surviving a borderline parent

[Guest guest]

Hello - I just finished reading Surviving a Borderline Parent which directed me

to this group. Although not officially diagnosed, I believe that my parents are

borderline/narcissist - that book as well as many others outlining the

conditions have resonated with me.

Dealing with depression/anxiety my entire life. Always feel as if I don't fit

in. Negating my accomplishments...and so on. My father is also a pathological

gambler, my mother is a child-like narcissist. One of my brothers married a bpd.

Another may suffer from the condition himself. I feel betrayed, used, exhausted

and bewildered by it all.

About a year ago, after a completely unnecessary three year legal battle with my

3 brothers for a property split, I have been cut-off from my family of origin

(except for nada who updates me with her health problems every month). Instead

of feeling free and relieved, I have fallen into a depression with anxiety. Even

though I was miserable around them, I am now overwhelmed by the past. I wonder

why I tried so hard to get through to them. I was never accepted, so it comes as

no surprise...but I didn't expect to feel such grief. Perhaps the absence of the

crazy making has given me time to reflect...and that is all so overwhelming. I

can't comprehend it.

At 45, I feel I've lost so much (I was also widowed 10 years ago). I feel my

time has passed me by - I feel weak and tired, weighed down. I am remarried and

have a wonderful husband who is supportive and willing to work on our

relationship and I want to feel better. I've started working with a new

therapist and also working with acupuncture to help with depression. I just feel

so alone and embarrassed/ashamed that I still suffer from their wrath. I knew I

should have left them long ago and sabotaged opportunities to live my life. Why

did I so need their approval? Why do I feel so inherently insignificant?

[Guest guest]

I know you're going to get very helpful replies to your posting from people more

experienced than me. I just wanted to say that I am reading that book and have

recently found this list as well. It has been so enlighting to learn about BPD

and learn that others have gone through the same thing. Just yesterday, my

mother did something, and I was able to come to this list for help. Before, I

would feel so isolated, thinking I was the only daughter in the world who was

bothered by her mother and questioning the reasons for why I was so bothered.

So, I think this list a very good step for you to feel better soon.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, September 22, 2012 7:17 AM

Subject: surviving a borderline parent

 

Hello - I just finished reading Surviving a Borderline Parent which directed me

to this group. Although not officially diagnosed, I believe that my parents are

borderline/narcissist - that book as well as many others outlining the

conditions have resonated with me.

Dealing with depression/anxiety my entire life. Always feel as if I don't fit

in. Negating my accomplishments...and so on. My father is also a pathological

gambler, my mother is a child-like narcissist. One of my brothers married a bpd.

Another may suffer from the condition himself. I feel betrayed, used, exhausted

and bewildered by it all.

About a year ago, after a completely unnecessary three year legal battle with my

3 brothers for a property split, I have been cut-off from my family of origin

(except for nada who updates me with her health problems every month). Instead

of feeling free and relieved, I have fallen into a depression with anxiety. Even

though I was miserable around them, I am now overwhelmed by the past. I wonder

why I tried so hard to get through to them. I was never accepted, so it comes as

no surprise...but I didn't expect to feel such grief. Perhaps the absence of the

crazy making has given me time to reflect...and that is all so overwhelming. I

can't comprehend it.

At 45, I feel I've lost so much (I was also widowed 10 years ago). I feel my

time has passed me by - I feel weak and tired, weighed down. I am remarried and

have a wonderful husband who is supportive and willing to work on our

relationship and I want to feel better. I've started working with a new

therapist and also working with acupuncture to help with depression. I just feel

so alone and embarrassed/ashamed that I still suffer from their wrath. I knew I

should have left them long ago and sabotaged opportunities to live my life. Why

did I so need their approval? Why do I feel so inherently insignificant?

[Guest guest]

Jodoch, you've suffered more losses than anyone should have to. You're in the

first stages of understanding personality disorders and it's overwhelming but

this is where the healing begins. Think of it as a process, and it takes a lot

of time.

We have some things in common. I have a Narcisisst/alcoholic/absentee father

(NPD), a borderline mother (BPD) and two older brothers. One of who is a RANGING

NPD with bi-polar too and the other is possibly dependent personality

disorderered. ALL of these people abused me horribly and would continue to do so

if I allowed it. I lived with crushing anxiety for the first 20 years of my

life. To the point where my heart pounded almost constantly and my chest had

sharp pains. I felt guilty for being alive and contemplated ending my life

because of my useless/abusive family. Well thank god I hung in there because

that crap is history. Its taken a lot of work on my part but there's hope

Jodoch.

You deserve some credit for simply surviving this long so cut yourself some

slack. Nobody could come out of your family of origin without some battle scars.

The good news for you is that you have a wonderful, supportive husband and you

are conscious of the damage your family inflicted on you. You're not in denial

and you're reaching out. You'll make it.

YOU are NOT insignificant, your family tricked you into thinking bad things

about yourself. An abuser must beat down their victim and keep her off balance

in order to gain control and maintain the upper hand. It's not your fault. This

is common in borderland and you're a refugee. Welcome to the other side!! When a

non-bpd resists the victimization and control or sets boundaries the crazy

people go berzerker or shun you outright because they realize they can no longer

control you. It's not YOU, its them!!

It's totally normal to feel the need for approval especially from your family;

unfortunately for us we will NEVER, ever receive it. You could become President

and the family would still find a way to make you feel worthless. You can't hurt

enough to make them happy.

>

> Hello - I just finished reading Surviving a Borderline Parent which directed

me to this group. Although not officially diagnosed, I believe that my parents

are borderline/narcissist - that book as well as many others outlining the

conditions have resonated with me.

> Dealing with depression/anxiety my entire life. Always feel as if I don't fit

in. Negating my accomplishments...and so on. My father is also a pathological

gambler, my mother is a child-like narcissist. One of my brothers married a bpd.

Another may suffer from the condition himself. I feel betrayed, used, exhausted

and bewildered by it all.

> About a year ago, after a completely unnecessary three year legal battle with

my 3 brothers for a property split, I have been cut-off from my family of origin

(except for nada who updates me with her health problems every month). Instead

of feeling free and relieved, I have fallen into a depression with anxiety. Even

though I was miserable around them, I am now overwhelmed by the past. I wonder

why I tried so hard to get through to them. I was never accepted, so it comes as

no surprise...but I didn't expect to feel such grief. Perhaps the absence of the

crazy making has given me time to reflect...and that is all so overwhelming. I

can't comprehend it.

> At 45, I feel I've lost so much (I was also widowed 10 years ago). I feel my

time has passed me by - I feel weak and tired, weighed down. I am remarried and

have a wonderful husband who is supportive and willing to work on our

relationship and I want to feel better. I've started working with a new

therapist and also working with acupuncture to help with depression. I just feel

so alone and embarrassed/ashamed that I still suffer from their wrath. I knew I

should have left them long ago and sabotaged opportunities to live my life. Why

did I so need their approval? Why do I feel so inherently insignificant?

>