Laughing at myself w/those who understand

[Guest guest]

This morning I realized what a goof I've been all week. I have such a hard time

making decisions and trusting myself. Our goldfish need a larger aquarium, and

I've been researching fish tanks and stands and going over and over and over

which of the living room walls to place the new aquarium. I finally realized to

just pick a darn wall! Everything will be okay. : )

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the smile. Yes, I know that it's hard to make decisions sometimes. My

DIL is very confident and doesn't understand my hesitance. I think I'm trying to

be considerate and ask what she wants and she just wants me to answer her

question (ex: where do I want to eat?). My husband and I are a great pair since

we both come from dysfunctional homes. We go back and forth trying to make a

decision and often end up doing nothing.

Glad you chose that wall. Enjoy your fishy friends. LOL

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> This morning I realized what a goof I've been all week. I have such a hard

time making decisions and trusting myself. Our goldfish need a larger aquarium,

and I've been researching fish tanks and stands and going over and over and over

which of the living room walls to place the new aquarium. I finally realized to

just pick a darn wall! Everything will be okay. : )

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lol! I notice that behavior with a dear friend of mine. Its difficult for her

to just say, " Lets have Chinese food " or " Lets go have Mexican food " . She

always wants me to make the choice of where we will eat. I have to be gently

patient and kind with her, and encourage her, reminding her that its OK to take

turns, that I picked the restaurant last time and she gets to pick this time,

etc.

I'm not sure that J's mother had a personality disorder, but what happened In

J's case was that she was nearly starved to death by her mother out of sheer

neglect.

J as a little 3 year old had virtually stopped eating due to feeling abandoned

by her mother. J's mother had adopted a relative's child of about 8 years old,

to come live with them. The 8-year-old girl was emotionally disturbed, violent,

demanded a lot of attention from J's mother and physically bullied my friend J

relentlessly. Three-year-old J felt completely abandoned by her mother and

stopped eating, except for dry cheerios. I've never understood exactly why J's

mother adopted this special-needs child when she already had four (!!) children

of her own; my friend was/is next-to-youngest. There were two older brothers of

about 7 and 6 years old, then J at 3 years, then an infant sister.

It was J's father who noticed that his little 3 year old was becoming abnormally

thin and could no longer stand up or walk properly, and took her to the doctor

who said she'd developed rickets from malnutrition, so the neglect had gone on

for months and months.

So, anyway, I've seen that kind of behavior before; J still has trouble being

assertive, and I will sometimes procrastinate and delay decision-making myself,

but I'm much less affected by that than I used to be. I'm much more assertive

than I was as a kid or young adult.

-Annie

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> > This morning I realized what a goof I've been all week. I have such a hard

time making decisions and trusting myself. Our goldfish need a larger aquarium,

and I've been researching fish tanks and stands and going over and over and over

which of the living room walls to place the new aquarium. I finally realized to

just pick a darn wall! Everything will be okay. : )

> >

> >