Nada is back topic THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU

[Guest guest]

Dear , Sveta, Annie, Elana, Tracey, Hermitsdaughter,

From all my heart I want to thank each of you for your kind messages which have

given to me confort and a big support.

Please forgive me that I didn't managed yet to answer to your kind letters. I

wanted to answer to each of you individually, but I am not english native, and

six letters to write, I didn't manage to do it. I don't think I could do it. It

is too much long for me to write.

Please forgive me, because I really would like to answer kindly to each of you

personally.

Truth also is that when it happenned (Nada back), itwas just when school started

again, and since that time, I have such a speed life.

I raise my three children absolutely alone in a little town with no public

transports accomodations.

I don't have my driving licence so I have to walk to the school which is about

30 minutes from home, and this year they have refused to accept my daughter at

lunchtime so I have to walk this distance eight times per day, four hours

walking per day, then the remaining time at home is very little and I am so busy

I didn't really stop at the computer for one week.

I also wanted to announce to you what I finally decided about this, I was

waiting for my decision about my nada to be taken, and honestly, today I still

don't know what to do exactely. I think I can't let her back in my life, because

it is the second time I go NC and then after a time I am forced to switch back

to relationship with her, not by my own choice. First time it was because my

dear Grand-Ma was dying so she asked me to " reconciliate " with my mother, she

said she can't dye knowing that I am NC with my mother. So I let my mother back

and finally after a year, I went back to NC again. It was in last June 2011.

I have spoken with my two older children, and I think I am going to let them

just a little meet with her in town for some afternoons and that's all what she

will have.

She has made to me too much hurting times, I think if I would just erase

everything again, like I have done all my life since my childhood, forgiving and

forgetting everything, it would be like encouraging her to go on against me

again. So I don't think I will have any contact with her even if she asks for

them today.

She apologized to me last friday about the past for only ONE THING : she said

she regrets that she hided to me my Dad's identity during 13 years, but she said

she did it " because everyone told her to do so " .

So that means that she was not really responsible of doing that to me,and it

also means, that she has no regret for all the other unkind things she has done

to me in my life.

She is a witch type, few examples :

In 1999 I was in a red cross center for beaten women with my six months old

baby, because she refused to help me, then she came to see me there and I told

her that I would like to come back to live to my Grand-Mother's home (who had a

double house with a big garden, it was my childhood house and our family house

for seventy years).

She answered nothing but I saw her eyes shining. Few months later I earned that

my mother had sold my Grand-mother's house very quickly, she had sent my

Grand-Mother to a little flat in the center of the village, and she had burned

my belongings in the garden, sold my bedroom furnitures to my cousins, taken

some of my belonging into her house (today still has never given it back to me),

and stolen some family photo albums which were not mine, telling to all the

family that I stole them.

In 2007, she sent my Grand-Mother to a Old people's home, in a far away town

from here with no bus to go there (to empeach me to go to see her). Many times I

asked her to drive me there but she always refused.

She finally accepted to drive me there only twice times, when my Grand-Ma was

dying, just because she wanted to appear nice to my aunties and cousins.

Last time in the parking, she stared at me with ice eyes and told me with an

iron cold voice : " Well, you won't be able to tell to anyone that I never drove

you there to see her, isn't it ? "

In 2000 I finally moved to a flat with my baby in another town, and asked her to

bring back to me my canaries which had stayed with her during our stays in the

red cross center for few months, she always refused to give them back to me,

then first of them died, then stayed my very favourite one, I begged her but she

always refused, then one day she told me on the phone that he was dead :-( I

asked her to bring back his little dead body to me that I could kiss him

goodbye, but she anwered that she had already thrown him into the dust bin

because it was already smelling.

I have always thought that maybe she killed him because he was too young to die,

and she knex he was my very favourite. I had apprivoised him and he used to fly

to my head hair or to my shoulder and stay there, kissing me on my nose with his

very little tong, he was such a cuty and I loved him so much !

And today she complains about not seeing her grand-children, but for each of my

pregnancies except the first one, she went NC from me during all the pregnancy

time, when I desperatly needed her, " because she wanted me to have only one

child " , and for my daughter she did worse, she went NC and then complained to

all the family, that " because of me beeing pregnant again, she was having a

nervous breakdown " .

So they all went to see her, " poor Francine ! " And noone, noone came to see me

or call me on the phone, while I had such a difficult pregnancy, nearly loosing

my baby once, beeing hospitalized five times, but noone cared and bothered to

come to see me.

I am still under shock after one week that she had poped up back in my life

without my consent. I am not ready to see her again, and I am actually at the

beginning of a job research to move away, and I am scared that if I would let

her in back, she would do her best like in the past to empeach me to move away

and to work.

I love you all !!!! Thank you so much for your kind support !!!!

You are all so important for me !!!!

Without your messages supporting me, I think I would have fallen back again

alllowing her into my life not for my good.

Have a Blessed Weekend !!!!

Lots of Love to you all !!!! :-)

Natacha