Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 So know if this helps but dysfunctional people need someone to bad mouth to feel united. Without that third person they'd turn on each other. > ** > > > i have had no contact with my nada for the last 2 years and my extended > family 90% of them have acted as flying monkeys and also rejected me as > well. MY question is WHY the hell does ostracising or rejecting someone > within ones' own family makes the flyinf monkeys feel united?!?! it just > boggles my ming that an issue that as NOTHING to do with them but is a > personal issue with me and my nada everybody through nadas smearing > campagin against her own daughter takes sides and theres ones that are > siting on a fence get indirectly/directly pressured into rejecting me as > well and losing contact. does it make them feel empowered when theres more > numbers or make them feel what they are doing is totally acceptable. bunch > of brainless morons that are twirling in a cycles of abuse. sorry had to > vent and not sure if anyone has had similar experiences. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 so don't know I mean to write. On Fri, Sep 14, 2012 at 9:34 AM, Millicent Kunstler < millicentkunstler@...> wrote: > So know if this helps but dysfunctional people need someone to bad mouth > to feel united. Without that third person they'd turn on each other. > > > > >> ** >> >> >> i have had no contact with my nada for the last 2 years and my extended >> family 90% of them have acted as flying monkeys and also rejected me as >> well. MY question is WHY the hell does ostracising or rejecting someone >> within ones' own family makes the flyinf monkeys feel united?!?! it just >> boggles my ming that an issue that as NOTHING to do with them but is a >> personal issue with me and my nada everybody through nadas smearing >> campagin against her own daughter takes sides and theres ones that are >> siting on a fence get indirectly/directly pressured into rejecting me as >> well and losing contact. does it make them feel empowered when theres more >> numbers or make them feel what they are doing is totally acceptable. bunch >> of brainless morons that are twirling in a cycles of abuse. sorry had to >> vent and not sure if anyone has had similar experiences. >> >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 I think it is human nature, not just about families. If you think back to elementary school the loud annoying person could always get the crowd to follow them and shun someone who wasn't willing to stand up and fight. I think the family has been conditioned also by the neediness of the BPD person and it has gone on for so long that they just naturally turn on you if you are not keeping to the script. How dare you upset the apple cart because now she is calling them night and day and they don't want to get in her crosshairs either. If they try to be two-faced she'll figure it out. I know it is frustrating, but you have to see it from their point of view too - they have to protect themselves and they might not be strong enough to stand up to her. My father and brother turned on me viciously when my nada freaked out on me and my DH a few years ago. They KNEW she was crazy and overreacting, but I still was the bad guy because I chose to remain married instead of caving to nada's insanity. (DH had said a few poorly chosen words in response to one of her rages - how dare HE stand up for himself!) However, since I chose my husband over my mother back then it has been easier and easier for me to continue to choose my family and not her so that when I found out about BPD it was no real heartbreak to go LC with her. It takes time. . . jwjrenslow@...> jwjrenslow@... _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of m19728 Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2012 10:33 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: WHY????? i have had no contact with my nada for the last 2 years and my extended family 90% of them have acted as flying monkeys and also rejected me as well. MY question is WHY the hell does ostracising or rejecting someone within ones' own family makes the flyinf monkeys feel united?!?! it just boggles my ming that an issue that as NOTHING to do with them but is a personal issue with me and my nada everybody through nadas smearing campagin against her own daughter takes sides and theres ones that are siting on a fence get indirectly/directly pressured into rejecting me as well and losing contact. does it make them feel empowered when theres more numbers or make them feel what they are doing is totally acceptable. bunch of brainless morons that are twirling in a cycles of abuse. sorry had to vent and not sure if anyone has had similar experiences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 I think it's just b/c when a whole family " mechanism " is dysfunctional.....if one family member extricates her/his self from the dysfunctional " mechanism " ....the result is chaos to maintain the dysfunction. I think that Bradshaw wrote a lot about this....It's been awhile since I've read his books, maybe I should dig them out of the attic! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 6:35 AM Subject: Re: WHY????? so don't know I mean to write. On Fri, Sep 14, 2012 at 9:34 AM, Millicent Kunstler < millicentkunstler@...> wrote: > So know if this helps but dysfunctional people need someone to bad mouth > to feel united. Without that third person they'd turn on each other. > > > > >> ** >> >> >> i have had no contact with my nada for the last 2 years and my extended >> family 90% of them have acted as flying monkeys and also rejected me as >> well. MY question is WHY the hell does ostracising or rejecting someone >> within ones' own family makes the flyinf monkeys feel united?!?! it just >> boggles my ming that an issue that as NOTHING to do with them but is a >> personal issue with me and my nada everybody through nadas smearing >> campagin against her own daughter takes sides and theres ones that are >> siting on a fence get indirectly/directly pressured into rejecting me as >> well and losing contact. does it make them feel empowered when theres more >> numbers or make them feel what they are doing is totally acceptable. bunch >> of brainless morons that are twirling in a cycles of abuse. sorry had to >> vent and not sure if anyone has had similar experiences. >> >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 I think too its part of that mob mentality of wanting to be accepted so people do or say things they never would otherwise. Just hold your head high  > >> ** >> >> >> i have had no contact with my nada for the last 2 years and my extended >> family 90% of them have acted as flying monkeys and also rejected me as >> well. MY question is WHY the hell does ostracising or rejecting someone >> within ones' own family makes the flyinf monkeys feel united?!?! it just >> boggles my ming that an issue that as NOTHING to do with them but is a >> personal issue with me and my nada everybody through nadas smearing >> campagin against her own daughter takes sides and theres ones that are >> siting on a fence get indirectly/directly pressured into rejecting me as >> well and losing contact. does it make them feel empowered when theres more >> numbers or make them feel what they are doing is totally acceptable. bunch >> of brainless morons that are twirling in a cycles of abuse. sorry had to >> vent and not sure if anyone has had similar experiences. >> >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 You have broken the unwritten rules of the family, which are probably based on codependent understandings of relationships. They feel compelled to enforce these rules, even if they don't really benefit from the arrangement. Also, most dysfunctional families have a habit of scapegoating in order to avoid facing problems. Since you have pinpointed the problem (or at least one of them) you have been targeted as a scapegoat. Finally, families with disordered members are often enmeshed, so if one person has an opinion, others are likely to hold it as well, without really thinking about it for themselves (or even being able to have that kind of independence). Take care, Ashana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2012 Report Share Posted September 21, 2012 thanks guys, it all makes better sense... > > i have had no contact with my nada for the last 2 years and my extended family 90% of them have acted as flying monkeys and also rejected me as well. MY question is WHY the hell does ostracising or rejecting someone within ones' own family makes the flyinf monkeys feel united?!?! it just boggles my ming that an issue that as NOTHING to do with them but is a personal issue with me and my nada everybody through nadas smearing campagin against her own daughter takes sides and theres ones that are siting on a fence get indirectly/directly pressured into rejecting me as well and losing contact. does it make them feel empowered when theres more numbers or make them feel what they are doing is totally acceptable. bunch of brainless morons that are twirling in a cycles of abuse. sorry had to vent and not sure if anyone has had similar experiences. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2012 Report Share Posted September 21, 2012 Dear m19728, You are not alone in this case. Your message touched me because what you described is quite exactely what I live with my nada's family, my uncles, aunties, cousins I love so much and for them, I quite don't exist, they don't call, don't come to see me, while they often interact with my nada, and if I write a comment on their Facebook page, they simply ignore it. I know she has lied for years about me, no idea what she told. It is very painful because as a single child, for me my cousins were like brothers and sisters and I love them so much. And I always thought that it was absolutely reciprocal from them too. I have recently decided that now my " family " will be those who really care about me. I try not to think of them often because it hurts. For the reason why they have been manipulated so easily, I have no idea. If you learn more, please tell me. About my nada's behaviour with them, I was very estonished last year to see on Fb. a picture of my little cousin receiving from my mother as a gift a brand new saxophone. It is a very expensive gift, I don't know how my mother could have paid that gift to my cousin. Since that time I have thought that my nada has probably bought all my cousins by giving to them expensive presents, while all my life most of her gifts to me were never bought but were second hand old things. And I have also supposed that all my cousins think that as she offers them very expensive gifts, then it should be the same from my nada towards me, and that I am such an ungrateful person to have decided to go NC with her. Maybe your family members have been bought by expensive presents too ? Have a Beautiful Weekend ! Natacha ________________________________ De : m19728 m19728@...> À : WTOAdultChildren1 Envoyé le : Vendredi 21 septembre 2012 11h21 Objet : Re: WHY?????  thanks guys, it all makes better sense... > > i have had no contact with my nada for the last 2 years and my extended family 90% of them have acted as flying monkeys and also rejected me as well. MY question is WHY the hell does ostracising or rejecting someone within ones' own family makes the flyinf monkeys feel united?!?! it just boggles my ming that an issue that as NOTHING to do with them but is a personal issue with me and my nada everybody through nadas smearing campagin against her own daughter takes sides and theres ones that are siting on a fence get indirectly/directly pressured into rejecting me as well and losing contact. does it make them feel empowered when theres more numbers or make them feel what they are doing is totally acceptable. bunch of brainless morons that are twirling in a cycles of abuse. sorry had to vent and not sure if anyone has had similar experiences. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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