Patterns

[Guest guest]

My T asked me if I could see any behaviors I exhibit as a result of my

upbringing with NADA. I know I can be a caregiver and place my needs

second/third to others but I did not realize the extent of it until last month.

I returned to school 2 years ago to pursue a Masters. A " friend " who I knew was

in need of a lot of attention just unleashed on me that I was not meeting her

needs and I was prioritizing my life before her. Imagine me prioritizing my

needs and dreams. As she was talking I realized she was undiagnosed BPD/NPD and

bipolar. I previously thought she may be bipolar but it was confirmed during

our call. After the call ended, I realized I have allowed too many PDs in my

life. I think for the last 25 years as I had less contact with my NADA I

allowed people with HPD, BPD or NPD in my life as they and their wacky behavior

were familiar to me.

I have a boss who everyone thinks is charming, etc... I think he is nice but I

also see and am the benefactor of the other side. I usually call him a psycho

and now I am cognizant that one of the legacies of my upbringing has been to

attract this type; at work, with friends, even family members. Well I am done.

In the last three months I have seen three 15 years + friendships end, and I

have been relieved and thankful that they are now over as I see they were

holding me back and confining me to old patterns.

I feel my senses have been dusted off and refined. Now that I have a name for

the behaviors I can easily spot them and name them. I was in a meeting and this

woman was exhibiting many BPD features. I had peace knowing that if she is not

BPD she is on the spectrum and I want little to no contact with her. The irony,

she asked me to lunch and told me how nice I was. Other team members that had

worked with her before commented that I seem to have a nice effect on her.

Yeah-I told you I attract PDs. Well I am not having lunch with her, I barely

want to work with her and I am being very selective about who I let in my inner

circle.

Thank you all for being a part of this community, you have helped me on my

journey in ways I could not have imagined. I have had so many moments just

reading the posts: AHA Moments, WOW moments, I Cant believe I forgot that

moments, OH that's what that meant moments, etc. My T cannot believe I have

become centered so quickly. I explained to her that having a name for it, this

post and being able to understand my NADA has been healing in and of itself. My

being feels lighter!

Peace and Blessings,

MyReality

[Guest guest]

BRAVO to you!!! Bravo!

I wish I was seeing things a lot clearer many years ago like you! I just

recently read the book " Surviving a BD parent " I also attract that same type.

Including ex-BF's and ex Husband!  My old boss of 5 yrs treated me and spoke to

me exactly like my Nada..to top it off she was the same age as me! She

eventually went off the " dry out " for about 8 months...never returned to work

100%....I worked for her and her hubby. She was always insulting me, avoiding

me, insulting me and insinuating I had designs on her hubby (NOT)!!! Also asked

me to hand out all the Xmas bonuses....I did...There was an envelope with a huge

bonus for every employee but ME! Something my Nada would have relished in!!!

I just wish someone would have taken me aside decades ago (or at birth) so we

(I) never had to live life like this!!

Thank you for sharing this! Boy can I relate!

Shan