New Here, Double Whammy...

[Guest guest]

New to the group.

TBH, I'm not 100% sure if either my mother or MIL fit the BPD dx for sure.

My mom has 5/7 characteristics to be AsPD, and fits NPD like a glove.

MIL fits NPD just as well.

What I've read about BPD fits them both as well, but I don't know if it's an

'also' or an 'instead of' situation. OR if it matters, in all honesty, in terms

of trying to cope w/the level of stress they bring to our lives.

I've gone NC w/my mother. She's been quiet recently, but I've no doubt she'll

start up again soon...she's like that even when we're in contact. Cease to

exist, then suddenly you're her fave toy.

MIL...well, she pulled a disappearing act last wk, which resulted in a missing

person's report being filed. She popped back up, laughing about how upset

everyone got, how funny it all was, etc.

I'm ready to crawl in a hole.

[Guest guest]

Hello ,

It seems common for personality disorders to be rather

mix-and-match in their symptoms. Since the ways of dealing with

people who have them are similar I don't think it matters a lot

which diagnosis a professional would assign. Whichever PD or

combination of PDs they have, you start to deal with it by

recognizing they aren't going to change but that you can change

how you react. Then you decide what you're willing to put up

with and set boundaries then enforce them.

At 08:11 PM 08/15/2012 C wrote:

>New to the group.

>

>TBH, I'm not 100% sure if either my mother or MIL fit the BPD

>dx for sure.

>

>My mom has 5/7 characteristics to be AsPD, and fits NPD like a

>glove.

>MIL fits NPD just as well.

>

>What I've read about BPD fits them both as well, but I don't

>know if it's an 'also' or an 'instead of' situation. OR if it

>matters, in all honesty, in terms of trying to cope w/the level

>of stress they bring to our lives.

>

>I've gone NC w/my mother. She's been quiet recently, but I've

>no doubt she'll start up again soon...she's like that even when

>we're in contact. Cease to exist, then suddenly you're her

>fave toy.

>

>MIL...well, she pulled a disappearing act last wk, which

>resulted in a missing person's report being filed. She popped

>back up, laughing about how upset everyone got, how funny it

>all was, etc.

>

>I'm ready to crawl in a hole.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

It's not either/or. Many BPDs are also narcissists. Do you have a therapist?

With two PDs in your life you most likely would benefit greatly from this. I can

honestly say my therapist changed my life. I went through a few before I found

her. Finding the right fit is important as well as finding someone who really

understands BPD. many know about it but don't really get it. It's expensive but

to me so so worth it.

>

> New to the group.

>

> TBH, I'm not 100% sure if either my mother or MIL fit the BPD dx for sure.

>

> My mom has 5/7 characteristics to be AsPD, and fits NPD like a glove.

> MIL fits NPD just as well.

>

> What I've read about BPD fits them both as well, but I don't know if it's an

'also' or an 'instead of' situation. OR if it matters, in all honesty, in terms

of trying to cope w/the level of stress they bring to our lives.

>

> I've gone NC w/my mother. She's been quiet recently, but I've no doubt she'll

start up again soon...she's like that even when we're in contact. Cease to

exist, then suddenly you're her fave toy.

>

> MIL...well, she pulled a disappearing act last wk, which resulted in a missing

person's report being filed. She popped back up, laughing about how upset

everyone got, how funny it all was, etc.

>

> I'm ready to crawl in a hole.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

It sounds like you have a lot of stress on your hands. I'm sorry to hear both

of the mothers in your life are so difficult. Not having a dx can make those

with PD even more monstrous, as " they do not have the problem " . I have read

that NPD and BPD are highly comorbid.

I agree with both you and in that dx or no dx, you obviously have a lot of

stress to deal with here. If the behaviours of the two momsters meet the

criteria, it can only help to gain some insight and some strategies for dealing

with their manipulations.

I agree with , a therapist who understands BPD was life-changing for me.

Have you picked up any books on NPD/BPD? There are a lot now that are actually

mom-specific.

Good luck in dealing with these two difficult people!

- Jets Fan

> >

> > New to the group.

> >

> > TBH, I'm not 100% sure if either my mother or MIL fit the BPD dx for sure.

> >

> > My mom has 5/7 characteristics to be AsPD, and fits NPD like a glove.

> > MIL fits NPD just as well.

> >

> > What I've read about BPD fits them both as well, but I don't know if it's an

'also' or an 'instead of' situation. OR if it matters, in all honesty, in terms

of trying to cope w/the level of stress they bring to our lives.

> >

> > I've gone NC w/my mother. She's been quiet recently, but I've no doubt

she'll start up again soon...she's like that even when we're in contact. Cease

to exist, then suddenly you're her fave toy.

> >

> > MIL...well, she pulled a disappearing act last wk, which resulted in a

missing person's report being filed. She popped back up, laughing about how

upset everyone got, how funny it all was, etc.

> >

> > I'm ready to crawl in a hole.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My sympathies but also glad you found us, we've all been there. Can't imagine

dealing with two just one is enough.  Whenever my nada goes nc I just enjoy

it.  I used to fret about what was coming next but finally realized it was

going to happen regardless.  The best I could do is be prepared.  The MIL

definately needs help if she thinks disappering and having missing persons

reports filed is funny.  that alone is probably enough to get mental health

professionals involved (and she would HATE that).  Good luck

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 8:11 PM

Subject: New Here, Double Whammy...

 

New to the group.

TBH, I'm not 100% sure if either my mother or MIL fit the BPD dx for sure.

My mom has 5/7 characteristics to be AsPD, and fits NPD like a glove.

MIL fits NPD just as well.

What I've read about BPD fits them both as well, but I don't know if it's an

'also' or an 'instead of' situation. OR if it matters, in all honesty, in terms

of trying to cope w/the level of stress they bring to our lives.

I've gone NC w/my mother. She's been quiet recently, but I've no doubt she'll

start up again soon...she's like that even when we're in contact. Cease to

exist, then suddenly you're her fave toy.

MIL...well, she pulled a disappearing act last wk, which resulted in a missing

person's report being filed. She popped back up, laughing about how upset

everyone got, how funny it all was, etc.

I'm ready to crawl in a hole.

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group. Unfortunately many of our family members who torment us

will never go in to be checked for BPD or NPD. The two seem to overlap a bit so

unless they go in for a professional check, we tend to research and decide on

our own. That gave me many months of guilt, that I was perhaps unjustly branding

my nada with a BPD tag. But after being here for awhile, sharing stories, going

to a counselor on my own and sharing with her, there's little doubt that my nada

does have BPD.

In any case, I think you'll find this forum extremely helpful and supportive. We

understand the workings of the PD parent. You try to tell an average person what

your parent does or how you feel and they look at you as if you're exaggerating

or they lay on the guilt: but she's your mother! Not really.

Glad to have you here and I hope we can encourage you and make you feel at home.

>

> New to the group.

>

> TBH, I'm not 100% sure if either my mother or MIL fit the BPD dx for sure.

>

> My mom has 5/7 characteristics to be AsPD, and fits NPD like a glove.

> MIL fits NPD just as well.

>

> What I've read about BPD fits them both as well, but I don't know if it's an

'also' or an 'instead of' situation. OR if it matters, in all honesty, in terms

of trying to cope w/the level of stress they bring to our lives.

>

> I've gone NC w/my mother. She's been quiet recently, but I've no doubt she'll

start up again soon...she's like that even when we're in contact. Cease to

exist, then suddenly you're her fave toy.

>

> MIL...well, she pulled a disappearing act last wk, which resulted in a missing

person's report being filed. She popped back up, laughing about how upset

everyone got, how funny it all was, etc.

>

> I'm ready to crawl in a hole.

>