Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 So many of the posts I read deal with the unfairness of it all, that we cannot have a healthy parent. We try so hard to make them be that healthy, normal mom, and for most of us, it simply doesnt happen. It would be easier if we were orphans. We would not expect to have a parent, because we are orphans. Instead, we are like orphans lost in the fog of nada, still groping for a long time for what our heart tells us should be there: Mom. Some of us, eventually, discover that Mom is not there, just Nada. We grieve that like an orphan, for orphans we are. Orphans of the FOG. ( Yea, that IS the working title of my book, now that you mention it. ) Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Can't wait to read it. . . love the title! jwjrenslow@...> jwjrenslow@... _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of doug883 Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 8:41 AM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Orphans So many of the posts I read deal with the unfairness of it all, that we cannot have a healthy parent. We try so hard to make them be that healthy, normal mom, and for most of us, it simply doesnt happen. It would be easier if we were orphans. We would not expect to have a parent, because we are orphans. Instead, we are like orphans lost in the fog of nada, still groping for a long time for what our heart tells us should be there: Mom. Some of us, eventually, discover that Mom is not there, just Nada. We grieve that like an orphan, for orphans we are. Orphans of the FOG. ( Yea, that IS the working title of my book, now that you mention it. ) Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 This will be a wonderful book! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 8:14 AM Subject: RE: Orphans  Can't wait to read it. . . love the title! jwjrenslow@...> jwjrenslow@... _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of doug883 Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 8:41 AM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Orphans So many of the posts I read deal with the unfairness of it all, that we cannot have a healthy parent. We try so hard to make them be that healthy, normal mom, and for most of us, it simply doesnt happen. It would be easier if we were orphans. We would not expect to have a parent, because we are orphans. Instead, we are like orphans lost in the fog of nada, still groping for a long time for what our heart tells us should be there: Mom. Some of us, eventually, discover that Mom is not there, just Nada. We grieve that like an orphan, for orphans we are. Orphans of the FOG. ( Yea, that IS the working title of my book, now that you mention it. ) Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Dear Doug, I think yes, we are kind of orphans, and also hostages of our nadas distorsed perception of the truth and the reality ! Oh, you write a book, this is really great !!!! I will buy it and read it !!!! Have a Beautiful Weekend Doug :-) Natacha ________________________________ De : doug883 doug883@...> À : WTOAdultChildren1 Envoyé le : Vendredi 14 septembre 2012 16h40 Objet : Orphans  So many of the posts I read deal with the unfairness of it all, that we cannot have a healthy parent. We try so hard to make them be that healthy, normal mom, and for most of us, it simply doesnt happen. It would be easier if we were orphans. We would not expect to have a parent, because we are orphans. Instead, we are like orphans lost in the fog of nada, still groping for a long time for what our heart tells us should be there: Mom. Some of us, eventually, discover that Mom is not there, just Nada. We grieve that like an orphan, for orphans we are. Orphans of the FOG. ( Yea, that IS the working title of my book, now that you mention it. ) Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 I worked for an adoption agency for a few years, and really wished I were a real orphan. At least then there would be an understandable reason for the hurt in my being...I discovered a lot about what happened to me emotionally, or rather did NOT happen-- I did't have any parents that I could form healthy attachments with, so I have many of the characteristics of 'moderate attachment disorder. " Blech!! > > > So many of the posts I read deal with the unfairness of it all, that we > cannot have a healthy parent. We try so hard to make them be that > healthy, normal mom, and for most of us, it simply doesnt happen. > > It would be easier if we were orphans. We would not expect to have a > parent, because we are orphans. Instead, we are like orphans lost in > the fog of nada, still groping for a long time for what our heart tells > us should be there: Mom. > > Some of us, eventually, discover that Mom is not there, just Nada. We > grieve that like an orphan, for orphans we are. Orphans of the FOG. > > ( Yea, that IS the working title of my book, now that you mention it. > ) > > > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 Does anyone have information on " Moderate attachment Disorder " ? My brother and I both have difficulties with attachments to people and I feel so guilty with my lack of mothering skills with my own children - is there a way to overcome it? I have successfully married and had kids simply because I willed myself to do so regardless of my inabilities, but I do not want my " issues " to flow through to my kids who seem to lack compassion (most-likely because I do). My brother has never married and can't seem to have a successful relationship and I'm sure it is because of my uBPD mother and uNPD father. . . if there is help for adults with attachment disorders I think we both would benefit. :-( jwjrenslow@...> jwjrenslow@... _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of mschrisgo2 Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 11:33 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Orphans I worked for an adoption agency for a few years, and really wished I were a real orphan. At least then there would be an understandable reason for the hurt in my being...I discovered a lot about what happened to me emotionally, or rather did NOT happen-- I did't have any parents that I could form healthy attachments with, so I have many of the characteristics of 'moderate attachment disorder. " Blech!! > > > So many of the posts I read deal with the unfairness of it all, that we > cannot have a healthy parent. We try so hard to make them be that > healthy, normal mom, and for most of us, it simply doesnt happen. > > It would be easier if we were orphans. We would not expect to have a > parent, because we are orphans. Instead, we are like orphans lost in > the fog of nada, still groping for a long time for what our heart tells > us should be there: Mom. > > Some of us, eventually, discover that Mom is not there, just Nada. We > grieve that like an orphan, for orphans we are. Orphans of the FOG. > > ( Yea, that IS the working title of my book, now that you mention it. > ) > > > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 I found one place via the Internet, that says its the " pioneer in the treatment of adult attachment disorder. " http://www.attachmenttherapy.com/adult.htm They offer in-person therapy but they also have books/videos/tapes on " Success In Parenting " and " Attachment, Trauma and Healing. " I haven't read or used this material, so I can't recommend whether its effective or not. But if you do some research in your area by interviewing psychologists RE whether they have experience and success treating adults with attachment disorder, that would probably be just as good, because it seems logical to me that being able to develop a trusting relationship with a live, in-person therapist would be part of overcoming attachment disorder. I hope that helps. -Annie > > > > > > So many of the posts I read deal with the unfairness of it all, that we > > cannot have a healthy parent. We try so hard to make them be that > > healthy, normal mom, and for most of us, it simply doesnt happen. > > > > It would be easier if we were orphans. We would not expect to have a > > parent, because we are orphans. Instead, we are like orphans lost in > > the fog of nada, still groping for a long time for what our heart tells > > us should be there: Mom. > > > > Some of us, eventually, discover that Mom is not there, just Nada. We > > grieve that like an orphan, for orphans we are. Orphans of the FOG. > > > > ( Yea, that IS the working title of my book, now that you mention it. > > ) > > > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 , I think the " cure " for adult difficulties with attachment is having a secure attachment figure--someone you find to be consistently there and comforting to you. If this isn't your husband, it could help to have a therapist. You can have all manner of rejection and abuse in childhood and still attain what is called " earned secure attachment. " Meaning, it isn't about having had a secure attachment with a parent. It's entirely about having a good relationship in the present. Couples therapy could also help, but I don't know that for sure. Addressing past traumas can also help. You end up less frightened of people and it's easier to see who to trust and who not to. Take care, Ashana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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