Guest guest Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 Hi Everyone, I went to therapy this week for " Crisis Management " regarding my ongoing Nada situation. As you know, nada is elderly, immobile from sciatica and on increased pain management medications. And my mentally handicapped brother has been made to " sacrifice " his life and whatever independence he has, to stay at home and take care of nada. He is not allowed to go to " work " or out with his social worker / aide. However, his is allowed out with my Nada's helper, to go and pick up her lunch and eat lunch out. And, as you know, I offer to visit to help Nada. But she will only allow me to come down (3000 miles away), if I: buy a one-way plane ticket, sell my condo and quit school (for which I received a grant). And DH died suddenly in a tragedy 6.5 years ago.... Haven't seen Nada in 14 years b/c she tried to turn my late DH against me and we left. But you know all of this stuff.... My new therapist made me aware of my repetitive pattern in life: ANEED TO BE RESCUED. Now I am aware, that my life mantra is " RESCUE ME " . I think that this is where I'm stuck in life. And where I have always been " stuck " . I look for a job. But I'm looking to be rescued. I would like, in the near future, a relationship. But I would like to be rescued - from Nada. And since DH died, the men who have tried to come into my life have wanted to " possess " and " rescue " | me. My therapist made me aware that these guys are like Nada. I think that, if only I could SAVE MYSELF and get past my " programming " of " RESCUE ME " and project that onto the world, that maybe I could save my life. What do you think of all of this? My whole life is and has been about being Rescued from Nada and Fada when he was alive. Just a lot of stuff to think about. Off to school in a bit. Have class today. Later, Hugs, -L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2012 Report Share Posted September 17, 2012 Hi L., I can relate to you. My father rarely allowed me to make many decisions on my own. He didn't allow me to sleep over friends' homes, he discouraged my brother and me from making close friendships, he chose my college, he got my first car, he fixed anything on it when it would break down (wipers, oil, etc). When I finally left home, I was SO used to having someone come to my rescue and fix things, that I was very much like my mother is today---in a state of learned helplessness, actually quite able to handle things on my own, but just too lazy to because someone had always done it for me. I think it's fantastic that you're in therapy and having the insights you're having about your relationships and how they've contributed to your feeling of needing to be rescued. Just my limited advice, based on what you've said: I think it might be good if you remain relationship-free for a while, get to know yourself, volunteer in a way that's meaningful to you (animal rescue shelter or as a big sister or at a senior home), maybe you'll see yourself in a new way...? > > Hi Everyone, > > I went to therapy this week for " Crisis Management " regarding my ongoing Nada situation. > > As you know, nada is elderly, immobile from sciatica and on increased pain management > medications. And my mentally handicapped brother has been made to " sacrifice " his life > and whatever independence he has, to stay at home and take care of nada. He is not allowed > to go to " work " or out with his social worker / aide. However, his is allowed out with my Nada's > helper, to go and pick up her lunch and eat lunch out. > > And, as you know, I offer to visit to help Nada. But she will only allow me to come down > (3000 miles away), if I: buy a one-way plane ticket, sell my condo and quit school (for which I > received a grant). And DH died suddenly in a tragedy 6.5 years ago.... > Haven't seen Nada in 14 years b/c she tried to turn my late DH against me and we left. > But you know all of this stuff.... > > My new therapist made me aware of my repetitive pattern in life: > ANEED TO BE RESCUED. > > Now I am aware, that my life mantra is " RESCUE ME " . > > I think that this is where I'm stuck in life. And where I have always been " stuck " . > > I look for a job. But I'm looking to be rescued. > > I would like, in the near future, a relationship. But I would like to be rescued - from Nada. > > And since DH died, the men who have tried to come into my life have wanted to " possess " and " rescue " | > me. > > My therapist made me aware that these guys are like Nada. > > I think that, if only I could SAVE MYSELF and get past my " programming " of " RESCUE ME " and project that > onto the world, that maybe I could save my life. > > What do you think of all of this? My whole life is and has been about being Rescued from Nada and Fada when he was alive. > > Just a lot of stuff to think about. > > Off to school in a bit. Have class today. > > Later, > Hugs, > -L > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2012 Report Share Posted September 17, 2012 Hi Fiona, Thanks for the insights....It would be great to see myself in an entirely different way.  I'm praying for that right now. I'm trying to be the " competent woman " who gets a job....Making headway.  Have to figure out online portfolio. My brain needs to be totally re-programmed. -L ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Monday, September 17, 2012 5:43 AM Subject: Re: The " Need To Be Rescued " ...  Hi L., I can relate to you. My father rarely allowed me to make many decisions on my own. He didn't allow me to sleep over friends' homes, he discouraged my brother and me from making close friendships, he chose my college, he got my first car, he fixed anything on it when it would break down (wipers, oil, etc). When I finally left home, I was SO used to having someone come to my rescue and fix things, that I was very much like my mother is today---in a state of learned helplessness, actually quite able to handle things on my own, but just too lazy to because someone had always done it for me. I think it's fantastic that you're in therapy and having the insights you're having about your relationships and how they've contributed to your feeling of needing to be rescued. Just my limited advice, based on what you've said: I think it might be good if you remain relationship-free for a while, get to know yourself, volunteer in a way that's meaningful to you (animal rescue shelter or as a big sister or at a senior home), maybe you'll see yourself in a new way...? > > Hi Everyone, > > I went to therapy this week for " Crisis Management " regarding my ongoing Nada situation. > > As you know, nada is elderly, immobile from sciatica and on increased pain management > medications.  And my mentally handicapped brother has been made to " sacrifice " his life > and whatever independence he has, to stay at home and take care of nada.  He is not allowed > to go to " work " or out with his social worker / aide.  However, his is allowed out with my Nada's > helper, to go and pick up her lunch and eat lunch out. > > And, as you know, I offer to visit to help Nada.  But she will only allow me to come down > (3000 miles away), if I: buy a one-way plane ticket, sell my condo and quit school (for which I > received a grant).  And DH died suddenly in a tragedy 6.5 years ago.... > Haven't seen Nada in 14 years b/c she tried to turn my late DH against me and we left. > But you know all of this stuff.... > > My new therapist made me aware of my repetitive pattern in life: > ANEED TO BE RESCUED. > > Now I am aware, that my life mantra is " RESCUE ME " .  > > I think that this is where I'm stuck in life.  And  where I have always been " stuck " . > > I look for a job.  But I'm looking to be rescued. > > I would like, in the near future, a relationship.  But I would like to be rescued - from Nada. > > And since DH died, the men who have tried to come into my life have wanted to " possess " and " rescue " | > me. > > My therapist made me aware that these guys are like Nada. > > I think that, if only I could SAVE MYSELF and get past my " programming " of " RESCUE ME " and project that > onto the world, that maybe I could save my life. > > What do you think of all of this?  My whole life is and has been about being Rescued from Nada and Fada when he was alive. > > Just a lot of stuff to think about.  > > Off to school in a bit.  Have class today. > > Later, > Hugs, > -L > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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