Guest guest Posted October 11, 2012 Report Share Posted October 11, 2012 Hi Jean Ann, Welcome to the Group. Without a formal diagnosis by a fully-trained and experienced psychologist or psychiatrist, its not really possible for us to know for sure whether our parent (or child or spouse or anyone, really) truly has/had a mental illness. Most of the members here have a parent or parents who have not been formally diagnosed, but the member (the " KO " or Kid Of a parent with bpd traits) can read the DSM-IV criteria RE borderline pd, consider from a lifetime of experience whether their parent exhibits some or all the traits, and draw their own conclusions. Its the toxic, damaging behaviors that matter more than the label or diagnosis, though, in my own opinion; determining for yourself whether its possible or desirable for you to continue having a relationship with a bpd parent is the real issue. Its a deeply personal decision. Each person has to find what works best for him or her, but in general the two main ways of managing are (a) Low/Limited Contact with Boundaries in place, or ( No Contact, either temporarily or permanently. Or, I suppose, just continuing with the relationship as-is, is another option. Reading some of the good books that are out there now about bpd helps in a lot of ways, particularly with realizing that its OK to unburden yourself from misplaced, inappropriate feelings of guilt and responsibility for your bpd parent's feelings. I recommend " Understanding The Borderline Mother " , and " Surviving A Borderline Parent. " If you are more focused now on your relationship with your daughters who have bpd, then you will probably want to join the WTO Group that is for the parents of children with bpd; that Group will be able to give you more targeted input from fellow non-pd parents who have teen or adult children with bpd. Best wishes to you; having two daughters with bpd has got to be a very sad and difficult thing. -Annie > > Hello everyone, > > I the adult child, I beleive of a BPD mother. I am 58 and have been in denial for years about this. > > How do I know if my mom was BPD? She was 30 when she had me. Growing up she blamed me for EVERYTHING, well every bad feeling she had. She would just hit me when she was angry. There was no dicipline just hitting sprees and then she would take me out and buy me stuff. Daddy was quite and nice. He never wanted to rock the boat with her. She was like a Hitler. > > When I was 5 she said I needed to grow up to be a physichiatrist. I now have my masters in counseling psychology LOL > > I remember not wanting to interact with mom very much and I drank and used srugs till I was 24 to not deal with it. I have two daughters and I am afraid they are both BPD. One is bipolar and BPD. I tell you my life has been one huge DRAMA. > > Mom was better as she grew older. I took care of her and I loved her very much. I always knew she never did anything to me on purpose. But I did take care of her. I am not BPD I have depression and I choose men that are BPD. > > I am just now getting in touch with all of this. i was brought up in a time when you never talked about these things about your family. > > Thanks for reading... > > Jean Ann > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2012 Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 Hi Annie, Thanks for the reply. My mom died in 2007. I took care of her. It is just lately I am aware of all the damage that has been done. I have no communication with either daughter. They are so mean and abusive I just can not subject myself to it any longer. I am feeling very sad and depressed. I do have a therapist and I take antidepressants. I feel I have no reason to be here. I am sad and grieving so much. this illness does such damage to us. The pain it causes to the nbpd and the pain the bpd experience is emense. Love Jean Ann > > > > Hello everyone, > > > > I the adult child, I beleive of a BPD mother. I am 58 and have been in denial for years about this. > > > > How do I know if my mom was BPD? She was 30 when she had me. Growing up she blamed me for EVERYTHING, well every bad feeling she had. She would just hit me when she was angry. There was no dicipline just hitting sprees and then she would take me out and buy me stuff. Daddy was quite and nice. He never wanted to rock the boat with her. She was like a Hitler. > > > > When I was 5 she said I needed to grow up to be a physichiatrist. I now have my masters in counseling psychology LOL > > > > I remember not wanting to interact with mom very much and I drank and used srugs till I was 24 to not deal with it. I have two daughters and I am afraid they are both BPD. One is bipolar and BPD. I tell you my life has been one huge DRAMA. > > > > Mom was better as she grew older. I took care of her and I loved her very much. I always knew she never did anything to me on purpose. But I did take care of her. I am not BPD I have depression and I choose men that are BPD. > > > > I am just now getting in touch with all of this. i was brought up in a time when you never talked about these things about your family. > > > > Thanks for reading... > > > > Jean Ann > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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