That moment when you realize yet another lie you've always believed

[Guest guest]

I know most of our nadas fill our head full of lies about ourselves.

I think my nada did (and still does) hate the fact that comparatively speaking

she never had many " one-ups " on me.

She is a professional seamstress. She lives in South America where she teaches

the locals how to sew and support themselves.

My entire life I always asked her to teach me how to sew. I learn things

quickly. I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. By all definitions of

the word, I'm a fairly smart gal. When I decide to do something, I'm gonna do

it. Come hell or high water, I'll figure out how to do it and I'll do it well.

My sewing " lessons " with nada always went something like this. I would ask

logistical questions and either not be answered directly, be mocked or laughed

at, or implied that it was a stupid question and it was something I should " Just

know " . She would let me awkwardly try at something without giving me clear

directions, then when I was near tears in frustration (because there are very

few things I can't do and I'm a perfectionist) she would take over and finish

the project.

Through my adult years, she continued the " mocking " by making side comments of

" I know this isn't your thing " or " This is so easy " when I would ask over and

over for her to please show me how to sew things for my daughter or myself or my

home. She would always come to my house and make it herself. The best line of

all was the last project she helped me with before I went LC with her and asked

her reasonable questions about what she was doing, she laughed and said " You're

good for me! You will help me know how to break this down into simple terms for

when I move to South America "

I've believed my whole life I could do anything in the world I wanted

to.....except sew. I've always believed I was a complete idiot when it came to

sewing and it would be a skill I would never learn and would always be dependent

on someone else to do for me because I was too stupid to " get it " .

Well lo and behold to shorten this novel, this week I became friends with

someone who helps people learn how to sew. Last night, I made a skirt for my

daughter from start to finish, by myself, with no supervision and it's adorable.

And it looks good. Oh and by the way, I drew my own pattern for it too.

Basic sewing terms my moms has always refused to answer or mocked me for asking,

I found easily on the internet.

It was one of those moments I wanted to cry. I was angry. I wanted to go outside

and scream to the top of my lungs DAMN YOU!!!!

I've believed my ENTIRE LIFE her lies that I could never do this and no matter

how I tried to learn I would always fail because I was just dumb in this area.

I'm an intelligent woman. I have a long list of accomplishments. Why have I

nurtured her lie and always been so afraid to step out and learn on my own? THIS

IS EASY. There is no rocket science to sewing.

I'm angry at myself for believing her bull crap and I'm angry at her for lying

to me. And I needed to get that out.

[Guest guest]

big_sister_03

It sounds like your " nada " has NPD as well? I can imagine the frustration

and joy of finally being able to do something she pre-determined she didn't

want you to do. I saw that with my NPD-dad and brother. My brother always

wanted to learn to work on cars and my dad never " got around " to showing him

- so he learned on his own in high school and after that my dad refused to

talk to him about anything related to mechanics and when my brother would

say something my dad would criticize him. There must be something that

makes them fear not knowing more than someone about something.

Are you no contact with her? Would it help to show her the lovely things

you've made, or would she find fault in them somehow and make you feel bad

again?

WJR

_____

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of big_sister_03

Sent: Saturday, September 01, 2012 7:05 AM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: That moment when you realize yet another lie

you've always believed

I know most of our nadas fill our head full of lies about ourselves.

I think my nada did (and still does) hate the fact that comparatively

speaking she never had many " one-ups " on me.

She is a professional seamstress. She lives in South America where she

teaches the locals how to sew and support themselves.

My entire life I always asked her to teach me how to sew. I learn things

quickly. I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. By all definitions

of the word, I'm a fairly smart gal. When I decide to do something, I'm

gonna do it. Come hell or high water, I'll figure out how to do it and I'll

do it well.

My sewing " lessons " with nada always went something like this. I would ask

logistical questions and either not be answered directly, be mocked or

laughed at, or implied that it was a stupid question and it was something I

should " Just know " . She would let me awkwardly try at something without

giving me clear directions, then when I was near tears in frustration

(because there are very few things I can't do and I'm a perfectionist) she

would take over and finish the project.

Through my adult years, she continued the " mocking " by making side comments

of " I know this isn't your thing " or " This is so easy " when I would ask over

and over for her to please show me how to sew things for my daughter or

myself or my home. She would always come to my house and make it herself.

The best line of all was the last project she helped me with before I went

LC with her and asked her reasonable questions about what she was doing, she

laughed and said " You're good for me! You will help me know how to break

this down into simple terms for when I move to South America "

I've believed my whole life I could do anything in the world I wanted

to.....except sew. I've always believed I was a complete idiot when it came

to sewing and it would be a skill I would never learn and would always be

dependent on someone else to do for me because I was too stupid to " get it " .

Well lo and behold to shorten this novel, this week I became friends with

someone who helps people learn how to sew. Last night, I made a skirt for my

daughter from start to finish, by myself, with no supervision and it's

adorable. And it looks good. Oh and by the way, I drew my own pattern for it

too.

Basic sewing terms my moms has always refused to answer or mocked me for

asking, I found easily on the internet.

It was one of those moments I wanted to cry. I was angry. I wanted to go

outside and scream to the top of my lungs DAMN YOU!!!!

I've believed my ENTIRE LIFE her lies that I could never do this and no

matter how I tried to learn I would always fail because I was just dumb in

this area.

I'm an intelligent woman. I have a long list of accomplishments. Why have I

nurtured her lie and always been so afraid to step out and learn on my own?

THIS IS EASY. There is no rocket science to sewing.

I'm angry at myself for believing her bull crap and I'm angry at her for

lying to me. And I needed to get that out.

[Guest guest]

That ROCKS! Go BigSister!

It never ceases to amaze me how uncannily similar my nada's behaviors were to

those of other mothers with bpd that I read of here. Mine was similarly mocking

and insulting

and unhelpful RE my requests to learn how to sew when I was 8 or 9 years old. I

begged and begged, and finally nada angrily showed me how to use her sewing

machine, once, then refused to stay in the room because she told me that I was

going to sew my fingers together and she didn't want to see it happen, and not

to come crying to her when I did it. I broke the thread trying to use the

machine, but she was already angry so I didn't dare ask her to show me how to

re-thread it. So I cut two shirt-shapes out of an old bed-sheet she'd let me

use (no pattern) and sewed them together by hand, and put it on proudly, and she

looked at me and the " shirt " in pure disgust and told me " Don't you dare wear

that thing outside, I don't want people to think that I (nada) made it. " I

haven't tried to sew anything since.

My nada would also get upset if I asked her to teach me how to cook; she didn't

like me " messing up her kitchen. " Sister and I were only allowed to help

prepare ingredients for her to cook with, or set the table, make a " salad " (cut

iceberg lettuce into quarters) and clean up afterward. I taught myself to cook

a few minimal items when nada wasn't home, and cleaned up " perfectly " afterward

so it wouldn't " ping " on her radar. I have over the decades become a good

cook, though.

So, the fact that you were determined to learn how to sew, and DID, is very

gratifying to me! And inspiring. Maybe one of these days I'll try learning to

use the machine again.

I think this kind of behavior is all about maintaining control in order to feed

their narcissistic need to feel superior to their own child and not share the

spotlight. Its an unhealthy and unnatural feeling of competitiveness with her

own child, as though her child is a *rival*, and not her own offspring.

-Annie

>

> I know most of our nadas fill our head full of lies about ourselves.

>

> I think my nada did (and still does) hate the fact that comparatively speaking

she never had many " one-ups " on me.

>

> She is a professional seamstress. She lives in South America where she teaches

the locals how to sew and support themselves.

>

> My entire life I always asked her to teach me how to sew. I learn things

quickly. I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. By all definitions of

the word, I'm a fairly smart gal. When I decide to do something, I'm gonna do

it. Come hell or high water, I'll figure out how to do it and I'll do it well.

>

> My sewing " lessons " with nada always went something like this. I would ask

logistical questions and either not be answered directly, be mocked or laughed

at, or implied that it was a stupid question and it was something I should " Just

know " . She would let me awkwardly try at something without giving me clear

directions, then when I was near tears in frustration (because there are very

few things I can't do and I'm a perfectionist) she would take over and finish

the project.

>

> Through my adult years, she continued the " mocking " by making side comments of

" I know this isn't your thing " or " This is so easy " when I would ask over and

over for her to please show me how to sew things for my daughter or myself or my

home. She would always come to my house and make it herself. The best line of

all was the last project she helped me with before I went LC with her and asked

her reasonable questions about what she was doing, she laughed and said " You're

good for me! You will help me know how to break this down into simple terms for

when I move to South America "

>

> I've believed my whole life I could do anything in the world I wanted

to.....except sew. I've always believed I was a complete idiot when it came to

sewing and it would be a skill I would never learn and would always be dependent

on someone else to do for me because I was too stupid to " get it " .

>

> Well lo and behold to shorten this novel, this week I became friends with

someone who helps people learn how to sew. Last night, I made a skirt for my

daughter from start to finish, by myself, with no supervision and it's adorable.

And it looks good. Oh and by the way, I drew my own pattern for it too.

> Basic sewing terms my moms has always refused to answer or mocked me for

asking, I found easily on the internet.

>

> It was one of those moments I wanted to cry. I was angry. I wanted to go

outside and scream to the top of my lungs DAMN YOU!!!!

> I've believed my ENTIRE LIFE her lies that I could never do this and no matter

how I tried to learn I would always fail because I was just dumb in this area.

>

> I'm an intelligent woman. I have a long list of accomplishments. Why have I

nurtured her lie and always been so afraid to step out and learn on my own? THIS

IS EASY. There is no rocket science to sewing.

>

> I'm angry at myself for believing her bull crap and I'm angry at her for lying

to me. And I needed to get that out.

>

[Guest guest]

I think this is really common. When I talk to friends about nada-like mothers,

somewhere in there is often the idea that their mothers would not teach them how

to do normal things, like cooking or sewing or cleaning. I think having to

teach your daughter how to do something you are good at underscores that your

daughter is not you and does not know what you know. This conflicts with a

nada's view of a daughter as entirely enmeshed, and it becomes confusing how to

respond. Acting like the daughter is defective for not knowing seems like a

natural response based on that kind of distorted thinking.

My nada, who was also a pretty passable seamstress, finally got around this by

having someone else teach me how to sew, but I actually just don't like it very

much.

I'm glad you finally realized it wasn't you!

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

Yes, I have grown to realize that my mother's pathological envy precluded me

from having competency in anything, so i was yelled out when I used the kitchen

to practice my home econ cooking skills, was never taught anything but yelled at

for not knowing it anyway. So different from that smothering N mom I am always

hearing about. ; )

Basically I would reframe everything you have ever been taught to believe about

yourself from them as either a projection or distortion (unless someone else was

around and they threw you a compliment to garner supply).

It's like opposite day or freaky friday where everything says the opposite of

what they mean and the mom and kid roles are reversed.

Congratulations on your reclaimed sewing skills! It's very gratifying to create

something and prove your pd's wrong!

[Guest guest]

YES!! I am so proud of you, that you knew you could do that.

My nada was like that with cooking. She's an excellent cook, and hardly let me

help her. If I did, she would say a variation on " no, not like that! here, let

me finish it... "

I turned out to be a really good cook.

I wonder if our nadas feel like we're taking something away from them if they

pass on that skill to us, like we'll take away their glory or something.

Anyway, good for you!!

>

> I know most of our nadas fill our head full of lies about ourselves.

>

> I think my nada did (and still does) hate the fact that comparatively speaking

she never had many " one-ups " on me.

>

> She is a professional seamstress. She lives in South America where she teaches

the locals how to sew and support themselves.

>

> My entire life I always asked her to teach me how to sew. I learn things

quickly. I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. By all definitions of

the word, I'm a fairly smart gal. When I decide to do something, I'm gonna do

it. Come hell or high water, I'll figure out how to do it and I'll do it well.

>

> My sewing " lessons " with nada always went something like this. I would ask

logistical questions and either not be answered directly, be mocked or laughed

at, or implied that it was a stupid question and it was something I should " Just

know " . She would let me awkwardly try at something without giving me clear

directions, then when I was near tears in frustration (because there are very

few things I can't do and I'm a perfectionist) she would take over and finish

the project.

>

> Through my adult years, she continued the " mocking " by making side comments of

" I know this isn't your thing " or " This is so easy " when I would ask over and

over for her to please show me how to sew things for my daughter or myself or my

home. She would always come to my house and make it herself. The best line of

all was the last project she helped me with before I went LC with her and asked

her reasonable questions about what she was doing, she laughed and said " You're

good for me! You will help me know how to break this down into simple terms for

when I move to South America "

>

> I've believed my whole life I could do anything in the world I wanted

to.....except sew. I've always believed I was a complete idiot when it came to

sewing and it would be a skill I would never learn and would always be dependent

on someone else to do for me because I was too stupid to " get it " .

>

> Well lo and behold to shorten this novel, this week I became friends with

someone who helps people learn how to sew. Last night, I made a skirt for my

daughter from start to finish, by myself, with no supervision and it's adorable.

And it looks good. Oh and by the way, I drew my own pattern for it too.

> Basic sewing terms my moms has always refused to answer or mocked me for

asking, I found easily on the internet.

>

> It was one of those moments I wanted to cry. I was angry. I wanted to go

outside and scream to the top of my lungs DAMN YOU!!!!

> I've believed my ENTIRE LIFE her lies that I could never do this and no matter

how I tried to learn I would always fail because I was just dumb in this area.

>

> I'm an intelligent woman. I have a long list of accomplishments. Why have I

nurtured her lie and always been so afraid to step out and learn on my own? THIS

IS EASY. There is no rocket science to sewing.

>

> I'm angry at myself for believing her bull crap and I'm angry at her for lying

to me. And I needed to get that out.

>

[Guest guest]

this should totally be added to the diagnostic criteria. " insanely jealous when

children succeed. " I instantly thought of about 20 stories at once.

when s-i-l got curtains , when my sister built a house " I have been married x

number of years and no one has ever built ME a new house. when I got a bedroom

set " I was married 10 years before I got one of those! " etc...

sewing was another one for me too. my nada used to do craft fairs. she has a

pattern she and a friend developed, and she is very proud of it. she made

thousands of them to sell at craft fairs every year. I always wanted to sew, and

she never would show me how. she bought me a really fancy machine when I turned

16. when I reached adulthood, I taught myself, and then I got creative, and I

sell things online. when I started doing well, a local store asked to sell my

stuff. I excitedly started to tell Nada about it and all she said was " oh it's

consignment that's ok too I guess " in a bored voice. and then thought it was

offensive that I did not tell her all about it.

ok there are soooo many stories like that. I could go on and on.

My Nada I have realized is jealous and very proud of me at the same time. which

until I figured that out, I was so confused. she tells me all the time how

" proud " she is, but acts weird about it at the same time.

Yes my nada is threatened by our success, but at the same time she is desperate

for it, and demands the word notices it. because it is her identity. so

growing up we were obnoxiously " supported " in everything, exploited when we

succeeded, and at the same time sabotaged passively-aggressively by her. it was

mind boggling for me. and I am now only starting to realize why her praise felt

so off.

Meikjn

> >

> > I know most of our nadas fill our head full of lies about ourselves.

> >

> > I think my nada did (and still does) hate the fact that comparatively

speaking she never had many " one-ups " on me.

> >

> > She is a professional seamstress. She lives in South America where she

teaches the locals how to sew and support themselves.

> >

> > My entire life I always asked her to teach me how to sew. I learn things

quickly. I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. By all definitions of

the word, I'm a fairly smart gal. When I decide to do something, I'm gonna do

it. Come hell or high water, I'll figure out how to do it and I'll do it well.

> >

> > My sewing " lessons " with nada always went something like this. I would ask

logistical questions and either not be answered directly, be mocked or laughed

at, or implied that it was a stupid question and it was something I should " Just

know " . She would let me awkwardly try at something without giving me clear

directions, then when I was near tears in frustration (because there are very

few things I can't do and I'm a perfectionist) she would take over and finish

the project.

> >

> > Through my adult years, she continued the " mocking " by making side comments

of " I know this isn't your thing " or " This is so easy " when I would ask over and

over for her to please show me how to sew things for my daughter or myself or my

home. She would always come to my house and make it herself. The best line of

all was the last project she helped me with before I went LC with her and asked

her reasonable questions about what she was doing, she laughed and said " You're

good for me! You will help me know how to break this down into simple terms for

when I move to South America "

> >

> > I've believed my whole life I could do anything in the world I wanted

to.....except sew. I've always believed I was a complete idiot when it came to

sewing and it would be a skill I would never learn and would always be dependent

on someone else to do for me because I was too stupid to " get it " .

> >

> > Well lo and behold to shorten this novel, this week I became friends with

someone who helps people learn how to sew. Last night, I made a skirt for my

daughter from start to finish, by myself, with no supervision and it's adorable.

And it looks good. Oh and by the way, I drew my own pattern for it too.

> > Basic sewing terms my moms has always refused to answer or mocked me for

asking, I found easily on the internet.

> >

> > It was one of those moments I wanted to cry. I was angry. I wanted to go

outside and scream to the top of my lungs DAMN YOU!!!!

> > I've believed my ENTIRE LIFE her lies that I could never do this and no

matter how I tried to learn I would always fail because I was just dumb in this

area.

> >

> > I'm an intelligent woman. I have a long list of accomplishments. Why have I

nurtured her lie and always been so afraid to step out and learn on my own? THIS

IS EASY. There is no rocket science to sewing.

> >

> > I'm angry at myself for believing her bull crap and I'm angry at her for

lying to me. And I needed to get that out.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" so growing up we were obnoxiously " supported " in everything, exploited when

we succeeded, and at the same time sabotaged passively-aggressively by her.

it was mind boggling for me. "

Thank you Meikjn! It is so helpful to put some clarity on my experiences. It

feels like my parents' mission was to confuse the heck out of me so I would

keep coming back for more, desperate for their love, thinking if only I

could be a " better " daughter I would finally achieve their approval and

unconditional love.

NG

_____

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Meikjn

Sent: September-02-12 10:36 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Re: That moment when you realize yet another

lie you've always believed

this should totally be added to the diagnostic criteria. " insanely jealous

when children succeed. " I instantly thought of about 20 stories at once.

when s-i-l got curtains , when my sister built a house " I have been married

x number of years and no one has ever built ME a new house. when I got a

bedroom set " I was married 10 years before I got one of those! " etc...

sewing was another one for me too. my nada used to do craft fairs. she has a

pattern she and a friend developed, and she is very proud of it. she made

thousands of them to sell at craft fairs every year. I always wanted to sew,

and she never would show me how. she bought me a really fancy machine when I

turned 16. when I reached adulthood, I taught myself, and then I got

creative, and I sell things online. when I started doing well, a local store

asked to sell my stuff. I excitedly started to tell Nada about it and all

she said was " oh it's consignment that's ok too I guess " in a bored voice.

and then thought it was offensive that I did not tell her all about it.

ok there are soooo many stories like that. I could go on and on.

My Nada I have realized is jealous and very proud of me at the same time.

which until I figured that out, I was so confused. she tells me all the time

how " proud " she is, but acts weird about it at the same time.

Yes my nada is threatened by our success, but at the same time she is

desperate for it, and demands the word notices it. because it is her

identity. so growing up we were obnoxiously " supported " in everything,

exploited when we succeeded, and at the same time sabotaged

passively-aggressively by her. it was mind boggling for me. and I am now

only starting to realize why her praise felt so off.

Meikjn

> >

> > I know most of our nadas fill our head full of lies about ourselves.

> >

> > I think my nada did (and still does) hate the fact that comparatively

speaking she never had many " one-ups " on me.

> >

> > She is a professional seamstress. She lives in South America where she

teaches the locals how to sew and support themselves.

> >

> > My entire life I always asked her to teach me how to sew. I learn things

quickly. I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. By all definitions

of the word, I'm a fairly smart gal. When I decide to do something, I'm

gonna do it. Come hell or high water, I'll figure out how to do it and I'll

do it well.

> >

> > My sewing " lessons " with nada always went something like this. I would

ask logistical questions and either not be answered directly, be mocked or

laughed at, or implied that it was a stupid question and it was something I

should " Just know " . She would let me awkwardly try at something without

giving me clear directions, then when I was near tears in frustration

(because there are very few things I can't do and I'm a perfectionist) she

would take over and finish the project.

> >

> > Through my adult years, she continued the " mocking " by making side

comments of " I know this isn't your thing " or " This is so easy " when I would

ask over and over for her to please show me how to sew things for my

daughter or myself or my home. She would always come to my house and make it

herself. The best line of all was the last project she helped me with before

I went LC with her and asked her reasonable questions about what she was

doing, she laughed and said " You're good for me! You will help me know how

to break this down into simple terms for when I move to South America "

> >

> > I've believed my whole life I could do anything in the world I wanted

to.....except sew. I've always believed I was a complete idiot when it came

to sewing and it would be a skill I would never learn and would always be

dependent on someone else to do for me because I was too stupid to " get it " .

> >

> > Well lo and behold to shorten this novel, this week I became friends

with someone who helps people learn how to sew. Last night, I made a skirt

for my daughter from start to finish, by myself, with no supervision and

it's adorable. And it looks good. Oh and by the way, I drew my own pattern

for it too.

> > Basic sewing terms my moms has always refused to answer or mocked me for

asking, I found easily on the internet.

> >

> > It was one of those moments I wanted to cry. I was angry. I wanted to go

outside and scream to the top of my lungs DAMN YOU!!!!

> > I've believed my ENTIRE LIFE her lies that I could never do this and no

matter how I tried to learn I would always fail because I was just dumb in

this area.

> >

> > I'm an intelligent woman. I have a long list of accomplishments. Why

have I nurtured her lie and always been so afraid to step out and learn on

my own? THIS IS EASY. There is no rocket science to sewing.

> >

> > I'm angry at myself for believing her bull crap and I'm angry at her for

lying to me. And I needed to get that out.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My father was the same way as you guys are describing. They are jealous of

us and can't cope with our success except to brag to strangers about it.

[Guest guest]

Yup sounds familiar.

My nada can speak a second language (her native tongue), knit and crochet, sing,

garden well and speed read. My fada can build and decorate a house from scratch

- inside and out, oil paint well, ride horses and they were both good curlers

(curling is a Canadian ice past time).

None of their three adult children can do any of the above whatsoever.

I think the problem was more that my parents were just too self-absorbed to

teach us anything.

[Guest guest]

I have struggled immensely as I homeschool my children and teach and train

them to be well rounded people and realize my parents taught me NOTHING but

bad habits and how to clean the house - so they wouldn't have to. I agree

that they were too busy thinking of themselves to worry about what we needed

to learn. . .

jwjrenslow@...> jwjrenslow@...

_____

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Hellfireblonde

Sent: Tuesday, September 04, 2012 4:38 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Re: That moment when you realize yet another

lie you've always believed

Yup sounds familiar.

My nada can speak a second language (her native tongue), knit and crochet,

sing, garden well and speed read. My fada can build and decorate a house

from scratch - inside and out, oil paint well, ride horses and they were

both good curlers (curling is a Canadian ice past time).

None of their three adult children can do any of the above whatsoever.

I think the problem was more that my parents were just too self-absorbed to

teach us anything.

[Guest guest]

CONGRATULATIONS! You found your power, and she can't beat you bloody with sewing

anymore!

My mother is very creative: she sews, plays piano, paints in oils and

watercolors, makes beautiful baskets, etc. Yet she has shared NONE of this

knowledge with either of her children after we asked repeatedly. And any time my

sis or I would attempt to learn these things, she would criticize our efforts

and belittle us.

I am so glad for you!

>

> I know most of our nadas fill our head full of lies about ourselves.

>

> I think my nada did (and still does) hate the fact that comparatively speaking

she never had many " one-ups " on me.

>

> She is a professional seamstress. She lives in South America where she teaches

the locals how to sew and support themselves.

>

> My entire life I always asked her to teach me how to sew. I learn things

quickly. I'm not a genius, but I'm not an idiot either. By all definitions of

the word, I'm a fairly smart gal. When I decide to do something, I'm gonna do

it. Come hell or high water, I'll figure out how to do it and I'll do it well.

>

> My sewing " lessons " with nada always went something like this. I would ask

logistical questions and either not be answered directly, be mocked or laughed

at, or implied that it was a stupid question and it was something I should " Just

know " . She would let me awkwardly try at something without giving me clear

directions, then when I was near tears in frustration (because there are very

few things I can't do and I'm a perfectionist) she would take over and finish

the project.

>

> Through my adult years, she continued the " mocking " by making side comments of

" I know this isn't your thing " or " This is so easy " when I would ask over and

over for her to please show me how to sew things for my daughter or myself or my

home. She would always come to my house and make it herself. The best line of

all was the last project she helped me with before I went LC with her and asked

her reasonable questions about what she was doing, she laughed and said " You're

good for me! You will help me know how to break this down into simple terms for

when I move to South America "

>

> I've believed my whole life I could do anything in the world I wanted

to.....except sew. I've always believed I was a complete idiot when it came to

sewing and it would be a skill I would never learn and would always be dependent

on someone else to do for me because I was too stupid to " get it " .

>

> Well lo and behold to shorten this novel, this week I became friends with

someone who helps people learn how to sew. Last night, I made a skirt for my

daughter from start to finish, by myself, with no supervision and it's adorable.

And it looks good. Oh and by the way, I drew my own pattern for it too.

> Basic sewing terms my moms has always refused to answer or mocked me for

asking, I found easily on the internet.

>

> It was one of those moments I wanted to cry. I was angry. I wanted to go

outside and scream to the top of my lungs DAMN YOU!!!!

> I've believed my ENTIRE LIFE her lies that I could never do this and no matter

how I tried to learn I would always fail because I was just dumb in this area.

>

> I'm an intelligent woman. I have a long list of accomplishments. Why have I

nurtured her lie and always been so afraid to step out and learn on my own? THIS

IS EASY. There is no rocket science to sewing.

>

> I'm angry at myself for believing her bull crap and I'm angry at her for lying

to me. And I needed to get that out.

>