Any one have a BPD mom, & also a BPD sister?

[Guest guest]

I am new to this forum, & as most of you BPD children suffers may know, I am

confused as to where to go from here. This is my first " reachout " to those that

have any clue as to what it's like to have a BPD momster. My family & friends

have no idea what it's like to suffer through the hell that exhists growing up

with a BPD parent. My best friend is a Psychology professor & still doesn't get

it...He thinks I need to just " get over it " ....WOW.

My BPD momster passed 10 years ago. Scary life thought is that I was " relived "

when she passed. I thought " wow that's over, I don't have to deal with her

anymore " (I'm not proud of that thought process, but it is what it is...)

Fair enough, she's gone now, & now I'm dealing with an older sister who,

unfortunatily is suffering from the same disorder.

My preliminary question is " Is there anyone here that is dealing with the same

issues of a parental/transgenerational transfer of Borderline personality

disorder?

[Guest guest]

Hi Joe,

I am. I also participate in the siblings forum. I've found it very helpful.

Welcome!

Ashana

[Guest guest]

Just saw the header and have to see HECK YES!!! 

Subject: Re: Any one have a BPD mom, & also a BPD sister?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, September 16, 2012, 10:28 PM

 

Hi Joe,

I am. I also participate in the siblings forum. I've found it very helpful.

Welcome!

Ashana

[Guest guest]

I can't say with certainty, but my sister seems a lot like my mother and I

highly suspect she is bpd as well. Unfortunately I do not know my sister well

at all so I can not say for sure. I hear it can be pretty common though.

>

>

> From: Ash

> Subject: Re: Any one have a BPD mom, & also a BPD sister?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Sunday, September 16, 2012, 10:28 PM

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>  

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>

> Hi Joe,

>

> I am. I also participate in the siblings forum. I've found it very helpful.

>

> Welcome!

> Ashana

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[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone!

This is my first post and I have been reading the messages for a couple of

months now. I saw the inquired headline and had to reply.

I have 2 sisters 33 and 41. My older sister is high functioning, married, and

has two children, ages 3 and 5. However, my younger sister is low functioning

and spends most of her time in her room lying in her bed and fantasizes.

Sent from my iPhone

> I can't say with certainty, but my sister seems a lot like my mother and I

highly suspect she is bpd as well. Unfortunately I do not know my sister well at

all so I can not say for sure. I hear it can be pretty common though.

>

>

> >

> >

> > From: Ash

> > Subject: Re: Any one have a BPD mom, & also a BPD

sister?

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Date: Sunday, September 16, 2012, 10:28 PM

> >

> >

> >

> > Â

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi Joe,

> >

> > I am. I also participate in the siblings forum. I've found it very helpful.

> >

> > Welcome!

> > Ashana

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone!

This is my first post and I have been reading the messages for a couple of

months now. I saw the inquired headline and had to reply.

I have 2 sisters 33 and 41. My older sister is high functioning, married, and

has two children, ages 3 and 5. However, my younger sister is low functioning

and spends most of her time in her room lying in her bed and fantasizes.

On top of that, both of my parents are also bpd and npd.

It came from the realizations through this forum that they are indeed flawed by

these personality disorders.

I'm the only member in the family who is not inflicted by bpd, but is working on

managing the " the fleas " .

Sent from my iPhone

> I can't say with certainty, but my sister seems a lot like my mother and I

highly suspect she is bpd as well. Unfortunately I do not know my sister well at

all so I can not say for sure. I hear it can be pretty common though.

>

>

> >

> >

> > From: Ash

> > Subject: Re: Any one have a BPD mom, & also a BPD

sister?

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Date: Sunday, September 16, 2012, 10:28 PM

> >

> >

> >

> > Â

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi Joe,

> >

> > I am. I also participate in the siblings forum. I've found it very helpful.

> >

> > Welcome!

> > Ashana

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I have a brother who I think is Avoidant but not BPD. But if it helps, I think

my grandmother is a UBPD witch and she has 3 daughters all with BPD (my mom is a

hermit, her older sister is a waif and her younger sister is a queen) The waif's

daughter is also a waif.

Because the evidence suggests this disorder is likely caused by a confluence of

nature and nurture I think it is not at all common for a number of fmaily

members to have it.

But I'm making another point here, and that's that it is not inevitably

inherited. Despite the same gene pool and the fact that all my other female

relatives have it, I do not have BPD.

It's very tough to have one family member who has BPD, but when you have

multiple sick people in your life it's exponentially harder because they

validate and feed off of one another's alternate realities. It is sad and

frustrating. I am sorry you are experiencing that.

> > >

> > >

> > > From: Ash

> > > Subject: Re: Any one have a BPD mom, & also a BPD

sister?

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Date: Sunday, September 16, 2012, 10:28 PM

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Â

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi Joe,

> > >

> > > I am. I also participate in the siblings forum. I've found it very

helpful.

> > >

> > > Welcome!

> > > Ashana

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I agree with you on all counts, and I am grateful that for whatever reason, my

younger Sister and I seem to have dodged the bpd " bullet " RE genetic

predisposition, also. We sustained other types of emotional injury due to the

maltreatment, but neither of us have that specific mix of traits that our mother

had: no emotional disregulation, no fear of abandonment, no inappropriate,

extreme rage, no paranoia, no hyper-controlling/perfectionism (which is more

ocpd, not bpd), no skewed cognitive perception, etc. Thank God.

Seems to me it really is a roulette wheel RE genetics; a double roulette wheel,

actually, which then interacts with and upon the environmental conditions.

Nothing is written in stone yet, research is ongoing, but nature plus nurture

seems pretty plausible to me. And yes, if generationally a family gets high

hits on the roulette wheel RE a genetic predisposition to personality disorder,

then a huge dysfunctional family system can evolve in which generations of

people experience abnormal, dysfunctional behaviors and maltreatment as " my

normal " .

-Annie

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > From: Ash

> > > > Subject: Re: Any one have a BPD mom, & also a BPD

sister?

> > > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > > Date: Sunday, September 16, 2012, 10:28 PM

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Â

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Hi Joe,

> > > >

> > > > I am. I also participate in the siblings forum. I've found it very

helpful.

> > > >

> > > > Welcome!

> > > > Ashana

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

I have a BPD mother and (half)sister. Unfortunately, when my parents divorced (I

was four) my sister (who is ten years older) took it upon herself to assume the

role of mother while I was at my father's home. Essentially I had two BPD

mothers. Both my Nadas split me bad and my brother good, though my NPD father

split me good and brother bad. My parents had 50/50 custody so I spent equal

amounts of time exposed to both women. While my mother was more of a

hermit/queen type (I was mostly neglected unless my existence was somehow

embarrassing her) ; my sister is a verbally and physically abusive witch in

private, waif in public. My father lived up to the " King " type that goes with

the BPD " Queen " , working insane hours to purchase all the superficial trappings

of a comfortable suburban life. No one ever noticed the insanity my brother and

I were living with, because even the few who noticed my mother didn't realize me

sister was the other side of the same coin.

My sister hates my mother (not without reason, my mother sold her to her father

once and then abandoned her to my father in the divorce). She has not seen her

in nearly twenty years, except for my graduation and wedding which they both

made about themselves and still complain about my not giving them enough

attention. Despite this lack of contact, it often amazes me how much like my

mother my sister has become.

Further complicating things, my father has Narcissistic Personality Disorder,

and he is attracted to Queen-type BPD women. His latest girlfriend splits

Queen/Witch. I can't believe after the two decades he spent complaining about my

mother and her wicked ways, he went out and found another one. I have gone NC

after the latest incident of physical abuse from my father, his mood swings are

much worse with his BPD gf reeling him in and pushing him away, and have told

him I will not resume communication or visits until he apologizes for his

actions and until that woman is no longer in the picture.

I am currently in the process of figuring out what all this means for my future,

and disentangling the reactions I learned in that family from healthier

reactions. I am also trying to determine if my younger brother is NPD/BPD or if

he just displays learned behaviors. My youngest (half)brother is ten years

younger (we all have the same mother), and he seems to be basically all right

aside from some rather strong anxiety issues. I maintained a relationship with

my mother throughout my teenage years and often offered to babysit, in order to

try and mitigate a little of the damage for him. I didn't yet know that what was

wrong with my mother/sister had a name, or that I was not the only one suffering

in an afflicted family.

>

> I am new to this forum, & as most of you BPD children suffers may know, I am

confused as to where to go from here. This is my first " reachout " to those that

have any clue as to what it's like to have a BPD momster. My family & friends

have no idea what it's like to suffer through the hell that exhists growing up

with a BPD parent. My best friend is a Psychology professor & still doesn't get

it...He thinks I need to just " get over it " ....WOW.

>

> My BPD momster passed 10 years ago. Scary life thought is that I was " relived "

when she passed. I thought " wow that's over, I don't have to deal with her

anymore " (I'm not proud of that thought process, but it is what it is...)

>

> Fair enough, she's gone now, & now I'm dealing with an older sister who,

unfortunatily is suffering from the same disorder.

>

> My preliminary question is " Is there anyone here that is dealing with the same

issues of a parental/transgenerational transfer of Borderline personality

disorder?

>