I pushed back

[Guest guest]

I'll try to keep this short but this latest " crisis " with nada lasted 5 days.

The rundown:

Wed: hubby called to see how she was. She was rude, started attacking me again.

He was polite at first but the got fed up and told her: Irene tries so hard but

it never seems good enough for you. She really got mad then. She finally told

him: have a nice life and hung up.

Fri-Sat we both felt toxic, dirty, sick. He tried calling her again. She was

sarcastic, told him she was doing just fine. Told him that in re to me, she just

can't do this any more. Not sure what that means.

Sunday: I called, wanted 2 things - talk about her accusations against me and

find out if she ever wanted me to come over again. It was stressful.

She had accused me of being bossy, that I made decisions for her all the time

and she bought things because she was afraid to tell me no. I pointed out to her

that I make suggestions when she asks (about food, yard guys, which bra to buy)

but I always stress that it's up to her. There are times that she insists that I

make the decision (like recently about her new fridge). But she can say no

anytime. I really don't care which food she wants or what bra she wears. I make

every effort to make sure she does what she wants to do when I come over since

that's the only time she gets out of the house.

She then told me that I came over one day alone and " read her the riot act about

her willz', that she could make a new one and give her money to whomever she

wanted. I told her I don't remember that at all. (I was thinking she was full of

**** but I didn't say that part.) I went on to say: First of all I never raise

my voice to her and I always treat her with respect. I told her the only time I

mentioned giving money to others was the day she had her will made up. I asked

her if she wanted to include any of her favorite charitable organizations.

She started in again about why do I come over at the same time each week. She

thinks it's weird that I arrive at 10:00 every time. She's accused me of sitting

around the corner waiting for the clock to reach 10. I told her that wasn't

true. I leave my house at the same time and arrive whenever. It just works out

most of the time but there have been times I was a few minutes late. She says

I'm just trying to force my visits into a box. I said, do you want to hear why I

come at the same time? I told her because I use my key to come in, I don't want

to ramble in at any old time and startle her. (She does startle very easily and

has been talking about getting a gun. Just what she needs).

Then she went on about things missing around the house. She said we are the only

people that come in her house. I'm only there 2 days a week and when things do

go missing I'm sure it's because she's put it some place weird. Like the day she

was upset about a missing ashtray. I finally found it on a shelf in her closet.

But I can't tell her she's forgetful because of her pride. Anyway, I came right

out and asked her: are you wondering if I'm taking things? She said oh no, she

trusts me. I reminded her that when I leave the house, she can see exactly

what's in my hands. If I was taking a lamp or her favorite towels, she would see

them.

After a few more items, she wanted to just drop the whole thing, pretend it

never happened. I said: no, this is important to talk about these things. We

can't have an honest relationship if you won't be honest with me.

So I never lost my temper but I wouldn't let her say a bunch of BS either. I

called her out on each thing. Some things are lost in her warped reality like me

yelling at her or always arriving at 10:00 on the dot. Those will never change

but it felt good to speak up, push back. I'm sure in 6 months or so she'll bring

up the day I yelled at her on the phone. I only wish I could have recorded the

conversation.