Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 I think they like to see what they can get away with. > ** > > > I have been keeping Nada updated by e-mail on what is going on in my life. > at least what I am willing to share. my parents send out a weekly letter. > > this last week she put the information I gave her in the letter, but she > did it in a way that annoyed me. and I am also annoyed for being annoyed. > > she said things like " if I have my information correct " and " (my brother) > tells me... " just to make sure people know I was still giving her the > " silent treatment " that is what she is calling it. and apparently she has > lost 40 LBS because I am not talking to her (and possibly the diet she is > on) this was not in the letter but it is what she is telling people in a > waif-like terrorized voice. boohoo boohoo snif snif. > > I send those e-mails because that is all I have to offer right now, and I > am trying to have a relationship on terms can handle. > > It amazes me that she can write things like that and not realize that it > does not make me want to talk to her any sooner.DUH. > > and I am wondering if I should address the issue or not? I think it is > fairly safe to assume that she has an excuse handy, and a way to make me > feel dumb and dismiss my feelings. > > something like: " Meikjn I forgot you told me those things, and since I am > not talking to you right now I can never be sure I have the right > information etc... " I think she is likely to throw in something about me > looking for things to be offended about, and I imagine the word forgiveness > would be in there too. > > I wish there were a way to explain to her that this is the very kind of > behavior that led me to only wanting to talk to her by e-mail in the first > place,and it hardly makes me want more than that now. I guess I did explain > that once... > > are Nadas really THAT clueless? or do they just like to see what they can > get away with? > > I just wish I could go through life without such nastiness. nadas are > amazing at using everything you are willing to give against you. way to > make it even worse for yourself Nada. > > Meikjn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 You are the only one who knows what feels tolerable to you, or intolerable, so its got to be your decision. But me personally, I would find being required to send my mother a weekly report RE what I am doing and then have it " broadcast " so to speak (or published) to be, well, rather inappropriate and intrusive. But that's me. One way to handle that would be to say that you've decided that from now on, you're going to keep people updated on your activities via FaceBook; you'll " do your own public relations " directly. That way you get to decide whether you even want to dispense information or not, and if so, when and how much, and you can word it exactly the way YOU want to word it. Nada won't be your " editor " any longer, and she'll be unable to put her " spin " on what you've written. She can read your " report " when you post one, along with your other family and friends, and make comments (if you like) but she will no longer be in the position of " dispensing " news about you (which just seems odd to me, for some reason. Perhaps its just different than what I'm used to.) Its one option to consider. And yes, nadas are rather clueless. The ones with a lot of narcissistic pd traits tend to lack empathy, be totally self-focused, and feel that they are justified and entitled to treat other people any way they wish ( like servants or like objects they own.) So they don't ever feel like what they do or say is wrong; and if your feelings are hurt, then, its because YOU are too sensitive. I hope you find some solution that will work for you. -Annie > > I have been keeping Nada updated by e-mail on what is going on in my life. at least what I am willing to share. my parents send out a weekly letter. > > this last week she put the information I gave her in the letter, but she did it in a way that annoyed me. and I am also annoyed for being annoyed. > > she said things like " if I have my information correct " and " (my brother) tells me... " just to make sure people know I was still giving her the " silent treatment " that is what she is calling it. and apparently she has lost 40 LBS because I am not talking to her (and possibly the diet she is on) this was not in the letter but it is what she is telling people in a waif-like terrorized voice. boohoo boohoo snif snif. > > I send those e-mails because that is all I have to offer right now, and I am trying to have a relationship on terms can handle. > > It amazes me that she can write things like that and not realize that it does not make me want to talk to her any sooner.DUH. > > and I am wondering if I should address the issue or not? I think it is fairly safe to assume that she has an excuse handy, and a way to make me feel dumb and dismiss my feelings. > > something like: " Meikjn I forgot you told me those things, and since I am not talking to you right now I can never be sure I have the right information etc... " I think she is likely to throw in something about me looking for things to be offended about, and I imagine the word forgiveness would be in there too. > > I wish there were a way to explain to her that this is the very kind of behavior that led me to only wanting to talk to her by e-mail in the first place,and it hardly makes me want more than that now. I guess I did explain that once... > > are Nadas really THAT clueless? or do they just like to see what they can get away with? > > I just wish I could go through life without such nastiness. nadas are amazing at using everything you are willing to give against you. way to make it even worse for yourself Nada. > > Meikjn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Meikjn, I think nadas really are that clueless sometimes and other times they just do things to see what they can get away with. They don't think like us. They just aren't capable of it. My nada doesn't seem capable of understanding that kicking my sister out at 2 AM and telling her never to come back might just possibly be why she's never come back and won't talk to nada. She asks me over and over again why my sister won't talk to her. It seems pretty self explanatory to me but she doesn't get it. Besides not getting it, they think they're entitled to do whatever they want so they go ahead and do it even when they should know that it is a bad thing to do. My advice is to not bother addressing the issue. You're not going to be able to make her see reason because you can't have a rational discussion with a nada about her behavior. All that's likely to happen is that you'll end up feeling worse afterward. At 06:27 PM 09/14/2012 olsemeik wrote: > I have been keeping Nada updated by e-mail on what is going > on in my life. at least what I am willing to share. my parents > send out a weekly letter. > >this last week she put the information I gave her in the >letter, but she did it in a way that annoyed me. and I am also >annoyed for being annoyed. > >she said things like " if I have my information correct " and > " (my brother) tells me... " just to make sure people know I was >still giving her the " silent treatment " that is what she is >calling it. and apparently she has lost 40 LBS because I am not >talking to her (and possibly the diet she is on) this was not >in the letter but it is what she is telling people in a >waif-like terrorized voice. boohoo boohoo snif snif. > >I send those e-mails because that is all I have to offer right >now, and I am trying to have a relationship on terms can >handle. > >It amazes me that she can write things like that and not >realize that it does not make me want to talk to her any >sooner.DUH. > >and I am wondering if I should address the issue or not? I >think it is fairly safe to assume that she has an excuse handy, >and a way to make me feel dumb and dismiss my feelings. > >something like: " Meikjn I forgot you told me those things, and >since I am not talking to you right now I can never be sure I >have the right information etc... " I think she is likely to >throw in something about me looking for things to be offended >about, and I imagine the word forgiveness would be in there >too. > >I wish there were a way to explain to her that this is the very >kind of behavior that led me to only wanting to talk to her by >e-mail in the first place,and it hardly makes me want more than >that now. I guess I did explain that once... > >are Nadas really THAT clueless? or do they just like to see >what they can get away with? > >I just wish I could go through life without such nastiness. >nadas are amazing at using everything you are willing to give >against you. way to make it even worse for yourself Nada. > >Meikjn -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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