Nada is back

[Guest guest]

Dear all,

I feel so emotional this afternoon.

I have gone NC with nada since last june 2011.

This morning I had the door ringing, opened and spoke with my elder son's dad

who came to bring back some things belonging to my son. Then he left. Few

minutes later, the door rang again, naturally I thought it was him back having

forgotten something, so didn't check and opened the door.

Nada was in front of me. I had such a shock. In about 15 months, she has got

very very old, nearly all her hair has become white and she has lots of

wrinkles. She had a vertigo so I let her in and made her seat in my kitchen and

we had a talk.

She has big health problems, heart and vertigos and she begged me to welcome her

back into our lives, she begged to see her grand children.

I told her that all the family (my uncles, aunties, cousins) has banished me,

she said that she asked them to keep contact with me, also after when she will

die.....

She told me that we have only one life !

She left asking me to think of it and to call her on phone when I have taken my

decision.

Well, I feel very guilty, I feel she got that old and sick because I went NC

with my three children and she couldn't handle it, I am scared if I refuse her

back she will die soon and I will never forgive me.

I think I am going for a walk now to go out and try to put my ideas together,

because I couldn't stop crying when she left, and I am at home but I do nothing,

I just feel so shocked, to see her that old, she really looks like an old woman,

and with a heart disease....

I don't think I could resist to welcome her back because if I don't and she dies

alone I will never forgive myself ....

I love her so much inside and that is so painfull ....

Lots of Love to all of you,

Natacha