Guest guest Posted April 30, 2002 Report Share Posted April 30, 2002 CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU! WHAT A GREAT FIRST YEAR. YOU ARE WELCOME HERE! ===== judy in austin American by birth, Southern by Heritage and Texan by the Grace of God. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2002 Report Share Posted May 1, 2002 Judy et all-- Thanks for the warm welcome! I really appreciate it and look forward to all of your expertise and advice and support now that I am losing slower and having to redally watch what I put in this mouth of mine! Hugs-- Kim in IL -- In Graduate-OSSG@y..., judy davison wrote: > CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU! WHAT A GREAT FIRST YEAR. YOU > ARE WELCOME HERE! > > ===== > judy in austin > American by birth, Southern by Heritage and Texan by the Grace of God. > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 I'm glad I found this group, it is so helpful to know that I am not alone and that there are other people who understand what it is like to have a mother with BPD. I only recently realized that is what my mom has suffered from. While I was growing up it was classified as " chronic depression " , but now I know better. My parents divorced when I was 15 years old. My father was hardly ever around (who can blame him). I wanted to live with my father because I knew my mom was very unstable. I was given no choice and was forced to move out with her and my younger sister. I came to recognize the full extent of her problems when I was the one who experienced her behavior full force. I begged my father to let me live with him and he would say, " your mom needs you " ....yeah right. I tried to explain to my aunts how I couldn't live with her, they didn't understand what it was like. I ran away twice, the first time I was locked up in juvenile home for a weekend. The second time I left and didn't come back, even though she took my car from me. I had just bought new tires for the car so I didn't have any money, no clothes, nothing. But I didn't care I had to get away from her before I became crazy. Forward many years later (1994) when I was married with two young children. She didn't have a place to live and wanted to move in with one of us (three children). My brother couldn't expose his family to her " craziness " , so she couldn't live with him. I developed stress related physical symptoms at the thought of having her in my life daily. My husband traveled for his job most of the time and there would not be a buffer for me. This left my sister. My mom often got off her medications and I tried to explain that when she didn't take her meds and get help that I couldn't have a relationship with her. She told me, " Let's pretend you were never born. " I was initally very upset that she could say that, but later realized that this gave me the excuse not to have anymore contact with her. Later in 2005, at my brother's funeral I saw my mother again. I gave her a hug and said " hello mom " . Her reply was " who are you? " . Again a low down dig. I kept my composure and said, " I'm your daughter, Diane. " My sister who witnessed this told me later that I handled that very well. My mother had been living with my sister all these years. I talked to my sister alone during that visit and learned my sister had been burning herself. I asked if she knew why she did that and she assumed it was a way that she could control her pain. Sad... My sister still has my mother living with her. My sister has been on medication, through therapy, shock treatments and even some type of brain surgery. She has lost her short term memory and is on diability from her job as an RN. She can't remember enough to be able to do her job. I feel bad for her but not to the point of taking on the responsibility of my mom. I just think to myself, " by the Grace of God, it is not I " . My husband has suggested on numerous occasions that I make ammends with my mom and " patch things up with her " . Little does he understand that it doesn't work that way with BPD. I just tell him that I have to distance myself from her for my own good. My therapist has agreed that distance is best, that my mom's realtionship is a " toxic relationship " . My son committed suicide in March 2011 and I have begun therapy myself. I also was afflicted with breast cancer in November 2011, had surgery in December of 2011. The night before my surgery my father passed away rather suddenly. My father and I had a very loving relationship and he was the last of my family that I could talk to. I didn't have to have chemo but I did go through radiation treatment. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. He has been my rock, but I miss not having any of my own family for the support. My sister resents me for leaving her with mom. They did not come to my son's funeral. My mother sent me an email and spent two paragrahs telling me about her medical problems before she wrote two sentences offering any condolences. When I read it I thought...that's just like her....all about her...why can't she understand that I needed her support and not her droning on about herself? I am glad to finally recognize that I am not alone, that other's have BPD's in their life. I've spent years thinking no one else understood what it is like. I was an orphan with regards to my mother and a red-headed step child in my father's world. But I've survived! Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 Welcome, Diane, it is good you were able to see the need to distance yourself even though you didn't know what her problem was. You've been through a lot of pain in the last few years. Hugs to you. :-( It is very nice to be able to discuss things with people who understand. I look forward to your comments. . . jwjrenslow@...> jwjrenslow@... _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of dlalomia@... Sent: Saturday, September 15, 2012 6:33 AM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: New Member Intro I'm glad I found this group, it is so helpful to know that I am not alone and that there are other people who understand what it is like to have a mother with BPD. I only recently realized that is what my mom has suffered from. While I was growing up it was classified as " chronic depression " , but now I know better. My parents divorced when I was 15 years old. My father was hardly ever around (who can blame him). I wanted to live with my father because I knew my mom was very unstable. I was given no choice and was forced to move out with her and my younger sister. I came to recognize the full extent of her problems when I was the one who experienced her behavior full force. I begged my father to let me live with him and he would say, " your mom needs you " ....yeah right. I tried to explain to my aunts how I couldn't live with her, they didn't understand what it was like. I ran away twice, the first time I was locked up in juvenile home for a weekend. The second time I left and didn't come back, even though she took my car from me. I had just bought new tires for the car so I didn't have any money, no clothes, nothing. But I didn't care I had to get away from her before I became crazy. Forward many years later (1994) when I was married with two young children. She didn't have a place to live and wanted to move in with one of us (three children). My brother couldn't expose his family to her " craziness " , so she couldn't live with him. I developed stress related physical symptoms at the thought of having her in my life daily. My husband traveled for his job most of the time and there would not be a buffer for me. This left my sister. My mom often got off her medications and I tried to explain that when she didn't take her meds and get help that I couldn't have a relationship with her. She told me, " Let's pretend you were never born. " I was initally very upset that she could say that, but later realized that this gave me the excuse not to have anymore contact with her. Later in 2005, at my brother's funeral I saw my mother again. I gave her a hug and said " hello mom " . Her reply was " who are you? " . Again a low down dig. I kept my composure and said, " I'm your daughter, Diane. " My sister who witnessed this told me later that I handled that very well. My mother had been living with my sister all these years. I talked to my sister alone during that visit and learned my sister had been burning herself. I asked if she knew why she did that and she assumed it was a way that she could control her pain. Sad... My sister still has my mother living with her. My sister has been on medication, through therapy, shock treatments and even some type of brain surgery. She has lost her short term memory and is on diability from her job as an RN. She can't remember enough to be able to do her job. I feel bad for her but not to the point of taking on the responsibility of my mom. I just think to myself, " by the Grace of God, it is not I " . My husband has suggested on numerous occasions that I make ammends with my mom and " patch things up with her " . Little does he understand that it doesn't work that way with BPD. I just tell him that I have to distance myself from her for my own good. My therapist has agreed that distance is best, that my mom's realtionship is a " toxic relationship " . My son committed suicide in March 2011 and I have begun therapy myself. I also was afflicted with breast cancer in November 2011, had surgery in December of 2011. The night before my surgery my father passed away rather suddenly. My father and I had a very loving relationship and he was the last of my family that I could talk to. I didn't have to have chemo but I did go through radiation treatment. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. He has been my rock, but I miss not having any of my own family for the support. My sister resents me for leaving her with mom. They did not come to my son's funeral. My mother sent me an email and spent two paragrahs telling me about her medical problems before she wrote two sentences offering any condolences. When I read it I thought...that's just like her....all about her...why can't she understand that I needed her support and not her droning on about herself? I am glad to finally recognize that I am not alone, that other's have BPD's in their life. I've spent years thinking no one else understood what it is like. I was an orphan with regards to my mother and a red-headed step child in my father's world. But I've survived! Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2012 Report Share Posted September 15, 2012 Welcome to the Group, Diane. You've found fellow KOs here (adult Kids Of bpd parents) who understand the kinds of maltreatment you and your siblings experienced, and the kinds of damage it did. You are a true survivor. Back when I was still enmeshed with my nada, I had volunteered to stay with her when she needed a major operation and nursing care during her recovery. I think I became seriously, clinically depressed as a result of living with my nada for almost 3 months. It took me a LONG time to start feeling like " me " again after I returned home again. The very real, very negative impact that my mother had on me, even as a self-supporting adult with a career I enjoyed, scared me. So, anyway. We get it. Bpd comes in a range of severity; when the person with bpd has it in a severe form and/or when there is comorbidity with psychopathy or other severe mental illnesses, sometimes No Contact is the only way for an adult child to protect himself or herself (and their own spouse and kids) from further emotional trauma. Its a personal choice, based on your own individual circumstances. Its good to find others who are also on their own paths toward peace and healing; we can give each other validation and emotional support along the way. -Annie > > I'm glad I found this group, it is so helpful to know that I am not alone and that there are other people who understand what it is like to have a mother with BPD. I only recently realized that is what my mom has suffered from. While I was growing up it was classified as " chronic depression " , but now I know better. > > My parents divorced when I was 15 years old. My father was hardly ever around (who can blame him). I wanted to live with my father because I knew my mom was very unstable. I was given no choice and was forced to move out with her and my younger sister. I came to recognize the full extent of her problems when I was the one who experienced her behavior full force. > > I begged my father to let me live with him and he would say, " your mom needs you " ....yeah right. I tried to explain to my aunts how I couldn't live with her, they didn't understand what it was like. > > I ran away twice, the first time I was locked up in juvenile home for a weekend. The second time I left and didn't come back, even though she took my car from me. I had just bought new tires for the car so I didn't have any money, no clothes, nothing. But I didn't care I had to get away from her before I became crazy. > > Forward many years later (1994) when I was married with two young children. She didn't have a place to live and wanted to move in with one of us (three children). My brother couldn't expose his family to her " craziness " , so she couldn't live with him. I developed stress related physical symptoms at the thought of having her in my life daily. My husband traveled for his job most of the time and there would not be a buffer for me. This left my sister. My mom often got off her medications and I tried to explain that when she didn't take her meds and get help that I couldn't have a relationship with her. She told me, " Let's pretend you were never born. " I was initally very upset that she could say that, but later realized that this gave me the excuse not to have anymore contact with her. > > Later in 2005, at my brother's funeral I saw my mother again. I gave her a hug and said " hello mom " . Her reply was " who are you? " . Again a low down dig. I kept my composure and said, " I'm your daughter, Diane. " My sister who witnessed this told me later that I handled that very well. > > My mother had been living with my sister all these years. I talked to my sister alone during that visit and learned my sister had been burning herself. I asked if she knew why she did that and she assumed it was a way that she could control her pain. Sad... My sister still has my mother living with her. My sister has been on medication, through therapy, shock treatments and even some type of brain surgery. She has lost her short term memory and is on diability from her job as an RN. She can't remember enough to be able to do her job. I feel bad for her but not to the point of taking on the responsibility of my mom. I just think to myself, " by the Grace of God, it is not I " . > > My husband has suggested on numerous occasions that I make ammends with my mom and " patch things up with her " . Little does he understand that it doesn't work that way with BPD. I just tell him that I have to distance myself from her for my own good. My therapist has agreed that distance is best, that my mom's realtionship is a " toxic relationship " . > > My son committed suicide in March 2011 and I have begun therapy myself. I also was afflicted with breast cancer in November 2011, had surgery in December of 2011. The night before my surgery my father passed away rather suddenly. My father and I had a very loving relationship and he was the last of my family that I could talk to. I didn't have to have chemo but I did go through radiation treatment. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. He has been my rock, but I miss not having any of my own family for the support. My sister resents me for leaving her with mom. They did not come to my son's funeral. My mother sent me an email and spent two paragrahs telling me about her medical problems before she wrote two sentences offering any condolences. When I read it I thought...that's just like her....all about her...why can't she understand that I needed her support and not her droning on about herself? > > I am glad to finally recognize that I am not alone, that other's have BPD's in their life. I've spent years thinking no one else understood what it is like. I was an orphan with regards to my mother and a red-headed step child in my father's world. But I've survived! > > Diane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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