Another New Member Intro. PLEASE APPROVE This Time

[Guest guest]

I am trying this again for the 2nd time...I poured my heart out in " new member

intro) which was extremely painful and apparently my story (in short version)

went nowhere! Un-noticed, unapproved and untouched, un answered! I am now 52

(almost)still feel like 12 y/o sometimes and just really realizing that my Nada

has stolen my last 52 years from me...I don't know if I am more upset with

myself or her!!! I have read so many of your posts and input ...truly amazing

how some of us seem to struggle going through a perpetual living hell and others

just glide thru life and skate on by things just get better and better for, it

seems most of my peers!

Before I go any further would someone please approve me and let me know how and

where to post...via email? or go right to this group and hit " post " to just any

where?...as usual feel lost and no direction parenting or mentoring. No therapy

either! Trying to pick up the pieces of what ever is left to start a future, if

there is any resemblance of one on my horizon. Once you Approve me then I will

begin the experience I so resonate with so many people here in this group that I

feel I can really connect with and empathize with.

Thanks again....Shan

Lets see where this one goes and how many days or weeks it takes

[Guest guest]

Hi Shan,

Welcome to the Group! It does seem as though the Group has been " offline " or

something for a couple of days, but, sometimes its just part of the normal ebb

and flow. Sometimes there are LOTS of posts here and other times there are no

posts!

You are not alone. There are many members here who have shared that they only

began to realize that their mother (or father, or both, or other relative) isn't

just " difficult " , when the member approached middle age. I'm one; I was deeply

enmeshed with my parents and oblivious about why and that it wasn't normal or

healthy until my mid-thirties, and only began reading about personality disorder

in my 40's.

You've found a bunch of other people who " get it. " We're each on our own

journey of healing and learning, and its never too late to start healing and

learning.

-Annie

>

> I am trying this again for the 2nd time...I poured my heart out in " new member

intro) which was extremely painful and apparently my story (in short version)

went nowhere! Un-noticed, unapproved and untouched, un answered! I am now 52

(almost)still feel like 12 y/o sometimes and just really realizing that my Nada

has stolen my last 52 years from me...I don't know if I am more upset with

myself or her!!! I have read so many of your posts and input ...truly amazing

how some of us seem to struggle going through a perpetual living hell and others

just glide thru life and skate on by things just get better and better for, it

seems most of my peers!

> Before I go any further would someone please approve me and let me know how

and where to post...via email? or go right to this group and hit " post " to just

any where?...as usual feel lost and no direction parenting or mentoring. No

therapy either! Trying to pick up the pieces of what ever is left to start a

future, if there is any resemblance of one on my horizon. Once you Approve me

then I will begin the experience I so resonate with so many people here in this

group that I feel I can really connect with and empathize with.

> Thanks again....Shan

> Lets see where this one goes and how many days or weeks it takes

>

[Guest guest]

Woo Hoo! I am finally in! I can comment and post. I have been reading everyone's

posts for months and wanting to add but could not. Thank you so much Annie for

the " Welcome " . Still trying to figure out the navigation of how and where to

reply & post.

Thanks again Annie,

Shan

> >

> > I am trying this again for the 2nd time...I poured my heart out in " new

member intro) which was extremely painful and apparently my story (in short

version) went nowhere! Un-noticed, unapproved and untouched, un answered! I am

now 52 (almost)still feel like 12 y/o sometimes and just really realizing that

my Nada has stolen my last 52 years from me...I don't know if I am more upset

with myself or her!!! I have read so many of your posts and input ...truly

amazing how some of us seem to struggle going through a perpetual living hell

and others just glide thru life and skate on by things just get better and

better for, it seems most of my peers!

> > Before I go any further would someone please approve me and let me know how

and where to post...via email? or go right to this group and hit " post " to just

any where?...as usual feel lost and no direction parenting or mentoring. No

therapy either! Trying to pick up the pieces of what ever is left to start a

future, if there is any resemblance of one on my horizon. Once you Approve me

then I will begin the experience I so resonate with so many people here in this

group that I feel I can really connect with and empathize with.

> > Thanks again....Shan

> > Lets see where this one goes and how many days or weeks it takes

> >

>

[Guest guest]

We've all been there, sorry I didn't see your post before.  I can no longer

access yahoo at work so that means at night I " m trying to see over 300 posts. 

The best thing you can do is just stand firm, I " m 46 and nada is still trying to

control who I see and what I do. 

Subject: Re: Another " New Member " Intro. PLEASE APPROVE This

Time

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, October 6, 2012, 5:15 PM

 

Hi Shan,

Welcome to the Group! It does seem as though the Group has been " offline " or

something for a couple of days, but, sometimes its just part of the normal ebb

and flow. Sometimes there are LOTS of posts here and other times there are no

posts!

You are not alone. There are many members here who have shared that they only

began to realize that their mother (or father, or both, or other relative) isn't

just " difficult " , when the member approached middle age. I'm one; I was deeply

enmeshed with my parents and oblivious about why and that it wasn't normal or

healthy until my mid-thirties, and only began reading about personality disorder

in my 40's.

You've found a bunch of other people who " get it. " We're each on our own journey

of healing and learning, and its never too late to start healing and learning.

-Annie

>

> I am trying this again for the 2nd time...I poured my heart out in " new member

intro) which was extremely painful and apparently my story (in short version)

went nowhere! Un-noticed, unapproved and untouched, un answered! I am now 52

(almost)still feel like 12 y/o sometimes and just really realizing that my Nada

has stolen my last 52 years from me...I don't know if I am more upset with

myself or her!!! I have read so many of your posts and input ...truly amazing

how some of us seem to struggle going through a perpetual living hell and others

just glide thru life and skate on by things just get better and better for, it

seems most of my peers!

> Before I go any further would someone please approve me and let me know how

and where to post...via email? or go right to this group and hit " post " to just

any where?...as usual feel lost and no direction parenting or mentoring. No

therapy either! Trying to pick up the pieces of what ever is left to start a

future, if there is any resemblance of one on my horizon. Once you Approve me

then I will begin the experience I so resonate with so many people here in this

group that I feel I can really connect with and empathize with.

> Thanks again....Shan

> Lets see where this one goes and how many days or weeks it takes

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome. When I first started here I replied to some things but they seemed to

disappear. Then I realized that if I clicked on " reply via webpost " , I could see

my comment and get comments in return. Whew.

Another thing I do to cut down the scrolling through several replies is delete

the portions that don't pertain to what I want to say. Sometimes I'll even just

keep certain comments by someone and give my input on those. Keeps things simple

and easier to follow.

I do hope you'll find this site as helpful as I have.

>

> Woo Hoo! I am finally in! I can comment and post. I have been reading

everyone's posts for months and wanting to add but could not. Thank you so much

Annie for the " Welcome " . Still trying to figure out the navigation of how and

where to reply & post.

> Thanks again Annie,

> Shan

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, I am new also and I agree it's hard to feel part of the group sometimes,

I've felt that way most of my life. I am 35 and feel like I've wasted so much of

my life stressing about my mother and our insane relationship, I continue to

feel like I'm wasting time. You are not alone! I'm glad you reached out.

>

> I am trying this again for the 2nd time...I poured my heart out in " new member

intro) which was extremely painful and apparently my story (in short version)

went nowhere! Un-noticed, unapproved and untouched, un answered! I am now 52

(almost)still feel like 12 y/o sometimes and just really realizing that my Nada

has stolen my last 52 years from me...I don't know if I am more upset with

myself or her!!! I have read so many of your posts and input ...truly amazing

how some of us seem to struggle going through a perpetual living hell and others

just glide thru life and skate on by things just get better and better for, it

seems most of my peers!

> Before I go any further would someone please approve me and let me know how

and where to post...via email? or go right to this group and hit " post " to just

any where?...as usual feel lost and no direction parenting or mentoring. No

therapy either! Trying to pick up the pieces of what ever is left to start a

future, if there is any resemblance of one on my horizon. Once you Approve me

then I will begin the experience I so resonate with so many people here in this

group that I feel I can really connect with and empathize with.

> Thanks again....Shan

> Lets see where this one goes and how many days or weeks it takes

>

[Guest guest]

Shan,

Welcome to the group. I hope you find this is a place your voice is heard and

understood. Now that you are connected to the group you will hopefully find it

a safe place for you. The posts by others have been comforting as you read

others' experiences and realize we have many shared feelings, emotions and

reactions to our NADA/FADAs and various family members.

I pray you find peace that surpasses understanding, and a sense of self that is

healing.

MyReality

> >

> > I am trying this again for the 2nd time...I poured my heart out in " new

member intro) which was extremely painful and apparently my story (in short

version) went nowhere! Un-noticed, unapproved and untouched, un answered! I am

now 52 (almost)still feel like 12 y/o sometimes and just really realizing that

my Nada has stolen my last 52 years from me...I don't know if I am more upset

with myself or her!!! I have read so many of your posts and input ...truly

amazing how some of us seem to struggle going through a perpetual living hell

and others just glide thru life and skate on by things just get better and

better for, it seems most of my peers!

> > Before I go any further would someone please approve me and let me know how

and where to post...via email? or go right to this group and hit " post " to just

any where?...as usual feel lost and no direction parenting or mentoring. No

therapy either! Trying to pick up the pieces of what ever is left to start a

future, if there is any resemblance of one on my horizon. Once you Approve me

then I will begin the experience I so resonate with so many people here in this

group that I feel I can really connect with and empathize with.

> > Thanks again....Shan

> > Lets see where this one goes and how many days or weeks it takes

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much ALL of you!

I am now just realizing that no one stepped in to stop the one and only parent I

had, the Nada, which I affectionately call Cruella deVille. I had no siblings

(no buffer)...She trapped my Dad into marriage by the time I was born he headed

as far away as possible and never looked back. He wanted no part of her, yet he

KNEW what he left me with innocent and defenseless from 1 yr old on up! He never

called or visited or checked on me. I probably never would have spoke up anyway

because I was scared to death of her!!! Just the two of us always in the Apt.

till she kicked me out at 19 y/o.  I never rebuttled, talked back, hit back or

gave her the good ol fight she was always hoping for. She would get

manic/happy/giddy and excited after her sick twisted verbal thrashing on me.

Upset that I looked just like my father. Her plan was foiled. Stuck in the early

1960's with a daughter to raise alone with no financial assistance what so

ever...I did not know it then, but I had hell to pay for the rest of my life

just for surviving the birth. She had no business being a parent to

anyone...ever! She was the biggest, baddest, meanest bully I had through out my

life...many say she was jealous.  Afraid I might have the life she always wanted

for herself but never got.  She made damn sure I broke it off for good with my

H.S. Sweetheart. Ended up marrying a lae version of  her...Alcoholic,

narcissistic, self centered ego maniac, lying cheating (started in my 3rd month

of pregnancy) while I am home fighting off break-in drug dealers at gun point!!

Several times when I was in my 20's she would call current boyfriend and meet

for lunch to try an pit him against me and join forces with him to put me down.

One BF told me that it was WAY beyond " tough love " and he refused to tell me

what she said. It was that bad and that BF was a cheater and abusive too! She

was downright giddy when he broke up with me on my birthday a few times over!

Another bf she called at work and said you better break up with my daughter or I

will dis-own her!!!  Also in my 20's was dating a handsome resident Doctor at

the hospital I worked at.  After a few weeks I was so excited to tell her.  She

laughed in my face and said " what the hell is he dating you for he is SMART!

That will never go anywhere. " money marries money " I just stopped returning his

calls.....Figured she must be right.

 Years after my divorce, I dated someone I would have married, but he just

stopped calling  and disappeared...She love it!!! Said " Oh he is singing you the

swan song " .... " What did you do ...make an ass out of yourself? " Thanks for your

nurturing support!!! I was 40 y/o then and she is still talking to me like

this.  I was shocked and just replied " no " .

From early child hood  on up all I heard was " Shut-up " You are so stupid you

will never amount to anything, How could you ask such stupid questions " .. She

would mimic and mock me and made sure I received no financial aid for college.

We were flat broke my whole life, never grew up in a real house!  Threatened to

drop me off at the orphanage many times....as we drove by it! I was as good as

gold, never spoke unless spoken to, sat up straight with hands folded in front

of me at all times, on couch, in car, at school etc...

Slept with teeth and jaw clenched and hands in a fist. Had to have TMJ surgery

years later from internalizing all the stress 24/7. I was a cheerleader for 7

years, homecoming queen, a 4th runner up Ms. teenage America because I was 4th

runner up we get home so it is just the 2 of us she says " Well you REALLY

screwed that one up!! I have not even scratched the surface yet!!!! Can anyone

relate to any of this sick twisted nightmare that has been my life??? She got

her wish, I ended up alone with a baby to raise all alone. My aunt (her twin)

and uncle, my only relatives, looked the other way and new damn well She was

damaging me more every day!

Group HUG to all of you!!

[Guest guest]

,

I hope that this is the time you can put some distance between your past and

your future. You deserve to have all the goodness this life offers. I am truly

sympathetic to all the pain, heartache and hurt your NADA and her actions caused

you. Your NADA does sound quite jealous given she contacted your boyfriends.

And because your father did not stay with her, and it sounds like no other man

did, she didn't want any one to stay with you. I hope you find what works for

you in canceling the criticisms she lobbed your way.

I cannot say it enough, you are deserving of all that is good in this life, and

that includes you loving yourself.

MyReality

>

> Thank you so much ALL of you!

> I am now just realizing that no one stepped in to stop the one and only parent

I had, the Nada, which I affectionately call Cruella deVille. I had no siblings

(no buffer)...She trapped my Dad into marriage by the time I was born he headed

as far away as possible and never looked back. He wanted no part of her, yet he

KNEW what he left me with innocent and defenseless from 1 yr old on up! He never

called or visited or checked on me. I probably never would have spoke up anyway

because I was scared to death of her!!! Just the two of us always in the Apt.

till she kicked me out at 19 y/o.  I never rebuttled, talked back, hit back or

gave her the good ol fight she was always hoping for. She would get

manic/happy/giddy and excited after her sick twisted verbal thrashing on me.

> Upset that I looked just like my father. Her plan was foiled. Stuck in the

early 1960's with a daughter to raise alone with no financial assistance what so

ever...I did not know it then, but I had hell to pay for the rest of my life

just for surviving the birth. She had no business being a parent to

anyone...ever! She was the biggest, baddest, meanest bully I had through out my

life...many say she was jealous.  Afraid I might have the life she always wanted

for herself but never got.  She made damn sure I broke it off for good with my

H.S. Sweetheart. Ended up marrying a lae version of  her...Alcoholic,

narcissistic, self centered ego maniac, lying cheating (started in my 3rd month

of pregnancy) while I am home fighting off break-in drug dealers at gun point!!

> Several times when I was in my 20's she would call current boyfriend and meet

for lunch to try an pit him against me and join forces with him to put me down.

One BF told me that it was WAY beyond " tough love " and he refused to tell me

what she said. It was that bad and that BF was a cheater and abusive too! She

was downright giddy when he broke up with me on my birthday a few times over!

Another bf she called at work and said you better break up with my daughter or I

will dis-own her!!!  Also in my 20's was dating a handsome resident Doctor at

the hospital I worked at.  After a few weeks I was so excited to tell her.  She

laughed in my face and said " what the hell is he dating you for he is SMART!

That will never go anywhere. " money marries money " I just stopped returning his

calls.....Figured she must be right.

>

>  Years after my divorce, I dated someone I would have married, but he just

stopped calling  and disappeared...She love it!!! Said " Oh he is singing you the

swan song " .... " What did you do ...make an ass out of yourself? " Thanks for your

nurturing support!!! I was 40 y/o then and she is still talking to me like

this.  I was shocked and just replied " no " .

>

> From early child hood  on up all I heard was " Shut-up " You are so stupid you

will never amount to anything, How could you ask such stupid questions " .. She

would mimic and mock me and made sure I received no financial aid for college.

We were flat broke my whole life, never grew up in a real house!  Threatened to

drop me off at the orphanage many times....as we drove by it! I was as good as

gold, never spoke unless spoken to, sat up straight with hands folded in front

of me at all times, on couch, in car, at school etc...

>

> Slept with teeth and jaw clenched and hands in a fist. Had to have TMJ surgery

years later from internalizing all the stress 24/7. I was a cheerleader for 7

years, homecoming queen, a 4th runner up Ms. teenage America because I was 4th

runner up we get home so it is just the 2 of us she says " Well you REALLY

screwed that one up!! I have not even scratched the surface yet!!!! Can anyone

relate to any of this sick twisted nightmare that has been my life??? She got

her wish, I ended up alone with a baby to raise all alone. My aunt (her twin)

and uncle, my only relatives, looked the other way and new damn well She was

damaging me more every day!

> Group HUG to all of you!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

((((()))))

Sounds to me like you were born to a Witch bpd mom; that's borderline pd PLUS

antisocial pd; such individuals are actually dangerous to their children,

emotionally and even physically dangerous.

And yet, we as kids have no choice in the matter: human beings are programmed on

the " molecular level " to bond with whatever happens to be our mother. My little

Sister wasn't entirely " broken " by our nada; she had the courage to attempt to

run away from home twice: once at about age 6, again at about age 14. I was

" broken " though, had my will broken, pretty early on (I think my key trauma at

the hands of my nada occurred when I was about 4 or maybe 5 years old) and as a

result I became a kind of " mini-me " to nada: I merged with nada as my form of

attempting to survive. I didn't even begin to " wake up " until my mid thirties.

So, please don't beat yourself up for not " waking up " earlier in life; each of

us managed to survive by some means or another and that's what counts. Its

never too late to begin healing and to have as joyful and meaningful a life as

possible starting NOW. Never too late!

-Annie

>

> Thank you so much ALL of you!

> I am now just realizing that no one stepped in to stop the one and only parent

I had, the Nada, which I affectionately call Cruella deVille. I had no siblings

(no buffer)...She trapped my Dad into marriage by the time I was born he headed

as far away as possible and never looked back. He wanted no part of her, yet he

KNEW what he left me with innocent and defenseless from 1 yr old on up! He never

called or visited or checked on me. I probably never would have spoke up anyway

because I was scared to death of her!!! Just the two of us always in the Apt.

till she kicked me out at 19 y/o.  I never rebuttled, talked back, hit back or

gave her the good ol fight she was always hoping for. She would get

manic/happy/giddy and excited after her sick twisted verbal thrashing on me.

> Upset that I looked just like my father. Her plan was foiled. Stuck in the

early 1960's with a daughter to raise alone with no financial assistance what so

ever...I did not know it then, but I had hell to pay for the rest of my life

just for surviving the birth. She had no business being a parent to

anyone...ever! She was the biggest, baddest, meanest bully I had through out my

life...many say she was jealous.  Afraid I might have the life she always wanted

for herself but never got.  She made damn sure I broke it off for good with my

H.S. Sweetheart. Ended up marrying a lae version of  her...Alcoholic,

narcissistic, self centered ego maniac, lying cheating (started in my 3rd month

of pregnancy) while I am home fighting off break-in drug dealers at gun point!!

> Several times when I was in my 20's she would call current boyfriend and meet

for lunch to try an pit him against me and join forces with him to put me down.

One BF told me that it was WAY beyond " tough love " and he refused to tell me

what she said. It was that bad and that BF was a cheater and abusive too! She

was downright giddy when he broke up with me on my birthday a few times over!

Another bf she called at work and said you better break up with my daughter or I

will dis-own her!!!  Also in my 20's was dating a handsome resident Doctor at

the hospital I worked at.  After a few weeks I was so excited to tell her.  She

laughed in my face and said " what the hell is he dating you for he is SMART!

That will never go anywhere. " money marries money " I just stopped returning his

calls.....Figured she must be right.

>

>  Years after my divorce, I dated someone I would have married, but he just

stopped calling  and disappeared...She love it!!! Said " Oh he is singing you the

swan song " .... " What did you do ...make an ass out of yourself? " Thanks for your

nurturing support!!! I was 40 y/o then and she is still talking to me like

this.  I was shocked and just replied " no " .

>

> From early child hood  on up all I heard was " Shut-up " You are so stupid you

will never amount to anything, How could you ask such stupid questions " .. She

would mimic and mock me and made sure I received no financial aid for college.

We were flat broke my whole life, never grew up in a real house!  Threatened to

drop me off at the orphanage many times....as we drove by it! I was as good as

gold, never spoke unless spoken to, sat up straight with hands folded in front

of me at all times, on couch, in car, at school etc...

>

> Slept with teeth and jaw clenched and hands in a fist. Had to have TMJ surgery

years later from internalizing all the stress 24/7. I was a cheerleader for 7

years, homecoming queen, a 4th runner up Ms. teenage America because I was 4th

runner up we get home so it is just the 2 of us she says " Well you REALLY

screwed that one up!! I have not even scratched the surface yet!!!! Can anyone

relate to any of this sick twisted nightmare that has been my life??? She got

her wish, I ended up alone with a baby to raise all alone. My aunt (her twin)

and uncle, my only relatives, looked the other way and new damn well She was

damaging me more every day!

> Group HUG to all of you!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Wow, what you said really resonated with me! That is what is amazing about this

group, we all have such similar experiences. I am also an only child and fada

ran off when I was a kid.

No calls or letters or ANYTHING from him or his side of the family-EVER. That

still burns.

My Nada also would say she was upset that I looked like Fada. I actually heard

her tell her psycho husband that she hated looking at me because I looked so

much like him. She was a bully and was physically abusive as well. We too moved

constantly. I would have a hard time even listing all of the places we lived. It

was horrible to bounce a kid around like that imo. Not only was she always

telling me to shut up, or to tell me that my voice was always too " shrill " , she

would threaten the orphanage as well. One day she drove to the back of the local

orphanage and literally PUSHED ME OUT OF THE CAR telling me she was going to

leave me. Another time she drove to my fada's parents house, banging on the car

horn in their driveway. They all ran outside to see her screaming " TAKE HER, I

CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE " and me, crying, shaking, " NO NO NO... " . I left home the

day after hs graduation, even though I was only 17 at the time. Left the state

actually. Nada didn't even say goodbye the morning I left, she left town the

night before to go to a concert. She refused to help with college, anything

really-although I found out 15 years+ later that she lied and told people she

did help me to pay for school.

Fast forward some years, she would say the same things, " money marries money " ,

" why would he want YOU? " etc etc. Amazingly, she did not kill my self-esteem,

she just made me hate her. She always tried to trash my relationships, she said

that every single guy I dated was just like my fada (ugh NO) and make me

insecure. Her favorite saying was that " History repeats itself " , yes she loved

to imply that my life would be as screwed up as hers. Um, no. I learn from

history, I don't repeat it.

I have been NC with her for over a year now. She has forced me to change my

phone number because her harassment has been endless. I tried to hide my home

address from her but that didn't last long, with the internet and all. She still

tries to contact friends to turn them into flying monkeys, but it doesn't work

since real friends have seen her crazy side. The last time she tried it my

friend would not tell me what she said, only said that the conversation made her

feel sick for days.

Please know that you are not alone and thankfully, we are here to share our

stories. I have learned a lot from you all.

Big hugs,

Natalia

>

>

>

> >

> > Thank you so much ALL of you!

> > I am now just realizing that no one stepped in to stop the one and only

parent I had, the Nada, which I affectionately call Cruella deVille. I had no

siblings (no buffer)...She trapped my Dad into marriage by the time I was born

he headed as far away as possible and never looked back. He wanted no part of

her, yet he KNEW what he left me with innocent and defenseless from 1 yr old on

up! He never called or visited or checked on me. I probably never would have

spoke up anyway because I was scared to death of her!!! Just the two of us

always in the Apt. till she kicked me out at 19 y/o.  I never rebuttled, talked

back, hit back or gave her the good ol fight she was always hoping for. She

would get manic/happy/giddy and excited after her sick twisted verbal thrashing

on me.

> > Upset that I looked just like my father. Her plan was foiled. Stuck in the

early 1960's with a daughter to raise alone with no financial assistance what so

ever...I did not know it then, but I had hell to pay for the rest of my life

just for surviving the birth. She had no business being a parent to

anyone...ever! She was the biggest, baddest, meanest bully I had through out my

life...many say she was jealous.  Afraid I might have the life she always wanted

for herself but never got.  She made damn sure I broke it off for good with my

H.S. Sweetheart. Ended up marrying a lae version of  her...Alcoholic,

narcissistic, self centered ego maniac, lying cheating (started in my 3rd month

of pregnancy) while I am home fighting off break-in drug dealers at gun point!!

> > Several times when I was in my 20's she would call current boyfriend and

meet for lunch to try an pit him against me and join forces with him to put me

down. One BF told me that it was WAY beyond " tough love " and he refused to tell

me what she said. It was that bad and that BF was a cheater and abusive too! She

was downright giddy when he broke up with me on my birthday a few times over!

Another bf she called at work and said you better break up with my daughter or I

will dis-own her!!!  Also in my 20's was dating a handsome resident Doctor at

the hospital I worked at.  After a few weeks I was so excited to tell her.  She

laughed in my face and said " what the hell is he dating you for he is SMART!

That will never go anywhere. " money marries money " I just stopped returning his

calls.....Figured she must be right.

> >

> >  Years after my divorce, I dated someone I would have married, but he just

stopped calling  and disappeared...She love it!!! Said " Oh he is singing you the

swan song " .... " What did you do ...make an ass out of yourself? " Thanks for your

nurturing support!!! I was 40 y/o then and she is still talking to me like

this.  I was shocked and just replied " no " .

> >

> > From early child hood  on up all I heard was " Shut-up " You are so stupid you

will never amount to anything, How could you ask such stupid questions " .. She

would mimic and mock me and made sure I received no financial aid for college.

We were flat broke my whole life, never grew up in a real house!  Threatened to

drop me off at the orphanage many times....as we drove by it! I was as good as

gold, never spoke unless spoken to, sat up straight with hands folded in front

of me at all times, on couch, in car, at school etc...

> >

> > Slept with teeth and jaw clenched and hands in a fist. Had to have TMJ

surgery years later from internalizing all the stress 24/7. I was a cheerleader

for 7 years, homecoming queen, a 4th runner up Ms. teenage America because I was

4th runner up we get home so it is just the 2 of us she says " Well you REALLY

screwed that one up!! I have not even scratched the surface yet!!!! Can anyone

relate to any of this sick twisted nightmare that has been my life??? She got

her wish, I ended up alone with a baby to raise all alone. My aunt (her twin)

and uncle, my only relatives, looked the other way and new damn well She was

damaging me more every day!

> > Group HUG to all of you!!

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Natalia,

Thank you for replying...and to all others above too! After reading your post my

heart was just pounding out of my chest and felt furious (bringing up raw

emotions) yet validated that someone out there had a very similar upbringing or

lack of one like mine! I had to take a couple days to digest it all. Isn't it

amazing how all family members, her co-workers, all look the other way? Thinking

" not my problem, don't get involved, nothing we can do, I'm sure she will be

fine " . No I was not fine at all, I had a mental beat down daily. It killed my

spirit, my self esteem, my self confidence, what I felt I deserved and should

expect in life and for the future. She made me feel that I did not deserve the

life that ALL my peers have had through out life. Wanted me struggling alone

and down trodden, so she could sit back and gloat! So sick and twisted!!

I just want those last 50 years back! I have never been to a therapist but at

least this site validates everything that has come to light to me over the

decades!! Thank you again, I so appreciate you reaching out to tell me how

similar our Nadas are or were and the nasty sick way the treated us. I suffered

in silence all my life, there was never a 3rd party to hear or witness her

behavior, she would try to act some what normal when around others. I live far

away (7 states) from her. We speak on the phone once a week or every couple

weeks and that is it. No visits at all! Thank you again!! Please write anytime!

Hugs (healing hugs)

> > >

> > > Thank you so much ALL of you!

> > > I am now just realizing that no one stepped in to stop the one and only

parent I had, the Nada, which I affectionately call Cruella deVille. I had no

siblings (no buffer)...She trapped my Dad into marriage by the time I was born

he headed as far away as possible and never looked back. He wanted no part of

her, yet he KNEW what he left me with innocent and defenseless from 1 yr old on

up! He never called or visited or checked on me. I probably never would have

spoke up anyway because I was scared to death of her!!! Just the two of us

always in the Apt. till she kicked me out at 19 y/o.  I never rebuttled, talked

back, hit back or gave her the good ol fight she was always hoping for. She

would get manic/happy/giddy and excited after her sick twisted verbal thrashing

on me.

> > > Upset that I looked just like my father. Her plan was foiled. Stuck in the

early 1960's with a daughter to raise alone with no financial assistance what so

ever...I did not know it then, but I had hell to pay for the rest of my life

just for surviving the birth. She had no business being a parent to

anyone...ever! She was the biggest, baddest, meanest bully I had through out my

life...many say she was jealous.  Afraid I might have the life she always wanted

for herself but never got.  She made damn sure I broke it off for good with my

H.S. Sweetheart. Ended up marrying a lae version of  her...Alcoholic,

narcissistic, self centered ego maniac, lying cheating (started in my 3rd month

of pregnancy) while I am home fighting off break-in drug dealers at gun point!!

> > > Several times when I was in my 20's she would call current boyfriend and

meet for lunch to try an pit him against me and join forces with him to put me

down. One BF told me that it was WAY beyond " tough love " and he refused to tell

me what she said. It was that bad and that BF was a cheater and abusive too! She

was downright giddy when he broke up with me on my birthday a few times over!

Another bf she called at work and said you better break up with my daughter or I

will dis-own her!!!  Also in my 20's was dating a handsome resident Doctor at

the hospital I worked at.  After a few weeks I was so excited to tell her.  She

laughed in my face and said " what the hell is he dating you for he is SMART!

That will never go anywhere. " money marries money " I just stopped returning his

calls.....Figured she must be right.

> > >

> > >  Years after my divorce, I dated someone I would have married, but he just

stopped calling  and disappeared...She love it!!! Said " Oh he is singing you the

swan song " .... " What did you do ...make an ass out of yourself? " Thanks for your

nurturing support!!! I was 40 y/o then and she is still talking to me like

this.  I was shocked and just replied " no " .

> > >

> > > From early child hood  on up all I heard was " Shut-up " You are so stupid

you will never amount to anything, How could you ask such stupid questions " ..

She would mimic and mock me and made sure I received no financial aid for

college. We were flat broke my whole life, never grew up in a real house! 

Threatened to drop me off at the orphanage many times....as we drove by it! I

was as good as gold, never spoke unless spoken to, sat up straight with hands

folded in front of me at all times, on couch, in car, at school etc...

> > >

> > > Slept with teeth and jaw clenched and hands in a fist. Had to have TMJ

surgery years later from internalizing all the stress 24/7. I was a cheerleader

for 7 years, homecoming queen, a 4th runner up Ms. teenage America because I was

4th runner up we get home so it is just the 2 of us she says " Well you REALLY

screwed that one up!! I have not even scratched the surface yet!!!! Can anyone

relate to any of this sick twisted nightmare that has been my life??? She got

her wish, I ended up alone with a baby to raise all alone. My aunt (her twin)

and uncle, my only relatives, looked the other way and new damn well She was

damaging me more every day!

> > > Group HUG to all of you!!

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Natalia, ,

I am sorry you both had to experience all that you did especially your fathers

running off. Your father and his side of the may have tried to call or send

letters and that was one reason your mother moved you so frequently. A friend

of mine experienced this with his ex-wife. She would move, change telephone

numbers and lie about his and his family's involvement with their children. It

wasn't until her children were removed by CPS that the father was contacted and

was able to have a relationship with his children. He later found out she would

tell the oldest child that he was not wanted nor loved by father and that side.

SHE WAS NOT WANTED so she projected that onto her child.

It seems like your mothers were very jealous of you and tried to remove any

goodness or good people in your lives so you would always cleave to them.

Remember, people afflicted with BPD have a fear of abandonment so she probably

had a genuine fear every time you dated someone that you would abandon her. I

am sure your engagement triggered their fears even more so.

Maybe you can reach out to your father or his side of the family. They may be

thinking of you and hoping that someday you will reach out. I know my friend

and his family was.

Peace and Blessings,

MyRealtiy

> > >

> > > Thank you so much ALL of you!

> > > I am now just realizing that no one stepped in to stop the one and only

parent I had, the Nada, which I affectionately call Cruella deVille. I had no

siblings (no buffer)...She trapped my Dad into marriage by the time I was born

he headed as far away as possible and never looked back. He wanted no part of

her, yet he KNEW what he left me with innocent and defenseless from 1 yr old on

up! He never called or visited or checked on me. I probably never would have

spoke up anyway because I was scared to death of her!!! Just the two of us

always in the Apt. till she kicked me out at 19 y/o.  I never rebuttled, talked

back, hit back or gave her the good ol fight she was always hoping for. She

would get manic/happy/giddy and excited after her sick twisted verbal thrashing

on me.

> > > Upset that I looked just like my father. Her plan was foiled. Stuck in the

early 1960's with a daughter to raise alone with no financial assistance what so

ever...I did not know it then, but I had hell to pay for the rest of my life

just for surviving the birth. She had no business being a parent to

anyone...ever! She was the biggest, baddest, meanest bully I had through out my

life...many say she was jealous.  Afraid I might have the life she always wanted

for herself but never got.  She made damn sure I broke it off for good with my

H.S. Sweetheart. Ended up marrying a lae version of  her...Alcoholic,

narcissistic, self centered ego maniac, lying cheating (started in my 3rd month

of pregnancy) while I am home fighting off break-in drug dealers at gun point!!

> > > Several times when I was in my 20's she would call current boyfriend and

meet for lunch to try an pit him against me and join forces with him to put me

down. One BF told me that it was WAY beyond " tough love " and he refused to tell

me what she said. It was that bad and that BF was a cheater and abusive too! She

was downright giddy when he broke up with me on my birthday a few times over!

Another bf she called at work and said you better break up with my daughter or I

will dis-own her!!!  Also in my 20's was dating a handsome resident Doctor at

the hospital I worked at.  After a few weeks I was so excited to tell her.  She

laughed in my face and said " what the hell is he dating you for he is SMART!

That will never go anywhere. " money marries money " I just stopped returning his

calls.....Figured she must be right.

> > >

> > >  Years after my divorce, I dated someone I would have married, but he just

stopped calling  and disappeared...She love it!!! Said " Oh he is singing you the

swan song " .... " What did you do ...make an ass out of yourself? " Thanks for your

nurturing support!!! I was 40 y/o then and she is still talking to me like

this.  I was shocked and just replied " no " .

> > >

> > > From early child hood  on up all I heard was " Shut-up " You are so stupid

you will never amount to anything, How could you ask such stupid questions " ..

She would mimic and mock me and made sure I received no financial aid for

college. We were flat broke my whole life, never grew up in a real house! 

Threatened to drop me off at the orphanage many times....as we drove by it! I

was as good as gold, never spoke unless spoken to, sat up straight with hands

folded in front of me at all times, on couch, in car, at school etc...

> > >

> > > Slept with teeth and jaw clenched and hands in a fist. Had to have TMJ

surgery years later from internalizing all the stress 24/7. I was a cheerleader

for 7 years, homecoming queen, a 4th runner up Ms. teenage America because I was

4th runner up we get home so it is just the 2 of us she says " Well you REALLY

screwed that one up!! I have not even scratched the surface yet!!!! Can anyone

relate to any of this sick twisted nightmare that has been my life??? She got

her wish, I ended up alone with a baby to raise all alone. My aunt (her twin)

and uncle, my only relatives, looked the other way and new damn well She was

damaging me more every day!

> > > Group HUG to all of you!!

> > >

> > >