New to the group

August 31, 2012

Hi,

I'm wondering if other people have experienced PTSD symptoms in response to

growing up with a BP parent? I believe I have been experiencing a triggered

trauma response recently in relation to an interaction with my BP parent. I feel

like my spouse thinks I'm over-reacting, I don't know how to describe the

feeling of being afraid of your parent-he doesn't get it. How do you talk to

your spouse about this in a way that makes sense? Is this normal? Is it normal

also to be seeking validation from him, I feel a little needy at times but my

fear is so real, I'm looking for comforting. What do people do to handle that

kind of fearfulness?

Jen

August 31, 2012

I think we all do. at least this is a common discussion here. In some sense you

are over-reacting, but realistically you are just being re-traumatized. much of

PTSD is actually just being overcome with all the emotions of un-dealt with

feelings at once when it is " triggered " I am being treated for it now. I was

never physically abused. my abuse was (is) emotional, and psychological, and

verbal. In my case a lot of it was connected to a physical condition I have that

as it turns out is probably the result of the same trauma. I destroyed my body

to protect my mind I guess.

I am doing a therapy called EMDR (eye movement desensitization, and

reprocessing) you basically re-live the experience emotionally and talk it

through, and resolve it. it is assisted by bilateral stimulation (little things

that vibrate you hold in your hand) beeping in the ears, and lights that go back

and forth that you follow with your eyes. This part of it stimulates the brain

in a way that stimulates dreaming, which is a time our brains process things.

sometimes one incident or type of incident has to be worked over a lot before it

stops being upsetting.

One thing it has helped me with is my medical condition. one of symptoms forces

me to sit down wherever I am. This symptom was also painful, and usually led to

me peeing my pants. This was the cause of a huge amount of nastiness from my

siblings, and abuse from Nada. the symptoms are bad enough alone.

I have been going to physical therapy to rehabilitate the muscles that cause all

of that, and the symptoms have eased considerably. however, this is not the kind

of condition that is " cured " it just becomes maintained. so, even though I am

getting better physically, even mild forms of this symptom would still overcome

me with emotion. EMDR has allowed me to express, and process these emotions, and

I am now not hurt by that past abuse. That particular thing has taken me many

months to achieve. and I think it might come up sometimes still, but it is much

milder now.

this type of therapy is very flexible to whatever seems to make you upset. And

it makes it easier to understand your emotions and needs. which having a nada, I

imagine you were constantly invalidated,and ignored. they seem to all do that.

Meikjn

>

> Hi,

> I'm wondering if other people have experienced PTSD symptoms in response to

growing up with a BP parent? I believe I have been experiencing a triggered

trauma response recently in relation to an interaction with my BP parent. I feel

like my spouse thinks I'm over-reacting, I don't know how to describe the

feeling of being afraid of your parent-he doesn't get it. How do you talk to

your spouse about this in a way that makes sense? Is this normal? Is it normal

also to be seeking validation from him, I feel a little needy at times but my

fear is so real, I'm looking for comforting. What do people do to handle that

kind of fearfulness?

> Jen

>

August 31, 2012

Hi Jen,

I experienced that kind of conditioned, subconscious, atavistic fear of my own

mother and her rage pretty much up until she died. My bpd/npd mother was

violent with my Sister and me up until our teen years, and emotionally abusive

(in a Jekyll-and-Hyde way) throughout our relationship. My own mother even

subjected me to quasi-sexual abuse, at one point, that was highly traumatizing

for me and did life-trajectory-altering damage.

Even though as an adult I understood intellectually that my mother was no longer

physically more powerful than me, still I feared her lashing out at me

emotionally as much as I used to fear her physically. It was really, really

rare for me to confront her about anything, and when I did I'd usually couch it

in the most neutral, non-blaming ways possible in order to avoid triggering her

into a rage. But In the end, I just didn't have any resilience left or any

desire left to keep trying to have a relationship with her and I went No

Contact.

I've read that children who were physically and emotionally abused by one or

both parents can in some cases develop an unnatural. super-strong attachment to

the abusive parent; its called " trauma bonding " and its similar to the way a

hostage will bond with their captor. (aka " Stockholm Syndrome. " ) Its an

unconscious survival mechanism, as it turns out. I believe I trauma-bonded to

my mother in particular because she was the active abuser while dad was the

passive dishrag who allowed it; I do still have some ptsd symptoms although

they're not as bad as they used to be.

The good news is that there are therapists who specialize in trauma recovery;

such specialists are trained in recognizing and understand that processing and

resolving trauma is a real issue for the adult survivors of parents who were or

still are emotionally abusive, physically abusive and even sexually abusive, or

parents who were/are negligent, rejecting, or exploitative.

The trauma-bonding and the post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms can be

addressed and overcome, and healing can happen with time, effort and support.

-Annie