What to do with my feelings??

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone, its been a long time since i have been able to get online to read

and post but I finally got back to it today and have been enjoying catching up

on the great conversation. I was just reading a thread about dealing with

" untruths " from PD parents and I had a follow up question. I am beginning to

understand the importance of not responding to the " untruths " but what do you do

with the feelings that arrise in response to them. My mind knows to not buy into

the untruths but my heart seems to respond with a ton of sadness and anger

anyway.

Most recently, this has been a probelm stemming from issues surrounding my

wedding. My nada had made up a bunch of untruths about my wedding which led to

her entire family deciding not to come to my wedding (nada had been refusing to

come and I think a lot of them were afraid to go against her). Last minute, of

course, she ended up coming but no one else in her family did. She was actually

pretty good at the wedding and I was able to overlook everything that had been

going on and who wasnt there to really embrace the moment and had a truly

wonderful wedding day. Since then, every once in a while, she brings up her

" untruths " again and I try so hard not to engage. Even when I don't all those

unresolved feelings come out and I end up feeling like I'm ready to explode.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how either not to engage emotions to begin

with or how to manage the feelings once they have arrived? I am trying so hard

to keep the positive momentum going in my life that I have fought for over the

last year of preparing for the kind of wedding and life that my husband and I

want and I am so afraid these " incidents " are going to start chipping away at

me. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Tucket

[Guest guest]

My nadad has lots of HER versions of truth. I know one thing that has helped me

is telling my truth here and having a person in your real (not online) life to

tell your truth to that will validate you is always helpful. Ending contact or

conversations when your nada brings these things up so as to create a negative

consequence might also be helpful. I'm sure there are others here that have even

more ideas than that. C

>

> Hi Everyone, its been a long time since i have been able to get online to read

and post but I finally got back to it today and have been enjoying catching up

on the great conversation. I was just reading a thread about dealing with

" untruths " from PD parents and I had a follow up question. I am beginning to

understand the importance of not responding to the " untruths " but what do you do

with the feelings that arrise in response to them. My mind knows to not buy into

the untruths but my heart seems to respond with a ton of sadness and anger

anyway.

>

> Most recently, this has been a probelm stemming from issues surrounding my

wedding. My nada had made up a bunch of untruths about my wedding which led to

her entire family deciding not to come to my wedding (nada had been refusing to

come and I think a lot of them were afraid to go against her). Last minute, of

course, she ended up coming but no one else in her family did. She was actually

pretty good at the wedding and I was able to overlook everything that had been

going on and who wasnt there to really embrace the moment and had a truly

wonderful wedding day. Since then, every once in a while, she brings up her

" untruths " again and I try so hard not to engage. Even when I don't all those

unresolved feelings come out and I end up feeling like I'm ready to explode.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how either not to engage emotions to begin

with or how to manage the feelings once they have arrived? I am trying so hard

to keep the positive momentum going in my life that I have fought for over the

last year of preparing for the kind of wedding and life that my husband and I

want and I am so afraid these " incidents " are going to start chipping away at

me. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Thank you.

>

> Sincerely,

>

> Tucket

>

[Guest guest]

What a good idea! I think that would be very helpful. I often call my best

friend to ask her if something is normal or " screwed up " so I can help

understand if I am having a " normal " reaction a just triggering. My husband

helps me with this as well.

My T told me that when nada was firing her crazy at me to imagine a bubble or

shield around myself to deflect all her bad/crazy energy. This helped me a lot.

Another idea, which is kind of old school but I think is very helpful, is to

write how you are feeling down. Get it all out. Whether it's a journal entry or

a letter to nada (which you don't send, of course) it can be very therapeutic.

No one will see it so you can say whatever you want. I also find taking a few

minutes to do some deep breathing, where you breathe from your abdomen, helps. A

few moments to center yourself and calm down.

Other ideas- exercise or a hobby that you love. Remind yourself that her

untruths are just plain crazy and try to let it go at that.

> >

> > Hi Everyone, its been a long time since i have been able to get online to

read and post but I finally got back to it today and have been enjoying catching

up on the great conversation. I was just reading a thread about dealing with

" untruths " from PD parents and I had a follow up question. I am beginning to

understand the importance of not responding to the " untruths " but what do you do

with the feelings that arrise in response to them. My mind knows to not buy into

the untruths but my heart seems to respond with a ton of sadness and anger

anyway.

> >

> > Most recently, this has been a probelm stemming from issues surrounding my

wedding. My nada had made up a bunch of untruths about my wedding which led to

her entire family deciding not to come to my wedding (nada had been refusing to

come and I think a lot of them were afraid to go against her). Last minute, of

course, she ended up coming but no one else in her family did. She was actually

pretty good at the wedding and I was able to overlook everything that had been

going on and who wasnt there to really embrace the moment and had a truly

wonderful wedding day. Since then, every once in a while, she brings up her

" untruths " again and I try so hard not to engage. Even when I don't all those

unresolved feelings come out and I end up feeling like I'm ready to explode.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how either not to engage emotions to begin

with or how to manage the feelings once they have arrived? I am trying so hard

to keep the positive momentum going in my life that I have fought for over the

last year of preparing for the kind of wedding and life that my husband and I

want and I am so afraid these " incidents " are going to start chipping away at

me. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

> >

> > Thank you.

> >

> > Sincerely,

> >

> > Tucket

> >

>