Confront Nada About Inconsistencies?

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and now came back to

find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still trying to get used to it (I tried to

make this post already and after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am super

happy to see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on bettering myself and

focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had the insurance coverage/strength/time

to go through the therapy, self-help books, gym memberships, slowing down my

career etc. that I desperately needed. I have biweekly contact with Nada, and

am able to spend time with her fairly successfully due to some firm boundaries I

have established, however, more are still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my

therapist also suspects NPD. Although, she know claims she " no longer has it " ,

which always makes me chuckle.

One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild bouts of depression

for me lately are the comments she makes about me as a child. Typically these

are made in public places in front of at least two of her enablers. My

therapist suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in debates or

arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical response has been

something to the effect of " I don't remember it that way Mom " . This has been

successful in that I have not dealt with any rages, silent treatment or personal

attacks from her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One thing she likes to

comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized " I was as a child. She likes to

bring this one up around other parents who are normal as a way of relating to

them (as if she were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she got home from

work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs and hours of shaming afterward

as punishment. I have not one single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in

our house. I really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a single

one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word " sensitive " .

This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has used this one since I was about 8

or 9 years old to describe me to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when

in reality I was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She continues

to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen the severity of her

attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as a child. She also uses it to

attempt to control me today by making her demands seem less offensive, as in

" Jets won't lend me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it back than I should

have " (Her version of events, of course).

Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these things and point

out how innacurate they are. I would really love to repsond exactly as I did

above. But then, another part of me feels like there is just no point. My very

close friends and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want to say something

to show that I do not accept of agree with her version of events, but I'm not

sure how and I don't know what to say, or when.

I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with their BPD " parent " 's

versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone tried confronting their Nadas or

fadas? If so, what happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with

the inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or stories that

anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for reading!

- Jets

[Guest guest]

Hi Jets and Everyone,

Welcome to the group, Jets.  I too am " new " here again.  I must apologize to

everyone b/c, this time I was too lazy to get another email address...And I've

been calling myself " Lula " and " " and then I see that my real email address

appears in the emails I send!  It's easier to talk with anonymity.  I'm really

Laraine.  But I'm going to call myself " . "  

Anyway, Jets, I've been through all of that emotional stuff growing up.  The

verbal and physical abuse, and being jokingly called " too sensitive. "  I've

been dealing with this for decades now, and have been in years and years of

therapy.  What I personally know to be true is that being a nada is all about

control and denial.  

If a nada was able to actually talk about their behavior and take responsibility

for it, then they would be healed and would not be a nada and we would not be

here in this group.

So, there is a difference in what I know to be true, and the truths I accept for

myself.  

And I never expect it from nada.

Regards,

Laraine (aka Lula, )

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, August 23, 2012 11:06 AM

Subject: Confront Nada About Inconsistencies?

 

Hi everyone,

I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and now came back to

find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still trying to get used to it (I tried to

make this post already and after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am super

happy to see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on bettering myself and

focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had the insurance coverage/strength/time

to go through the therapy, self-help books, gym memberships, slowing down my

career etc. that I desperately needed. I have biweekly contact with Nada, and

am able to spend time with her fairly successfully due to some firm boundaries I

have established, however, more are still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my

therapist also suspects NPD. Although, she know claims she " no longer has it " ,

which always makes me chuckle.

One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild bouts of depression

for me lately are the comments she makes about me as a child. Typically these

are made in public places in front of at least two of her enablers. My

therapist suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in debates or

arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical response has been

something to the effect of " I don't remember it that way Mom " . This has been

successful in that I have not dealt with any rages, silent treatment or personal

attacks from her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One thing she likes to

comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized " I was as a child. She likes to

bring this one up around other parents who are normal as a way of relating to

them (as if she were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she got home from

work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs and hours of shaming afterward

as punishment. I have not one single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in

our house. I really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a single

one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word " sensitive " .

This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has used this one since I was about 8

or 9 years old to describe me to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when

in reality I was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She continues

to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen the severity of her

attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as a child. She also uses it to

attempt to control me today by making her demands seem less offensive, as in

" Jets won't lend me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it back than I should

have " (Her version of events, of course).

Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these things and point

out how innacurate they are. I would really love to repsond exactly as I did

above. But then, another part of me feels like there is just no point. My very

close friends and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want to say something

to show that I do not accept of agree with her version of events, but I'm not

sure how and I don't know what to say, or when.

I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with their BPD " parent " 's

versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone tried confronting their Nadas or

fadas? If so, what happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with

the inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or stories that

anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for reading!

- Jets

[Guest guest]

my Nada uses the " sensitive " to describe me too. she uses it interchangeably

with " chip on your shoulder " because apparently those are the same thing.

I think it is a shame when a perfectly good personality trait gets drug through

the mud, and used in such away that creates self loathing. thanks Nada.

my Nada believes she is the perfect, supportive mother. she declares her " love "

and " support " all the time, and at the same time as passively aggressively

telling you that everything you do is wrong.

My Nada has a really weird reality about what went on in our home too. but that

is a VERY long story. basically my point is that I am pretty sure what you are

describing is typical. I think what happened with me is that my Nada decided

when I was a small child that my character was firmly set. I was a winy 5 year

old, so she decided then, and still believes now that I am not capable of real

feelings. perhaps you were a " messy " toddler?

and yes I confronted Nada about her false reality once. her response is how I

ended up in therapy.

a couple weeks ago I cussed her out about it. and then she cheerfully asked to

hear all about a trip I went on.

If you decide to confront her about it, I would not be surprised if she either

gets really nasty and argumentative, (which is what happened when I tried to

bring it up kindly) or ignore you. which is what happened when I was mean, at

least after she argued, and I hung up, and she called back.

so my advice: don't bother. seek validation from a spouse/partner. or friend or

a family member. you are probably not going to get it from a Nada. I completely

understand the desire for our Nadas to see reality. but it is very hard for

them.

Meikjn

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and now came back

to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still trying to get used to it (I tried

to make this post already and after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am

super happy to see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

>

> I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on bettering myself

and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had the insurance

coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy, self-help books, gym

memberships, slowing down my career etc. that I desperately needed. I have

biweekly contact with Nada, and am able to spend time with her fairly

successfully due to some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also suspects NPD.

Although, she know claims she " no longer has it " , which always makes me chuckle.

>

> One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild bouts of

depression for me lately are the comments she makes about me as a child.

Typically these are made in public places in front of at least two of her

enablers. My therapist suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in

debates or arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical response

has been something to the effect of " I don't remember it that way Mom " . This

has been successful in that I have not dealt with any rages, silent treatment or

personal attacks from her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

>

> To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One thing she likes to

comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized " I was as a child. She likes to

bring this one up around other parents who are normal as a way of relating to

them (as if she were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she got home from

work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs and hours of shaming afterward

as punishment. I have not one single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in

our house. I really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a single

one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

>

> Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word " sensitive " .

This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has used this one since I was about 8

or 9 years old to describe me to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when

in reality I was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She continues

to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen the severity of her

attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as a child. She also uses it to

attempt to control me today by making her demands seem less offensive, as in

" Jets won't lend me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it back than I should

have " (Her version of events, of course).

>

> Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these things and point

out how innacurate they are. I would really love to repsond exactly as I did

above. But then, another part of me feels like there is just no point. My very

close friends and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want to say something

to show that I do not accept of agree with her version of events, but I'm not

sure how and I don't know what to say, or when.

>

> I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with their BPD " parent " 's

versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone tried confronting their Nadas or

fadas? If so, what happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with

the inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or stories that

anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for reading!

>

> - Jets

>

[Guest guest]

Jets,

I think that before you decide whether or not to confront her,

you should ask yourself what you hope to accomplish by doing so.

If you're thinking about doing it because you're holding on to

some hope that confronting her will somehow result in her seeing

the light and admitting that she's wrong or changing her

behavior, I'd recommend not bothering. She might make some

concession for that one particular moment but she'll most likely

go right back to saying the same things later. She might deny

everything you say. She might fly into a rage or act out even

more than usual. What she's not going to do is say " I'm sorry,

you're right " and mean it.

You say you want to let her know that you don't accept her

version of things, but I'm not sure what that's going to

accomplish. She's unlikely to believe that your version is true.

Nadas rewrite history in their minds and lie to themselves until

they believe the lies are truth. I'll give you an example. My

nada kicked my sister out of her house at 2 AM shortly before

she went back to her last year of college. My sister had to walk

to my house with just the clothes she was wearing and her purse

in the middle of the night. Nada wrote her a letter telling her

never to come back and gave it to me to give to her. Yet she

repeatedly asks me why my sister won't talk to her and why she's

such a horrible daughter who hates her mother. Every time I

point out to her that it was her own choice to make my sister

leave and not come back. Every time she denies it until I remind

her that she wrote a letter and gave it to me and I read what

was in it. The she says " oh " in her sad little-tiny voice, like

her bubble has been burst and her world is about to end. The

next time she gets the chance, she'll be ready to have the whole

conversation over again, acting like she doesn't have a clue why

her youngest daughter wants nothing to do with her. Nadas just

don't quite live in the real world. The things in their heads

are real to them.

Where the rest of her inconsistencies are concerned, I either

ignore them if they are minor or tell her we're not going to

talk about it and end the conversation if she continues on that

subject. For a while, I was doing the latter a lot. Now she has

been trained that she doesn't get the results she wants by

talking about certain things around me and she doesn't do nearly

as much of it.

If, knowing that it won't change anything, you want to confront

your nada for your own peace of mind, go for it. Just don't

expect it to improve her behavior and be prepared for a raging

storm.

At 02:06 PM 08/23/2012 jetshockeylove wrote:

>Hi everyone,

>

>I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and

>now came back to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still

>trying to get used to it (I tried to make this post already and

>after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am super happy to

>see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

>

>I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on

>bettering myself and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had

>the insurance coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy,

>self-help books, gym memberships, slowing down my career etc.

>that I desperately needed. I have biweekly contact with Nada,

>and am able to spend time with her fairly successfully due to

>some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

>still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also

>suspects NPD. Although, she know claims she " no longer has

>it " , which always makes me chuckle.

>

>One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild

>bouts of depression for me lately are the comments she makes

>about me as a child. Typically these are made in public places

>in front of at least two of her enablers. My therapist

>suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in debates or

>arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical

>response has been something to the effect of " I don't remember

>it that way Mom " . This has been successful in that I have not

>dealt with any rages, silent treatment or personal attacks from

>her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

>

>To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One

>thing she likes to comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized "

>I was as a child. She likes to bring this one up around other

>parents who are normal as a way of relating to them (as if she

>were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

>would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she

>got home from work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs

>and hours of shaming afterward as punishment. I have not one

>single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in our house. I

>really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a

>single one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

>

>Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word

> " sensitive " . This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has

>used this one since I was about 8 or 9 years old to describe me

>to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when in reality I

>was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She

>continues to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen

>the severity of her attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as

>a child. She also uses it to attempt to control me today by

>making her demands seem less offensive, as in " Jets won't lend

>me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

>money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it

>back than I should have " (Her version of events, of course).

>

>Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these

>things and point out how innacurate they are. I would really

>love to repsond exactly as I did above. But then, another part

>of me feels like there is just no point. My very close friends

>and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

>nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want

>to say something to show that I do not accept of agree with her

>version of events, but I'm not sure how and I don't know what

>to say, or when.

>

>I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with

>their BPD " parent " 's versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone

>tried confronting their Nadas or fadas? If so, what

>happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with the

>inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or

>stories that anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for

>reading!

>

>- Jets

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I'll throw my two cent's worth in, and in my opinion confronting someone with

bpd about anything negative, even if you couch it in neutral terms, tends to be

interpreted as an attack on the bpd person.

The person with bpd will then very likely trigger into rage or hysterical

crying, accuse YOU of doing or saying the negative thing, and/or blame you for

" making " her do/say the negative thing. A " confrontation " is just kind of

pointless.

I'm being a " Debbie Downer " , I realize, but the only thing you can do, really,

is to just do what you are doing now: say something like, " I don't see it that

way, mother " or " I don't remember it that way, mother. " And if your mother

escalates, and starts being particularly aggressively hostile, sort of

passive-aggressively or indirectly insulting you, trying to make you look bad to

other people, trying to pick a fight with you, etc., you can cut the visit or

the phone call short.

So, I guess my suggestion is to only visit your bpd mother if its a time, place

and situation that you can leave rapidly if you need to. Don't be her driver,

instead arrange to meet her at the location so you each have your own

transportation. Don't have her over to your house; your house needs to be your

sanctuary. Its much, much easier for you to leave your mother's house or a

public place if she begins acting out in hostile ways, than it is for you to

eject her from your home.

We have spent our whole lives just silently enabling/allowing our bpd parent to

be abusive to us. Its called conditioning or brainwashing, that training we

accepted over decades until we can't imagine behaving otherwise than to just

silently endure being insulted and denigrated, even in public, by our bpd

parent. But, you don't have to just accept and allow that any longer. You get

to determine what your level of tolerance is, and if your bpd mom goes beyond

that level you get to enact your consequence: I suggest the consequence be

leaving or hanging up the phone. Its really that simple.

Its even possible that eventually, your bpd mother may begin to understand that

when she says certain things to you, you vanish. I guess you could try being

more direct; if you feel you have nothing to lose, and are willing to risk a bad

reaction on your bpd mom's part. If so, you might say something like, " Mom, I

have to be honest and tell you that I just don't want to be around you when you

say things like that to me/about me. It makes me sad/angry/embarrassed/etc.

So, I'm going to leave now. Maybe we can visit again some other time. 'Bye. "

(and you leave.)

But having a sit-down, face-to-face rational adult dialogue or discussion about

their hurtful behaviors just usually doesn't work. It seems to work better to

simply enact your boundary-violation consequences *in the moment*.

Its sort of the same thing as teaching a toddler to not touch the electrical

outlet. You can't sit the toddler down at the table and have a rational,

reasoned, abstract adult discussion about electricity, how dangerous the

electrical outlet is and why the toddler should not touch it. The toddler is

incapable of understanding the concept, has probably forgotten what an

electrical outlet is if they can't see it, can't ask relevant questions, and

can't reach the rational, obvious conclusion that yes indeed, if I stick my

finger in the outlet I will die.

Instead, you, the adult, take precautions by covering up the outlet, policing

the toddler like a hawk, and acting *in the moment* if the toddler makes a move

toward a live electrical outlet: you remove the toddler from the area, saying

" NO! " and distract the toddler's attention " Look at this! " to something else

that is safe for them to play with.

BPD = Adult body + adult-level intelligence + two-year-old level of emotional

development.

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and now came back

to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still trying to get used to it (I tried

to make this post already and after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am

super happy to see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

>

> I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on bettering myself

and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had the insurance

coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy, self-help books, gym

memberships, slowing down my career etc. that I desperately needed. I have

biweekly contact with Nada, and am able to spend time with her fairly

successfully due to some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also suspects NPD.

Although, she know claims she " no longer has it " , which always makes me chuckle.

>

> One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild bouts of

depression for me lately are the comments she makes about me as a child.

Typically these are made in public places in front of at least two of her

enablers. My therapist suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in

debates or arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical response

has been something to the effect of " I don't remember it that way Mom " . This

has been successful in that I have not dealt with any rages, silent treatment or

personal attacks from her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

>

> To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One thing she likes to

comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized " I was as a child. She likes to

bring this one up around other parents who are normal as a way of relating to

them (as if she were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she got home from

work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs and hours of shaming afterward

as punishment. I have not one single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in

our house. I really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a single

one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

>

> Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word " sensitive " .

This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has used this one since I was about 8

or 9 years old to describe me to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when

in reality I was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She continues

to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen the severity of her

attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as a child. She also uses it to

attempt to control me today by making her demands seem less offensive, as in

" Jets won't lend me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it back than I should

have " (Her version of events, of course).

>

> Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these things and point

out how innacurate they are. I would really love to repsond exactly as I did

above. But then, another part of me feels like there is just no point. My very

close friends and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want to say something

to show that I do not accept of agree with her version of events, but I'm not

sure how and I don't know what to say, or when.

>

> I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with their BPD " parent " 's

versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone tried confronting their Nadas or

fadas? If so, what happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with

the inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or stories that

anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for reading!

>

> - Jets

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jets,

My nada tends to do that same thing, bring things up from the past that are

skewed. She'll set her face really rigid and say, for instance, when she's

telling me to make sure I tell my daughter to be careful, " Because remember when

YOU were her age and you were running around with that boy behind my back... "

Even though I apologized about it years ago and I was young, she brings it up.

Or, she'll say, as you mentioned about your nada as well, how much I'm like my

father. But she doesn't say it or mean it nicely. She means distant,

tight-mouthed, private. Well, of course, he was like that! How else would he

survive being married to her??

I love your standard answer of " that's not how I remember it. " It's brief and

ends it.

For me, knowing my nada as she is, it is most definitely not worth it to try to

confront her to set things straight. Utterly useless. It would be a grand waste

of time and breath for me. I used to try to do that and it would end in her with

her superior face and me feeling shamed and stupid for trying again.

Her inconsistencies and versions of how things happened just no longer bother

me. They really used to; I felt like I was on a crusade to make her see how

wrong she was. I think they used to bother me because I really and truly

expected her to have an " aha! " moment and embrace me and love me as I am. She

hasn't and never will.

She still brings up things my father did to her decades ago. My goodness. The

sad part is the lack of insight to see her own failings and how she contributed

to bad situations.

Fiona

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and now came back

to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still trying to get used to it (I tried

to make this post already and after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am

super happy to see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

>

> I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on bettering myself

and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had the insurance

coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy, self-help books, gym

memberships, slowing down my career etc. that I desperately needed. I have

biweekly contact with Nada, and am able to spend time with her fairly

successfully due to some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also suspects NPD.

Although, she know claims she " no longer has it " , which always makes me chuckle.

>

> One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild bouts of

depression for me lately are the comments she makes about me as a child.

Typically these are made in public places in front of at least two of her

enablers. My therapist suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in

debates or arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical response

has been something to the effect of " I don't remember it that way Mom " . This

has been successful in that I have not dealt with any rages, silent treatment or

personal attacks from her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

>

> To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One thing she likes to

comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized " I was as a child. She likes to

bring this one up around other parents who are normal as a way of relating to

them (as if she were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she got home from

work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs and hours of shaming afterward

as punishment. I have not one single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in

our house. I really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a single

one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

>

> Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word " sensitive " .

This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has used this one since I was about 8

or 9 years old to describe me to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when

in reality I was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She continues

to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen the severity of her

attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as a child. She also uses it to

attempt to control me today by making her demands seem less offensive, as in

" Jets won't lend me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it back than I should

have " (Her version of events, of course).

>

> Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these things and point

out how innacurate they are. I would really love to repsond exactly as I did

above. But then, another part of me feels like there is just no point. My very

close friends and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want to say something

to show that I do not accept of agree with her version of events, but I'm not

sure how and I don't know what to say, or when.

>

> I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with their BPD " parent " 's

versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone tried confronting their Nadas or

fadas? If so, what happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with

the inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or stories that

anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for reading!

>

> - Jets

>

[Guest guest]

You are right!! Nothing will change her perceptions!! I have tried it with my

BPD. My husband, who is not BPD that I know of, always talks about the past.

ly, I got sick of it. I finally told him that I don't live in the past.

When he brings it up and I say something like, is there a point to talking about

the past? or Do you want to live in the past? or when I have had my fill..I

don't live in the past so don't want to talk about it. I have found that his

talking about the past has nothing to do with healing or getting through

something so I don't go there anymore.

To be honest, I don't find people to really remember the facts about past

anywho! Doesn't matter if they are BPD or not. And if we get a 100 people in a

room that shared the past the story line will be different in each life.

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and now came back

to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still trying to get used to it (I tried

to make this post already and after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am

super happy to see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

>

> I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on bettering myself

and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had the insurance

coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy, self-help books, gym

memberships, slowing down my career etc. that I desperately needed. I have

biweekly contact with Nada, and am able to spend time with her fairly

successfully due to some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also suspects NPD.

Although, she know claims she " no longer has it " , which always makes me chuckle.

>

> One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild bouts of

depression for me lately are the comments she makes about me as a child.

Typically these are made in public places in front of at least two of her

enablers. My therapist suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in

debates or arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical response

has been something to the effect of " I don't remember it that way Mom " . This

has been successful in that I have not dealt with any rages, silent treatment or

personal attacks from her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

>

> To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One thing she likes to

comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized " I was as a child. She likes to

bring this one up around other parents who are normal as a way of relating to

them (as if she were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she got home from

work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs and hours of shaming afterward

as punishment. I have not one single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in

our house. I really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a single

one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

>

> Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word " sensitive " .

This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has used this one since I was about 8

or 9 years old to describe me to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when

in reality I was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She continues

to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen the severity of her

attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as a child. She also uses it to

attempt to control me today by making her demands seem less offensive, as in

" Jets won't lend me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it back than I should

have " (Her version of events, of course).

>

> Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these things and point

out how innacurate they are. I would really love to repsond exactly as I did

above. But then, another part of me feels like there is just no point. My very

close friends and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want to say something

to show that I do not accept of agree with her version of events, but I'm not

sure how and I don't know what to say, or when.

>

> I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with their BPD " parent " 's

versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone tried confronting their Nadas or

fadas? If so, what happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with

the inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or stories that

anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for reading!

>

> - Jets

>

[Guest guest]

Nope,

It's pointless. Their truth is THE truth. Even if the video camera shows

differently. =)

[Guest guest]

Thanks very much Annie. You are definitely NOT being a " Debbie Downer " . You

are being realistic, and truthful with respect to this mental illness, and I

appreciate it. I needed to hear it!

I liked your suggestion about simply getting up and leaving or hanging up. I

think I might try that. You are correct, rational sit-down, adult-type

conversations are simply unproductive. In the past it has resulted in raging,

blaming, insulting etc.

The equation at the end of your reply is perfect! I'm going to keep it in mind.

- Jets

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and now came

back to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still trying to get used to it (I

tried to make this post already and after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I

am super happy to see that the positive and supportive environment is still

here.

> >

> > I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on bettering myself

and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had the insurance

coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy, self-help books, gym

memberships, slowing down my career etc. that I desperately needed. I have

biweekly contact with Nada, and am able to spend time with her fairly

successfully due to some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also suspects NPD.

Although, she know claims she " no longer has it " , which always makes me chuckle.

> >

> > One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild bouts of

depression for me lately are the comments she makes about me as a child.

Typically these are made in public places in front of at least two of her

enablers. My therapist suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in

debates or arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical response

has been something to the effect of " I don't remember it that way Mom " . This

has been successful in that I have not dealt with any rages, silent treatment or

personal attacks from her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

> >

> > To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One thing she likes

to comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized " I was as a child. She likes to

bring this one up around other parents who are normal as a way of relating to

them (as if she were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she got home from

work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs and hours of shaming afterward

as punishment. I have not one single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in

our house. I really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a single

one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

> >

> > Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word " sensitive " .

This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has used this one since I was about 8

or 9 years old to describe me to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when

in reality I was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She continues

to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen the severity of her

attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as a child. She also uses it to

attempt to control me today by making her demands seem less offensive, as in

" Jets won't lend me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it back than I should

have " (Her version of events, of course).

> >

> > Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these things and

point out how innacurate they are. I would really love to repsond exactly as I

did above. But then, another part of me feels like there is just no point. My

very close friends and my husband know what I really went through as a child,

and nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want to say

something to show that I do not accept of agree with her version of events, but

I'm not sure how and I don't know what to say, or when.

> >

> > I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with their

BPD " parent " 's versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone tried confronting their

Nadas or fadas? If so, what happened? What did you say? If not, how do you

cope with the inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or

stories that anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for reading!

> >

> > - Jets

> >

>

[Guest guest]

LOL! That is SOO true

>

> Nope,

> It's pointless. Their truth is THE truth. Even if the video camera shows

differently. =)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure how to " notify " everyone of my reply, so I will try replying to my

original message, and hopefully everyone who is still interested gets it!

I just wanted to say that I carefully read each of your replies and I " hear " you

loud and clear. I did need that reminder that Nada will never be the person who

will validate me or have the " aha " moment I would so love her to have.

Lately she has been so affectionate and sweet, which has the effect of

simultaneously creeping me out, and giving me a tiny morsel of satisfaction. I

am trying hard to remember that she is only affectionate because we have not

been in a fight for several years, and that it very likely could change in the

near future. ly, I would be okay with that as I've learned to seek

affection from other people, and her sudden cuddliness sort of gives me the

heebie-jeebies.

Thank you all so much for your helpful and honest advice!!

-Jets

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and now came back

to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still trying to get used to it (I tried

to make this post already and after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am

super happy to see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

>

> I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on bettering myself

and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had the insurance

coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy, self-help books, gym

memberships, slowing down my career etc. that I desperately needed. I have

biweekly contact with Nada, and am able to spend time with her fairly

successfully due to some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also suspects NPD.

Although, she know claims she " no longer has it " , which always makes me chuckle.

>

> One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild bouts of

depression for me lately are the comments she makes about me as a child.

Typically these are made in public places in front of at least two of her

enablers. My therapist suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in

debates or arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical response

has been something to the effect of " I don't remember it that way Mom " . This

has been successful in that I have not dealt with any rages, silent treatment or

personal attacks from her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

>

> To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One thing she likes to

comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized " I was as a child. She likes to

bring this one up around other parents who are normal as a way of relating to

them (as if she were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she got home from

work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs and hours of shaming afterward

as punishment. I have not one single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in

our house. I really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a single

one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

>

> Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word " sensitive " .

This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has used this one since I was about 8

or 9 years old to describe me to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when

in reality I was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She continues

to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen the severity of her

attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as a child. She also uses it to

attempt to control me today by making her demands seem less offensive, as in

" Jets won't lend me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it back than I should

have " (Her version of events, of course).

>

> Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these things and point

out how innacurate they are. I would really love to repsond exactly as I did

above. But then, another part of me feels like there is just no point. My very

close friends and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want to say something

to show that I do not accept of agree with her version of events, but I'm not

sure how and I don't know what to say, or when.

>

> I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with their BPD " parent " 's

versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone tried confronting their Nadas or

fadas? If so, what happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with

the inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or stories that

anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for reading!

>

> - Jets

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, you are absolutely right Katrina.

What I want is something she is incapable of providing. I want her to

aknowledge the terrible things she did to me in the past, rather than be the

sweet, happy, fun mom NOW that I'm an adult, and I don't need her.

Your response really made me reflect on this. It is something I'm still

'getting over' (if one can) that I never had a mom, and I probably never will.

But I can be a great mom in the future, and I'm trying to love myself as she

never did. Thanks so much for your advice

-Jets

> >Hi everyone,

> >

> >I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and

> >now came back to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still

> >trying to get used to it (I tried to make this post already and

> >after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am super happy to

> >see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

> >

> >I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on

> >bettering myself and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had

> >the insurance coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy,

> >self-help books, gym memberships, slowing down my career etc.

> >that I desperately needed. I have biweekly contact with Nada,

> >and am able to spend time with her fairly successfully due to

> >some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

> >still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also

> >suspects NPD. Although, she know claims she " no longer has

> >it " , which always makes me chuckle.

> >

> >One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild

> >bouts of depression for me lately are the comments she makes

> >about me as a child. Typically these are made in public places

> >in front of at least two of her enablers. My therapist

> >suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in debates or

> >arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical

> >response has been something to the effect of " I don't remember

> >it that way Mom " . This has been successful in that I have not

> >dealt with any rages, silent treatment or personal attacks from

> >her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

> >

> >To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One

> >thing she likes to comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized "

> >I was as a child. She likes to bring this one up around other

> >parents who are normal as a way of relating to them (as if she

> >were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

> >would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she

> >got home from work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs

> >and hours of shaming afterward as punishment. I have not one

> >single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in our house. I

> >really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a

> >single one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

> >

> >Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word

> > " sensitive " . This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has

> >used this one since I was about 8 or 9 years old to describe me

> >to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when in reality I

> >was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She

> >continues to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen

> >the severity of her attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as

> >a child. She also uses it to attempt to control me today by

> >making her demands seem less offensive, as in " Jets won't lend

> >me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

> >money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it

> >back than I should have " (Her version of events, of course).

> >

> >Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these

> >things and point out how innacurate they are. I would really

> >love to repsond exactly as I did above. But then, another part

> >of me feels like there is just no point. My very close friends

> >and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

> >nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want

> >to say something to show that I do not accept of agree with her

> >version of events, but I'm not sure how and I don't know what

> >to say, or when.

> >

> >I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with

> >their BPD " parent " 's versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone

> >tried confronting their Nadas or fadas? If so, what

> >happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with the

> >inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or

> >stories that anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for

> >reading!

> >

> >- Jets

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Jets -

I haven't read this whole thread. I am a busy mama of 2 and don't get as much

time to chat with you all in here as much as I would like. :-)

But yours was at the top of my WTO digest this morning and what you said is

something I can really relate to.

Its only been about 2 years since I finally acknowledged my mom was outside the

realm of normal people and her behavior was abnormal.

I have just recently come to realize I will most likely never " get over " the

fact that my mom isn't a real mom. I can let God heal me from her hurt and I can

work through the past but I will always always as long as I have breath desire a

parent that loves me like a parent should. There will always be that sting of

hurt when she cast me aside, when she ignores the loves of my life - my

children, and only uses me for her own selfish pursuits.

I will always hold out hope that one day she will be different, even though I

have to accept that she most likely never will be.

That's HEAVY. But at least for me, I'm learning that I'm slowly getting better

at recognizing my own feelings so I can work through it better. I've built a

good support system of friends to talk to (including you all!) and I just take

it a day at a time.

You can be a great mom to your own kids. When I have days that I wonder what the

purpose of all of this is, if its all just so I can make sure my own children

get what they need and I become the mama I need to be, then I guess it was worth

it. Because it sure does drive me to be a better person, wife, and mama.

Much love to you. Sorry for the novel!

> > >Hi everyone,

> > >

> > >I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and

> > >now came back to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still

> > >trying to get used to it (I tried to make this post already and

> > >after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am super happy to

> > >see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

> > >

> > >I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on

> > >bettering myself and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had

> > >the insurance coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy,

> > >self-help books, gym memberships, slowing down my career etc.

> > >that I desperately needed. I have biweekly contact with Nada,

> > >and am able to spend time with her fairly successfully due to

> > >some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

> > >still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also

> > >suspects NPD. Although, she know claims she " no longer has

> > >it " , which always makes me chuckle.

> > >

> > >One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild

> > >bouts of depression for me lately are the comments she makes

> > >about me as a child. Typically these are made in public places

> > >in front of at least two of her enablers. My therapist

> > >suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in debates or

> > >arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical

> > >response has been something to the effect of " I don't remember

> > >it that way Mom " . This has been successful in that I have not

> > >dealt with any rages, silent treatment or personal attacks from

> > >her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

> > >

> > >To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One

> > >thing she likes to comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized "

> > >I was as a child. She likes to bring this one up around other

> > >parents who are normal as a way of relating to them (as if she

> > >were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

> > >would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she

> > >got home from work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs

> > >and hours of shaming afterward as punishment. I have not one

> > >single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in our house. I

> > >really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a

> > >single one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

> > >

> > >Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word

> > > " sensitive " . This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has

> > >used this one since I was about 8 or 9 years old to describe me

> > >to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when in reality I

> > >was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She

> > >continues to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen

> > >the severity of her attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as

> > >a child. She also uses it to attempt to control me today by

> > >making her demands seem less offensive, as in " Jets won't lend

> > >me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

> > >money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it

> > >back than I should have " (Her version of events, of course).

> > >

> > >Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these

> > >things and point out how innacurate they are. I would really

> > >love to repsond exactly as I did above. But then, another part

> > >of me feels like there is just no point. My very close friends

> > >and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

> > >nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want

> > >to say something to show that I do not accept of agree with her

> > >version of events, but I'm not sure how and I don't know what

> > >to say, or when.

> > >

> > >I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with

> > >their BPD " parent " 's versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone

> > >tried confronting their Nadas or fadas? If so, what

> > >happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with the

> > >inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or

> > >stories that anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for

> > >reading!

> > >

> > >- Jets

> > >

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for your heartfelt response. I haven't been in the financial or

emotional place to have children yet, but I am now. If I have them, I know that

all the pain will make me a better mom for sure. Reading posts like yours is

really uplifting! Thanks so much

- Jets

> > > >Hi everyone,

> > > >

> > > >I am new(ish) here. Was somewhat active in the old format, and

> > > >now came back to find the Yahoo Groups format... I am still

> > > >trying to get used to it (I tried to make this post already and

> > > >after 4 paragraphs it got deleted grrr!) I am super happy to

> > > >see that the positive and supportive environment is still here.

> > > >

> > > >I feel better than ever after two years of working hard on

> > > >bettering myself and focusing exclusively on ME. I finally had

> > > >the insurance coverage/strength/time to go through the therapy,

> > > >self-help books, gym memberships, slowing down my career etc.

> > > >that I desperately needed. I have biweekly contact with Nada,

> > > >and am able to spend time with her fairly successfully due to

> > > >some firm boundaries I have established, however, more are

> > > >still needed. She has a BPD/OCD dx, but my therapist also

> > > >suspects NPD. Although, she know claims she " no longer has

> > > >it " , which always makes me chuckle.

> > > >

> > > >One of the things that has been triggering anxiety and mild

> > > >bouts of depression for me lately are the comments she makes

> > > >about me as a child. Typically these are made in public places

> > > >in front of at least two of her enablers. My therapist

> > > >suggested early on that I should avoid engaging in debates or

> > > >arguments about sequences of events with her. My typical

> > > >response has been something to the effect of " I don't remember

> > > >it that way Mom " . This has been successful in that I have not

> > > >dealt with any rages, silent treatment or personal attacks from

> > > >her or her enablers for the past three years or so.

> > > >

> > > >To put it into context, here are a couple of examples. One

> > > >thing she likes to comment on is how " messy " or " disorganized "

> > > >I was as a child. She likes to bring this one up around other

> > > >parents who are normal as a way of relating to them (as if she

> > > >were in any way like them). In reality I was her labourer. I

> > > >would have to have the house cleaned to her standard when she

> > > >got home from work, or I would be subjected to rages, put-downs

> > > >and hours of shaming afterward as punishment. I have not one

> > > >single memory of Nada cleaning anything ever in our house. I

> > > >really tried to think of one prior to this post, and not a

> > > >single one came to mind, yet I was " messy " .

> > > >

> > > >Another one of her favourites is to describe me using the word

> > > > " sensitive " . This is huge trigger word for me. My nada has

> > > >used this one since I was about 8 or 9 years old to describe me

> > > >to others as a way of making me seem fragile, when in reality I

> > > >was just a depressed and emotionally abused child. She

> > > >continues to try and use it today in attempts to somehow lessen

> > > >the severity of her attacks or the emotional abuse I endured as

> > > >a child. She also uses it to attempt to control me today by

> > > >making her demands seem less offensive, as in " Jets won't lend

> > > >me $3000 because Jets is still sensitive about how I borrowed

> > > >money from her as a child and took a little longer to pay it

> > > >back than I should have " (Her version of events, of course).

> > > >

> > > >Part of me feels like it's time to confront Nada about these

> > > >things and point out how innacurate they are. I would really

> > > >love to repsond exactly as I did above. But then, another part

> > > >of me feels like there is just no point. My very close friends

> > > >and my husband know what I really went through as a child, and

> > > >nothing I say will ever change Nada's perception of it. I want

> > > >to say something to show that I do not accept of agree with her

> > > >version of events, but I'm not sure how and I don't know what

> > > >to say, or when.

> > > >

> > > >I am wondering if anyone else has a similar challenge with

> > > >their BPD " parent " 's versions of their " parenting " ? Has anyone

> > > >tried confronting their Nadas or fadas? If so, what

> > > >happened? What did you say? If not, how do you cope with the

> > > >inconsistencies? I would really appreciate any feedback or

> > > >stories that anyone would like to share. Thanks very much for

> > > >reading!

> > > >

> > > >- Jets

> > > >

> > >

> > > --

> > > Katrina

> > >

> >

>