manage and I am still a puddle of

confusion, anger and frustration. I am facing a reprimand from my boss because

this person has taken lies to him and has threatened to file an EEO complaint

against me. I have been forced to formally apologize to her, which I did. But

right after that I fell apart. I have not been back to work for three days now,

and I am afraid to go back. I had my first therapy session yesterday and my

assignment is to read " stop walking on eggshells " . I have another appointment on

Monday. I am like a bowl of jelly right now. How in the world am I going to

manage a team like this? Thankfully management decided to move this person to

another assignment. She has been wreaking havoc with this team (that I just

joined 60 days ago) for three years now and the former manager did nothing to

stop her bad behavior. How in the world do I survive this? It looks like

management above me will be taking away my award money I was most likely getting

until this happened with her. I was wrong to overreact, I get that. I was

emotional and upset that she was doing this stuff. But I was just doing my job,

writing her up when she got nasty and sharp with me, trying to normalize the

workload in the team dynamic, but she accused me of taking away her

responsibilities. She challenged everything I did as a personal affront against

her. Now it looks like I am ruined at work.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent. Tell me if I have broken any posting rules. I

really don't know the terminology you guys are using, nada I think means mother?

fada father? T therapist?

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions. Yes, I have a very good T who is

working with me right now. He says I def have the classic PTSD and suspects I am

chronically depressed even though I resisted the test questions he gave me. His

new assignment for me? Get some friends and get a life.

This gives me panicky feelings. You see, as a child I was not encouraged to have

friends, and we moved around so much that when I did have a friend or two, we

would move and I would have to start all over. My fada would criticize anything

I said about my " little friends " to the point that I would not even share with

either of them who my friends were or what we did together, nothing. My fada

would often tell me no one is to be trusted except him, not even nada, she's

crazy. So now I am dealing with that stuff too.

Bottom line is I was taught not to trust anyone, especially men. That explains

so much. But how do I break out of the panic and fear of even the idea of making

friends? Crazy feelings.

I went back to work after 3 days away and my team was so glad to see me. And my

boss was glad too, relieved that I seemed okay and recovered, but I am not

inside, although I feel better each day, I still have the anger sitting there

from the bad experience. I hold it like a shield in case she comes back for

another piece of me.

I thank goodness for this group!

>

> I've known I have problems since I was in my twenties. I did not discover the

extent of this until I discovered BOTH of them most likely were BPD! I thought

I had everything under control. They have been deceased for 10 years now. But I

came in contact with a BPD in my team I manage and I am still a puddle of

confusion, anger and frustration. I am facing a reprimand from my boss because

this person has taken lies to him and has threatened to file an EEO complaint

against me. I have been forced to formally apologize to her, which I did. But

right after that I fell apart. I have not been back to work for three days now,

and I am afraid to go back. I had my first therapy session yesterday and my

assignment is to read " stop walking on eggshells " . I have another appointment on

Monday. I am like a bowl of jelly right now. How in the world am I going to

manage a team like this? Thankfully management decided to move this person to

another assignment. She has been wreaking havoc with this team (that I just

joined 60 days ago) for three years now and the former manager did nothing to

stop her bad behavior. How in the world do I survive this? It looks like

management above me will be taking away my award money I was most likely getting

until this happened with her. I was wrong to overreact, I get that. I was

emotional and upset that she was doing this stuff. But I was just doing my job,

writing her up when she got nasty and sharp with me, trying to normalize the

workload in the team dynamic, but she accused me of taking away her

responsibilities. She challenged everything I did as a personal affront against

her. Now it looks like I am ruined at work.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent. Tell me if I have broken any posting rules. I

really don't know the terminology you guys are using, nada I think means mother?

fada father? T therapist?

>

[Guest guest]

Can I please add here that you not have one on one contact with this woman ever

again? She is obviously manipulative, and you need to cover your own butt. At

the very least, get a good voice recorder and if she ever tries to have a one to

one confrontation, hold up your hand and say... " Sorry, but I need to record this

since there have been misunderstandings in the past of our communications, I

want a physical record of any conversations that take place between the two of

us " Considering that this woman has already caused you professional trouble, I

think it is only prudent. Just my two cents.C

> >

> > I've known I have problems since I was in my twenties. I did not discover

the extent of this until I discovered BOTH of them most likely were BPD! I

thought I had everything under control. They have been deceased for 10 years

now. But I came in contact with a BPD in my team I manage and I am still a

puddle of confusion, anger and frustration. I am facing a reprimand from my boss

because this person has taken lies to him and has threatened to file an EEO

complaint against me. I have been forced to formally apologize to her, which I

did. But right after that I fell apart. I have not been back to work for three

days now, and I am afraid to go back. I had my first therapy session yesterday

and my assignment is to read " stop walking on eggshells " . I have another

appointment on Monday. I am like a bowl of jelly right now. How in the world am

I going to manage a team like this? Thankfully management decided to move this

person to another assignment. She has been wreaking havoc with this team (that

I just joined 60 days ago) for three years now and the former manager did

nothing to stop her bad behavior. How in the world do I survive this? It looks

like management above me will be taking away my award money I was most likely

getting until this happened with her. I was wrong to overreact, I get that. I

was emotional and upset that she was doing this stuff. But I was just doing my

job, writing her up when she got nasty and sharp with me, trying to normalize

the workload in the team dynamic, but she accused me of taking away her

responsibilities. She challenged everything I did as a personal affront against

her. Now it looks like I am ruined at work.

> >

> > Thanks for letting me vent. Tell me if I have broken any posting rules. I

really don't know the terminology you guys are using, nada I think means mother?

fada father? T therapist?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This advice is priceless! I will find a good pocket recorder Saturday! Thanks!

> > >

> > > I've known I have problems since I was in my twenties. I did not discover

the extent of this until I discovered BOTH of them most likely were BPD! I

thought I had everything under control. They have been deceased for 10 years

now. But I came in contact with a BPD in my team I manage and I am still a

puddle of confusion, anger and frustration. I am facing a reprimand from my boss

because this person has taken lies to him and has threatened to file an EEO

complaint against me. I have been forced to formally apologize to her, which I

did. But right after that I fell apart. I have not been back to work for three

days now, and I am afraid to go back. I had my first therapy session yesterday

and my assignment is to read " stop walking on eggshells " . I have another

appointment on Monday. I am like a bowl of jelly right now. How in the world am

I going to manage a team like this? Thankfully management decided to move this

person to another assignment. She has been wreaking havoc with this team (that

I just joined 60 days ago) for three years now and the former manager did

nothing to stop her bad behavior. How in the world do I survive this? It looks

like management above me will be taking away my award money I was most likely

getting until this happened with her. I was wrong to overreact, I get that. I

was emotional and upset that she was doing this stuff. But I was just doing my

job, writing her up when she got nasty and sharp with me, trying to normalize

the workload in the team dynamic, but she accused me of taking away her

responsibilities. She challenged everything I did as a personal affront against

her. Now it looks like I am ruined at work.

> > >

> > > Thanks for letting me vent. Tell me if I have broken any posting rules. I

really don't know the terminology you guys are using, nada I think means mother?

fada father? T therapist?

> > >

> >

>