Re: No contact for 6 months

[Guest guest]

Right, great message,SAVE YOURSELF.

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>

> Hi All,

>

> I joined this group recently, and have been reading the daily experiences

> of many of you. I woke up this morning and felt compelled to share my

> experience thus far after cutting off contact with my BPD mother, and my

> high-functioning psychopathic father about 6 months ago. I am in my

> mid-20's. Despite the fact that I was successful in school, sports, and

> social activities, it was not enough to protect me from the profound fear

> and pain that comes from a lifetime of dealing with abusive parents. My

> father, fortunately, was not in the picture most of my life, however, that

> left my mother free to be mean and nasty without anyone there to stop it. I

> grew up in constant fear of her unpredictable rages. I hated being in the

> car with her. I always locked myself in my room or a bathroom for fear of

> her barging in to yell about something. Holiday and graduations were alway

> TRAUMATIC events because of her behavior and the mind-blowingly horrible

> things she would say to me. By the time I finsihed college, my emotional

> strength was depleted, and one more episode from her sent me into a rapid

> spiral of PTSD and deep depression. Even after therapy and reading tons of

> books, I noticed my parents influence was still to strong in my life. It

> was effecting my ability to be confident, assertive, it was clouding my

> vision and making me pick horrible dating partners who also had BPD, NPD,

> or otherwise, and it was creating anxiety that lead to my first-ever panic

> attack a few years ago. Since cutting of my family months ago, I have been

> able to breath for the first time in my life. It's been hard, but each day

> goes by, and I see that it was the right thing to do, THE ONLY thing to do,

> to do justice to myself. Sometimes I read the stories from other members of

> this group, and I want to reach out to you guys a say NO!!!! Don't give in

> to your NADA/FADA. GO NO-CONTACT. Especially those of you with young

> childred of your own that have an BPD grandparent who is destroying their

> young minds with lies and stress and drama. You have no idea what you are

> missing out on, and how you are still insulting yourself and your kids by

> allowing a BPD person to take advantage like this, to continue to

> successfully stir up hostily and choas. Growing up the way I did created so

> much stress, I was diagnosed with Chron's disease at age 14. I have

> literally read dozens of books about people in my situation, and there is

> no doubt that dealing with BPD family members causes all sorts of

> autoimmune disorders and other health issues. It's not worth it. My

> experience is that some people, with therapy, are able to " see clearly "

> while keeping limited contact with a BPD, but so many more of us need to

> accept the fact that sometimes, it's just not possible. For those of you

> who can still sense that you are giving up your rights, your sense of

> comfort, your happiness, your feelings of safety, and your ability to

> select healthy love partners, please, I urge you, go no-contact. I have a

> long way to go, but again, every single day, I see more and more what I was

> really giving up just to stay attached to this thing called " family " , and

> it was by no means worth the sacrifice. Being out of contact lets you

> regain 100% full control of YOUR LIFE. Your peace, your happiness,

> everything. In this period of time, I have been able to see myself clearly,

> and I have moved into my dream job, gotten intouch with a new sense of

> spirituality, lost tons of weight (I was overweight because I use to

> overeat due to stress from my family), reconnected with my friends, and

> learned how to avoid dating the wrong men. I can only imaging how much more

> I will gain by continuing to be no contact. Maybe one day I will live with

> a sense of 100% peace and stability, and no more anxiety, no more

> hypervigilance and PTSD-related flashbacks. Maybe one day I will be able to

> let my spirit loose and have the joyful presence that I saw other kids with

> healthy families had growing up. Maybe I will regain the full sense of

> confidence I had before it was beat down by years of abuse. All I can tell

> you is that I know for a FACT, none of these dreams would ever be

> attainable had I kept contact with either of my dysfunctional parents. If

> you read this and you sense that it's time for you to try no-contact,

> please just do it, start today. Take it one day at a time. Expect slip ups,

> and expect your BPD relative to freak out, prepare yourself, stand your

> ground, and the next day will come. If you decide to do it for just a week,

> a month, or a year, you have nothing to lose. Only positive realizations

> will come from it. I just wanted to shares this because I literally wish I

> could reach out and touch some of you and tell you this story because I

> relate to your stories and they are so painful and heartbreaking, but most

> of all, they DON'T HAVE TO HAPPEN. SAVE YOURSELF, TODAY!!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing this and I applaud you for going NC and working on

yourself. Saving yourself is most important. I too have found it very

hard to get on with the business of healing myself while staying caught up

in the craziness of my BPB mom. Right now I am NC and have been for a week

and I can honestly say it has been the most peaceful week for me in a long

time and I am able to sort out my own issues that I was neglecting because I

was so caught up in hers! I haven't decided how long I will maintain the

NC but I agree with you sometimes it is the only way to get your life and

sanity restored.