Once again I share too much...with a family member.

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone,

You probably can relate...so my mom isn't the only BPD in the family. I have a

couple of aunts and grandmother with it. Therefore I've got lots of passive

uncles. Then on my dad's side, my grandfather is a big-time narcissist. We've

got a ton of aunts, uncles, cousins on both sides of the family.

So knowing I can't be transparent with my immediate family, I always hoped to

find one...just one family member who really got the dysfunction. So we could be

a mutual support for each other. But I've never found that person, even as my

cousins got older.

To me real family are the people who connect with you, love you for who you

really are. Not because you happen to be a relation... " so we need to stick

together. " So I've remained out of state, rarely seeing the extended family

because the gatherings are so shallow and I hate hearing the gossip/drama

afterwards.

But staying away from family has made me feel lonely. It's depressing to me that

I enjoy the holidays with friends and their families so much more. Too bad

there's no one in the 50+ members of my family who I really enjoy being with.

Then a year ago, a cousin reached out to me. We totally hit it off! Turns out

he's very similar to me...even getting a masters in counseling. We spent time

analyzing our family together...it was awesome and a gift. We could spend hours

talking because we're so alike (making us total black sheep to the family).

We've stayed in touch, but I noticed the conversation getting awkward when I'd

talk about my family drama. He once told me, compared to his mom, mine looks

like a saint. He said my mom was his only image of a mother in his life. So I

knew it would be disappointing for him to hear me share there was emotional

abuse under the surface. Yet he said it's understandable and was always a

supportive listener.

My cousin is really nice and a little passive. So I would always end our

conversations with " hey I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable with my sharing. "

He'd always say... " no you're fine. "

Well yesterday I got some really difficult news about my family (about one of my

brothers...not my mom). So I reached out to him. It had been really upsetting

stuff, so I had a lot to process. And he did a good share of analyzing it too.

Then suddenly he seemed to shut down and start minimizing the drama. And he

ended the conversation abruptly.

So I quickly emailed him on Facebook an apology if I came off too harsh and said

I'd not discuss family stuff with him if that made our friendship better. I

never got a reply, but he's been chatting on Facebook throughout the day.

I do feel rejected. It sucks. But I take responsibility for my part. I wrote

about this problem once before when dealing with friendships.

So that's it! No more friendships with passive, sweet people. It always bites

me in the butt. I'm all the more sure it's better for me to keep the boundaries

with all family members. No one is to be trusted...and so no one will ever feel

like real family.

Now I'm battling to believe the problem isn't me. That this is not a sign I

just suck at being in a family. I just don't fit my family...right? I've spent

way more time than any of them in therapy and working on myself. God I just

wish I had someone intimately in my life so we could be side-by-side in this. I

feel so alone....