Re: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

[Guest guest]

Yes, and no. Nada almost never cleaned anything. I remember each of the

household chores as being things I did. (Was it really possible I did nearly

everything? Or were they not all my chores at the same time? Big mystery...)

However, I do remember it from the rare times she did clean. I have also heard

it from nadas at other people's houses. It's like a floor NADA cleaned is

special and sacred, above all other floors.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

My nada went into a rage because I grabbed to controller to change the

channel. (Keep in mind I was 35 years old at the time). It wasn't that I

wanted to change the channel but that I used the remote instead of letting

her do it. I calmly explained that I knew how to do it without messing up

the TV (yes things are confusing with 4 remotes now). After she started

getting the scary look in her eyes and twitching I sent my son upstairs.

That really set her off and she went into full abusiveness. Looking back I

don't know why I didn't go upstairs with my son, why I stayed and let her be

insane with me. I guess it is all that training as a child to endure it. .

.. .

jwjrenslow@...> jwjrenslow@...

_____

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of charlottehoneychurch

Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2012 5:52 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive of

'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember

hearing all the time:

Don't walk on my clean floors!

Don't sit on my new couch!

and, my personal favorite: Don't use the bathroom! I just cleaned the

toilet!

Fun memories as I clean my own place this weekend...

Charlie

[Guest guest]

Yes. I think my nada had symptoms of *obsessive-compulsive pd* as well as bpd

that contributed to her hyper-uber clean-freak mentality.

Oddly, obsessive-compulsive *personality disorder* is not the same thing as

*obsessive-compulsive disorder*; its confusing.

OCPD includes rigidity of thinking, perfectionism, strict adherence to rules,

being hyper-organized, and things like that.

It felt to me like our house was more like a museum display than a home where

people lived. And my nada had very specific and rigid rules about how a bed

should be made up, how a towel should be folded, and even how the dishwasher

should be loaded. I dreaded loading the dishwasher because nada would always

come along behind me, and criticize and denigrate the way I'd loaded it and

re-do it. Oh, plus all the dishes had to be rinsed off before going in, so I

might as well have just cleaned them with soap as well.

Now, I can understand wanting things to be clean and neat, but both my Sister

and I still have psychological " scars " from being shrilled at and denigrated and

shamed and made to to a task over and over and over again because it wasn't

" perfect " enough for nada.

Both Sister and I displayed a rather rebellious sloppiness once we each moved

out on our own. To be clear, my kitchen and bathrooms are quite clean and

sanitary, I make sure the garbage is taken out often and the refrigerator is

clean, etc., but the rest of my house is rather disorganized and untidy. Sister

and I both are like this, even though we each have our own homes. To me, my

somewhat disorganized and messy living room and bedroom just look friendly and

lived-in, instead of sterile. Mom's home felt sterile.

So, anyway, yes, I have experienced that possessive streak RE her home, from my

nada. She was particularly possessive about her kitchen; I felt unwelcome in

there and only attempted to cook something when she wasn't home, making sure

that the kitchen looked just as sterile and untouched as it was when she left.

There are a tiny handful of good memories RE being in the kitchen and helping

nada with marginal tasks RE preparing a dish or a meal, but mostly it was about

being told I was doing things wrong, was being messy or I was in her way.

-Annie

>

> I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive of

'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember hearing

all the time:

>

> Don't walk on my clean floors!

> Don't sit on my new couch!

> and, my personal favorite: Don't use the bathroom! I just cleaned the toilet!

>

> Fun memories as I clean my own place this weekend...

>

> Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive

> of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember

> hearing all the time:

Ooh yes, indeed. My Nada has a lot of traits of OCPD -- obsessive

compulsive personality disorder -- an overpowering need for control and

rules, particularly HER rules. (Not the same as OCD.) She even refers to

herself as " anal " which is what they used to call this problem in Freud's

day. So she does stuff like count the forks and grill me on whether I have

any in my room -- not because they're sterling silver or anything, they're

just plain old steel forks, but she has to know where ALL OF THEM ARE AT

ALL TIMES. It's crazed. And the " MY HOUSE! " thing used to come up

constantly before I went NC, and could show at any time -- basically, I'm

not ever allowed to disagree with her or desire to do things in my own way

or in my own time because it's " HER HOUSE! " and she's absolute dictator of

it, even though the only reason I'm even *here* is because she asked me to

come, not because of *my* wishes.

Anyway, I have a tiny revenge fantasy that when I move out in a couple of

months, I'll say to her, " Okay, now it's YOUR HOUSE -- all yours, all

alone, for the rest of your life. And I hope it comes and visits you in the

nursing home, and you two are very happy together!! " Because honestly, I

can't imagine myself ever valuing my house over my child, but that's what

she seems to feel. **SHRUG**

-- Jen H.

[Guest guest]

On Sun, Sep 23, 2012 at 8:54 PM, anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> So, anyway, yes, I have experienced that possessive streak RE her home,

> from my nada. She was particularly possessive about her kitchen; I felt

> unwelcome in there and only attempted to cook something when she wasn't

> home, making sure that the kitchen looked just as sterile and untouched as

> it was when she left. There are a tiny handful of good memories RE being in

> the kitchen and helping nada with marginal tasks RE preparing a dish or a

> meal, but mostly it was about being told I was doing things wrong, was

> being messy or I was in her way.

>

>

Annie, I'm beginning to suspect that your Nada and my Nada are twins

separated at birth, only they're *both* the evil twin. My Nada used to try

to talk me into cooking -- I'm a pretty good cook and I used to cook for

her when she came and visited me in Boston -- by saying stuff like " You

make such a wonderful lasagna! " (I do, if you like meat lasagna with lots

of garlic and mushrooms.) I used to demur politely but eventually I came

right out and told her I would never cook in her kitchen, because I'm not a

particularly neat cook, and I knew there was no way in Hell or Heaven I'd

be able to clean the kitchen up to her standards after cooking, and that

she would scream at me about it. Now, here's a measure of Nada thinking --

instead of saying something sensible to that like, " Oh, if you're worried

about that, I can just clean up when you're done, " she ducked the issue

completely and started yelling about how I was insulting her kitchen and " A

lot of good things come out of my kitchen! " Never mind that that had

NOTHING to do with what I had just said.

So, yeah, I will not be cooking for Nada.

-- Jen H.

[Guest guest]

Hi Jen,

OMG...That's so like my nada....I'm speaking in the past tense here b/c have not

seen nada in 14+ years.  

One of her favorite mantras was " NOT IN MY HOUSE! " ....

Another was " THIS HOUSE WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HERE " .....

And, she was OCD in the sense that I was not allowed to clean anything, touch

anything or do anything when I was growing up.  It left me with a sense of

learned helplessness, coupled by the abuse.  I was never allowed to cook in her

kitchen, to learn to sew, etc.  Although she did try to teach me to crochet.  

The reason I haven't been to see her in 14 years, other than trying to destroy

my marriage - is that in HER HOUSE I'm not allowed to bathe twice a day, to not

make the bed as soon as I wake up, and god forbid I should flush the toilet too

late at night.    That's basically what she said to my DH when she tried to

turn him against me.....She screamed " CORRECT YOUR WIFE!!!! "  

We just got up, packed, and quietly left.  Nada stood at the top of the stairs

and gave me the Italian fist (equivalent of the middle finger).  She did it so

forcefully that she almost fell on her butt. That's the last time I have seen

her alive.  Then she told me that I would rot in hell for not having children.

 She was screaming so much that she had stunned landscapers with power tools.

You've really nailed it....This is why I don't want to be in NADA'S HOUSE.  

Get this....NADA IS FEELING MUCH BETTER AND SEEMS TO HAVE " RELEASED ME "  SHE

DOESN'T SEEM TO NEED ME.  HER VOICE IS " NORMAL " FOR NADA!

I feel so sorry that you're in nada's house.....I hope that you escape!  You

have to escape!

Hugs,

-

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2012 6:00 PM

Subject: Re: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

 

>

> I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive

> of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember

> hearing all the time:

Ooh yes, indeed. My Nada has a lot of traits of OCPD -- obsessive

compulsive personality disorder -- an overpowering need for control and

rules, particularly HER rules. (Not the same as OCD.) She even refers to

herself as " anal " which is what they used to call this problem in Freud's

day. So she does stuff like count the forks and grill me on whether I have

any in my room -- not because they're sterling silver or anything, they're

just plain old steel forks, but she has to know where ALL OF THEM ARE AT

ALL TIMES. It's crazed. And the " MY HOUSE! " thing used to come up

constantly before I went NC, and could show at any time -- basically, I'm

not ever allowed to disagree with her or desire to do things in my own way

or in my own time because it's " HER HOUSE! " and she's absolute dictator of

it, even though the only reason I'm even *here* is because she asked me to

come, not because of *my* wishes.

Anyway, I have a tiny revenge fantasy that when I move out in a couple of

months, I'll say to her, " Okay, now it's YOUR HOUSE -- all yours, all

alone, for the rest of your life. And I hope it comes and visits you in the

nursing home, and you two are very happy together!! " Because honestly, I

can't imagine myself ever valuing my house over my child, but that's what

she seems to feel. **SHRUG**

-- Jen H.

[Guest guest]

Everything was Nada's, nothing was mine. Her house, her everything. She can

choke on it all now. She actually sold most of my things in a garage sale after

my high school graduation. She didn't care that they were my belongings, because

to her they were hers since she bought most of them in the first place anyway.

Back to the OCD...she loved throwing my shoes at me if I left them next to the

door, or throwing my backpack and school work out the front door if I irritated

her for some reason. I knew if she was raging that I needed to quickly scan the

room and to anticipate what she could grab, throw, or break. Of course, if it

broke, it was MY fault. She knocked down a cross off the wall one night and

announced it fell because God was mad that I was fighting with her.

Neighbors hated us. They still hate her actually. When she moved a couple of

years ago, she decided she would be a " condo commando " and actually walked her

entire neighborhood with a tape recorder, making an audio list of what everyone

was doing " wrong " . She presented her findings to the HOA. They told her to come

into a special HOA meeting. When she got there she realized it was not a regular

meeting...the board had called a special meeting, just for her. They told her

she was crazy and they wanted her to sell her house and move. HA!

>

> Hi Jen,

>

> OMG...That's so like my nada....I'm speaking in the past tense here b/c have

not seen nada in 14+ years.  

>

> One of her favorite mantras was " NOT IN MY HOUSE! " ....

>

> Another was " THIS HOUSE WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HERE " .....

>

> And, she was OCD in the sense that I was not allowed to clean anything, touch

anything or do anything when I was growing up.  It left me with a sense of

learned helplessness, coupled by the abuse.  I was never allowed to cook in her

kitchen, to learn to sew, etc.  Although she did try to teach me to crochet.  

>

> The reason I haven't been to see her in 14 years, other than trying to destroy

my marriage - is that in HER HOUSE I'm not allowed to bathe twice a day, to not

make the bed as soon as I wake up, and god forbid I should flush the toilet too

late at night.    That's basically what she said to my DH when she tried to

turn him against me.....She screamed " CORRECT YOUR WIFE!!!! "  

>

> We just got up, packed, and quietly left.  Nada stood at the top of the

stairs and gave me the Italian fist (equivalent of the middle finger).  She did

it so forcefully that she almost fell on her butt. That's the last time I have

seen her alive.  Then she told me that I would rot in hell for not having

children.  She was screaming so much that she had stunned landscapers with

power tools.

>

> You've really nailed it....This is why I don't want to be in NADA'S HOUSE.  

>

> Get this....NADA IS FEELING MUCH BETTER AND SEEMS TO HAVE " RELEASED ME "  SHE

DOESN'T SEEM TO NEED ME.  HER VOICE IS " NORMAL " FOR NADA!

>

> I feel so sorry that you're in nada's house.....I hope that you escape!  You

have to escape!

>

> Hugs,

> -

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Hawthorne

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2012 6:00 PM

> Subject: Re: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

>

>

>  

> >

> > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive

> > of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember

> > hearing all the time:

>

> Ooh yes, indeed. My Nada has a lot of traits of OCPD -- obsessive

> compulsive personality disorder -- an overpowering need for control and

> rules, particularly HER rules. (Not the same as OCD.) She even refers to

> herself as " anal " which is what they used to call this problem in Freud's

> day. So she does stuff like count the forks and grill me on whether I have

> any in my room -- not because they're sterling silver or anything, they're

> just plain old steel forks, but she has to know where ALL OF THEM ARE AT

> ALL TIMES. It's crazed. And the " MY HOUSE! " thing used to come up

> constantly before I went NC, and could show at any time -- basically, I'm

> not ever allowed to disagree with her or desire to do things in my own way

> or in my own time because it's " HER HOUSE! " and she's absolute dictator of

> it, even though the only reason I'm even *here* is because she asked me to

> come, not because of *my* wishes.

>

> Anyway, I have a tiny revenge fantasy that when I move out in a couple of

> months, I'll say to her, " Okay, now it's YOUR HOUSE -- all yours, all

> alone, for the rest of your life. And I hope it comes and visits you in the

> nursing home, and you two are very happy together!! " Because honestly, I

> can't imagine myself ever valuing my house over my child, but that's what

> she seems to feel. **SHRUG**

>

> -- Jen H.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I did all of the housework from the time I was about 8 until I was 16-

then I got a job and was NEVER home except to shower and sleep. During all that

time I totally ignored her " mine " BS.

Now, she won't even let me take dirty dished from the dining table into the

kitchen. I've realized that I stand outside the kitchen, watching her prepare

food, clean up, etc.

And what's even worse, I find myself doing this at friends' houses, and they're

all like " why don't you come in? what's up? "

ARG. The long-lasting effects of nada...

>

> I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive of

'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember hearing

all the time:

>

> Don't walk on my clean floors!

> Don't sit on my new couch!

> and, my personal favorite: Don't use the bathroom! I just cleaned the toilet!

>

> Fun memories as I clean my own place this weekend...

>

> Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Ashana,

I think I may have had a similar experience to you carrying out a majority

of the household chores. I think I had been parentified to such an extent

that I just figured it was my responsibility until she finally hired a

cleaning lady when I was about 11. I think the cleaning lady was about

status, it was certainly not about helping me.

The kicker is that Nada tells me and anyone else that will listen (even in

front of me) that I never did anything around the house growing up and was

very lazy O.o . I challenged her about it one day (when she was regaling

visitors about how bad I was at helping her) by asking who she thought did

the housework. I later found out that she had asked my enmeshed sister if I

had actually done anything to which sister replied that she didn't know

because she (sister) certainly hadn't done anything (quite true) . hmmmm.

Well she soon went back to saying I'm lazy, selfish, cold hearted, etc. It

didn't take long for her to revert back to form and is a good reason to be

NC.

L

[Guest guest]

> your Nada and my Nada are twins

>separated at birth, only they're *both* the evil twin.

Off topic, but I had a thought about this. This statement is made a lot here,

and I'm still spooked by the fact that Adult Children of Alcoholics seems to

have read my most private thoughts.

All our BPD parents are very similar, and all of us have similar scars. Given

how different each person's background and life experiences are, I think it's

really interesting that the same pattern emerges. It's like a vitamin

deficiency- scurvy is scurvy, no matter who you are.

What this means to me is that we were all deprived of the same thing. One thing

I'm finding really challenging in recovery is that there are too many abstract

ideas. Love, letting go, abandonment, neglect, control, boundaries, etc. This

board is helping me to build a mental collage of everything that happened to me

and to all of you, and try to see the forest instead of the trees. If I'm to

give myself what my parents didn't give me, I need to define it. Or maybe

that's just one more attempt to control and intellectualize my environment.

Sigh.

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > So, anyway, yes, I have experienced that possessive streak RE her home,

> > from my nada. She was particularly possessive about her kitchen; I felt

> > unwelcome in there and only attempted to cook something when she wasn't

> > home, making sure that the kitchen looked just as sterile and untouched as

> > it was when she left. There are a tiny handful of good memories RE being in

> > the kitchen and helping nada with marginal tasks RE preparing a dish or a

> > meal, but mostly it was about being told I was doing things wrong, was

> > being messy or I was in her way.

> >

> >

> Annie, I'm beginning to suspect that your Nada and my Nada are twins

> separated at birth, only they're *both* the evil twin. My Nada used to try

> to talk me into cooking -- I'm a pretty good cook and I used to cook for

> her when she came and visited me in Boston -- by saying stuff like " You

> make such a wonderful lasagna! " (I do, if you like meat lasagna with lots

> of garlic and mushrooms.) I used to demur politely but eventually I came

> right out and told her I would never cook in her kitchen, because I'm not a

> particularly neat cook, and I knew there was no way in Hell or Heaven I'd

> be able to clean the kitchen up to her standards after cooking, and that

> she would scream at me about it. Now, here's a measure of Nada thinking --

> instead of saying something sensible to that like, " Oh, if you're worried

> about that, I can just clean up when you're done, " she ducked the issue

> completely and started yelling about how I was insulting her kitchen and " A

> lot of good things come out of my kitchen! " Never mind that that had

> NOTHING to do with what I had just said.

>

> So, yeah, I will not be cooking for Nada.

>

> -- Jen H.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My Nada would throw away things I had bought with my own money when she was mad

at me, too. Her reasoning was that the money I used to pay for it was " hers to

begin with " (if it was from an allowance) or that I " owed " it to her for raising

me anyway (if I'd earned it outside the home).

She would even throw out things like my passport or my birth certificates just

because she knew I might eventually need them and they wouldn't be there. That

was her idea of revenge.

>

>

> Everything was Nada's, nothing was mine. Her house, her everything. She can

choke on it all now. She actually sold most of my things in a garage sale after

my high school graduation. She didn't care that they were my belongings, because

to her they were hers since she bought most of them in the first place anyway.

>

> Back to the OCD...she loved throwing my shoes at me if I left them next to the

door, or throwing my backpack and school work out the front door if I irritated

her for some reason. I knew if she was raging that I needed to quickly scan the

room and to anticipate what she could grab, throw, or break. Of course, if it

broke, it was MY fault. She knocked down a cross off the wall one night and

announced it fell because God was mad that I was fighting with her.

>

> Neighbors hated us. They still hate her actually. When she moved a couple of

years ago, she decided she would be a " condo commando " and actually walked her

entire neighborhood with a tape recorder, making an audio list of what everyone

was doing " wrong " . She presented her findings to the HOA. They told her to come

into a special HOA meeting. When she got there she realized it was not a regular

meeting...the board had called a special meeting, just for her. They told her

she was crazy and they wanted her to sell her house and move. HA!

>

>

> >

> > Hi Jen,

> >

> > OMG...That's so like my nada....I'm speaking in the past tense here b/c have

not seen nada in 14+ years. Â

> >

> > One of her favorite mantras was " NOT IN MY HOUSE! " ....

> >

> > Another was " THIS HOUSE WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HERE " .....

> >

> > And, she was OCD in the sense that I was not allowed to clean anything,

touch anything or do anything when I was growing up. Â It left me with a sense

of learned helplessness, coupled by the abuse. Â I was never allowed to cook in

her kitchen, to learn to sew, etc. Â Although she did try to teach me to

crochet. Â

> >

> > The reason I haven't been to see her in 14 years, other than trying to

destroy my marriage - is that in HER HOUSE I'm not allowed to bathe twice a day,

to not make the bed as soon as I wake up, and god forbid I should flush the

toilet too late at night. Â Â That's basically what she said to my DH when

she tried to turn him against me.....She screamed " CORRECT YOUR WIFE!!!! " Â

> >

> > We just got up, packed, and quietly left. Â Nada stood at the top of the

stairs and gave me the Italian fist (equivalent of the middle finger). Â She

did it so forcefully that she almost fell on her butt. That's the last time I

have seen her alive. Â Then she told me that I would rot in hell for not having

children. Â She was screaming so much that she had stunned landscapers with

power tools.

> >

> > You've really nailed it....This is why I don't want to be in NADA'S HOUSE.

Â

> >

> > Get this....NADA IS FEELING MUCH BETTER AND SEEMS TO HAVE " RELEASED ME " Â

SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO NEED ME. Â HER VOICE IS " NORMAL " FOR NADA!

> >

> > I feel so sorry that you're in nada's house.....I hope that you escape! Â

You have to escape!

> >

> > Hugs,

> > -

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Hawthorne

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2012 6:00 PM

> > Subject: Re: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

> >

> >

> > Â

> > >

> > > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive

> > > of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember

> > > hearing all the time:

> >

> > Ooh yes, indeed. My Nada has a lot of traits of OCPD -- obsessive

> > compulsive personality disorder -- an overpowering need for control and

> > rules, particularly HER rules. (Not the same as OCD.) She even refers to

> > herself as " anal " which is what they used to call this problem in Freud's

> > day. So she does stuff like count the forks and grill me on whether I have

> > any in my room -- not because they're sterling silver or anything, they're

> > just plain old steel forks, but she has to know where ALL OF THEM ARE AT

> > ALL TIMES. It's crazed. And the " MY HOUSE! " thing used to come up

> > constantly before I went NC, and could show at any time -- basically, I'm

> > not ever allowed to disagree with her or desire to do things in my own way

> > or in my own time because it's " HER HOUSE! " and she's absolute dictator of

> > it, even though the only reason I'm even *here* is because she asked me to

> > come, not because of *my* wishes.

> >

> > Anyway, I have a tiny revenge fantasy that when I move out in a couple of

> > months, I'll say to her, " Okay, now it's YOUR HOUSE -- all yours, all

> > alone, for the rest of your life. And I hope it comes and visits you in the

> > nursing home, and you two are very happy together!! " Because honestly, I

> > can't imagine myself ever valuing my house over my child, but that's what

> > she seems to feel. **SHRUG**

> >

> > -- Jen H.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

On Mon, Sep 24, 2012 at 9:42 AM, elmtree_speaks elmtree_speaks@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> > your Nada and my Nada are twins

> >separated at birth, only they're *both* the evil twin.

>

> Off topic, but I had a thought about this. This statement is made a lot

> here, and I'm still spooked by the fact that Adult Children of Alcoholics

> seems to have read my most private thoughts.

>

> All our BPD parents are very similar, and all of us have similar scars.

> Given how different each person's background and life experiences are, I

> think it's really interesting that the same pattern emerges. It's like a

> vitamin deficiency- scurvy is scurvy, no matter who you are.

>

>

Elm, this " regularity " of symptoms in both our Nadas/Fadas and in *us* is

very intriguing to me too. It's always fascinating to me when you can

categorize certain kinds of behaviors into types -- because everyone thinks

they are " unique " , and they are at the ground level, but people's

higher-level behavioral patterns are NOT unique -- they tend to cluster

into groups by similarities, a lot. It tends to make me think in terms of

syndromes -- sets of traits or problems that cluster together, although not

all of the traits/symptoms appear in everyone who has the illness. When

people have looked at the mentality of domestic abusers -- wife-batterers

and child abusers in particular -- they have begun to spot certain

congitive/behavioral patterns that tend to crop up again and again --

things like rigidity of thinking, high need for personal control, low

frustration tolerance, and " entitlement " thinking (like, " I am entitled to

a wife who is so focused on me she never wants to have friends of her own " ,

or " I am entitled to perfectly behaved children who never talk back to me " ,

plus the ever-popular " I am entitled to throw an absolute fit if I don't

get what I think I am entitled to! " )

The main thing no one has seem to agree on at all is whether or not these

clusters of behaviors are coming from a single source or not, and if so,

what that source might be. Is it a neurotransmitter imbalance causing all

these? A neurological wiring issue (like, certain centers of the brain not

" talking " to each other enough?) Is it just because these people have

gotten into certain bad (damaging) habits of thought or behavior and are

too rigid to fix it without really STRONG influence from outside, and often

not even then? (That is, is it to a certain extent self-inflicted?) What's

going on?

If everyone who had a Nada/Fada had widely different experiences then you

could put it down to individual craziness, but there's a definite pattern

here. Tolstoy said " every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, " but I

don't think he was right about that! I think there are " classes " of

unhappy families, and most of us fall into the same class, and therefore we

are unhappy in very similar ways.

-- Jen H.

[Guest guest]

Sunehri,

I think that the throwing out of the birth certificate is symbolic of disowning

you.  

And throwing out the passport is symbolic of denying you your own life

(individuation/separation).

-

________________________________

To: " WTOAdultChildren1 " WTOAdultChildren1 >

Sent: Monday, September 24, 2012 6:56 AM

Subject: Re: Re: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

 

My Nada would throw away things I had bought with my own money when she was mad

at me, too. Her reasoning was that the money I used to pay for it was " hers to

begin with " (if it was from an allowance) or that I " owed " it to her for raising

me anyway (if I'd earned it outside the home).

She would even throw out things like my passport or my birth certificates just

because she knew I might eventually need them and they wouldn't be there. That

was her idea of revenge.

>

>

> Everything was Nada's, nothing was mine. Her house, her everything. She can

choke on it all now. She actually sold most of my things in a garage sale after

my high school graduation. She didn't care that they were my belongings, because

to her they were hers since she bought most of them in the first place anyway.

>

> Back to the OCD...she loved throwing my shoes at me if I left them next to the

door, or throwing my backpack and school work out the front door if I irritated

her for some reason. I knew if she was raging that I needed to quickly scan the

room and to anticipate what she could grab, throw, or break. Of course, if it

broke, it was MY fault. She knocked down a cross off the wall one night and

announced it fell because God was mad that I was fighting with her.

>

> Neighbors hated us. They still hate her actually. When she moved a couple of

years ago, she decided she would be a " condo commando " and actually walked her

entire neighborhood with a tape recorder, making an audio list of what everyone

was doing " wrong " . She presented her findings to the HOA. They told her to come

into a special HOA meeting. When she got there she realized it was not a regular

meeting...the board had called a special meeting, just for her. They told her

she was crazy and they wanted her to sell her house and move. HA!

>

>

> >

> > Hi Jen,

> >

> > OMG...That's so like my nada....I'm speaking in the past tense here b/c have

not seen nada in 14+ years. Â

> >

> > One of her favorite mantras was " NOT IN MY HOUSE! " ....

> >

> > Another was " THIS HOUSE WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HERE " .....

> >

> > And, she was OCD in the sense that I was not allowed to clean anything,

touch anything or do anything when I was growing up. Â It left me with a sense

of learned helplessness, coupled by the abuse. Â I was never allowed to cook in

her kitchen, to learn to sew, etc. Â Although she did try to teach me to

crochet. Â

> >

> > The reason I haven't been to see her in 14 years, other than trying to

destroy my marriage - is that in HER HOUSE I'm not allowed to bathe twice a day,

to not make the bed as soon as I wake up, and god forbid I should flush the

toilet too late at night. Â Â That's basically what she said to my DH when

she tried to turn him against me.....She screamed " CORRECT YOUR WIFE!!!! " Â

> >

> > We just got up, packed, and quietly left. Â Nada stood at the top of the

stairs and gave me the Italian fist (equivalent of the middle finger). Â She

did it so forcefully that she almost fell on her butt. That's the last time I

have seen her alive. Â Then she told me that I would rot in hell for not having

children. Â She was screaming so much that she had stunned landscapers with

power tools.

> >

> > You've really nailed it....This is why I don't want to be in NADA'S HOUSE.

Â

> >

> > Get this....NADA IS FEELING MUCH BETTER AND SEEMS TO HAVE " RELEASED ME " Â

SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO NEED ME. Â HER VOICE IS " NORMAL " FOR NADA!

> >

> > I feel so sorry that you're in nada's house.....I hope that you escape! Â

You have to escape!

> >

> > Hugs,

> > -

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Hawthorne

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2012 6:00 PM

> > Subject: Re: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

> >

> >

> > Â

> > >

> > > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive

> > > of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember

> > > hearing all the time:

> >

> > Ooh yes, indeed. My Nada has a lot of traits of OCPD -- obsessive

> > compulsive personality disorder -- an overpowering need for control and

> > rules, particularly HER rules. (Not the same as OCD.) She even refers to

> > herself as " anal " which is what they used to call this problem in Freud's

> > day. So she does stuff like count the forks and grill me on whether I have

> > any in my room -- not because they're sterling silver or anything, they're

> > just plain old steel forks, but she has to know where ALL OF THEM ARE AT

> > ALL TIMES. It's crazed. And the " MY HOUSE! " thing used to come up

> > constantly before I went NC, and could show at any time -- basically, I'm

> > not ever allowed to disagree with her or desire to do things in my own way

> > or in my own time because it's " HER HOUSE! " and she's absolute dictator of

> > it, even though the only reason I'm even *here* is because she asked me to

> > come, not because of *my* wishes.

> >

> > Anyway, I have a tiny revenge fantasy that when I move out in a couple of

> > months, I'll say to her, " Okay, now it's YOUR HOUSE -- all yours, all

> > alone, for the rest of your life. And I hope it comes and visits you in the

> > nursing home, and you two are very happy together!! " Because honestly, I

> > can't imagine myself ever valuing my house over my child, but that's what

> > she seems to feel. **SHRUG**

> >

> > -- Jen H.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I'm actually a little confused by what I remember. I remember washing the

dishes and loading the dishwasher as being my chores. I remember vacuuming and

dusting the livingroom as being my chore. I remember cleaning the downstairs

bathroom as being my chore. I also remember taking out the trash as my

chore--not just the kitchen garbage but emptying the trash cans throughout that

house. That's pretty much the entire ground floor of the house, plus the trash

upstairs. I remember getting yelled at a lot for not doing my chores--more than

I remember doing them. But maybe all that means is that if I didn't do them, we

lived in filth. I also remember bringing wood in from the woodpile in winter

and chopping wood and watering and weeding the garden in spring and summer. My

mother did cook dinner and clean the upstairs. Did (enmeshed/bpd sister)

actually do anything after I got old enough to make myself useful? It's a

puzzle.

Take care,

Ashana

[Guest guest]

Jen, that's funny that you mention the Tolstoy quote, because I've been thinking

about exactly that lately- he's wrong. There's also this Philip Larkin poem

called " This be the verse " which I am still called on to recite to my family

whenever my brother or I imply that our parents messed us up. They especially

like to make me do it at dinner parties. The first line is " They f--- you up,

your mom and dad. "

Anyway, brain wiring and chemistry are ultimately what create behavior, and most

of their development happens after birth (I'm a neuroscientist, by the way).

There are genetic influences on how each brain will respond to the environment,

but all growing brains need some basic things. My nada always talked about the

" good enough mother " idea, that as long as the child was provided food, shelter,

and a " stable " home, genetics would determine the child's personality.

The good enough mother idea is a classic psychology theory of Winnicott, which I

recommend reading if you're geeky like me. He actually says that the " inborn "

constitution only appears if the mother meets the baby's needs for security,

empathy, mirroring of its emotions- all the things a narcissistic/BPD mother

can't provide. (Yes nada, there is such a thing as a " good enough " mother, and

you were NOT one.)

I'm thinking that what we were deprived of in childhood is so basic that the

resulting symptoms supersede individual differences. Like mothers who took

thalidomide- whether your genes would have made you short or tall or

broad-shouldered, if your mother took thalidomide you look a lot more like the

other thalidomide babies than like other people.

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > > your Nada and my Nada are twins

> > >separated at birth, only they're *both* the evil twin.

> >

> > Off topic, but I had a thought about this. This statement is made a lot

> > here, and I'm still spooked by the fact that Adult Children of Alcoholics

> > seems to have read my most private thoughts.

> >

> > All our BPD parents are very similar, and all of us have similar scars.

> > Given how different each person's background and life experiences are, I

> > think it's really interesting that the same pattern emerges. It's like a

> > vitamin deficiency- scurvy is scurvy, no matter who you are.

> >

> >

> Elm, this " regularity " of symptoms in both our Nadas/Fadas and in *us* is

> very intriguing to me too. It's always fascinating to me when you can

> categorize certain kinds of behaviors into types -- because everyone thinks

> they are " unique " , and they are at the ground level, but people's

> higher-level behavioral patterns are NOT unique -- they tend to cluster

> into groups by similarities, a lot. It tends to make me think in terms of

> syndromes -- sets of traits or problems that cluster together, although not

> all of the traits/symptoms appear in everyone who has the illness. When

> people have looked at the mentality of domestic abusers -- wife-batterers

> and child abusers in particular -- they have begun to spot certain

> congitive/behavioral patterns that tend to crop up again and again --

> things like rigidity of thinking, high need for personal control, low

> frustration tolerance, and " entitlement " thinking (like, " I am entitled to

> a wife who is so focused on me she never wants to have friends of her own " ,

> or " I am entitled to perfectly behaved children who never talk back to me " ,

> plus the ever-popular " I am entitled to throw an absolute fit if I don't

> get what I think I am entitled to! " )

>

> The main thing no one has seem to agree on at all is whether or not these

> clusters of behaviors are coming from a single source or not, and if so,

> what that source might be. Is it a neurotransmitter imbalance causing all

> these? A neurological wiring issue (like, certain centers of the brain not

> " talking " to each other enough?) Is it just because these people have

> gotten into certain bad (damaging) habits of thought or behavior and are

> too rigid to fix it without really STRONG influence from outside, and often

> not even then? (That is, is it to a certain extent self-inflicted?) What's

> going on?

>

> If everyone who had a Nada/Fada had widely different experiences then you

> could put it down to individual craziness, but there's a definite pattern

> here. Tolstoy said " every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, " but I

> don't think he was right about that! I think there are " classes " of

> unhappy families, and most of us fall into the same class, and therefore we

> are unhappy in very similar ways.

>

> -- Jen H.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think it was also a very literal way to deny individuation/independence as

well. After all it was hard to get my driver's license without that birth

certificate, hard to apply for college without your SS# (she apparently " lost "

my SS card. I eventually found it in her nightstand looking for something else)

hard to get a job, etc.

She would use the missing documents as an excuse to not take me to get things

like my license, then when I asked her about replacing them, she got angry and

said she wouldn't do it as punishment for my being too " demanding " or " pushy " or

whatever word she liked that day. That usually wound up being a screaming match

between us.

Even just thinking about these stories brings back that hopelessness and

powerlessness I used to feel when she pulled this crap. I think even as a kid I

knew the only option for me was to get out ASAP.

> Sunehri,

> I think that the throwing out of the birth certificate is symbolic of

disowning you.

> And throwing out the passport is symbolic of denying you your own life

(individuation/separation).

> -

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " WTOAdultChildren1 " WTOAdultChildren1 >

> Sent: Monday, September 24, 2012 6:56 AM

> Subject: Re: Re: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

>

>

>

> My Nada would throw away things I had bought with my own money when she was

mad at me, too. Her reasoning was that the money I used to pay for it was " hers

to begin with " (if it was from an allowance) or that I " owed " it to her for

raising me anyway (if I'd earned it outside the home).

>

> She would even throw out things like my passport or my birth certificates just

because she knew I might eventually need them and they wouldn't be there. That

was her idea of revenge.

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Everything was Nada's, nothing was mine. Her house, her everything. She can

choke on it all now. She actually sold most of my things in a garage sale after

my high school graduation. She didn't care that they were my belongings, because

to her they were hers since she bought most of them in the first place anyway.

> >

> > Back to the OCD...she loved throwing my shoes at me if I left them next to

the door, or throwing my backpack and school work out the front door if I

irritated her for some reason. I knew if she was raging that I needed to quickly

scan the room and to anticipate what she could grab, throw, or break. Of course,

if it broke, it was MY fault. She knocked down a cross off the wall one night

and announced it fell because God was mad that I was fighting with her.

> >

> > Neighbors hated us. They still hate her actually. When she moved a couple of

years ago, she decided she would be a " condo commando " and actually walked her

entire neighborhood with a tape recorder, making an audio list of what everyone

was doing " wrong " . She presented her findings to the HOA. They told her to come

into a special HOA meeting. When she got there she realized it was not a regular

meeting...the board had called a special meeting, just for her. They told her

she was crazy and they wanted her to sell her house and move. HA!

> >

> >

> > >

> > > Hi Jen,

> > >

> > > OMG...That's so like my nada....I'm speaking in the past tense here b/c

have not seen nada in 14+ years. Â

> > >

> > > One of her favorite mantras was " NOT IN MY HOUSE! " ....

> > >

> > > Another was " THIS HOUSE WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HERE " .....

> > >

> > > And, she was OCD in the sense that I was not allowed to clean anything,

touch anything or do anything when I was growing up. Â It left me with a sense

of learned helplessness, coupled by the abuse. Â I was never allowed to cook in

her kitchen, to learn to sew, etc. Â Although she did try to teach me to

crochet. Â

> > >

> > > The reason I haven't been to see her in 14 years, other than trying to

destroy my marriage - is that in HER HOUSE I'm not allowed to bathe twice a day,

to not make the bed as soon as I wake up, and god forbid I should flush the

toilet too late at night. Â Â That's basically what she said to my DH when she

tried to turn him against me.....She screamed " CORRECT YOUR WIFE!!!! " Â

> > >

> > > We just got up, packed, and quietly left. Â Nada stood at the top of the

stairs and gave me the Italian fist (equivalent of the middle finger). Â She

did it so forcefully that she almost fell on her butt. That's the last time I

have seen her alive. Â Then she told me that I would rot in hell for not having

children. Â She was screaming so much that she had stunned landscapers with

power tools.

> > >

> > > You've really nailed it....This is why I don't want to be in NADA'S HOUSE.

Â

> > >

> > > Get this....NADA IS FEELING MUCH BETTER AND SEEMS TO HAVE " RELEASED ME " Â

SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO NEED ME. Â HER VOICE IS " NORMAL " FOR NADA!

> > >

> > > I feel so sorry that you're in nada's house.....I hope that you escape! Â

You have to escape!

> > >

> > > Hugs,

> > > -

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: Hawthorne

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2012 6:00 PM

> > > Subject: Re: Don't Touch Anything Nada Houses

> > >

> > >

> > > Â

> > > >

> > > > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely

possessive

> > > > of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I

remember

> > > > hearing all the time:

> > >

> > > Ooh yes, indeed. My Nada has a lot of traits of OCPD -- obsessive

> > > compulsive personality disorder -- an overpowering need for control and

> > > rules, particularly HER rules. (Not the same as OCD.) She even refers to

> > > herself as " anal " which is what they used to call this problem in Freud's

> > > day. So she does stuff like count the forks and grill me on whether I have

> > > any in my room -- not because they're sterling silver or anything, they're

> > > just plain old steel forks, but she has to know where ALL OF THEM ARE AT

> > > ALL TIMES. It's crazed. And the " MY HOUSE! " thing used to come up

> > > constantly before I went NC, and could show at any time -- basically, I'm

> > > not ever allowed to disagree with her or desire to do things in my own way

> > > or in my own time because it's " HER HOUSE! " and she's absolute dictator of

> > > it, even though the only reason I'm even *here* is because she asked me to

> > > come, not because of *my* wishes.

> > >

> > > Anyway, I have a tiny revenge fantasy that when I move out in a couple of

> > > months, I'll say to her, " Okay, now it's YOUR HOUSE -- all yours, all

> > > alone, for the rest of your life. And I hope it comes and visits you in

the

> > > nursing home, and you two are very happy together!! " Because honestly, I

> > > can't imagine myself ever valuing my house over my child, but that's what

> > > she seems to feel. **SHRUG**

> > >

> > > -- Jen H.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I just had to add to the 'Condo Commando' bit here!!

My nada did the SAME THING! Well, she journaled and dated it. But she went to

the meetings, and they didn't put up with her and told her to get out. wow! The

shared experiences here are amazing!

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all of this input. It is AMAZING, the pattern similarities. My nada

also sold all my most prized possessions at a garage sale, right around the time

I graduate high school. She also gave away my bed--so that for a good while

when I was in college, I would visit home and have no bed to sleep on. Like

Annie's nada, she also rearranged the dishes every time I attempted to load the

dishwasher (which I was goaded to do because she moaned and moaned, like she was

dying, 'I never get any help around here.') She also rearranged ornaments when

I tried to decorate the Christmas tree. It helps me to hear these stories

validated!

>

> I just had to add to the 'Condo Commando' bit here!!

>

> My nada did the SAME THING! Well, she journaled and dated it. But she went to

the meetings, and they didn't put up with her and told her to get out. wow! The

shared experiences here are amazing!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, it seems that a lot of our nadas shared that " need to control " thing.

Its like, sure, all these little individual controlling, domineering,

dismissive or rejecting behaviors taken as single incidents would be easy to

ignore or just attributed to someone having a bad day, but when the big picture

emerges: that our nadas had ongoing, chronic, repetitive PATTERNS of negative,

damaging behaviors (whatever form those behaviors took, whether it was being

domineering and coercive, rejecting, shaming & blaming, perfectionism, or

parentifying the child, etc) that the cumulative effect of daily psychological

or emotional abuse has a devastating impact on the child's sense of self worth.

Its like drips of acid rain eating away at a rock, over time the whole rock is

dissolved.

We have to really fight hard to undo the erosion to our psyches done by

repetitive, chronic emotional abuse.

-Annie

> >

> > I just had to add to the 'Condo Commando' bit here!!

> >

> > My nada did the SAME THING! Well, she journaled and dated it. But she went

to the meetings, and they didn't put up with her and told her to get out. wow!

The shared experiences here are amazing!

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, sometimes I get chills when I read things on here! My nada has some crazy

'superstitions' but they tend to be really controlling behaviors (we all have to

use matching forks-they have several sets all mixed together), and I guess I

never really thought about it before. My nada let some of her crazy slip out at

a family dinner in July with my in-laws there (who she usually tries to

impress). My brother just got married and there were 2 people at the wedding who

had birthdays the day before or after the wedding and my nada insisted that they

have a birthday cake for these people at the wedding! She got so mad at the

dinner she had to get up and leave the table-pouting of course-and my in-laws

were shocked. I never thought about how controlling and demanding it is! I feel

like I'm finally seeing the light, I've always put up with her whims and just

rolled with it not to upset her! Wow! This is so inspiring, to hear the TRUTH

and to imagine something different! Sorry for getting mushy but I feel like I'm

having so many epiphanies reading the posts here..thank you!

>

> >

> > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive

> > of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember

> > hearing all the time:

>

>

> Ooh yes, indeed. My Nada has a lot of traits of OCPD -- obsessive

> compulsive personality disorder -- an overpowering need for control and

> rules, particularly HER rules. (Not the same as OCD.) She even refers to

> herself as " anal " which is what they used to call this problem in Freud's

> day. So she does stuff like count the forks and grill me on whether I have

> any in my room -- not because they're sterling silver or anything, they're

> just plain old steel forks, but she has to know where ALL OF THEM ARE AT

> ALL TIMES. It's crazed. And the " MY HOUSE! " thing used to come up

> constantly before I went NC, and could show at any time -- basically, I'm

> not ever allowed to disagree with her or desire to do things in my own way

> or in my own time because it's " HER HOUSE! " and she's absolute dictator of

> it, even though the only reason I'm even *here* is because she asked me to

> come, not because of *my* wishes.

>

> Anyway, I have a tiny revenge fantasy that when I move out in a couple of

> months, I'll say to her, " Okay, now it's YOUR HOUSE -- all yours, all

> alone, for the rest of your life. And I hope it comes and visits you in the

> nursing home, and you two are very happy together!! " Because honestly, I

> can't imagine myself ever valuing my house over my child, but that's what

> she seems to feel. **SHRUG**

>

> -- Jen H.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mother locked us out of the house a few times when she had just cleaned (and

when she had a headache, and when she just wanted us gone). Usually in the

morning, around eleven or so. She often forgot to unlock the door at night

before she went to bed.

>

> I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely possessive of

'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something? I remember hearing

all the time:

>

> Don't walk on my clean floors!

> Don't sit on my new couch!

> and, my personal favorite: Don't use the bathroom! I just cleaned the toilet!

>

> Fun memories as I clean my own place this weekend...

>

> Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

How horrible!

> **

>

>

> My mother locked us out of the house a few times when she had just cleaned

> (and when she had a headache, and when she just wanted us gone). Usually in

> the morning, around eleven or so. She often forgot to unlock the door at

> night before she went to bed.

>

>

> >

> > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely

> possessive of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something?

> I remember hearing all the time:

> >

> > Don't walk on my clean floors!

> > Don't sit on my new couch!

> > and, my personal favorite: Don't use the bathroom! I just cleaned the

> toilet!

> >

> > Fun memories as I clean my own place this weekend...

> >

> > Charlie

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow...That's really troubling to hear your Nada forgot to unlock the door at

night...I'm sorry that must have been really hard growing up with that.

Yes...My nada was very possessive about certain things...Like Magazines, If she

got a new magazine no one else could read it until she read it first.

She would sometimes jokingly yet sometimes I thought for real that after she

cleaned the bathroom I was not allowed to go number 2 in it. I had to go to a

Mc's down the street - she never actually made me do that but sometimes I

feel like she really wanted me to go.

She was really weird about the TV too - we had like 3 of them...and if I was

watching a program in one living room she would kick me out, start yelling at me

to move to another TV, and of course I would get mad because I was all comfy and

was there first...then I'd try to compromise with her and say I'll move during a

commercial break - but she wouldn't have it. To this day she still thinks I'm

really weird about the TV.

> > >

> > > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely

> > possessive of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something?

> > I remember hearing all the time:

> > >

> > > Don't walk on my clean floors!

> > > Don't sit on my new couch!

> > > and, my personal favorite: Don't use the bathroom! I just cleaned the

> > toilet!

> > >

> > > Fun memories as I clean my own place this weekend...

> > >

> > > Charlie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm willing to bet that locking you and your sibs outside at night like that

would be considered child neglect in a legal sense; if anyone had reported it, I

think your nada could have been arrested for that.

A woman in my area was arrested just yesterday, I heard on the radio, for

leaving her three year old locked in her car while she went into the grocery

store... when it was about 103 outside. A passerby noticed the distressed child

in the car & called the police who showed up immediately and got the child out,

waited for the mother to return, and arrested her. The woman had not bothered

to park in any shade and had left the windows up; the report said the interior

of the car was like an oven. A small child wouldn't have lasted long in that

condition.

I hope that more and more people will be good samaritans and NOTICE if children

in their vicinity (or in their family) are being abused or neglected in any way,

and at least TRY to do something about it.

-Annie

> > >

> > > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely

> > possessive of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something?

> > I remember hearing all the time:

> > >

> > > Don't walk on my clean floors!

> > > Don't sit on my new couch!

> > > and, my personal favorite: Don't use the bathroom! I just cleaned the

> > toilet!

> > >

> > > Fun memories as I clean my own place this weekend...

> > >

> > > Charlie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My brother and I had bunk beds and figured out that by standing on the porch

furniture we could crawl in the window and onto my bed. When it got close to

dark we would do that sometimes, and just play very quietly in our room. When we

eventually left the room she registered no surprise, like she had genuinely

forgotten that she locked us out.

However, she put a screen on the window after she figured out how we were

getting back in. We started keeping a stash of food and blankets under the porch

of an abandoned residence in the neighborhood after that. I mentioned it to my

dad and he said if it ever happened again to just call, he would drive out and

pick us up. I only had to do that once before Nada stopped locking us out. My

NDad has plenty of his own issues but that was a big help.

It's funny because a lot of times I will read posts here and think " Maybe I am

just being over-emotional or exaggerating, nothing that bad happened to me " , and

then I remember stuff like this. I just got really good at ignoring/downplaying

it in my own mind.

> > >

> > > I'm wondering today--did anyone else's nada ever act extremely

> > possessive of 'her' house, especially when she had just cleaned something?

> > I remember hearing all the time:

> > >

> > > Don't walk on my clean floors!

> > > Don't sit on my new couch!

> > > and, my personal favorite: Don't use the bathroom! I just cleaned the

> > toilet!

> > >

> > > Fun memories as I clean my own place this weekend...

> > >

> > > Charlie

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>