Emergency....any advice will be appreciated

[Guest guest]

hi everyone, last night i got a fb msg from a cousin of mine that my stepdad has

liver cancer and doesnt have much time,(who is married to my nada i have been nc

for 2 years and i have not allowed my kids to see her unless as i said to her my

relationship with her is somewhat a healthy one which she refused passaionately.

my nada is a witch and plays the aggressor and victim whenver she sees fit) i am

heatbroken as i do care about my stepdad and my nada and the difficult time they

are going through. i would like to see him but i know alot of emotion on my

nadas part is goig to be involved and of course mine seeing them both. what if

she says she watns to see the kids? what if she totally rejects me again?! i

dnot know so many questions at such a hard time. any comments welcome. i just

know theres is going to drama involved no matter what i decide to do!

[Guest guest]

M,

I am so sorry about your stepdad. How awful.

You are right on, no matter what you do, if nada is involved, depend on there

being drama.

The only advice I can think of is to go see him and to bring someone you can

depend on to be a good buffer between you and nada. This time should only be

about your stepdad and if nada tries to turn it into anything else, your buffer

will be there to stand in and deflect her.

Stay strong!

Fiona

>

> hi everyone, last night i got a fb msg from a cousin of mine that my stepdad

has liver cancer and doesnt have much time,(who is married to my nada i have

been nc for 2 years and i have not allowed my kids to see her unless as i said

to her my relationship with her is somewhat a healthy one which she refused

passaionately. my nada is a witch and plays the aggressor and victim whenver she

sees fit) i am heatbroken as i do care about my stepdad and my nada and the

difficult time they are going through. i would like to see him but i know alot

of emotion on my nadas part is goig to be involved and of course mine seeing

them both. what if she says she watns to see the kids? what if she totally

rejects me again?! i dnot know so many questions at such a hard time. any

comments welcome. i just know theres is going to drama involved no matter what i

decide to do!

>

[Guest guest]

This is a tough situation to be in, and my heart goes out to you. My advice

would be to go see your step dad, and maintain your boundaries. If she fusses

that she wants to see the kids, tell her they are busy with another family

member, or a friend, or school or whatever. As far as her rejecting you or

playing the witch, be strong, ignore her, and keep telling yourself you are

there for your step dad. I hope that helps, and I wish I had a better answer.

Good luck!!

Tina

>

> hi everyone, last night i got a fb msg from a cousin of mine that my stepdad

has liver cancer and doesnt have much time,(who is married to my nada i have

been nc for 2 years and i have not allowed my kids to see her unless as i said

to her my relationship with her is somewhat a healthy one which she refused

passaionately. my nada is a witch and plays the aggressor and victim whenver she

sees fit) i am heatbroken as i do care about my stepdad and my nada and the

difficult time they are going through. i would like to see him but i know alot

of emotion on my nadas part is goig to be involved and of course mine seeing

them both. what if she says she watns to see the kids? what if she totally

rejects me again?! i dnot know so many questions at such a hard time. any

comments welcome. i just know theres is going to drama involved no matter what i

decide to do!

>

[Guest guest]

thanks guys

well i went i saw him last night with my bro who is also been nc and i believe

God was on our side. We went there expecting the worst and it was just him. nada

had just left. it felt soooogood to connect with him and he knew exactly how we

felt and why we have kept our distance. poor thing was more concerned about what

to tell nada. i feel good seeing him alone without an audience. what a pure and

strong soul he is. i know there will indirect pressure to go see my nada as well

as it is a very trying for her as well....but i know that is a door i want to

keep closed, for obvious reasons/

> >

> > hi everyone, last night i got a fb msg from a cousin of mine that my stepdad

has liver cancer and doesnt have much time,(who is married to my nada i have

been nc for 2 years and i have not allowed my kids to see her unless as i said

to her my relationship with her is somewhat a healthy one which she refused

passaionately. my nada is a witch and plays the aggressor and victim whenver she

sees fit) i am heatbroken as i do care about my stepdad and my nada and the

difficult time they are going through. i would like to see him but i know alot

of emotion on my nadas part is goig to be involved and of course mine seeing

them both. what if she says she watns to see the kids? what if she totally

rejects me again?! i dnot know so many questions at such a hard time. any

comments welcome. i just know theres is going to drama involved no matter what i

decide to do!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow thank goodness she wasn't there!I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

> > >

> > > hi everyone, last night i got a fb msg from a cousin of mine that my

stepdad has liver cancer and doesnt have much time,(who is married to my nada i

have been nc for 2 years and i have not allowed my kids to see her unless as i

said to her my relationship with her is somewhat a healthy one which she refused

passaionately. my nada is a witch and plays the aggressor and victim whenver she

sees fit) i am heatbroken as i do care about my stepdad and my nada and the

difficult time they are going through. i would like to see him but i know alot

of emotion on my nadas part is goig to be involved and of course mine seeing

them both. what if she says she watns to see the kids? what if she totally

rejects me again?! i dnot know so many questions at such a hard time. any

comments welcome. i just know theres is going to drama involved no matter what i

decide to do!

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This is a tough situation.

If you really want to see your stepdad then go.

At least at this moment you know there will be drama so you can prepare ahead of

time. Make a plan up, if things get worse...I'm leaving, If things are good I

still need to keep my boundaries, etc...

Maybe, things will work out too, death makes people react and change. For

instance, My dad (Not BPD), whom I hadn't spoken to you in a few years, started

speaking with me again, making the effort to call, and have somewhat of a

relationship after his brother died. It was a horrible situation but my Dad

actually took the " life is too short " cliche seriously and changed our

relationship. It's not perfect and I know exactly what to expect from our

relationship but I'm glad that we have one.

Good Luck!

>

> hi everyone, last night i got a fb msg from a cousin of mine that my stepdad

has liver cancer and doesnt have much time,(who is married to my nada i have

been nc for 2 years and i have not allowed my kids to see her unless as i said

to her my relationship with her is somewhat a healthy one which she refused

passaionately. my nada is a witch and plays the aggressor and victim whenver she

sees fit) i am heatbroken as i do care about my stepdad and my nada and the

difficult time they are going through. i would like to see him but i know alot

of emotion on my nadas part is goig to be involved and of course mine seeing

them both. what if she says she watns to see the kids? what if she totally

rejects me again?! i dnot know so many questions at such a hard time. any

comments welcome. i just know theres is going to drama involved no matter what i

decide to do!

>

[Guest guest]

M,

I'm soooo glad it went well and that you could have a drama-free visit with your

stepdad.

It is sad that, in his state, he's still concerned about what to tell nada.

> > >

> > > hi everyone, last night i got a fb msg from a cousin of mine that my

stepdad has liver cancer and doesnt have much time,(who is married to my nada i

have been nc for 2 years and i have not allowed my kids to see her unless as i

said to her my relationship with her is somewhat a healthy one which she refused

passaionately. my nada is a witch and plays the aggressor and victim whenver she

sees fit) i am heatbroken as i do care about my stepdad and my nada and the

difficult time they are going through. i would like to see him but i know alot

of emotion on my nadas part is goig to be involved and of course mine seeing

them both. what if she says she watns to see the kids? what if she totally

rejects me again?! i dnot know so many questions at such a hard time. any

comments welcome. i just know theres is going to drama involved no matter what i

decide to do!

> > >

> >

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