Guest guest Posted September 21, 2012 Report Share Posted September 21, 2012 Thank you Elmtree and mdg, I will go! You are so right that there was so much that I reacted against that prevented me from getting help. And my reaction to the steps is not in being unable to see how my own narcissistic actions caused major wounding (oh yes, i have inventoried, those ruminations have not been for naught), but more in the cult aspect of it. Which is probably a viewpoint I have from only being exposed to Nada and her crazy cronies. And that woman who told me that my mom loved every hair on my head even when I was an " out of control " teenager (never mind that I was an honor roll student, in all AP classes and never got in trouble outside the home - while golden child brother ran away at 15 to follow the dead and probably wasn't a sober at any point in those years), actually got into a big imbroglio on my mom with her deathbead because she sent out a gang email to their AA group telling everyone that was in serious trouble and forgot to pull my mom's email off the list. So nada in denial gets the email as she is a week away from death in the hospital on the damn i phone she had to have because all her friends had one and there is a huge maelstrom because enNPDsf is egging her on to get mad at this AA know it all guru for having the nerve to act like my mother was dying. I was like really, am I in the ef-ing twilight zone? How about some words about dying, leaving this life, loving us, appreciating us. Whatevs. We should do another thread of Nada deathbed experiences. It is just too much. Jaleo > > > > > > God I can relate to this so much. My alcoholic bpd/npd mother when she got sober when I was 13 became " perfect " (We all KNOW she was already LOL), and started spewing AA mantra to me all the time. So the AA stuff 12 step stuff is really triggering for me. She acted like she was in a cult reciting the steps constantly and breaking into the serenity prayer at the slightest sign of stress. > > > > > > Now, I am in no way dumping on you all who attend 12 step meetings - where you all are is the meeting I would want to go to. But I will say that my T has said that about 60% of alcoholics are pds. And all the people my mom picked up from AA exemplified this, so yes, I have a lot of negative feelings related to AA. > > > > > > Her love/hate AA guru friend (who sounds just like the know it all you are not working the program enough type you describe ) came up to me after her Memorial service and told me that she wanted me to know that my mom loved every single hair on my head even when I was a teenager. She waited really long to the end of the reception to tell me (I kept her waiting as I was greeting other people as I disliked this woman and knew from my mother's diaries that they talked smack about me a lot). The best feeling I had was acting completely indifferent to her info. Boy she was pissed she had to wait and didn't even get a rise out of me. > > > > > > They sail off on their brooms to go hunt weaker prey. > > > > > > That said I am thinking about attending an adult children of alcoholic meetings because this particular meeting does not work the steps and I hate groups so more reason why I should go I guess. ; ) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2012 Report Share Posted September 21, 2012 I'm so glad you're going to give it a try. Maybe if you go enough and have your own experiences with it, you'll override the association with your nada. Although I will admit that I have moments in therapy when I think about how confident nada is in all her insight and self-knowledge, and it shakes my faith in reality. I totally get your hesitation. Tell us how it goes. > > > > > > > > God I can relate to this so much. My alcoholic bpd/npd mother when she got sober when I was 13 became " perfect " (We all KNOW she was already LOL), and started spewing AA mantra to me all the time. So the AA stuff 12 step stuff is really triggering for me. She acted like she was in a cult reciting the steps constantly and breaking into the serenity prayer at the slightest sign of stress. > > > > > > > > Now, I am in no way dumping on you all who attend 12 step meetings - where you all are is the meeting I would want to go to. But I will say that my T has said that about 60% of alcoholics are pds. And all the people my mom picked up from AA exemplified this, so yes, I have a lot of negative feelings related to AA. > > > > > > > > Her love/hate AA guru friend (who sounds just like the know it all you are not working the program enough type you describe ) came up to me after her Memorial service and told me that she wanted me to know that my mom loved every single hair on my head even when I was a teenager. She waited really long to the end of the reception to tell me (I kept her waiting as I was greeting other people as I disliked this woman and knew from my mother's diaries that they talked smack about me a lot). The best feeling I had was acting completely indifferent to her info. Boy she was pissed she had to wait and didn't even get a rise out of me. > > > > > > > > They sail off on their brooms to go hunt weaker prey. > > > > > > > > That said I am thinking about attending an adult children of alcoholic meetings because this particular meeting does not work the steps and I hate groups so more reason why I should go I guess. ; ) > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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