She is pulling out all the stops now and I am 37.5 weeks pregnant.

[Guest guest]

I have only in the last year accepted my mother's BPD. She is not in any kind of

meaningful treatment. I came to understand her diagnosis through my own

therapeutic relationship with my psychiatrist (who is excellent).

My problem is that I am expecting a baby in two weeks and my BPD mother is doing

everything in her power and using every weapon in her emotional arsenal to try

to 'be part of this experience'. It is my first, and I am 38 years old, and I am

having a high-risk pregnancy. I am quite stressed out right now. My mom shifts

her attention from one person to another in our family (those who have limited

contact with her), and she has been laser-focused on me for about the last 4

weeks. I know she has been in a particularly 'acute' state since June of this

year.

She is basically using every tool she can to penetrate any kind of boundary I

put up and as much as I try to not take it personally, she is really using some

difficult emotional weaponry, including the death of my father four years ago.

Of course I am a wicked and terrible daughter in her eyes. In truth, I am

hormonal, and I am vulnerable. I know that only I can enforce my boundary but

it's so hard. I am so tired. I am very sad now to sort of realize new ways in

which I am 'missing out'. (It would be nice if people would stop asking me if my

mom is going to come and help me out with the baby. I'm trying to figure out how

to protect the baby from her disorder.)

This is obviously an immediate problem for me I can't put off and I need some

advice. I think that what I've got to do is cut her off completely at this time

for the sake of my own health and for this baby. However, I have seen how this

unfolds with her before from how it has fallen apart with other people, and I

know that it will result in a lot of calls, attempted visits, emails, calls to

my siblings, and guilt-shaming, and that is all going to unfold during the next

two to four weeks.

As usual, her BPD timing is impeccable. I'm sure it's deliberate and that my

vulnerability is a kind of opportunity in her sick mind to try to 'get inside'

again.

What I need are your thoughts on the words to say if my goal is limited contact

in the future, but no contact in the current context. i.e. The current behaviour

has to stop, but in the long term limited contact is what to expect. Do you have

any ideas about how to put that to a BPD in a state of extreme acting-out?

Also, what are your thoughts about asking my husband and sister (who both

understand what BPD is and that my mother has it) to help me erect a firmer

boundary? I am worried that will just spin this into a bigger event and that she

will turn her wrath upon them too.

I will definitely be talking to my psychiatrist about this at my appointment on

the 18th of October but your voices of experience would be something I would

really welcome right now.

Thank you in advance.